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  1. #1201
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    77
    Posts
    9,542

    Default

    ...fancy braid on me sleeve, and a nice cap with a bit of scrambled egg on it. A quick promotion to Rear Admiral would suit me nicely, yer captainship."

    Stunned, Nemo reeled across the poop. He had expected the previously unambitious Groans to ask for something less difficult to supply, like a quick romp with Roger the cabin boy.

    He was caught in a quandry. "I'm caught in a quandry." he said. "Being an officer and a gentleman, I'm duty bound to honour my promise and grant your wish. But if I were to promote you to Admiral, you would outrank me, and what a copper-bottomed disaster that would be. How does a romp with Roger sound instead?"

    Groans appeared to consider this proposition, and was about to reply, when Staines whispered in his ear ".....
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  3. #1202
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    in the outer reaches of Sth Oz
    Age
    75
    Posts
    1,604

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    'The captain can't promote ya to admeral you wally he don't have the rank to do it. Change your wish to a quick romp with Roger and see if....
    What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
    Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

  4. #1203
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Barboursville, Virginia USA
    Age
    77
    Posts
    2,364

    Default

    " . . . see if 'e won't throw a nice ewe into the bargain."

    And so it was, given the choice between a promotion to admiral and a romp with Roger, Groans once more chose the path of least resistance and began searching eagerly for the Cabin Boy.

    But whilst Groans was trying, ever more frantically, to find Roger, the remaining crew were startled by a loud cry from aloft.

    "Man o' War approaching! And she's under full sail!" was the shout from the Crow's Nest.

    "In these waters?" Nemo asked of no one in particular. Then, to the lookout he shouted, "What flag does she fly?"

    "Not one I recognise, sar," replied the lookout. "But she appears to be headed straight for the VLGI."

    Just then, a puff of smoke was seen erupting from the port side of the strange intruder, followed closely by the unmistakable splash of a cannon ball in the water a few metres off the VLGI's starboard bow.

    "I'll be blowed," exclaimed Nemo, "she's firing on us! Man battle stations! Hoist the mizzen! Brace the lanyards! Fetch Groans and his arquebus!"

    As an afterthought, he continued, "and turn this bloody ship about and take us away from this place!"

    Another cannon shot split the water off the port bow. Then, having gotten her range, the Man o' War scored a direct hit on the main deck of the VLGI. This was soon followed by a shot that splintered the mast and, as the VLGI sluggishly turned about, a double hit below the waterline on the port side.

    "What shall we do, Cap'n?" screamed Seaman Staines. "We were hit badly by that last volley."

    As if to prove the truth of Staines's observation, the VLGI began to list significantly to port and water rushed over the taffrail onto the deck. Meanwhile, more cannon shots from the Man o' War found their mark, as the bridge crumbled and slid over the side into the frothy sea.

    With an expression both solemn and bewildered, Nemo gave the inevitable order "Abandon ship, mates. Women, children, and hamsters first. Man the lifeboats. Look lively now!"

    At this, the Companions fled the companionway and began to lower the lifeboats. Mother Farcquar, with a shout of "Out o' my way, you silly old goat," elbowed the protesting Frontbottom aside and managed to board the first lifeboat to touch water.

    Soon the sea was filled with small bobbing craft carrying the passengers and crew of the VLGI away from the carnage. As they watched, the once-invincible VLGI heeled over and with a great sucking sound, like the last of the water draining from a bathtub, vanished 'neath the waves.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    With a long, hollow sigh, and not a few tears brimming in her eyes, Miss Sally closed the book and gazed lovingly at her rapt pupils. "And thus, my little ones, ends the saga of the brave men and women of the Very Little Gravitas Indeed. Never a more stalwart band sailed on the ocean and I doubt we shall ever see the likes of them again in these parts."

    "But Miss Sally," queried Sebastian sadly, "it can't end like that! What became of the Captain and crew? Did the hamsters survive? And why was the VLGI attacked?"

    "Well, Sebastian," Miss Sally replied, "to answer your last question first, the Man o' War was commanded by Pirates who wished to take control of the VLGI for their nefarious purposes. But in their enthusiasm, they damaged her so badly she foundered.

    "As for the survivors, I'm afraid the Pirates pressed many of them into their service, particularly the Companions and the Droids. They later sold Mother Farcquar to a passing circus troupe off the Gold Coast, where, if the rumours are correct, she thrived handsomely.

    "Hereward and Hieronymous were sold to a very small zoo with only limited funding which thought a pair of hamsters a good bargain at 2 and 10 each. Seaman Staines and Roger the Cabin Boy were set off quick smart onto an uncharted island and their ultimate fate is unknown but it was doubtless fun while it lasted. Groans and his arquebus were exhibited in a museum in Brussels for several years until he escaped one night, taking along his trusty weapon, and disappeared from view.

    "Of the Captain, it must be said that that brave man chose to go down with his ship, having caught his ankle in a hatch cover and unable to free himself in time. Of the many others aboard, we have no definitive word."

    "And the Rip in the Fabric of the Universe?" asked Sebastian, his voice trembling with emotion, "why didn't it save them as it had so many times before?"

    "Oh, didn't I tell you?" said Miss Sally, "The Rip didn't save them because it no longer existed. You see, a near-sighted seamstress in Perth accidently sewed it shut whilst shortening a pair of trousers for one of her customers. A pity, really. The error wasn't discovered until the gentleman called for his parcel and by then it was too late."

    "Will be ever hear of the VLGI again?" inquired Beatrice.

    "Well now," Miss Sally murmured, looking wistfully out the schoolroom window, "one can never quite be certain that they won't appear again elsewhere."

    At this juncture the end-of-day bell rang and the children scampered toward home and the small tea their mothers had prepared for their homecoming.
    Cheers,

    Bob



  5. #1204
    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    Tooradin,Victoria,Australia
    Age
    73
    Posts
    11,918

    Default It's over.

    .R.I.P.

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