Devil's dictionary of woodturning terms

[rsser]

I offer this for the guidance of newbies and for oldies to contribute their favorites...

Ferrule - where you go when you discover a crack in your best bowl.

Chuck - as in 'chuck a fit'; what SWMBO does when she sees the credit card account entry for your last turning tool.

Checking - what SWMBO now does to your wallet every night.

Scraper - she's chucked a fit and you have to scraper off the floor.

Gouge - what the latest exchange rate on the USD feels like.

Skew - effect on your outlook when you start turning; all you see on drives in the country is promising fallen trees.

Hollow centre - how you feel when you see the last bill for turning gear.

Live centre - how you feel when you just pulled off something amazing on the lathe.

EVS - emotional venting system, nec. in case of ferrule.

Foot - what connects with the dog in the case of an EVS.

Jaws - something lurking and ready to bite.

Blank - called such since you can't figure out the best treatment for it.

Lathe - contraction of 'lather' - eg. the result of getting a spiral tear on the last bead of the last leg of the coffee table you're making.

Hollowing tool - named after what it does to your bank balance.

ASP - the tech guys finally found a term the marketers love: 'awfully steep price'.

Cryogenic - induces tears when the price tag is inspected.

Shed - has two meanings. First, a sacred place for the pursuit of arcane turning arts. Second, a place where stuff gets dumped for storage. The two meanings in practice often exist in tension, specially when you subscribe to the first and other family members blithely adopt the second.

Steady - you have responsibly knocked up a couple out of fencing wire and duct tape; your other half says you're anything but during a chuck event.

Tailstock - the dog essential to some EVS events wonders why you're checking his rear end.

(Feel free to reproduce this but please acknowledge the author. Thanks.)

[Grumpy John]

I offer this for the guidance of newbies and for oldies to contribute their favorites...


Skew - effect on your outlook when you start turning; all you see on drives in the country is promising fallen trees.




I know this one only too well, several years ago SWMBO and I did a bus tour from Broome to Kunnanarra. How many times do you think I wish I'd packed the chainsaw, double it :D.

[Caveman]

:D:D:D
:2tsup:

[Ed Reiss]

Good one's Ern:2tsup:

OK...how 'bout:
Tool Rest - what you do after a marathon 7 hour turning session.

[tea lady]

Good one's Ern:2tsup:

OK...how 'bout:
Tool Rest - what you do after a marathon 7 hour turning session.
Is that when you take it to bed with you?:?:D

Also I think the definition of skew should be just "trees" not "fallen trees".:doh: My parents planted a Blue Spruce when they moved into their house 40 years ago. There is a photo of me in their album standing next to the seedling. I think it is fitting that I turn it into something useful.(Or not.:rolleyes: Useful I mean.:D )

[Sawdust Maker]

rsser

well done :2tsup::2tsup:

Skew doesn't necessarily have to apply to country drives
There are some trees around here I'd like to get the chainsaw at. Then there's the botanical gardens :dev:

my contribution

Split - what you do when SWMBO discovers the credit card balance after a visit to Trend Timbers

Grain - the quantum of salt the SWMBO has when you're explaining the vital need of the new tool

[rsser]

Nice.

How about

Faceplate: the meeting of face and plate that follows a tool rest, leaving you snoring in your vegies

[OGYT]

Ya might need to be examined. :D :D :D
Good stuff!!! My sides hurt!!

[rsser]

heh heh ...

Calipers - used by an old-school doctor to examine the lumps on your head, proving you're an inveterate low-life turner ;-} ... (search on Phrenology if you don't get this one).

Verniers - calipers designed for TTIT's fine lumps

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Another alteration:

Chuck: the first step in finding out just how much wood that woodchuck really could chuck... and at what velocities! :p


Also I think the definition of skew should be just "trees" not "fallen trees".:doh:

Make that "wood" and you've got me.

I see 'em installing wooden telephone poles and I'm outraged at the waste of good turning blanks. I drive past a railway line and see a stack of new sleepers... and automatically calculate how many bowl blanks are there. (Which gives two figures: with bowl-saver & without. :rolleyes:)

And even when I see someone elses' example of fine woodturning... well... I automatically ponder "what I could I make out of that?" before doing a mental critique of form and finish. :-

[Ed Reiss]

Lathe Stand - not laying down:doh::U:doh:

[Sawdust Maker]

coupla more

Dead centre - spot on forehead aimed at by any errant piece of breakaway timber spat out by lathe

Bevel - what my chisels have 3, 4, 5, or 6 of :o

Jacobs chuck - the wobbly Jacob's SWMBO threw when she saw the credit card bill

[rsser]

LoL.

What about chatoyance ... the look in the eye reflecting a blank at the WWW show that you just have to have

[RETIRED]

Texturing: what you get when a chisel slips.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Friction Finish: the rash between your butt cheeks after hands you a gouge and points you at 'The Equaliser.' :D

[rsser]

Looking forward to seeing both on Sat. ;-}

[RETIRED]

Have a little one for you to try.:D Only 4' long and 10" in diam.

[jefferson]

,

I'll have a crack at the baby, it's only 4 foot long. Just got to order an over-size Rougher that's a bit stronger in the shank. Same tip size though, don't want to hog too much out in one hit.

Jeff

[tea lady]

,

I'll have a crack at the baby, it's only 4 foot long. Just got to order an over-size Rougher that's a bit stronger in the shank. Same tip size though, don't want to hog too much out in one hit.

Jeff
only uses the baby rougher on the baby.:? And the equalizer. :mwahaha: :D

[Toasty]

Time for a resurrection:

Grinder: what your credit card looks like it has been through after a visit to the Working With Wood Show

Faceshield: what you now wish you had been wearing before you lost consciousness

80 grit grouge: useful for when your skew just doesn't seem to be up to the job (or hiding in the cupboard covered with dust)

Woodis Unknownis: the name for over 95% of your turning stock

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Headstock: your mental tally of turning blanks. (Which never agrees with reality for some reason. :~)

Tool Rest: the end of the working day.

Lathe Bed: see tool rest.

Scraping: what is done to the wallet at woodshows.

Texturing: a method of hiding bad technique.

Tail Spur: a device to help you locate your elbow.

[rsser]

Euc. nondifferentiata - dunno wood.

Bowl finish - on the woodpile when you've stuffed it up

[tea lady]

Feature. - crack:D

[rsser]

That's a natural feature TL. Worth much more.

[artme]

Great list, great laugh.

Here's another.

Knot: That little round bit that was going to be a feature but ripped out taking half the bowl with it.

[tea lady]

That's a natural feature TL. Worth much more.
:doh: Of course silly me.:D

[Ed Reiss]

Base - the thing that never comes out quite right.

[Grumpy John]

Ovulating - What happens after turning a bowl from green timber.

[tea lady]

Ovulating - What happens after turning a bowl from green timber.

Does it have the same effect on your mood?:hmm:

[Sawdust Maker]

loud guffaws (with son looking on with what can be only sadness in his eyes)

[Alastair]

FOGWOOD and FIBWOOD

Common timber types pressed into service as turning blanks.:D:D

(found on ground; found in bin)

regards