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Andy Self
17th Aug 2004, 11:36 PM
I never ventured into this part of the forum before, mainly because I have been more interested in wood, machinery, that sort of thing. For some reason, I peeked inside this bit tonight. What are you blokes on about? It might be time to slink back into my comfort zone of the workshop.

DaveInOz
18th Aug 2004, 11:18 AM
Fgurgle, the alien whore famous for her arangement of bodily parts, and a particular favorite at bucks parties, frowned as she intercepted the strange earth transmition of her mobile communication ear implant. She understood peeking, slinking and places of comfort, but the rest was new to her, and this was very rare.
Determined to find out what these strange acts of 'wood' and 'machinery' entailed she descided to contact th earthling.
"Andy is that you honey .......

craigb
18th Aug 2004, 11:29 AM
But it turned out it wasn't Andy but Ozwinner whose alien thought protector helmet had malfunctioned and instead of protecting him from aliens had actually chanelled Fgurgle right into his .....

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 11:34 AM
... Lycra bicycle shorts. Although Al found the sensation of an alien voice emanating from his nether regions disconcerting, he was not as surprised as you might think. This was because he ...

Caliban
18th Aug 2004, 11:55 AM
is used to being told what to do by the occupant of said nether regions.
He simply offered to sell his...

bitingmidge
18th Aug 2004, 12:32 PM
finger skin to use as anti-skid on the decks of ......

Termite
18th Aug 2004, 01:16 PM
the Good Ship Venus, whose captains name was....
(Midge, thanks for following Hovo, I couldnt trust myself to follow "sell his..."
Kind regards
Termite

Zed
18th Aug 2004, 01:23 PM
Penis. Yes thats right the captains name was Penis, god how he'd suffered at school!

Willy, todger, tackle, pindick, yes he'd had all those nicknames and more. in fact he had quite a complex about it. If he so much as heard the word Dick he would hand draw and quarter the offending sailor.

The WHore alien really wanted to meet a human called Penis as it excited her...

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 01:25 PM
... mother no end to think that her daughter might one day settle down and meet a nice man with a big ...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 01:37 PM
...tool. His use of the tool was well known to all who sailed the seven seas and the inn keepers in many a port as his preference was for...

outback
18th Aug 2004, 01:56 PM
middle aged balding men, with a gut just protruding over their belt. It was well known in their circles these men had a talent for.....

bitingmidge
18th Aug 2004, 02:13 PM
farnarkling, but it was an ancient skill, one that took years of sacrifice, self examination and........

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 02:26 PM
...yoga. The whore was intrigued by the Whore In Bed that adorned the bow of his ship and asked why, if he was little light on his feet, this was his figurehead? He answered...

Zed
18th Aug 2004, 02:38 PM
"donuts" let alone "donut punchers" dont look good as a figurehead Captain Penis replied. After all he had a reputation to uphold as a dandy of style in this here neck of the ocean. Penis did once upon a time have a figure head on another ship of seamen that featured the prominent part of a ...

Caliban
18th Aug 2004, 02:43 PM
...walking stick, but alas the alien had never seen one of those before and so mistakenly thought it was a ...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 02:46 PM
..n iron rod used by the second mate for flogging, the second mate was a dapper gentleman who was known to use broken glass as a deterent to amourous seaman resulting in the circumcision of....

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 02:49 PM
.. Australia by Captain Cook in a bizzare accident with a spell checker. Meanwhile, Al's hind quarters were getting fed up with all this nautical stuff so they ...

outback
18th Aug 2004, 02:50 PM
medi-evil tool, used in sacrificial ceremonies, where the sacrificial maiden had her...................

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 02:54 PM
medi-evil tool, used in sacrificial ceremonies, where the sacrificial maiden had her...................
Which one were you replying to Outback? Slow connection or fingers?:D

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 02:55 PM
.. Australia by Captain Cook in a bizzare accident with a spell checker. Meanwhile, Al's hind quarters were getting fed up with all this nautical stuff so they ......spontaneously combusted covering the alien whore in a green goo of the most foul smelling kind. The alien gasped "Is this....

Zed
18th Aug 2004, 03:04 PM
snot? or silly putty ? surely its not the...

bitingmidge
18th Aug 2004, 03:13 PM
NO! It can't be the......

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 03:15 PM
Yes it is, it's the ...

Termite
18th Aug 2004, 03:17 PM
...heat seeking probe use for searching out hot...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 03:20 PM
...potatoes wedged into....

Bob Willson
18th Aug 2004, 03:37 PM
..cracks by captain Penis. How he came about this unusual hobby is another story altogether dear readers and we shall not bore you with the doings thereof. suffice it to say that Captain Penis was all charged up and ready to get himself a bit of that great looking semen's (spelling?) ....

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 03:41 PM
..stains. Semen Stains said "You're on the wrong ship mate, I'm telling Captian Pugwash to make you walk the...

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 03:59 PM
dog. If you don't know how to do it, I'll show you how to ...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 04:02 PM
hold the yo yo then you're on your own. Captain Penis had heard of the fearsome yo yo and shouted for the alien whore to help him. The whore...

bitingmidge
18th Aug 2004, 04:15 PM
had been forgotten up till now.... the forgotten whore. She turned suddenly in a move that was reminiscent of Merv Hughes in Slips...HER slips and said....

craigb
18th Aug 2004, 04:16 PM
meanwhile had realised her mistake in trying to talk to Al's nether regions so she was having another go at getting through to Andy. Andy however were down pit
where he was having an interesting discussion with ....

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 04:19 PM
A little slow CB.


had been forgotten up till now.... the forgotten whore. She turned suddenly in a move that was reminiscent of Merv Hughes in Slips...HER slips and said....
"Leave my penis alone!" and swooped down knocking semen to his knees. Penis thought he might take advantage of semen but instead he....

craigb
18th Aug 2004, 04:46 PM
A little slow CB.


Yep Midge beat me by seconds. However, I couldn't be ars*ed deleting it.

Ben from Vic.
18th Aug 2004, 05:05 PM
A little slow CB.


"Leave my penis alone!" and swooped down knocking semen to his knees. Penis thought he might take advantage of semen but instead he....

Rememberd the Olyimpics, and decided to watch Beach Voleyball, as the ladies competing had their cossies disapearing right up their.......

DaveInOz
18th Aug 2004, 05:10 PM
I never ventured into this part of the forum before, mainly because I have been more interested in wood, machinery, that sort of thing. For some reason, I peeked inside this bit tonight. What are you blokes on about? It might be time to slink back into my comfort zone of the workshop.

Well I hope that this has answered your question, the aim is to add to a story and make it interesting. The correct question is not what are we on about, but what are we on?

Feel free to join in - it helps if you are feeling a little silly.
(as long as the little silly doesn't mind)

Sorry for the interuption lads - back in to it.

................up their .... hidden valley. The prostrate seaman stains, abandoned by Penis glanced at the whore
"For me?" she gushed at Penis' retreating back, "perhaps you can teach me of wood?" her eyes devoured the seaman.
Seaman Stains staggered to his feet, reached for a belaying pin .......

Termite
18th Aug 2004, 05:13 PM
...and Shoved It Right Up....

craigb
18th Aug 2004, 05:14 PM
Which he deftly inserted into his lathe and grabbing his trusty parting tool he ...

Bugger, trumped again :rolleyes:

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 05:16 PM
[
into the hand of Semen Stains and said "Use this to satisfy the alien whore, she likes it when you....

Caliban
18th Aug 2004, 05:26 PM
...use the incorrect pronunciation of...
(where is Col when you need him?)

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 05:28 PM
... Woger the Cabin Boy ...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 05:34 PM
..which got Penis excited immediately. Standing up straight he started and immediate search for the cabin boy. Meanwhile Semen was wooing the whore, "Wight then my pwetty how about a....

Ben from Vic.
18th Aug 2004, 05:45 PM
Cuppa tea and a biscuit? Then we'll take you home to meet mum.
She'll be most impressed by those huge.....

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 05:48 PM
...and juicy...

Grunt
18th Aug 2004, 06:49 PM
mangoes that you got for selling your ...

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 06:53 PM
..self to any Extra Terrestrial with a shiny coin and a....

RETIRED
18th Aug 2004, 07:14 PM
"If you lot don't keep it in check the mighty delete button will erase certain phrases" Having said that.......

HappyHammer
18th Aug 2004, 07:19 PM
"If you lot don't keep it in check the mighty delete button will erase certain phrases" Having said that.......
...he ran off with the alien whore fearing the mighty delete button which might take away his precious mangoes forever.:D He arrived home and upon sighting the alien his mother was heard to say....

Grunt
18th Aug 2004, 08:38 PM
Well it's about time you got home, where the hell have you been? Not gallivanting around the universe again? You are a bad, bad...

Caliban
18th Aug 2004, 09:28 PM
...boy, so get into that kitchen and fry me a kipper, I'll expect it in....

silentC
18th Aug 2004, 11:41 PM
... 5 minutes after your father has given me a good ...

bitingmidge
19th Aug 2004, 12:02 AM
run down on what happened during the third test at the Gabba, he was just telling me about the side Ian Thorpe was batting for when we were interrupted by a strange noise coming from the...

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 08:39 AM
melon crusher in the back room... "who is that sickly sweet smelling sentinent being from another planet of dubious virtue you are "

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 08:40 AM
Just as an aside - I havnt laughed so hard for a while. I like it when it gets a bit naughty - very benny hill...

Caliban
19th Aug 2004, 09:21 AM
melon crusher in the back room... "who is that sickly sweet smelling sentinent being from another planet of dubious virtue you are "

...presently body painting... (ala Demi Moore)

Grunt
19th Aug 2004, 09:34 AM
but gave up as he found that paint rollers we much more effective until..

bitingmidge
19th Aug 2004, 09:38 AM
he reached nearly the bottom of the can and discovered that the strange texture in the orange-red coating was due to the fact that it wasn't paint they were using but baked beans; and they hadn't been applied in accordance with Material Data Sheet supplied ..."AAAAAAaaaarghhh!!"! he cried as.....

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 10:03 AM
.. he scraped the beans back into the tin, giving the triple-breasted whore a nasty skin rash (he was using a capinet scraper), "without these beans, there wont be enough methane gas to power the ...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 11:04 AM
...pilot light on our ancient heating system, it's freezing in here! This was illustrated by three small bumps across the front of the alien whores wet t-shirt soaked with 57 varieties of.....

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 11:18 AM
seaman stains spittle. "My, thats all over me, isnt it ?" said the whore

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 12:18 PM
"Get out of my house you galaxy trailer trash!" shouted Mrs Stains. Semen thinking quickly....

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 12:29 PM
"Get out of my house you galaxy trailer trash!" shouted Mrs Stains. Semen thinking quickly....
... turned to his mother and said "it followed me home from the ship, can I keep it?" Mrs Stains rolled her eyes, she knew what this meant. It would be just like the time ...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 12:34 PM
...he asked to keep the termite as a pet and it literally ate them out of house and home. "How do I know this beast won't eat our home" Asked Mrs Stains. Semen thought then said.....

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 12:44 PM
"cause Il'll keep her in me shed, which you'll remember is steel framed. I can chain her to my Triton as another attachment.

Mrs Stains wasn't convinced, however...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 12:50 PM
... it was nice that he had a hobby and she had heard that a triple-breasted whore could double as a 3-pin dovetail jig. "OK, you can keep her but just remember you have to clean up the mess when she ...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 01:02 PM
...forgets to empty that massive calostimy (spelling?) bag she's carrying around". The whore replies "It's not a calostimy bag it's a....

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 01:31 PM
silicone implant I purchased from Ebay (I understand it once belonged to pamela anderson before she upgraded her system). I've modified it to include a nozzle for...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 01:33 PM
... dust extraction. So is that a cyclone in your pocket, big boy, or are you ...

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 01:39 PM
laughing at me like the dolphins do ? I hope you dont rust like my triton did when I forgot to close grandfather stains blind. To get around this I'll have to paint you...

Caliban
19th Aug 2004, 02:10 PM
into the corner...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 02:13 PM
... of this Monet fake I've been working on. You can be one of the water lillies and I'll be ...

Caliban
19th Aug 2004, 02:19 PM
...missing you.

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 02:36 PM
...because I'm not standing for that kind of insult from your old bag mother!" and with that the whore...

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 03:37 PM
flounced out of the room and immediately transported herself back to her home planet of Coosbane where she promptly ....

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 03:42 PM
sat down and wrote a letter to her local MP demanding that Coosbane declare war on Earth and all those who sail in her. Meanwhile on the other side of the galaxy, ...

Ben from Vic.
19th Aug 2004, 03:55 PM
Far, far away...

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 03:58 PM
Captain Penis was looking for his long lost love of his Life (the whore of course), since he couldnt find her (she had scarpered and was in the process of starting a war - see previous response) he looked for his favourite cabin boy - seaman stains. Stains of course was...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:07 PM
..wifling thwough woger the cabin boys pants looking for.....

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 04:10 PM
a way out. Unbeknownst to him however, Woger's tackle was ...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 04:12 PM
... snagged in a cleft in ...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:13 PM
...a precarious position right over the top of.....

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 04:15 PM
A Black Hole, that turned out to be wormhole to another dimension.

Bloody hell thought Stains....

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 04:16 PM
It's big an' it's black an' I be afraid of it!!

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:19 PM
"Is it a jolly woger?" asked woger who couldn't look down as he was afraid of heights, "No it's.....

bitingmidge
19th Aug 2004, 04:21 PM
...well it's all happening too fast, that's what it is!!! ....

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:22 PM
The wormhole started to quiver and through it came....

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 04:33 PM
The biggest, nastiest looking ....

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:39 PM
...vision of terror he'd ever seen, the...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 04:41 PM
... dreaded ....

Zed
19th Aug 2004, 04:47 PM
black hole of uranus!! out it pouted (in a simliar fashion to captain Penis, reminicient of the mick jagger swagger) with floomp and a

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 04:50 PM
...pucker. Captain Penis' dreams had come true he extracated himself from wogers pants and dove headlong....

Caliban
19th Aug 2004, 06:07 PM
... into the first of the invading floatilla from the whore's planet, on their way to...

HappyHammer
19th Aug 2004, 07:34 PM
...destroy earth. There were waves of three breasted ships in the shape of thier owners and Cap'n Penis' braces caught on one as it passed by and he dangled like a tassle on a strippers.....

Ben from Vic.
19th Aug 2004, 09:15 PM
Are you getting all this Andy?

You see how it's related to wood working don't you. ;)





You've unsubscribed from this thread havn't you. :D :D
Typical, we were just getting to the intersting part :D :D



There is an interesting part isn't there guys???

Andy Self
19th Aug 2004, 09:28 PM
Some very strange things have happened to me in this life. I spent a year in India living like a dog, I was in Iran for 6 months which coincided with the first Gulf War, I have had rocks land on my head in mines (be quiet!), I have been underground when I should not have been there and I have seen some hideous injuries. And then I started this…

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In answer to your question, I know what you are doing, but I still do not know what you are on about! Bin working (Bin Laden’s distant cousin), so I have missed a lot of the rejoinder, and I have to admit that I did hit the fast forward button on a lot of it. Not that it was probably not fascinating, but a bloke has to sleep sometime.<o:p></o:p>

bitingmidge
19th Aug 2004, 09:50 PM
...which as I recall began something like:

Fgurgle, the alien whore famous for her arangement of bodily parts, and a particular favorite at bucks parties, frowned as she intercepted the strange earth transmition of her mobile communication ear implant. She understood peeking, slinking and places of comfort, but the rest was new to her, and this was very rare.
Determined to find out what these strange acts of 'wood' and 'machinery' entailed she descided to contact th earthling.
"Andy is that you honey .......

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 11:02 PM
...which as I recall began something like:

Fgurgle, the alien whore famous for her arangement of bodily parts, and a particular favorite at bucks parties, frowned as she intercepted the strange earth transmition of her mobile communication ear implant. She understood peeking, slinking and places of comfort, but the rest was new to her, and this was very rare.
Determined to find out what these strange acts of 'wood' and 'machinery' entailed she descided to contact th earthling.
"Andy is that you honey .......

Apparently not Midge

Caliban
19th Aug 2004, 11:38 PM
...destroy earth. There were waves of three breasted ships in the shape of thier owners and Cap'n Penis' braces caught on one as it passed by and he dangled like a tassle on a strippers.....


Ben!
Try to stay on track will you?
Now where were we? Oh yeah the interesting bit.
...suitcase. "Just my luck," he thought, "I'd get washed down a gutter with a gay alien when it's raining...

silentC
19th Aug 2004, 11:46 PM
... rocks on my head in this god damn mine. Ssssh, be quiet, ...

craigb
19th Aug 2004, 11:51 PM
'cause I can feel a song coming on....

"In the event of something happening to me" ...

Caliban
20th Aug 2004, 12:00 AM
...I can't remember the words exactly but it went something like.."Is that three guns in your pocket or..."