Thread: Todays funnies

I was standing at supermarket queue behind a large woman when her phone began to bleep.
A little boy shouted out “Watch out, she’s reversing”.

I phoned my boss and said “I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough”.
He said, “you have a wee cough?”
I said “Really boss? Thanks. See you next week”

Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol? I think Geri can.

There’s a pretty young lady grouting in the bathroom.
She’s singing “It’s a heartache, nothing but a fool’s game”
I think she’s a Bonnie Tiler.

Guys love it when I tell them I’m “Bi” on a first date.
I let them figure out the polar bit on their own.

A bloke and his son go to the zoo.
There’s a sign saying “feed the elephant a bun, and he’ll tell you your age”.
The boy throws a bun to the elephant who stamps his foot six times.
“Wow”, says the boy, “I am six years old, so the elephant got it right”.
The father then throws the elephant a bun, at which point the elephant farts and stamps his foot twice.
“Incredible”, says Dad, “right again: I am farty-two”.