It does not work

[lynette]

Have recently bought myself a thicknesser,
however I cannot get that 1/2" board to increase in size to say a 3/4"
I think this thicknesser should be called a
thinnesser.
Are there any other tools or machinery out
there that I should be warned do exactly the
opposite to what the name implies.
thanks in advance. http://ubb.ubeaut.com.au/ubb/biggrin.gif
lynette

[ubeaut]

Strewth Lynette - This post should probably be in the Woodies Jokes Forum.

This is the best laugh I have had for a while in a straight forum.

A circular saw: doesn't cut circles only straights.

A jig saw: will only make you do a jig if you happen to get your finger in front of the blade.

A Band Saw: doesn't play music.

A Fret Saw: will only make you fret if you get really attached to it and have to leave it behind when you go on holidays.

A coping saw: won't cope with cutting down a tree.

A drop saw: Shouldn't be dropped.

A Jack plane: doesn't necessarily belong to Jack.

A shooting plane: does not have a trigger.

A Grinder: In many cases is really a burner.

A Bench Stone: is a sharpening instrument not a Stone Bench.

A Buzzer: doesn't buzz it SCREAMS!! http://ubb.ubeaut.com.au/ubb/eek.gif

A screw driver: isn't a sex starved truckie (male or female).

I am sure that others will give you many more.

Cheers - Neil http://ubb.ubeaut.com.au/ubb/smile.gif

[S Hayward]

A steel rule - is her indoors.
A G clamp - won't work on any other letter.
A fork lift - a feeding aid.
Sand paper - for messages on the beach.

You're right Neil, the joke forum for this post!
Cheers
Shaun

[RETIRED]

A turning chisel doesn't rotate.

A gouge cuts (if you use it properly)

A tool rest won't hold tools.

Tail & head stock makes lousy soup.

Bed (lathe) is hard to sleep on.

Drive spur does not fit on boot well.

[Iain]

And after looking at this post an oxymoron is not an ill educated bovine.

[STEPHEN MILLER]

A SCREWDRIVER SHOULD BE A SCREW TURNER

A SCREWDRIVER IS REALLY A HAMMER

A HACKSAW IS A SAW USED BY WOODTURNERS

[oges]

anyone actually helped the person? http://ubb.ubeaut.com.au/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Iain]

Lynette, you have the potential to make a million dollars with that device you have, just don't tell Jenny Craig or Gloria Marshall you have it.
Neil might find a use for it too (not that I can talk).

[RFINK]

I wish someone would welcome me with alms!

[ubeaut]

Wouldn't mindsome alms myself. LOTS!!

Howsaboutit Stopper??

[lynette]

Who was jokeing http://ubb.ubeaut.com.au/ubb/tongue.gif
Thanks for the info fellas. Can't wait to hit the hardware shop with a list of your wacky suggestions and you reckon I'm mad.
I don't think I better ask if there is actually something out there that does do what it's name implies.
thanks for the welcome