So what's all this about, then?

[silentC]

... shirt. Deftly lifting it, the arm selected some 120 grit wet and dry loo paper. It proceeded in a southerly direction but just as it was about to pass the family jewels, Crabtree, thinking better of the idea, pressed the cancel button. The arm ...

[HappyHammer]

..became confused and pulled down hard on crabtrees shirt, the toilet flushed creating a vaccuum that sucked crabtree down. He...

[RETIRED]

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/spezial/Fool/bur2.gif

[silentC]

... plummeted downwards, spiralling round and round, until he was flushed out the other end into a subterranean world. Around him were thousands of tortured looking souls but just ahead was a gothic looking creature carrying a scythe. The creature raised it's head and with eyes that pierced his very soul, rested it's gaze upon Crabtree. The creature opened it's mouth to speak. It said ...

[Grunt]

"G'day mate, what brings you here? "

[HappyHammer]

In a blood curdling roar crabtree replied "I got flushed down the toilet". The creature replied "...

[craigb]

"This is what happens when you descend to the scatalogical."

"So anyway" asked Crabtree, "Where am I ?"

[HappyHammer]

"This is a research facility put together by Mark Latham when he was at Liverpool council. He had the idea of re-cycling toilet water to be used in....."

[echnidna]

The local liberal parties coffee machine

[ernknot]

then the fog cleared and Crabtree was back on track. "Cripes" he thought " even in cyber space we can't get away from these morons trying to foist their political crap on others". He thought " Just as well I am sitting on the crapper and can flush this into space" . Reacing for the bits of 4X4 he commenced to wipe his.....

[craigb]

memory clean of such crudeity.

As he did so the picture of the tasty Michelle became clearer and clearer.

"Ah cherie" he sighed "just zee sight of you, my leetle croissant makes me swell with ...."

[ernknot]

the pride zat i am a bed speeking frenchman. But besides zet, i am really gotting ze hits for yu, just feel moi ......"

[ozwinner]

just feel moi, just feel moi, just feel moi.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttt
went the arm of the old 78 gramaphone player as Jacque crashed into it again.
Drunk as usual, he stumbled to his feet to restart his favourite record on the gramaphone......zzzttttt........zzzzzztttttt............went the..................

[echnidna]

But it was too late as Ozwinner dashed in very quick and scooped up the shattered 78 records and ran off shouting "More Black...

[ernknot]

Adder, more black adder, that's the only thing that makes sense, or maybe some Monty Python. Anything but James Aznavour on 78's"

[Grunt]

Harold, the man in the next room was quite annoyed at noise of the 78's playing because it interupted his ...

[ozwinner]

Prostitution racket............which was in the ..............

[Caliban]

vicinity of ubeaut.com.au, which made very little sense to anyone except SilentC who understood that it's means it is, but used it to mean belonging to it instead, therefore ...

[silentC]

... confounding apostrophe man, who was unable to parse the sentence and was sent mumbling to the back of the classroom to lament the lack of decent standards in English language education. Meanwhile, the creature raised its head and with eyes that pierced his very soul, rested its gaze upon Crabtree. Crabtree reached for his copy of Roget's and said ...

[Grunt]

sodomise me after looking up bugger in the Roget's. Crabtree then pulled out his ...

[ernknot]

Roger Meter to determine if the beast was ready for for....

[Driver]

... heaven's sake! This plot deviation is getting very convoluted - thought Crabtree (Notice how his pronunciation is perfect when he's thinking? Interesting, eh?)

Alternatively - he thought - the beast might have been ready for that famous Scottish Football League result: Forfar 4, East Fife 5.

But probably not. Turning off the light and returning the seat to its upright position, Crabtree emerged from the facility. He turned on what he imagined was his most charming smile and advanced towards Michelle, on pleasure bent. As he reached her side ...

[Grunt]

winder missile he ...

[ozwinner]

Side winder missile?

So............Michelle, was really Michael, he knew it all along but he..........................

[ernknot]

was still thinking about the beast and wondering if just maybe it would ......

[echnidna]

would be happy with a ...

[ozwinner]

2 all beef pattys, lettuce, pickly thing, and a sesame seed bun..........

[bitingmidge]

which was altogether a bugger, because due to a transdimensional shift in the space time vortex they had landed in a Subway Store.

She/he looked down at his hands, soft, pink and luscious though they were, he knew that soon they would have to .. . . .

[ozwinner]

grapple a cat sanger.................not that there is too much wrong with a cat, but he was in no mood for any kind of feline (you fill in the blanks)........................

[Caliban]

luckily for them all it was grand final night in Sydney and the invading army was able to take the whole city without firing a shot. Phew that was close, thought Michelle/ Michael who had thought for a horrible moment that he/she was going to have to wash up and get dishpan hands, all for want of a cabin boy. Having nicely sidestepped the feline issue, they all went...

[ernknot]

to watch the play " Cats". " bloody Nora he" he said, " can't we get away from all this pussy???" " I just wish we ........"

[echnidna]

wave a magic wand and turn into...

[Caliban]

real men who only use...

[Driver]

...wooden ... (Jeez, it's been a while since that happened ...)

[Grunt]

wooden ...

[craigb]

"'ello" thought Crabtree "there appears to be zee echo". Who is zee narrator I am wandering ..

[Driver]

... all over the plot!"

A voice said: "Ello, 'ello!"

"Thor's thit eecho agoon," said the Captoon.

"No, no lad," intoned a portly British bobby. "That's a standard policeman's greeting. One halways sez: "Ello, 'ello" before interrogating a suspect."

"Er you implaying thit I'm a sospuct?" said Crabtree ...

[silentC]

"Oh no," exclaimed the bobby, whose name was Bobby, "you're not just a suspect, China, we know you done it. We've got you bang to rights. You're in the frame, you've been grassed up. It's not going to go pear-shaped this time because I've had a word in my Governor's shell-like ear, and shortly you'll be doing porridge, you horrible little Frenchman"

[Grunt]

"Bugger Me!" said Crabtree in French and Bobby proceeded to ...

[craigb]

look up his French to English dictionary.

"Right sunshine" he said when he'd worked out the translation "you're nicked and I'm going to add offensive language to your form sheet as well".

However just then, the lovely Michelle intervened, telling Bobby .....

[echnidna]

McGee every song she ever knew..with ....

[HappyHammer]

..out including Knees up mother brown and roll out the barrell (I love stereo types). Enraged by the omission of these two classics Bobby called on his mate Barb (I'm still living off of my Carry On fame) Windsor to teach this trans gender ludite a lesson in how to have a kness up, Barb started by....

[Caliban]

calling on her famous cousin Elizabeth Windsor to...

[ernknot]

observe the goings on and point the knees up group in the right direction. "Well, well, well" said the Bobby, before he could continue the Frenchman said " Oui! I know zat one, it is zee chain of ponds ne ce pas?"
With that the Bobby grabbed his night stick off Michelle and was about to clobber the frog when the night stick began to vibrate "Farkenelle! said the Bobby"
Again the frenchman interupted with " Oo, OO, OO, i know zat one too, it's distant waterway , oui? This time the Bobby really spat the dummy and clocked the frog right in the .......

[Christopha]

Wooden door of his wooden outhouse which was situated in the woods just outside the wooden gates of his wooden chateau just down the road from......

[bitingmidge]

the call centre, where at that very moment thousands of furrowed brows were pouring over Australian telephone books, feverishly finding fone (sorry!) numbers to dial while the evening meal time was apon them.

One of their number, a thick skinned, thick set individual with wood-rimmed glasses, looked up suddenly...

[echnidna]

stuff this nonsense ... who wants a bourbon and .....

[Grunt]

wooded chardonnay in a wooden ...

[Caliban]

unused...

[Christopha]

virginal.......

[ernknot]

plastic beaker. Now back to the telefoning ( sorry)......

[echnidna]

.. as soon as he got close to the phone so he could resume, it rang . So he answered it and was surprised to hear the voice of....

[Christopha]

Woody Woodpecker after his......

[Caliban]

recent harrowing experiences with many and varied telefone companies all vying for his patronage. He wa more surprised than ever when his own telephone (sic) carrier called chasing his favours. "Bugger me," he thought, for not the first time in this serial, wouldn't you know it...

[ernknot]

if I call them I can't get anyone. If I don't want them they almost kick the doors in. "What is it you want from me?" he queried. The reply went something like this " As you know, you are one of our very valued customers and as such we wanted to ask you if you were inclined to....."

[Caliban]

open chemist shops in the outskirts of ...

[echnidna]

woodyville...

[Grunt]

that sold nothing but condoms and ...

[echnidna]

electric vibrators that...

[Caliban]

were guaranteed not to chip your teeth even if you were inclined to blame your screw ups on typos

[Grunt]

were computer controlled. These were exceptionally popular with the ...

[RETIRED]

Guilt Hovo? ;)

[Caliban]

board members who were just a tad too slow on replying...

[Caliban]

How appropriate ;)

[echnidna]

an got lumbered by the dreaded administrators who ....

[Grunt]

used some lumber to ...

[Caliban]

knock some sense into the rest of us who tend to get too wooden at times...

[ernknot]

and illogical at most times....

[craigb]

Bobby said:

I wonder if they'll ever manage to get back to constructing a a story?

Crabtree is willing.

Susan is willing

Even Roger is willing.

So...

[ozwinner]

We have the coalition of the willing........................


Yeah.......................

[Caliban]

with that the coalition of the willing set off in their everchanging craft, (under the pretext of saving the universe from the dreaded giant, who weilded weapons of mass deletion) to invade some planet that they thought had a life's supply of wooden....

[craigb]

"Peauff" ejaculated Crabtree, you are not zee narrator I thought youe ware.

Suddenly, Michelle grabbed ...

[Caliban]

her trench coat, wrapped it tightly around her and said "Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once" to which roger replied...

[Grunt]

"Speak up. You know I've had trouble with my hearing since that time in the shower with the pope on a rope and the ...

[ozwinner]

Speak up, Im deef you knew.....!

[Caliban]

...wooden

[ozwinner]

Hey thats not fair, I thought of it firkst.............


Al :(

[craigb]

but the tasty Michelle was impervious to such childish exclmations.

"Unless someone shows some imagination" she exclaimed "Crabtree is never going to acqure his Legion D'honhour (or however you spell it)"

So was the gaunltlet flung down.

Suprisingly, who should pick it up than..

[Caliban]

Susan, who we all thought was dead, but be that as it may, She picked up the gauntlet and began rubbing neatsfoot oil into it to....

[craigb]

prime it so that she could make a wish.

"Gauntlet gauntlet in my hand (she chanted)

How I wish you were a man.

For if it was a man you were

Then you'd find that I would ..."

[Caliban]

What rhymes with would?
wood. No too easy.
could, should, good. Aha
...make you think we girls are good...

[ozwinner]

????? thinks whoever is in the plot at this time................

[echnidna]

has bin sippin the moonshine..

[Grunt]

and tripping the light fantastic.

The Light Fantastic was really getting ****** off at all these people tripping him over all the time. Fantastic decided to ...

[ozwinner]

have a sex change.................

[echnidna]

to do a body building course so that when the next ...

[craigb]

stanza falls
He'll know that he will have the balls

To take the spunky lass Michelle

And show her his ...

[bitingmidge]

person slips in before Ozwinner, he...

[Grunt]

time someone tried to trip him/her.

The simultaneous sex change operation and the body building course had a grotesque side effect that ...

[craigb]

almost stopped his rhyming.

However it was not meant to be

Because the Grunt said "HarK" to me ..

[ernknot]

you three legged muscle bound double breasted chick/hunk?????.....

[bitingmidge]

Perhaps it was the after effects of the operation, she would never know, but the last four or five chapters of her life had left her quite confused. Her life it seemed had been flashing before her eyes...(How else could she explain all those frenzied and disjointed posts??).

She wondered, was she dying? Or had she become a great political party ready to rise once more to ....

[craigb]

see Antony Green enunciate your obitury. (sorry I'm rhyming again).

So the tasty Michelle said; "Wake up Crabtree you've been dreaming" To which Crabtree replied; "Cherie, it was no dream it was a nightmare"

Just then, there was a sound like "poof" and then ....

[Christopha]

... the wooden door slammed open against the wooden floor, which just goes to show that wooden hinges aren't worth spit. In the splintered portal, clad in beautifully polished wooden armour and armed with a frighteningly sharp wooden spoon, stood Sir.......

[craigb]

.

"Now listen to me" he intoned.. "If there's anymore of these shenanigans, well I might just have to join in"

Crabtree was aghast. "Sir Reebo ? ees that truly you?" ....

[echnidna]

Reebo replied, watchit Crabtree or you'll lose your green caterpilla and....

[Caliban]

..the girl as well...

[Driver]

"Leasing my groon citterpuller would be toolerable!" quoth the Captoon. "Bit leasing the ghoul? That's not fair!"

Michelle was very impressed with Crabtree's obvious distress at the prospect of her imminent departure. She sidled up to him and ...

[Bob Willson]

offered him a jam sandwich from which she had already licked all the jam and also the soft parts of the bread. In fact, it would be a lot truer to say that she sidled up to Crabtree and offered him a crust from an ex jam sanger. However, notwithstanding the state of the aforementioned tit-bit he looked hungrily at the delectable Michelle/Michael? and lowering his mouth to her /breasts/chest he took a large nibble of ..

[Grunt]

got down on her knees and began to suck on the extra strong mint that Crabtree had given her.

look at the two of them, Michelle on her knees and Crabtree standing with a funny little grin on his face. This caused to get quite excited and ...