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  1. 20th May 2001, 08:42 AM #1
    lynette
    lynette is offline New Member
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    Smile It does not work

    Have recently bought myself a thicknesser,
    however I cannot get that 1/2" board to increase in size to say a 3/4"
    I think this thicknesser should be called a
    thinnesser.
    Are there any other tools or machinery out
    there that I should be warned do exactly the
    opposite to what the name implies.
    thanks in advance.
    lynette
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  2. 20th May 2001 08:42 AM # ADS
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  3. 20th May 2001, 10:57 AM #2
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    ubeaut
    ubeaut is offline Benevolent Dictator
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    Strewth Lynette - This post should probably be in the Woodies Jokes Forum.

    This is the best laugh I have had for a while in a straight forum.

    A circular saw: doesn't cut circles only straights.

    A jig saw: will only make you do a jig if you happen to get your finger in front of the blade.

    A Band Saw: doesn't play music.

    A Fret Saw: will only make you fret if you get really attached to it and have to leave it behind when you go on holidays.

    A coping saw: won't cope with cutting down a tree.

    A drop saw: Shouldn't be dropped.

    A Jack plane: doesn't necessarily belong to Jack.

    A shooting plane: does not have a trigger.

    A Grinder: In many cases is really a burner.

    A Bench Stone: is a sharpening instrument not a Stone Bench.

    A Buzzer: doesn't buzz it SCREAMS!!

    A screw driver: isn't a sex starved truckie (male or female).

    I am sure that others will give you many more.

    Cheers - Neil
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  4. 21st May 2001, 06:27 PM #3
    S Hayward
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    Cool

    A steel rule - is her indoors.
    A G clamp - won't work on any other letter.
    A fork lift - a feeding aid.
    Sand paper - for messages on the beach.

    You're right Neil, the joke forum for this post!
    Cheers
    Shaun


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  5. 21st May 2001, 06:48 PM #4
    RETIRED
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    A turning chisel doesn't rotate.

    A gouge cuts (if you use it properly)

    A tool rest won't hold tools.

    Tail & head stock makes lousy soup.

    Bed (lathe) is hard to sleep on.

    Drive spur does not fit on boot well.
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  6. 21st May 2001, 08:50 PM #5
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    Iain
    Iain is offline Drop Bear Master
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    And after looking at this post an oxymoron is not an ill educated bovine.
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.
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  7. 22nd May 2001, 10:39 AM #6
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    STEPHEN MILLER
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    A SCREWDRIVER SHOULD BE A SCREW TURNER

    A SCREWDRIVER IS REALLY A HAMMER

    A HACKSAW IS A SAW USED BY WOODTURNERS
    Constant Sinking Feeling
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  8. 22nd May 2001, 02:00 PM #7
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    anyone actually helped the person?
    Brett

    Only Robinson Crusoe could get everything done by Friday!
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  9. 22nd May 2001, 05:49 PM #8
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    Iain
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    Lynette, you have the potential to make a million dollars with that device you have, just don't tell Jenny Craig or Gloria Marshall you have it.
    Neil might find a use for it too (not that I can talk).
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.
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  10. 23rd May 2001, 04:56 PM #9
    RFINK
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    Wink

    I wish someone would welcome me with alms!
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  11. 23rd May 2001, 09:22 PM #10
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    ubeaut
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    Wouldn't mindsome alms myself. LOTS!!

    Howsaboutit Stopper??
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  12. 24th May 2001, 08:09 AM #11
    lynette
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    Who was jokeing
    Thanks for the info fellas. Can't wait to hit the hardware shop with a list of your wacky suggestions and you reckon I'm mad.
    I don't think I better ask if there is actually something out there that does do what it's name implies.
    thanks for the welcome
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