Re-attaching teenager to family

[arose62]

Our (very nearly) teenaged son has taken to locking himself in his room for vast amounts of time.

Reading gets about equal time with the playstation, and a major reason for the door closing is to keep out his 2 y.o. sister. It's a pain to have to yell through the door, and some things are conveniently not heard inside his room, so I salvaged the glass door from a thrown-out stereo cabinet, and put a window in his bedroom door.

Everyone's happy with this, apart from the 2 y.o., who still can't get to play with the playstation :-)

Cheers,
Andrew

[Barry_White]

As they say there is more than one way of killing a cat. If you get my drift.

[TheDad]

I hope yopu consulted with him about this.....


the "experts" say we should talk to them about this so they feel "included"

I have a 13 yo who now has a Tv and a DVD player in her room, I know she still lives here because food disappears from the pantry sometimes, she emerges for dinner, and she cooks her own eggs for breakfast.
She has french doors as enterence to her room and she was teasing her 9 yo brother the other day and he put his hand thru one of the glass panels............I dont know who got the biggest shock, her, him or me, we sat down and talked about the lesson they learnt, then they got to work together to clean up ALL the glass and remove the old putty ready for me to reglaze.

BTw I am far from an expert on kids!, the only experience I have had is that I was one once.

[bsrlee]

The isolation thing is a defence mechanism. Humans seem to be programmed to wander off when they reach the Teen Years & a lot do. Obviously your son likes/loves you a lot & wants to stay around - hiding in his room gives him some releif from home pressures which might otherwise make him leave.

I think you are trying to do the right thing - and remember, one day he might have to arange a nursing home for you. (and a bit of advice for him - be nice to your parents, one day YOU might have to arange a nursing home for YOUR parents)

[barnsey]

Can only say that at 13 - the best is yet to come :eek:

Mine are step kids though and thats always more difficult. The 17 yo daughter has been a challenge - went off to live with her boyfriend at 16 for a couple of months till she couldn't stand it anymore :rolleyes:

The boys, 10 and 15 are more reasonable at this stage, but really the aliens haven't come and removed their brains yet - well at least not all of them :o

Although I think they've transplanted some of the male one's back into the female because since she got her first car she is now the number one authority on the mechanics thereof. Let me know if you want some advice :p And I'm not allowed to eat in her car now - buggered if I know how that happened - I've always insisted on it and everyone just ignored it and called me a silly old basket. :o

Sounds like you are doing a good job Andrew and you have my empathy but you are not getting any of my antidepressants :eek: :D :D :D

[Iain]

My best one came yesterday, the two girls are off to Werribee for a big equestrian weekend and I lugged them and the horses down and set up three tents.
Wife comes down after work with dinner and I am about to head home when I see my missing yellow extension lead running from a nearby power pole (for vans) into her little 2 man tent (miss 17).
I open the tent and find a 58cm TV and DVD player along with about 20 DVD's.
It's a hard life camping, I brought it home in the other car.
Request anyones expert opinion on this one.

[PuppyPaw]

erm, its a nice idea with the window in the door, but is there some sort of curtain?
Boys like there privacy when they are getting older...

[arose62]

You guys are all missing the point!!!

Please, someone compliment me on the mitres.
Someone else ask if I used any Triton gear.
Ask what wood I used.
Do you want to know if my jigsaw is GMC or De Walt?
Were any Mujingfang planes harmed in the making of this?

The main reason for the closed door is really to keep the 2 y.o. sister out.
He's said that maybe later he might need a curtain - hopefully this sub-project might get him out in the garage helping.

Cheers,
Andrew

[wombat47]

Are you SURE escaping from the little sister was the main reason for his need for isolation?? My No.1 son, somewhat older than his two siblings, spent a few years shut away in his room. I think he was escaping from everyone. He would come out very late at night, have a snack and a short chat to anyone who had managed to stay awake and disappear again.

Must say it was a bit unnerving when, around the age of 14 or 15, he announced that he knew what he wanted to be when he finished school - a hermit!! "Well, that's wonderful ... inspiring ... an honourable profession. But you're going to have a lot of time on your hands to think .. perhaps you might like to go to university first to expand your knowledge so you'll have more to think about." He graduated a couple of years ago but he hasn't taken up the hermit option ... yet.

The woodwork is inspirational. But wouldn't it have been easier to knock on the door? Or install a door bell, rather than show daughter how to knock on door (persistently). What further plans to you have for when daughter can drag up a chair and reach the window?

[arose62]

The window lets us notify him when food's available, just by yelling (OK, I could install an intercom, or give him a laptop with a wireless network connection, but neither are woodwork).

It also allows airflow through his room, which was becoming like a sauna with the door closed (OK, I could have installed aircon, an exhaust fan, or even trained him to put his dirty socks in the laundry basket, but again, how would I justify spending time on this BB if I took any of those options??)

Cheers,
Andrew

[wombat47]

Do you mean that he takes his dirty socks OFF?

[Iain]

Which raises another question, who are the grottiest, boys or girls?
After a day horsing filthy jods are found stuffed under the bed, when the room smells like a stable it is time for a cleanout.

[beejay1]

Fortunately Im now passed all that but I have to say they cause sleepless nights. they know all at that age, tempers and patience grow shorter, the silences grow longer,they never tell you what theyre up to, and they dont want to talk or get involved in family things.

All we can do is hope that everything we taught them in the formative years stayed in there somehow, and in the majority of families it does, and lo and behold one day you see a mature, honest. and lovely person standing in front of you. Hang in there mate, it could be a while yet but it will happen.
Beejay1

[Jacksin]

Thank you all for reminding me why I did not want kids.
Jack ;)

[Barry_White]

Thank you all for reminding me why I did not want kids.
Jack ;)Come on Jack think of the challenge of making someone like yourself and one day you get your own back when your kids grow up and have kids of their own and find out what a big pain they were to you.

The challenges in the end are really worth it.

[HappyHammer]

Poor bloke's got no chance of having a private wank, even with a curtain he can't make any noise. On the positive side though it will save cleaning the sheets.

HH.

[adrian]

I think you should get yourself a copy of Portnoy's Complaint and then either buy him some curtains or make him wear boxing gloves while he is in the house. Sheeeeesh!!!!

[wombat47]

As Barnsey says, the best is yet to come. I hope that by the time he is old enough to have a girlfriend (and that means when HE thinks he's old enough - two or three years perhaps) you have replaced the door. But, be warned, when you knock on the door and he says "yes", it doesn't mean come in. I only made that mistake once.

I have to admit, your door reminds me of a prison cell (with inspirational woodwork).

[inaminit]

There are plenty of times I'd like to put the lock on the OUTSIDE of my 12 yo duaghters room!!!!!!

[wombat47]

I can relate to that, Inaminit. There was also a stage when we needed a lock on the outside of daughter's window as well.

She's off to uni in a couple of weeks. The 2-1/2 hour drive should be too far away to come home to get a clean cup when all of hers look like experiments in the creation of life.

After 2 boys and 1 girl, my expert opinion is that boys are much easier to bring up than girls. The grot is less grottier, they don't *****, they don't sulk, and they don't try and take all the furniture when they leave home. They just take your money and move on. And they think it's a good idea to learn to cook - and then invite you to dinner. A much more civilised species.

[Iain]

Mines been at Uni for a year now, nothing changes.
Just waiting for her to be 18 so she can drive herself :(