1. A bloke joins a silent order of monks and is told that no talking is allowed except that once a year, on the anniversary of his joining, he can speak to the Abbot.

After his first year, the new monk is called to the abbot's office and asked if there's anything he'd like to say.
"Yes." says the newbie. "The food here is terrible."
The abbot is slightly taken aback but promises to see what can be done.

At the end of his second year, he's again called to speak to the abbot and asked if he'd like to say anything.
"Yes," he says. "My room is freezing in the winter."

On the third anniversary, the abbot invites him to speak if there's anything he'd like to say.
"Yes," says the monk. "I've had enough of this place. I'm leaving."

"Good," says the abbot. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"


2. A new bloke joins an order of monks and first night in the refectory after they've all eaten and are relaxing, he's puzzled when one of the monks suddenly shouts out "Number 73!" and all the other monks fall about laughing.
A few minutes later the same monk shouts "Number 52!" and again all the other monks fall about in fits.

The newbie turns to the monk next to him and asks what's going on. "Oh," says his neighbour. "He's telling jokes, only we've heard them all before so we just give them numbers and we know what joke it is he's telling."

The new bloke decides it might be a good way to fit in so he waits for a lull in the conversation and shouts out "Number 68!" There's a deathly silence. He tries again, "Number 68!" Still nothing.

Then the monk who shouted out earlier calls "Number 68!" and the other monks are reduced to fits.

The newbie turns to his neighbour whose holding his sides with laughter and says, "Hang on! When I shouted that number I got nothing. When he shouts it out they all crease themselves. What's going on?"

"Ah!" says his neighbour. "It's the way he tells them."

Pete