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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
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    Default When Insults Had Class...




    These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli:"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

    "That depends, Sir, "said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy."

    -Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

    - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

    -Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

    -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

    -Moses Hadas

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

    -Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

    -Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."

    -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

    -Winston Churchill, in response

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

    -Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

    -John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

    -Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

    -Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

    - Paul Keating

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

    -Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

    -Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

    -Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

    -Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

    -Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."



    -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

    -Billy Wilder


    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."



    -Groucho Marx


























    Last edited by KBs PensNmore; 11th June 2015 at 03:22 PM. Reason: Too small a print for us oldies

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Murray River, NSW
    Posts
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    Default

    Absolutely wonderful!

    You deserve a and a and a

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Bottom of the leg
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    Posts
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    Default

    There are always times in life when you wish you could say something similar.
    Cheers Fred



    The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with the light on.
    http://www.redbubble.com/people/fredsmi ... t_creative"

    Updated 26 April 2010
    http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Northern Sydney
    Age
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    Posts
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    Default

    I love those old quotes. After all "The future ain't what it used to be."
    Yogi Berra.
    ...but together with the coffee civility flowed back into him
    Patrick O'Brian, Treason's Harbour

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,015

    Default

    Wonderful

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    moonbi nsw Aus
    Age
    69
    Posts
    2,065

    Default

    Golden Oldies. I wish I could remember those one liners during an argument!!
    Just do it!

    Kind regards Rod

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    ACT
    Age
    84
    Posts
    2,580

    Default

    "Half the members of this house are idiots"

    "Objection! Withdraw!, Withdraw!!.

    "All right I will withdraw that statement. Half the members of this house are not idiots."
    Hugh

    Enough is enough, more than enough is too much.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    77
    Posts
    9,550

    Default

    "The honorable member has the brains of an ass."
    "Objection!"
    "I withdraw. The honorable member does not have the brains of an ass."
    Visit my website
    Website
    Facebook

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    back in Alberta for a while
    Age
    68
    Posts
    12,006

    Default

    "Sir! You are drunk!"

    "Madam. In the morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly."
    regards from Alberta, Canada

    ian

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    lower eyre peninsular
    Age
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    Posts
    3,584

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ian View Post
    "Sir! You are drunk!"

    "Madam. In the morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly."
    Winston Churchill.


    Price Phillip.... I love this idiot.
    "If it doesn't fart or eat hay then she isn't interested"
    - speaking about his daughter, Princess Anne.

    "Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."
    - to a 13-year-old whilst visiting a space shuttle.


    When meeting a 60-year-old disabled man: "How many people have you knocked over this morning on that thing?" David Miller, a trustee of the Valentine Mansion in Redbridge, said he took no offence.


    To Australian Aborigines during a visit to Australia with the Queen he asked: "Do you still throw spears at each other?"
    I would love to grow my own food, but I can not find bacon seeds

  12. #11
    Boringgeoff is offline Try not to be late, but never be early.
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Bakers Hill WA
    Age
    75
    Posts
    1,077

    Default

    I stuck up for you at the pub yesterday, a bloke said you've got the brains of an ant, I said " no you haven't". Then he said you didn't know f*** all, I said "yes you do!'

  13. #12
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    North of the coathanger, Sydney
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    68
    Posts
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    Default

    The honourable member is an annelid
    regards
    Nick
    veni, vidi,
    tornavi
    Without wood it's just ...

  14. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Northern Sydney
    Age
    49
    Posts
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Boringgeoff View Post
    I stuck up for you at the pub yesterday, a bloke said you've got the brains of an ant, I said " no you haven't". Then he said you didn't know f*** all, I said "yes you do!'
    My brother once said to my uncle some time back.
    "I stuck up for you the other day. That guy said you weren't worth p**sing on. I said you're wrong. He is!"
    ...but together with the coffee civility flowed back into him
    Patrick O'Brian, Treason's Harbour

  15. #14
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Woodstock (Cowra)
    Age
    74
    Posts
    3,381

    Default

    You can agree with me or choose to be wrong, your choice.
    The person who never made a mistake never made anything

    Cheers
    Ray

  16. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    bilpin
    Posts
    3,559

    Default

    Graceful as the bird they call the Elephant.

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