Groggy
26th January 2005, 11:43 AM
Picture this. I have been painting the house all week and weekend, using every available moment to grab a brush. I walked into the shop to get a large can of acrylic white I'd left there. As I walk into the shop, I make a bee-line around the junk laying everywhere and make one small mistake - I tread on the shop-dog's tail. The dog, a solid two year old Lab, leaps up howling and lifts the card table she's under. The paint I am looking for was on the card table, now it is everywhere and running all over the shop-dog's back. Shop-dog gets that bath-time look and I know she is about to shake, so I yell "NOOooooo" and make a grab for her. I slip on the paint and crash down in a heap on the floor in the paint, sawdust and shavings.
The dog gets 'the look' again and there's not a thing I can do about it. I watch as she lowers her nose at me and the lips begin to twitch, the eyes go into squint mode and the jowls begin to wobble and finally her head starts "the shake". The paint flies from her head to the roof, walls, tool cabinets, windows - everywhere! "The shake" moves to her neck and back as I get to my feet and start bellowing at her. She tries to move away but is mid-shake, and only manages a half-turn, this is just sufficient to aim at the remaining unpainted areas of the shop. A full gallon and a half is thrown all over the shop, what can't get onto benches hits the roof, then falls onto benches. Drillpress, sawbench, jointer, thicknesser, electrical tools, open cupboards and drawers - she gets the lot!
I try to dive again and miss, instead hitting the Sears rollaround toolboxes which begin to move quickly across the floor until they hit the expansion crease - and stop dead - at least the wheels do anyway. The three cabinets lean right over and fall, crashing into the TS and dropping their contents all over the floor into the paint, spanners, sockets, screwdrivers - nearly every darn handtool I own.
At this point I roar out "get the f*@# outta here" and hear SWMBO saying "Greg, it's all right". "Bullsh*t!" says I, as I struggle with something pinning me down. I slowly realise I am pinned by a sheet, and gradually become aware that I am in bed, dry, and it's the middle of the night. SWMBO asks why I was yelling at Sally (shop-dog), and what did she do? For my part, I tell the kids to go back to bed and promise to tell SWMBO in the morning. I should have told her as soon as we got up, because she has been reading this over my shoulder as I type it in, and now I have coffee down my back.
Brains are treacherous things guys, never switch 'em off - they'll turn on ya in an instant!
The dog gets 'the look' again and there's not a thing I can do about it. I watch as she lowers her nose at me and the lips begin to twitch, the eyes go into squint mode and the jowls begin to wobble and finally her head starts "the shake". The paint flies from her head to the roof, walls, tool cabinets, windows - everywhere! "The shake" moves to her neck and back as I get to my feet and start bellowing at her. She tries to move away but is mid-shake, and only manages a half-turn, this is just sufficient to aim at the remaining unpainted areas of the shop. A full gallon and a half is thrown all over the shop, what can't get onto benches hits the roof, then falls onto benches. Drillpress, sawbench, jointer, thicknesser, electrical tools, open cupboards and drawers - she gets the lot!
I try to dive again and miss, instead hitting the Sears rollaround toolboxes which begin to move quickly across the floor until they hit the expansion crease - and stop dead - at least the wheels do anyway. The three cabinets lean right over and fall, crashing into the TS and dropping their contents all over the floor into the paint, spanners, sockets, screwdrivers - nearly every darn handtool I own.
At this point I roar out "get the f*@# outta here" and hear SWMBO saying "Greg, it's all right". "Bullsh*t!" says I, as I struggle with something pinning me down. I slowly realise I am pinned by a sheet, and gradually become aware that I am in bed, dry, and it's the middle of the night. SWMBO asks why I was yelling at Sally (shop-dog), and what did she do? For my part, I tell the kids to go back to bed and promise to tell SWMBO in the morning. I should have told her as soon as we got up, because she has been reading this over my shoulder as I type it in, and now I have coffee down my back.
Brains are treacherous things guys, never switch 'em off - they'll turn on ya in an instant!