black dog

[fubar]

just lost one of my mates to suicide he leaves wife and two kids
this is so hard to talk about about to turn 50 kids are grown married his chilhood sweetheart never met a kinder nicer man
not a hint of this coming
internalised his problems
must have or i never knew him
could understand an accident but this has smacked me for six
what do you say to his wife and kids nothing seems adequate
we love them this hurts
we were states apart but didnt matter conversation picked up where we left off everytime we met
close wy eyes see his smiling face cant beleive it
its 5 in the mornig cant sleep trying to uderstand this huge hole in our lives
but what do you say to his family nothing seems adequate is it ok to feel angry at him for doing this and not telling anyone he had problems
#### blokes are crap at this

[artme]

Mate I can Sympathise with you and I offer my condolences to all concerned.

The Black Dog is a true mongrel, I know. I've suffered from depression for years and have recently had to change to different yippee beans. I still get sudden bursts of deep despair, but thankfully they don't last long. can only assume you mate fell into an episode from which he couldn't escape.

Don't let this gnaw at you, no matter how sad the loss.

Once again, my condolences.

[Calm]

Fubar, having worked at the cemetery i was very surprised at the number of suicides that occur. One of my jobs was taking families out to chose a grave/memorial position for their loved one. This doesnt help your thoughts but for the family the best you can do is just be there.

People who use this way to escape are selfish and dont think about the people they leave behind. To be mad at him, abuse him i dont see it matters as long as it helps you to handle and accept the fact that your mate thought his problems were that big he could not ask you for assistance.

With the way you feel just think how his wife and kids feel, so try to help them if you can.

Not a good subject and one that Jeff Kennett has been fighting to bring to the fore so help can be given to those effected.

The best thing you can do is use this event as something to make sure you realise what it does to a family/others and do all in your power to prevent it in future if possible.

No smilies, thumbs up or other things for this post just my sympathy and thoughts are with the family and you

David

[corbs]

I have lost a few mates to depression, worked with one all day then he went home and that was the last I saw of him:(. If you can't talk to your mates then call 1300 22 4636 (beyond blue (http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?)). Its a problem that is ignored way too much:((

[Woodwould]

People who use this way to escape are selfish and dont think about the people they leave behind.

That simply isn't true. Sure, pratts like that French rugby player, Mathieu Bastareaud (who attempted suicide because he couldn't face the scandal surrounding his behaviour on his team's recent tour in New Zealand), are out-and-out cowards.

However, some of the bravest men I've known committed suicide and it took immense fortitude and single-mindedness to go through with it and even if I could have, I wouldn't have interfered. There are circumstances when lengthy assessment determines suicide is the least selfish recourse.

[tea lady]

My thoughts are with you Fubar.

[prozac]

Sorry to hear fubar. In your friends defence, when he got up that morning it might have been the furthest thing from his mind. It's not necessarily something you have much control over. Doesn't make it any less sad esp. for his family.

[dai sensei]

Having suffered from the black dog for many years I can only say it is not always about being selfish etc, you just don't think straight by normal standards. There is no point dwelling on the why, try and move forward concentrating on the future and remember the good times.

You are correct, blokes are crap at this.

All the best

[mickelmaster]

It sucks man, I feel angry about people that have done it because they leave people stranded, i know what the feelings like, its amazing how many people are affected by this, but i simply said im here if you need me, nothing more. Nothing will ever seem adequate. Sorry if this sounds unkind in any way, its not meant like that.

[prozac]

Michael, I am sure that no one took this the wrong way and appreciate your offer.

Same goes for you Michael if you would like to talk about anything. There are many members here who have been through it all and are happy to discuss issues and offer assistance if asked. Once a thread has been started I don't think any would mind a pm.
All the best.

[Ashore]

My wife suffers from Bi-Polar, which after 9 years we have pretty well under controle , as much as it can be controled
Manic depression is a terrible thing , people who have it don't think straight and it certainly isn't cowardise that makes them do this .
As corbs said beyond blue can often be a great help to not only those suffering but to those affected , family and friends a call wouldn't hurt