Australia Decides

[Grunt]

We're opening the polls early this time to allow for all you iternerant bums to vote. The poll will close on Saturday. Make your vote count.

[DanP]

I feel a dictatorship coming on. :eek:


I vote Crabtree leader of the revolution.

[vsquizz]

I abstained, I've just got this inkling that this poll might not be strictly legitimate. I'm not saying that its rigged mind you no no....would never think of such a thing on this forum.....all fine upstanding individuals.

Cheers

[journeyman Mick]

Actually, I've always thought that a benevolent dictatorship would be the most workable system of government (as far as being able to get things done). Thge trouble is, of course, having the right benevolent dictator. Although I am a very busy man (see the current "gunna" thread) I'd be more than happy to volunteer my services. :D

Mick

[Grunt]

The Admin & Mods of this board

Oh dear, we're going to be governed by a committee.

[vsquizz]

Actually, I've always thought that a benevolent dictatorship would be the most workable system of government (as far as being able to get things done).
Mick
Mick, are you talking about Joe Bjelke???:D I remember it was a dictatorship but it depended who you were in order for it to be benevolent.


Cheers

[Robert WA]

The problem with elections is that no matter who you vote for you still end up electing a politician.
I vote for a parliament without politicians.

[Ben from Vic.]

It all seems perfectly above board to me.

You Admin and Mods (or is that Illuminati?) of this board wouldn't happen to know who killed Kennedy would you????


Were's my foil hat?

Ben.

I vote Homer No1.

[Rowan]

Damn preferential system, cast my vote for Homer who turned out to be Johnny's dad (determied scientifically using IQ POINTS, they were the same) so the vote moved to him.
Unfortunately Adolf is about to control America (or maybe is currently already doing so) so Johnny passed the vote on to him.
As happens in all cartoons Adolf morphed into little bully boy Mark so he held my vote for a while!!!!!
Turned out Mark was a loonie tune so u guessed it Bugs got my vote.

BUT WAIT THERE"S MORE..................

and so with that advertising gimmick it turned out the whole election was an advertising campaign and the Tupperware party were in control of my vote...............

until...................

The corruption and greed finally took over the otherwise impecably moralled and totally honest Administrators and Moderators of this board and they rigged the results so my vote didnt count in the first place.

LONG LIVE OUR TRANSPERANT SYSTEM OF PREFERENTIAL VOTING :mad: :mad: :mad:

[goat]

it's rigged i want a recount:p

[Wood Borer]

Grunt,

Why can't we see who voted for who? How do we know if secret agents are working for one party aren't influencing the outcome?

Of course I don't see any glaring evidence to suggest anything is amiss.

[Grunt]

it's rigged i want a recount

Yeah, it is beyond imagination for that many people to vote for John Howard.

[Grunt]

Grunt,

Why can't we see who voted for who? How do we know if secret agents are working for one party aren't influencing the outcome?

Of course I don't see any glaring evidence to suggest anything is amiss.

It's a secret ballot. What you don't trust us?

[DanP]

I want to know who the suckholes are who actually voted for the Admin/Mods. At present there are 10000003 votes for them.

They started with 9999999. one of them put the big number in, then the other two voted for themselves (three if you count all the mods). Then that leaves ONE or TWO sucks who want a discount at the Melbourne WWW.

Don't worry Al. The votes mean nothing, we'll win it on a recount in Florida. :cool:

Dan

[Wood Borer]

Us?

I voted for the Tupperware Party as I have been nominated to be a minister in that wonderful party.

[Grunt]

Us?


I'm meant my roll at the Australian Electoral Commission. I wear many hats including a foil one.

[Grunt]

The suckholes know who they are. They won't be able to sleep at night from the guilt.

[Wood Borer]

Thanks for clarifying that important point Grunt.

If buying votes is illegal then perhaps someone wearing a foil hat (with chin strap), sunglasses and reading a newspaper should hang around the UBeaut stand to see who gets the discounts.

When one of these dogs is uncovered, the agent can blow one of those party whistles to draw attention to the suck.

I would love to volunteer to undertake this task however unfortuantely I will be busy on a couple of other stands so I can't do it. :mad:

[DanP]

I'm calling for a Royal Commission into the disgraceful, insipid and abhorrent tactics of the suck(s). It will cost millions, but I don't care, we need to get to the bottom of this before it gets out of hand. :eek:

No problem with the poll. It His board, He can do as he wants.

Dan.
Self Appointed Minister of Everlasting Bullshoight.

[bitingmidge]

What a bunch of pinko nancy-boys you lot turned out to be!!

More than Ten Million members have cast their vote so far...count them....TEN MILLION and rather than accept the wishes of the majority, you blokes carry on like a bunch of snivelling Democrats at a One Nation Convention.

What evidence do you have that the poll was rigged? (Except for one admittedly smart-arrissed comment when the vote was added - I'll allow you that one.)

I suspect that the Tupperware party has actually received more votes than the 10 currently showing, it's just that its scrutineers have an average of 9 fingers, and are now pushed beyond their counting ability.

The Mods on the other hand have COMPUTERS :eek: That would make them the animals that were MORE equal than the others.

With a scandal-racked party coming second in this poll, it must be time to find some dirt on the leaders of the party that's in front and get it out before Wednesdays media blackout!!

Cheers,

P

[Grunt]

Election Scandal


Canberra Monday: It was revealed today that John Howard has told the truth. For the first time in living memory, a Prime Minister has told the truth. When a Tupperware Party stooge asked John Howard "Do you know what day it is?". The PM replied "No.". It is widely known that Johnny doesn't know what day it is.

The political remifications of this gaff will be felt long and hard. The re-election chances of the Howard Government have been severely damaged.

A senior Liberal Party spokesperson said "I don't know what the Prime Minister was thinking when he said that."

[bitingmidge]

Well that's taken care of the guys coming third, but what hope has the Tupperware party got of forming a coalition now?
:eek: :eek: :eek:

Surely they won't be content with holding the balance of power in the Senate?

P (Swinging Voter)

[Ben from Vic.]

I don't know about this new Tupperware party, they all seem a bit, well..... plasticy for my likings. ;)

Atleast the new vent in their tops should help dispel those gasses before they vent in the form of BS. :p


Ben.

[Grunt]

Mods and Admins Guilty of Vote Rigging

An insider in the Mods and Administrators Party has leaked a document that details wide spread vote rigging, electoral tampering and bribery. The insider who asked not to be identified has stated that the deeds were not only known by the senior party officals but was sanctioned and in some cases orchestrated by them.

Mr. Grunt from the AEC said "These are very serious allegations and if they are found to have any basis the Electoral Commission will disallow all votes for the Mods and Administrators Party".

A spokesperson for the MAP said "She'll be right mate, we'll just put a bit of Hot wax over it and no one will notice. "

[Wood Borer]

No need to worry about the Tupperware Party, the hand tool faction and the power tool faction have aired their differences and are working in perfect harmony.

We are united in our cause and we have a a common goal. That's more than the other parties can claim.

I think Al is prepared to have a televised debate with anyone rival. He has some ideas about what we could use as the worm but I don't want to reveal the details just yet.

[bitingmidge]

He has some ideas about what we could use as the worm but I don't want to reveal the details just yet.

It's a cert to be a green (how does he spell it?) catapillar.

So he hasn't shown his hand yet then?

;)
P

[vsquizz]

Rumour has it that the MAP has been fraudulently registered. Seems that somebody forged some signatures to make up the numbers.

Please explain..............

[Wood Borer]

Been down to the cemetry have they to get names of recently deceased?

Is this worse than branch stacking?

[bitingmidge]

Is this worse than branch stacking?

Ahhh ... some wood content at last!!
:D
P

[Wood Borer]

We feel wood is a core issue, we won't go barking up the wrong trees, we have no splinter groups and anyone who votes for us will not be left out on a limb.

We don't smoke joints at our board meetings discussing the plane truth and any saw points are addressed to the satisfaction of everyone.

Need I go on ....? We are committed to woodworkers and woodwork.

[Sturdee]

Rumour also has it that the person who voted a million times for the MAP party was a Queenslander who still thinks Joh and his Nationals are in government. :D

Informed sources let slip that upon questioning the MAP member he only said " Don't you worry about that :eek: and handed them a brown paper bag full of greenie. :D


Peter.

[bitingmidge]

Rumour also has it that the person who voted a million times for the MAP party was a Queenslander who still thinks Joh and his Nationals are in government. :D

Informed sources let slip that upon questioning the MAP member he only said " Don't you worry about that :eek: and handed them a brown paper bag full of greenie. :D .
:p :p :p
Oh goodness gracious me!!

I...i....i...is that the time??

I'm going to have to draw the blinds now I'm afraid, the cows are starting to fade 'cos of all that daylight savings you blokes have over those borders of yours.

Look, if a Queenslander can count to a million, and that's good enough to get him elected, well that's good enough for me!!

Where does the Tupperware party stand on Daylight Saving by the way??

Bear in mind that poor Mick, Cliff et al up there in Nth Qld will be trying to get the chooks to sleep in 40° heat and broad daylight at 11.00 pm if you bring it in (apparently).

Cheers,

P (Swinging Voter from Queensland, where "beer" is spelt "XXXX")

[Sturdee]

To ameliate the effect of daylight savings on FNQ we will issue all residents and their chooks with free foil hats. :eek:

When wearing these hats they won't know whether they are coming or going let alone if it is daylight or not. :D

Wearing them will not be optional and we will establish a government department to handle this important matter.


Peter.

[Wood Borer]

(Swinging Voter from Queensland, where "beer" is spelt "XXXX")


In Mexico we say XXXX when beer is spilt too.

If you got off the swing when the can is full you would be less likely to spill it.

[bitingmidge]

If you got off the swing when the can is full you would be less likely to spill it.

Up here we just have this little button on the cistern, so when the can is full, we push the button, and all the poop just flushes away.

How does it work down there?
:confused: :confused: :confused:


P
:D :D :D
Power corrupts!

[Wood Borer]

Similar except we have a chain we pull down just like the next stop cord on the trams. :D

[echnidna]

Or we save water by doing it out in the bush

[Wood Borer]

Lemon tree in my case.

Just a horrible thought, does the underground water in Australia flow from South to North or the other way around. Fortunately we don't have as many bores in Vic as they do in QLD.

[bitingmidge]

Fortunately we don't have as many bores in Vic as they do in QLD.
Don't you have Eddie McGuire, and Jeff Kennett and Barry Jones and Darryl Somers and Wilson Tuckey and Malcolm Frazer and John Elliott and every AFL team bar four, and ......and and ?

I reckon you guys have THE mortgage on bores!!

Cheers,

P
:cool: :cool: :cool:

[tong]

Does any one else think that Peter Beattie looks more and more like Homer Simpson (and lately starting to sound like him!) or is it only me?

[echnidna]

Biting Midge,
We have a heritage to protect
Why are you promoting non victorians to the rank of Mexican.

[Wood Borer]

We embrace all Aussie woodworkers - as our leader Ozwinner says "we love yous all"

[bitingmidge]

Biting Midge,
We have a heritage to protect
Why are you promoting non victorians to the rank of Mexican.

:eek: :eek: :eek:
Oh no! If I have included any non-Vics in the list above, I sincerely apologise.

TO THEM!!

Love and peace to all,

P
:D :D :D

[echnidna]

"Love and peace"

to ... Wilson "Ironbar" Tuckey ????????????????

[bitingmidge]

Hey to get somewhere back near the thread... (me? saying that????)...where is our famous leader-elect (apparently)...I'll bet he's realised it's tea time, and he's ducked home to make 999,986 phone calls to lobby support for a last minute rally.

The electronic media blackout starts tomorrow night...so we won't be able to read anything on this thread till after the election!

Cheers,

P :D

[echnidna]

.. or its that day he gets to use his least used tool.

[Wood Borer]

Grunt,

What is the definition of Electronic Media?

Can poor old Al use a telephone after the electronic blackout? What about the internet? What about Private Messages? SMS?

What about employing an Indian Call centre to canvass votes? Do they have to comply with the Australian laws? What if they call Australians living overseas, is that banned? How about Broadcasting on short wave from another country or from a ship anchored in international waters?

Would removing the foil hat and beaming messages from brain to brain be OK?

We don't want to go overboard on this election and sink.

[bitingmidge]

What about employing an Indian Call centre to canvass votes?

That'd work... since only the members of the Whirring Machine of Death Inner Sanctum Star Chamber have ever actually heard dear Oz's voice, he could actually be Punjabi for all we, the great unwashed and covered in sawdust, know.

Best bit about using Indian call centres is that typically they have more staff than we do population, so they only have to make one call each to cover all of us. That way they can be sure to get us while we are eating.

I'm not sure that "Meester Aaarsveener" is how I would have pronounced his name before he called me to enlighten me though.

Cheers,

P :D

[Sturdee]

Can poor old Al use a telephone after the electronic blackout? What about the internet? What about Private Messages? SMS?


Ofcourse we can use the phone. Little Johnnie is using this media to send verbal spam from now on untill the election :eek: and the laws against spam also does not apply to political messages as his son has demonstrated.


Peter.

[Grunt]

Grunt,

What is the definition of Electronic Media?

Can poor old Al use a telephone after the electronic blackout? What about the internet? What about Private Messages? SMS?


3 & 4 below sort of some it up.

As the telephone is not a mass communication device it would be exempt from the election blackout.



e·lec·tron·ic http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/JPG/pron.jpg (https://secure.reference.com/premium/login.html?rd=2&u=http%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.reference.com%2Fsearch%3Fq%3DElectronic) ( P ) Pronunciation Key (http://dictionary.reference.com/help/ahd4/pronkey.html) (http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ibreve.gif-lhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ebreve.gifk-trhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/obreve.gifnhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/prime.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ibreve.gifk, http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/lprime.giflhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ebreve.gifk-)
adj.

Of or relating to electrons.
Of, based on, operated by, or otherwise involving the controlled conduction of electrons or other charge carriers, especially in a vacuum, gas, or semiconducting material.
Of, relating to, or produced by means of electronics: <CITE>electronic navigation; electronic books.</CITE>
Of or relating to music produced or altered by electronic means, as by a tape recorder or synthesizer.
Of, implemented on, or controlled by a computer or computer network.

me·di·um http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/JPG/pron.jpg (https://secure.reference.com/premium/login.html?rd=2&u=http%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.reference.com%2Fsearch%3Fq%3DMedia) ( P ) Pronunciation Key (http://dictionary.reference.com/help/ahd4/pronkey.html) (mhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/prime.gifdhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gif-http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gifm)
n. pl. me·di·a (-dhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gif-http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gif) or me·di·ums

Something, such as an intermediate course of action, that occupies a position or represents a condition midway between extremes.
An intervening substance through which something else is transmitted or carried on.
An agency by which something is accomplished, conveyed, or transferred: <CITE>The train was the usual medium of transportation in those days.</CITE>
pl. media Usage Problem.
A means of mass communication, such as newpapers, magazines, radio, or television.
media (used with a sing. or pl. verb) The group of journalists and others who constitute the communications industry and profession.

[Wood Borer]

Thanks Grunt. :D

Looks like Al will be on the phone tonight. Hopefully he will be dressed if he is using his video phone, we don't want young women voting for us based on our bodies alone. Al doesn't like to be treated as a sex object. :confused:

[Grunt]

Have you noticed how strangely quiet Al has been in the lead up the the election? Do you think he is camera shy?

[Wood Borer]

He is having a few problems with the foil caps and the TV camera lights. He is experimenting with some of his black shellac and home made japanning paint in order to reduce the glare effect.

[Iain]

Just checked out Tupperware and it is not UV resistant, so the Tupperware party will have to remain indoors during the 25 hour days we have in summer, providing the curtains don't fade and ruin the product.

[Grunt]

Just checked out Tupperware and it is not UV resistant, so the Tupperware party will have to remain indoors during the 25 hour days we have in summer, providing the curtains don't fade and ruin the product.


This is by design, so the woodies have an excuse to stay in the shed.

[Iain]

Now thew mind boggles, a Tupperware Stetson just for the Pollies ((Latin: Parrot-mimick-squawk mindlessely-et al) so they have to stay inside during daylight hours.
What a blessing that could be!

[ozwinner]

Hi all
I have just been haveing a chin wag with George.
Sure is dark when I talk to George, and smells like...........well.......you know.

Nah really, I had me own media blackout.
I lost touch with the civilised world 3 days ago.
I couldnt connect to the internet no matter what I tryed. I've got an adsl plan, that runs for 6 months to start with.
6 months, bang,........ nothing, I thought the pricks had cut me off.
OK, get on the phone, couldnt get through, I tryed 8 times on the first day, still nothing.

Ohhhh, Guck, now what, ring the next day, same stupid answering machine.
Got home tonight and thought Id try again, yaaaaaaaahoooo a person to talk to.

Now Sir, ( said in my best Indian accent ) have you tryed turning off the router, and turning it back on.................:eek: Ohhh GUCKING HELL!!!

Moral of the story.................at least Im not a GEEK like some of yous............. :D

So like Garry Glitter, Im back.

Well on second thoughts, not like Garry Glitter. :eek:

Al :)

[bitingmidge]

OK, get on the phone, couldnt get through, I tryed 8 times on the first day, still nothing.

Got home to night a thought Id try again, yaaaaaaaahoooo a person to talk to.

An admission!!! The phone polling HAS been happening!!!

But Oz, if you only tried 8 times, you do understand that you have another 9,999,964 calls to go just to catch up? :eek:

It's not so bad, you can vote for yourself so that'll save 25 cents at least!

Glad you made it through your hours of darkness!

P
:D :D :D

[ozwinner]

you cheater.........

All hail ...........

Al :D

[RETIRED]

Practising to be a polly and not a bloody parrot either, you lot.

IT WASN"T ME. KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT. "TIL NEIL TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

That should make me a good PM I should think. :D

[Grunt]

This has given me great confidence in the electoral system.

Hail to the Chief. is our leader.

[ozwinner]

Doesnt matter who our leader is, I will be at Ubeauts Melbourne WWW stand with foil hat on, for a photo shoot on the friday of the show.

So bring a camera. :D :D ( insert evil laugh here )

Al :o

[ozwinner]

Grunt you suck.
Not, you suck, but you suck?
is PM

Al :D

[Grunt]

Yeah, my brown nose is a dead give away.