A Tale of Woe

[silentC]

What has become of me?

I used to build a bit of furniture.

I'd spend a lot of my weekends fixing up things around the house - painting, plastering, landscaping, carpentry - you know the sort of thing. Sometimes spend time with the wife and kids.

I had handplanes and chisels. They weren't very sharp but I knew no better. They still did the job.

I had a Triton workcentre and router table plus the usual collection of power tools.

I used to get things done.

But I knew no better.

Last night, my wife asked me "do you ever do anything down in that shed?" I replied, "of course I do my dear. Would you like another glass of this lovely red?"

She wanted to push the point: "With all the things that have to be done around here, and all the hours you spend in the shed, are you actually doing anything?" I'm starting to see her point. What DO I do down there all weekend and most afternoons plus some evenings?

I'll tell you what I'm doing: I'm sharpening my chisels, honing my jointer knives, fettling my planes, tuning my tablesaw, building jigs, worrying about dust collection, practicing with shellac, stickering my timber, modifying my bench, measuring my run out, calibrating my SCMS, waxing my tables, making scratch awls and marking gauges, rearranging my shed, building cupboards for my tools.

Now I know better and it's all your fault.

[Wongo]

I'll tell you what I'm doing: I'm sharpening my chisels, honing my jointer knives, fettling my planes, tuning my tablesaw, building jigs, worrying about dust collection, practicing with shellac, stickering my timber, modifying my bench, measuring my run out, calibrating my SCMS, waxing my tables, making scratch awls and marking gauges, rearranging my shed, building cupboards for my tools.


Bl---y hell Silent, stop spying me. :eek:

[bitingmidge]

See Silent,

You've crossed the line....it is no longer a chore, the stuff for which there is a purpose is no longer going to get done.....

YOU NOW HAVE A HOBBY!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

From here on, you will find that all of the jobs outlined consume so much time that you will have to get a man in to do those other chores. When that happens you will have really made the grade.

Cheers,

P
:D :D :D

[silentC]

It's already happening.

I'm thinking "maybe I need to hire an architect to do the plans for the extension and a builder to build it".

What's next? Someone to mow the lawn? Nah, I get the old man to do that for nix :D

[DarrylF]

I'll tell you what I'm doing: I'm sharpening my chisels, honing my jointer knives, fettling my planes, tuning my tablesaw, building jigs, worrying about dust collection, practicing with shellac, stickering my timber, modifying my bench, measuring my run out, calibrating my SCMS, waxing my tables, making scratch awls and marking gauges, rearranging my shed, building cupboards for my tools.

I don't see a problem personally :)

[Wayne Davy]

Darryl,

Neither can I. Don't understand what silent is on about meself. :D

[echnidna]

He's just realised he's a woodwork tool freak instead of a genuine sawdust maker!!!

[RETIRED]

That will teach you for looking!!!!! Won't it? ;)

[Caliban]

are you calling Silent C a "looker"?
I have had the dubious pleasure of a whole day in his company, and "looker" isn't the word that springs to mind! he's a great bloke, don't get me wrong, but he's about as attractive as I am! Scary isn't it, even though I have a much prettier head of curls. Some think the sexy solar panel is a turn on, but I love him for his witty remarks and his refusal to let me forget my occupation. muffin theiving scum that he is, Wongo knows better.

[Wood Borer]

Someone to mow the lawn? Nah, I get the old man to do that for nix :D

Sorry to hear your missus is crook Silent. I hope she gets well soon. I invested in a Honda lawn mower about ten years ago because they are easier for the women folk to start. SWMBO now mows the lawns. The quieter motor is less annoying for me when she mows on the weekend and I am in the shed getting that final shine on my blades.

Apart from Mrs Silent being crook, nothing else is wrong with your post.

- Wood Borer

[silentC]

Hah! That's a laugh. SWMBO's interest in grass stops at how well the greens have been cut and whether the fairways have been mowed.

Believe me, it's a lot easier to get my Dad to do it ;)

[bitingmidge]

Sorry to hear your missus is crook Silent. I hope she gets well soon. I invested in a Honda lawn mower about ten years ago because they are easier for the women folk to start. SWMBO now mows the lawns. The quieter motor is less annoying for me when she mows on the weekend and I am in the shed getting that final shine on my blades.

Apart from Mrs Silent being crook, nothing else is wrong with your post.

- Wood Borer
Yeah Silent...well spotted Borer....hope she is OK.

I haven't had lawn for about 15 years...not a blade of grass.

It happened like this: We had an old Victa Mower which was a bit of a pain really, because I had to start the thing for her, and it was so bloody noisy it was impossible to sleep while she was mowing.

I noticed also that she was often hot and breathless after an summer afternoon's mowing, and thought she could do with a bit of assistance in the fitness department.

With her complete agreement (and support) WE sold the Victa and bought a lightweight push-mower.

All went well for a few months, till one fine sunny Sunday when I had just started to push up some serious zzzZZZZZZ's. She woke me to get me to help her start the mower!!!!

That was the last day we owned lawn. All mowable material was replaced with ground covers, ferns et al, and the girls played in the park down the road where someone else could mow!

To this day she tells people about how much she used to enjoy mowing....

Cheers,

P :D :D :D

[silentC]

The wife of my next door neighbour in Sydney used to mow their lawn. He was of a, ehem, delicate constitution, whereas she was a great strapping lass with incredible strength of constitution and big boned. He did the whipper-snippering.

My best lawn-related story was during the time we were renovating our house. Our lawn mower had been lost to the depths of the garage, surrounded by windows and doors and offcuts of fascia board. The nature strip and front lawn was getting to the point where it was in danger of becoming home to members of the 'fukawi' tribe and various species of bower bird. When people went missing, our front lawn was the first place the search team looked.

One day, my other neighbour was mowing his lawn. He came over and asked if he could mow ours. Not "would you like me to mow your lawn" but "please, will you let me mow your lawn". I should point out that this chap had garden gnomes. "Certainly," I replied. It took him nearly an hour and he filled his green bin and ours as well.

Apparently after we sold the house there was a celebration in the street, until the realisation dawned that the divorcee who had bought our house didn't own a lawn mower.

[al2]

Yes, its all too familiar SilentC , but not forgetting the sweeping, vacuuming, dusting of the workshop/shelves/benches, rearraging the whole workshop layout (esp with a new tool acquisiton), complete stocktake and measurement of all the timber and offcuts. Its a full time job.

[Barry_White]

I think that Derek has led you all to this state of affairs, but man he still makes furniture as per his posts just before he went on holidays.

[gatiep]

Does he really make anything in that neat shop? I seem to recall a Carbatec bag with woodchips spilling out of it in one of his pictures!!

I'm sure he buys the wood dust

Happy holiday Derek

:)

[Shaty40]

think its time for some of you to let go of your TOOLS for a while, and take the misses out for dinner somewhere.

That way way you get to play with your TOOLS a bit more !

TIM:D :D :D :D

[Daddles]

Lawns? I'm a green concrete man myself.
Getting nagged about being in the shed? Hey, my daughter knows where to find me and it gets the dog out of the house.
Sharp tools? What are they? I spend hours stuffing around with the darned things - scary sharp and stones - great satisfaction to be had in mucking about for hours and achieving a less dangerous level of blunt. Grrrr. And I've got a mate who, in about two seconds, puts a wicked edge on his blades using no guide and a cheap oil stone. And it's NOT because he knows what he's doing - I keep trying to steer him clear of understanding what he's trying to do in case he loses the ability.

Cheers
Richard

[chook]

I can spend hours fiddling around with bits and pieces in the shed without actually doing anything which the rest of the (ignorant) world would call useful. If ever I had the money I would probably build a bigger shed and fill it with stuff for which I have need need and spend even longer fiddling with it. My wife knows better than to ask what I was doing in the shed. She just lives in the hope that a few times each year something other than noise comes out of it.

[Rocker]

Surely Derek makes furniture primarily to convince himself that his planes are perfectly tuned, and the teeth of his dovetail saws are perfectly set. Mind you, they always are, and the resultant furniture looks pretty good, even though he deliberately makes it from pine to give himself a challenge :)

Rocker

[chook]

I'll tell you what I'm doing: I'm sharpening my chisels, honing my jointer knives, fettling my planes, tuning my tablesaw, building jigs, worrying about dust collection, practicing with shellac, stickering my timber, modifying my bench, measuring my run out, calibrating my SCMS, waxing my tables, making scratch awls and marking gauges, rearranging my shed, building cupboards for my tools.

Now I know better and it's all your fault.
It just occurred to me how useful that word fettling is. It sounds much better to say "I am fettling" than "I am fiddling"

I think I might fettle in the shed today myself.

[John Kinnane]

First thing I did when I got home from work on New Years Eve was to instal one of the new wall cupboards in the kitchen then straight down to THE BOAT. I knew when SWMBO got home because the dog was barking and I could hear her mumbling something along the line of "the *#@^**'s working on the bloody boat again". Well after she had been to the kitchen, guess who was as nice as pie :D

[Daddles]

It just occurred to me how useful that word fettling is. It sounds much better to say "I am fettling" than "I am fiddling"

I think I might fettle in the shed today myself.

Is that one of those things where if you don't stop, you'll go blind? :eek:

Richard

[AlexS]

Is that one of those things where if you don't stop, you'll go blind? :eek:

Richard

No, you can keep fettling 'til you need glasses :D

[graemet]

No, you can even fettle without taking your glasses off!