The search for meaning...

[wheelinround]

Ding ever since getting married having kids we have celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve as they do in some countries Europe

This has been APIA as I gave up trying to celebrate our family day Christmas day and would work instead. $$$$$

Now we have our kids partnered off they have extended families whom demand their presence during the day without a thought of us and our family wishes.

There is no reason you can not do this with those whom you wish to invite. This could become known as Pop's Christmas solves the problem of Christmas day and other extended family. AND you get in first.

[Wild Dingo]

Good idea Wheelin

But no Ive gotten the call and been TOLD that my elder sis and her lifepartner are coming to stay here for 2 days over Chrissy INCLUDING Chrissy morning and they expect... ahem as this is my elder sis lets put it how she does things ala DEMANDS that ALL the kids and grandies are HERE for breaky on the morning no ifs buts or whatevers they MUST be here

Yeah good luck with that Vicki

Anyway what I know is... Yaz and Amelia along with her partner WONT be coming... Melissa Iszy Sarah and Paul MIGHT be coming... Yaz and co are going to Jos and have informed me with no restraint what I can do with chrissy breaky... twice... Tiffany Ben Lukas an Peyton WILL be here... Aaron and Cassie MIGHT be here... Bethany and Rowan MIGHT be here... Jacinta THINKS she MIGHT be here... Brie has no idea and Josh is here for the week so WILL be here

No probs!! Whoever doesnt rock up gets a dressing down from their Aunty Vicki... and her lifepartner Gail... believe me this is not a good thing to be on the recieving end of!!!

Am in some ways looking forward to it actually... As my younger brother lives in Bunbury now and my younger sis will be down from Broome to see her 2 grandies and what with Vick and Gail coming up from Albany it should be a good day... morning with the nippers who turn up and the grandies arvo and eve with my bro an sis's... should be good I reckon

I do agree that Jo has now made two distinct families out of this mess... and thinking about it its not a bad thing means I see and therefore have to deal with her less which for me is a good thing...

Anyway whatever happens happens what will be will be sorta thing I guess... nothing much I can do about it if they choose not to come its their choice.

Life dribbles along regardless an all we can do is dribble along with it
Shane

[dennford]

Been watching your progress - and other peoples thoughts and suggestions, but refraining from comment.However one thing stuck out this morning.

You said last night
"Life dribbles along regardless an all we can do is dribble along with it
Shane"

In this case (Chrismas get together); you are dead right matey.

But remember that it isn't allways the case, there are times when you can open the tap a little. The thing is to know and recognise when it is time to let things be and when to do something to change the situation - or even which situation to change - like now you cannot change the situation of a split family but you can and must change your own situation.

Denn

[Wild Dingo]

The thing is to know and recognise when it is time to let things be and when to do something to change the situation - or even which situation to change - like now you cannot change the situation of a split family but you can and must change your own situation.

Denn

Spot on words Denn... easier said than done though... every day I say the same thing to myself but well doesnt seem to stick eh?

Changing my own situation isnt a quick thing to do either its going to take time to sell the place no doubt with the market as it is... personally well I do a fair bit of "mower therapy" every time I turn around the last bit I mowed needs mowing again!! Im working harder then I have in many years physically... getting fit which is good eating well so no longer shedding the weight sleeping sometimes and more often than not to get that its with the help of the little pills the doc gave me

Mate its the head that needs to escape! feel like Im trapped in a never ending cycle of hurt just goes on and on no matter how much I try or what I try to stop it it just keeps on keeping on and on and on... reminders EVERYFRIGGINWHERE!!! I think if I could just afford to buggar off for a week or so SOMEWHERE different I may handle things better, but thats not lookin like its gonna happen for some time... unless I take a risk of loosing the job and just bloody go... go for as long as I feel I must then if i come back and theres no job well Id just have to wear that as part of the cost of keeping my sanity... but even so since theres been a delay in sorting the assets its not going to happen in the near future and probably not until after I return to work... so much for court orders being firmly adhered to eh?

Anyway its being here living the damned thing every day and night thats doing me in... cant afford to buggar of cant afford a caravan so Im stuck... but that will change when the assets are done as Ive allowed some extra in the new morgage for just that reason well it was the broker who decided that I wasnt thinking terribly straight when I spoke with her seems I told her everything that was happening and she decided to up the ante on the amount explaining at the time "its as a bit of a fall back in case you need it for bills or lawyers fees" but since then shes told me I NEED to take off somewhere when its done and thats why she added it... bloody bottler of a sheila!! thank god one of us was actually thinking clearly eh!

I think Im starting to get it with Jo... sad but true I think... I simply MUST get over it and start moving forward again.

Anyway Denn enough from me I gotta sort Josh out for school tomorrow.. and try to get my body functioning again... man this physical labor intensive truck driving job is sure knocking me about!! Think the old bod has about had enough of running on pure adrenaline and is about to jack up on me... han g on old fella onlyone more week to go!!!

Shane

[Derg]

Back in 1992 I attended a university at the age of 38. It literally drove me "nuts" Now that is an attempted change. 16 years later I am in a lifestyle where I can go three weeks without a wash...OK I use babywipes in the bog..but other than that nothing.
I don't have a job. I have no friends..did I EVER have any friends?

I don't go out unless I have too. I cuddle my three dogs for personal comfort. I live day to day..I make the best of what that day brings...I cannot plan ahead.

My family sticks with me. I am hell to live with. I have no income..no routine no nothing. The climate here in the UK drains your money just to keep warm. Running a vehicle is a struggle...out of every pound in the UK the govmnt takes 46% tax all told in the taxes you pay.

People have said to me the answer lies within YOU. Yeah in the pickled live herring of a brain that stuggles to find solace and peace...the brain suspended in the vat of fancy liquids. The medics do not know exactly what is going on in your heed...so there is no way you can perform a miracle and one day all will be well.

[Wild Dingo]

Geez mate sorry to hear that seriously I am

Okay... what has happened and what Im doing! Strewth this seems to change like a mum changin a babys nappy!

Since calm (ala David) posted his post stating that

YOU JUST DONT GET IT

and that "2007 was our last Christmas together as a family" Ive taken a good long look at everything thats happened and whats been said and done... and I get it now... no problem its over and Im okay with it actually... there are reasons I wont go into here but its in some ways the best thing that it is over as much as she doesnt want to live with me I no longer want her in my life... quite simple really I never want what happened between us to ever happen again in MY life and so Im okay with her leaving.

Okay since her parents bought her the house Ive been there twice... NO PROBLEMO!!! The "new lifestyle" is almost the same as I have here only on a 600sq mtr block! fibro with tile roof many "additions" and "alterations" over the years all done rather bodgey brothers style... like every house her parents have had that Ive been to this one is no different it is JUST a house nothing more... when theres no passion no emotion and devoid of love its just four walls and a roof no matter what else it may appear... So the feelings I had when she moved into the flash place when she left have disappeared and I can waltz in and smile no problem.

The trouble I had with the partner of the eldest daughter stopped as soon as I decided that Id had a gut full of taking the bullshyte and blame and told the wakker what I thought of him... silence since!!! BRILLIANT!! So that problems over... and if not then I will deal with it as needs be dealt with.

I no longer get angry or emotional around Jo and refuse to take the baits intended to get me worked up but raise a hand wave and say "nah its cool bubs no problem Im not here for that so I'll see yer later" and walk out to the car and drive away... Ive also started to quietly state the facts and simple truth of situations that have happened simply and quietly with no emotion or anger, and dont let her get under my skin or push the buttons anymore.

In other words I refuse to be the scape goat and take the pineapples up the date from everyone as I have done since this started.

Ive made sure that Ive told each of the kids that NO MATTER WHAT I love them with no strings I AM their dad and I WILL be there for them as I always have been... and refuse to be drawn into any discussion regarding Jo or whats happened or happening.

Quite liberating actually... intitially it was bloody hard as hell cause she can be so damned infuriating and picky or blind about things but now after 2 weeks of it I find it simple and easy to just walk out the door and think nothing more of it.

Ive also decided that no matter what happens I am going over east for at least 2 weeks... this though depends on WHEN the assets are finally done and the monies in the bank... been a hiccup somewhere in Perth which has delayed the thing but apparently its almost done a few days the lawyer reckons and its all over... when that happens I'll sort the few bills I have sorta let go over the last couple of weeks clear the credit card repay young Tiffany and Ben their help and pack the Prado and aim it east!!

Ive decided that although the job starts again on the 5th Jan Im taking the time I need regardless... if I get back and the boss has hired someone else then so be it and I will find something else (or move east) but Im no longer going to sweat the little things and I DEFINANTLY NEED this trip.

So... Im feeling pretty damned good just now! Nothing like making a few decisions and changing ones attitude to feel a good deal more in control of ones own life and destiny Oh I have NO DOUBT there will be some ups and downs still to come no doubt at all but Im better able now emotionally to deal with it without coming to a grinding halt and crashing again... It still gets to me from time to time and I still think of the what ifs and if onlys but theyre not as often now as they were.

I now look around this place with a few more positive thoughts, it wouldnt be THAT hard to fix it up so it was almost entirely self sufficient... just a whack of hard work! but its doable... a cheep wee tractor of some sort with a hoe or such a rake and a bucket attachement along with a lawn mower (the old one died quater way through the house 1/4 acre ) and that would sort the grounds out a bit of burning off and clearing... then sort the creek out... sort the house out a new carport perhaps a back verandah or deck fix a few wee probs inside maybe take out a window and replace it with some of those french doors from the demo mob in town... find a cheep shed to attach to the existing one... clear out all the crap and crud of the past that resides in the seatainer and connect it to the shed...

Ive actually begun to see some potential with the place again... I mean its not a mansion and its nothing flash but its home for me and it could be a bloody good one... and its affordable the morgage is small and easily managed and well what needs to be done I can do myself or with the help of Aaron and Ben... anyway it can be done... and its close enough to the kids that if they need me or want to see me or me them then its easy.

Or I can sell it... no real problem either way for me... it will I think depend a lot on what happens in the next few weeks or months.

As to the loneliness... well loneliness really is only a state of mind and if Im prepared to accept it as my lot in life then it will be, but if I reject it and make some positive changes and get out there some more and meet people then I will find companionship or it will come along... I have no pretenses that Im a "great catch" Im just me and Im pretty easy going have very little debt and well am a bloody nice bloke! (aside from what some may say! ) I think Id be a pretty good catch for someone who doesnt mind someone whos not a typical Aussie mucho into footy drinkin an carryin on bloke, but is looking for someone whos a happy go lucky emotional passionate and an incredibly manic sorta fella who rarely drinks and will try ALMOST anything!!!

Anyway lets see what the future brings!!!

Cheers
Shane

HEY!!! did you know tis nearly Chrissy???? WHAHOOOOO!!! Tis about bloody time I started to look forward to having this mob of galahs and dopey wombats along with their pups all together and having fun... am really starting to look forward to having them all here even if the eldest doesnt come thats okay the rest are so its gonna be mayhem and chaos on Chrissy morning for me!!!

[wheelinround]

Ding great t hear and as you say its a sea saw merry go-round but knowing how to handle the ride helps.

Going East is going to be hard yakka mate early risers here we are up 3 hours before WA and even then they roll over for another quick sleep.

If Sydney is out of your way blow your horn long and loud we'll hear it.

[Wild Dingo]

Mate... I rise when I rise just now... IM ON HOLIDAYS!!! when I come over keep yer eyeballs open for Christopha or me we will orjanamiz something on here to let people know where Im at an what Im up to... first port of call will be his place... from there??? will have a couple of weeks no hurry no rush just me heading along the road for a bit... see whats what and meet up with a few bods here and there and when I feel Ive about had enough I'll just turn the baby around and wander back

Its not the destination that matters but the journey!! So who knows where I will end up or how long I will be gone... Im plannin on two weeks but well we will see how it all goes... nothing much to come racing back for or any urgent demands here so open road... swooosh gone!

Bens coming around tomorra and were gonna drag that sorry camper out of the shed and get the damned thing fixed!!!... Need to make it EASIER to setup and take down that weve so far found the thing to be! god a bloke needs 4 hands and the strength of tarzan superman AND bloody Arnie Swazzawhatever to do it!!... so were workin on either working it out or bloody well altering the sodding thing so it is EASY!!... then I will haul it over... that way I will have a bed no matter where I end up

Cheers
Shane

[wheelinround]

keep the spirits high and the eye's out for blue lights

[Wild Dingo]

Sure will!!

Think Juffy's sorta set the cruise back a few days with his thread... no wukkers will be a real treat for me to spend a day or so with a mob of mates workin and sorting stuff out around here... unlike when I went up to Dereks and managed to "escape" before the day really arced up here I cant just mutter quietly "mmm mate I sorta gotta buggar of okay?" cause here Im home no where else to go eh! So I just gotta buck up an get me back into it!

Will be good I think... If people stay for the day or a few hours or overnight will be a good thing for me to mix and mingle and just be with people cause Ive been avoiding it for too long... Be good to have a woman in the house in the kitchen to... Denn reckons his missus the lovely Rose will come along shes a bonzer sheila and is more than welcome to see what she can do with me batchelors pads kitchen!!! Actually it would be a nice thing to smell and see the touch of a woman around this place!! Sheilas tend to give a place scents and sounds that a bloke just cant replicate no matter how hard they try... and to have that even just for a day while were workin out the back will be great!

Good weekend to Josh will be at his mothers and Aaron and his lady will be off doing whatever they do and Im aiming to send them over to her place as well... so we will have total free rein on what happens here!!!

Once done Im leaving... so be on the road on the night of the 5th at latest... plan to stay for little Lukas's birthday bash then come home in the arvo hitch the camper (if done) to the Prado and throw some clobber and tucker in and just drive... stay overnight in Kal or Norseman then face the great Null an bore!!

Cheers
Shane

[Johncs]

Or I can sell it... no real problem either way for me... it will I think depend a lot on what happens in the next few weeks or months.

When you sell your home, you sell your memories. Not just the bad ones, but the good memories too.And not just your memories, but your kids too.

When we married, Suzanne and I had a house built in Kambah, and that's the home our kids, now in their 30s, remember. We moved to Melbourne in the mid 80s, while the girls were still in primary school.

Years later, as teenagers the twins visited friends in Canberra, and while there went to see their old home. They got invited in, and had a look around. "There's our old bedroom," one squealed.
"There's where our sandpit was."
"That's the tree we used to climb."

When they visit us, it's just the house where Mum and Dad live, it's not special otherwise.

Some memories might be a bit sharp now, but that won't always be so. Do you remember where you met Joe Blake n his missus?

Take your holiday, but don't close off your options. While you have the home, the kids (and any nieces, nephews, cousins) know where to find you, and they know they're welcome to visit their old home and bring their kids.





Sell no

[masoth]

Good sentiment John. I'm the 'baby' of six kids and there is just two occasions when all have been in the same place at the same time, 21 years apart. I've never lived in "a home".
The house I own now has been where I've lived for 14 years (the longest place I have ever stayed) - it has no 'pull' on my memories.

soth

[Wild Dingo]

W

Take your holiday, but don't close off your options. While you have the home, the kids (and any nieces, nephews, cousins) know where to find you, and they know they're welcome to visit their old home and bring their kids.





Sell no

mmmm great sentiments John... had had some thoughts that edged toward that but had turned them away guess its all still too raw now.

Kids are all coming for Chrissy... bar one at this stage and her highness is having a "talk" with her and her partner tomorrow to straighten that out... so who knows but all our nippers and their nippers might well find their way "home" for the morning at least

I must admit since Juffy started organizing the working bee down here on the forum Ive started feelin somewhat guilty (along with embaressed) about the sell thoughts... I mean these mates are going to come down and put themselves out fixing the 2 acres for me? And Im thinking of selling after all their good work to help a mate out?... yeah rather guilty... but still I often sit specially in the mornings and with a mead in hand in the evening just sitting back looking down from the carport at the property and wondering if its possible for me to make this place a good "home" without her.

And you know in the last few days Ive found myself planning again starting to see potential and looking forward (in a totally masachistic sorta way) to the work that doing so would entail...

Sell? Im not so sure now... its an option... but its funny of late Ive been looking at it a tad differently than I was I mean its an easy low mortgage its a home Id planned and worked for for over 20 years its what Ive wanted... and now I have it and I want to sell it away?... but yeah the memories are still very raw and I guess its gonna take some to move on from that... but with the work that the blokes and sheilas from here are helping me with I hope it will be easier to see and stay.

Not so much for the kids but for me.

Cheers
Shane

[wheelinround]

Ding I know I said a while ago a stable place for your kids to come see you is great I had that with my dad he stayed at the family home when mother walked out with sis and I. If its eating you apart and hard to maintain then a move could be the bee's knee's.

A new place Pop's Place where new memories are created, new dreams, and grandies have fond memories of.

From one who has moved around a lot when a kid memories are all over the place many with aunts and uncles friends of the family I was sent to spend time with longest was 3 months x 2. So I have a large extended family this is the only thing I thank my mother for.

We have tried to maintain since being married a stable situation for our family, 5 places 2 we owned, shared with inlaws for 2 years when kids were just prior HS.

Home is what and where you make it same with memories having read your tall tales you have your own.

All your kids are growing moved or moving out, you have to think of yourself to.


Read

[Wild Dingo]

You know I think thats what shes doing Ray... creating a new place called grandmas place...

Whatever... Im not sure as to what is the best course for me so Im just going to be sitting quiet for a time... had a bunch of "DAMNIT Ive had enough Im going to..." moments but now Im okay with whats happened and respect her choices although dont agree I can accept it... actually in many ways I do agree with it... In some ways Im a lot more content healthier and strangely happier now wont go into which ways but its interesting that its so... Im not sure which way to go from here so Im thinking discression being the better part of valor I will wait a time for me to sort though what it is that I actually WANT to do.

Over the last week of Chrissy some of the kids have learnt (the hard way) that it wasnt me who did or wants this and in one she learnt the reason for it and though her and her dopey partner are struggling to understand Im no longer seen as the absolute basturd in the thing... Finally Jo and her family have made comments that have made it clear whats happened and their part in it along with what their mother wants and its been a horrible awakening for them.

So staying put is the best thing... has been all along as some have said Im still here Dads still the same lovable easy going bloke he was and always has been... no strings here I love them no matter what... so that issue of me leaving is settled for now.

Im lonely as hell for female companionship... not love nor lust nothing physical just the scents and sounds of a woman in my life thats my biggest issue nowadays... that and having no idea how to meet the creatures!!! Note to the sheilas I mean that in the nicest possible way ... Not really stressing about it but just having some loneliness issues which I will get over soon enough.

About that... Im heading to Albany and will probably stay down there for a couple of days over the New Years... heading down on Tuesday after I pick up my younger sis and her stored gear will be leaving that in my elder sisters shed... so will be there from New Years eve till I get sick of it or bored with it... will be staying at my elder sisters place for the night but then?? ... probably get a cabin or some such at a caravan park for a couple of nights... And no Ray me an Ben havent sorted the bloody mongrel camper out yet keep finding more and more issues and problems with the thing... may yet rebuild the whole shootin match!!

Soooo anyways Im wonderin if any of our mates down Albany way know where the lonely women are? Any suggestions for companionship would be happily accepted!! would prefer someone wanting a friend for talks walks and simply being with someone for a time... loneliness is a terrible thing particularily at this time of year and Albanys too nice a place to be alone.

Anyway there we go! Onwards and upwards!!!
Cheers
Shane