Wild Dingo
26th February 2007, 12:47 AM
Following along the lines of Wendy the supadupa woodwhisperin red leatherette wearin sheila type mod's thread here (http://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?p=469117#post469117) I thought it only fair an reasonable to post ruminashuns in an effort to clarify an show fairness an my utter non sexist nature :q an so have taken the liberty to post my own said ruminashuns here in the sheilas bar :2tsup: and although this could also be seen as a rebuttle to her highnesses thred it is done in the interests of fairness and in a gentlemanly manner... actually it could indeed be said that I by posting this in this womens area are showing my feminine side :o be that as it may let us proceed :2tsup:
The first of a semi-regular column??? who knows!! :;
So... I must start with a statement to clarify my stance that my wood rarely if ever "whispers" to me... nay never! :o my wood screams yells takes me to task abuses cries and generally has a go at me at every chance it has :~ whisper? never! :doh:
now let me ruminate more specifically... in regard specific screaming wood I hear around here particularly in the shed otherwise known for reasons previously explained elsewhere as the "cave" :;
Jarrah... that grumpy cussing swearin worse than an old wharfie wood does not EVER whisper whimper or speak softly... being one of Aussies hardwoods its taken that to its heartwood and cannot speak less than a roaring tirade... whisper? it splinters on yer whispers! :q
Tuart... a right basturd of a timber to be sure one word in three comes out at mach 10 on the ritcher scale and has been known to shatter itself into tooth picks tryin to get your attention :C
Sheoak... is a quieter wood better known as part of the gay wood set due to its flowing grain and pretty boy colors it has a propensity to scream in the higher octaves if it doesnt attract your attention and as such is also known as the operatic wood :roll:
Sadly much ado is made here of the whispering woods used by such wonderous sheila wood workin types such as the red leatherette wearing one... but it would be remiss of me not to point out that if such luminaries can only hear the wood whisper it is due to their hearing of the wood being impaired... although they themselves would never agree such is the way of nature as humans particularily sheila type hooman beans for some reason evolve they in fact loose the ability to hear the wood... SCREAMING YELLING ABUSING DEMANDING and all round generally making a splintering unholey row :o :~
Now... all that is not to say this wood whispering caper does not have its merits if indeed it were truely a state of woodiness... indeed I do believe that if it were so in the case of the peices of Jarrah I was drilling the other day...I would NOT have drilled my finger!... why do I say that you ask well let us ruminate about that for a time shall we? :;
Now I have stated that Jarrah is a cantankerous obstropolous mean loud sort of wood and as is its want while I was drilling the needed holes in its length it was not whispering...no verrily I say it was SHOUTING SCREAMING AND GENERALLY ABUSING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME!... this as it will do distracted me :roll: ... to such a degree that the drill got heated at being so insulted by the verbal abuse being slung at its master that it decided to drill an alternate hole in it in an effort to distract it and get some peace... of course the drill being a vocally neutered type slave forgot to warn my hand the index finger of which it promptly buried itself into causing an increasing crescendo of screaming abuse cussing and such that the drill was shamed to silence... the Jarrah flew 150 meters across the paddock after slamming into the seatainer crashing through a window de-nutting the neighbors dog killing the cocky and hasnt been seen since :2tsup:
I stand firm in the conviction that IF and I say IF wood whispered then such a horrific incidence would NOT have occurred... But verily I say to you wood does not whisper the only thing I will condescend to say probably does whisper is Pinus Crapiata since its qualities and tuffness is such that a one day old fairy pussy can make it sob but as a true wood of importance its irrelevant :roll:
Finally... I say unto you... Wendy the supadupa red leatherette wearing mod of renown is havin a lend of yer and knows full well wood does indeed not whisper... shes just got her wee red leatherette knickers in a hoity toity cause shes a mod :q an as we are all supposed to know full well "the mods know all"... But in fact in this one regard they are indeed wrong and so in fairness to my fellow woodnuts an woodboobs I submit that wood does not whisper
It should also be pointed out that in her tirade inthe above linked thread Wendy in quoting this source stated erroneously
“..how to get them [the wood] to stop [whispering]?...” when in fact I asked
"how do you get them to stop screaming and shouting? Please note when plagiarizing or paraphrasing a fellow woodnut no matter how mod one is do get it right old girl :U :U
Thank you for your attendance today at Dingos Ruminashuns #001 :2tsup:
The first of a semi-regular column??? who knows!! :;
So... I must start with a statement to clarify my stance that my wood rarely if ever "whispers" to me... nay never! :o my wood screams yells takes me to task abuses cries and generally has a go at me at every chance it has :~ whisper? never! :doh:
now let me ruminate more specifically... in regard specific screaming wood I hear around here particularly in the shed otherwise known for reasons previously explained elsewhere as the "cave" :;
Jarrah... that grumpy cussing swearin worse than an old wharfie wood does not EVER whisper whimper or speak softly... being one of Aussies hardwoods its taken that to its heartwood and cannot speak less than a roaring tirade... whisper? it splinters on yer whispers! :q
Tuart... a right basturd of a timber to be sure one word in three comes out at mach 10 on the ritcher scale and has been known to shatter itself into tooth picks tryin to get your attention :C
Sheoak... is a quieter wood better known as part of the gay wood set due to its flowing grain and pretty boy colors it has a propensity to scream in the higher octaves if it doesnt attract your attention and as such is also known as the operatic wood :roll:
Sadly much ado is made here of the whispering woods used by such wonderous sheila wood workin types such as the red leatherette wearing one... but it would be remiss of me not to point out that if such luminaries can only hear the wood whisper it is due to their hearing of the wood being impaired... although they themselves would never agree such is the way of nature as humans particularily sheila type hooman beans for some reason evolve they in fact loose the ability to hear the wood... SCREAMING YELLING ABUSING DEMANDING and all round generally making a splintering unholey row :o :~
Now... all that is not to say this wood whispering caper does not have its merits if indeed it were truely a state of woodiness... indeed I do believe that if it were so in the case of the peices of Jarrah I was drilling the other day...I would NOT have drilled my finger!... why do I say that you ask well let us ruminate about that for a time shall we? :;
Now I have stated that Jarrah is a cantankerous obstropolous mean loud sort of wood and as is its want while I was drilling the needed holes in its length it was not whispering...no verrily I say it was SHOUTING SCREAMING AND GENERALLY ABUSING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME!... this as it will do distracted me :roll: ... to such a degree that the drill got heated at being so insulted by the verbal abuse being slung at its master that it decided to drill an alternate hole in it in an effort to distract it and get some peace... of course the drill being a vocally neutered type slave forgot to warn my hand the index finger of which it promptly buried itself into causing an increasing crescendo of screaming abuse cussing and such that the drill was shamed to silence... the Jarrah flew 150 meters across the paddock after slamming into the seatainer crashing through a window de-nutting the neighbors dog killing the cocky and hasnt been seen since :2tsup:
I stand firm in the conviction that IF and I say IF wood whispered then such a horrific incidence would NOT have occurred... But verily I say to you wood does not whisper the only thing I will condescend to say probably does whisper is Pinus Crapiata since its qualities and tuffness is such that a one day old fairy pussy can make it sob but as a true wood of importance its irrelevant :roll:
Finally... I say unto you... Wendy the supadupa red leatherette wearing mod of renown is havin a lend of yer and knows full well wood does indeed not whisper... shes just got her wee red leatherette knickers in a hoity toity cause shes a mod :q an as we are all supposed to know full well "the mods know all"... But in fact in this one regard they are indeed wrong and so in fairness to my fellow woodnuts an woodboobs I submit that wood does not whisper
It should also be pointed out that in her tirade inthe above linked thread Wendy in quoting this source stated erroneously
“..how to get them [the wood] to stop [whispering]?...” when in fact I asked
"how do you get them to stop screaming and shouting? Please note when plagiarizing or paraphrasing a fellow woodnut no matter how mod one is do get it right old girl :U :U
Thank you for your attendance today at Dingos Ruminashuns #001 :2tsup: