Trans Siberian Adventure

[bitingmidge]

Finnair Stewardess appeared as if from nowhere, with a great big smile she welcomed them, and escorted them to the very front of the plane.

The troll smiled, he knew that in less than half a day, he would be home and then....

[fxst]

he would be able to have fresh goat for dinner at the Under The Bridge resturant complete with a side serve of......

[ozwinner]

Having been seated in the front of the plane, Mr M looked for the steering wheel.
He had never driven a plane before, but now was his chance to try

[Driver]

"I wonder what this does?" thought Mr M, as he pulled a large red lever.

He wasn't left to wonder for long. The ejector seat cartridges exploded and propelled him through the canopy and into the stratosphere.

"Dear me!" said Miss M. "That's ....

[silentC]

an uplifting experience for him. What's this button, what's this button, what's this button 'ere for?"

[speedy]

the ejector seat cartridges under her seat exploded, and Ms M joined Mr M in the stratosphere. "Damm!!!" said Ms M, and then...............

[craigb]

just when you thought the "story" couldn't get any sillier, it did. Because....

[Driver]

... as Mr M's parachute deployed and he began a gentle descent earthwards, Ms M landed in his lap. He was not only startled but also puzzled.

"I'm not only startled but also puzzled," he said (to no-one's great surprise). "Why on earth ...."

[silentC]

"We're not on the Earth, technically Mr M. More to the point, is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?"

"It's not a gun it's...

[Driver]

... a Bavarian Weissporkerschwarben sausage that I've been saving for a special occasion!"

Well," said Ms M. "I find it hard to imagine a more special occasion than this. Whip it out, laddie and let's have a slice!"

With that....

[silentC]

...they came to a stop with a sickening thud. "I was expecting that to happen, but not so soon - I'd have thought it would take much longer to fall from the stratosphere, which is, after all, rather a long way up" said Mr M.

"We haven't hit the ground, you silly man, " said Miss M. "we've landed on ...

[ozwinner]

the space shuttle, and we are about to make re-entry, I hope your hat is fire proof??

[Driver]

Mr M immediately clapped his hand across his (Bavarian) sausage. With a swift appraising glance, he took in their situation. It wasn't real good. They were poised on the top of the Shuttle, just fo'rard of the tailplane structure.

He realised that there wasn't a great deal they could do to improve things. He took a bite out of his sausage and offered the rest to Ms M...

[silentC]

.. who took it and stared at it. Slapping her head, she exclaimed "of course"!!

"Mmmff what, Miff M.?" asked Mr M.

"Of course, how silly of me. Remember when I was a counter agent during the war? They taught us all of the secrets of espionage, and one of the tricks was how to make explosives from Bavarian Weissporkerschwarben sausage. If I do this, and then this, and then twist this bit like that. There! Now we can blow open the cargo bay doors and...

[Driver]

... there was a tearing sound. The Rip parted and who should materialise alongside the geriatric adventurers? None other than everyone's favourite pommy agent masquerading as a French gendarme: Crabtree.

"Good moaning!" he said. "Beffure yew utilose thit soosage to blee open the curgo boo dears, you should know thit...."

[silentC]

.. a gude frond of moon had a greet dole of trible with some pod bay doors foor or so yars agoo... maybe you shood tree nicking on the woondow?

[Driver]

"What on earth is this idiot saying?" said Mr M.

"Well,' said Ms M. "He seems to be attempting to communicate with us in extremely poor French, for reasons I can't explain."

"Oh!" said the Captoon. "You're English! That's a relief..."

Why it was a relief didn't become apparent because, as the words left his lips, Crabtree rather rashly let go of the bit of the Shuttle to which he had been clinging. He was instantly swept off the fuselage and into the heavyweight glider's slipstream.

"Oh!" said Ms M. "That's ...."

[ozwinner]

But no one answered, so they went round to the back door, and found the fly wire door ajar....................

[flea1607]

Which to our two detectives was very mysterious. So they ............

[ozwinner]

set up their deck chairs as the weather in Florida didnt suit a landing today.

The intrepid detectives will have to wait until all the baggy skins in Florida had their deck chairs set at the right angle for viewing.

Mean while, back on the plane......................

[echnidna]

... a gigantic eagle had snatched Miss M and Mr M. and was flying off with them to......

[ozwinner]

Somewhereistan

[echnidna]

So Miss M thought she would change her attire so she rummaged around and found Oz's big bouncy avatar outfit and thought.....

[flea1607]

Nup that should be banned and instead got....

[speedy]

into a nice little two peice Elle Mcpherson number, and then smilling to herself she..............

[silentC]

... woke up and looked around. "What a strange dream that was. Here I am still on the Trans Siberian express. I must have dozed off for awhile there." There was a knock at the cabin door ...

[speedy]

"enter" said Ms M. In walked Mr M " sleep well dear, you were very restless duing the night, have a bad dream did we?" Ms M stared intently at him for a monment and then said.................

[flea1607]

What the????......

[silentC]

... hell are you doing wearing my underpants on your head?

[speedy]

"no" said Mr M "this is my new fire blanket"

[Driver]

"Nonsense!" replied the little detective. "You've been auditioning for that awful dance group: the Hole in the Drawers Collective! Don't try to deny it!"

"We-e-ell'" wheedled Mr M. "You know I've always had a hankering to be a clog ...."

[Caliban]

..dancer, but his musing were interrupted when suddenly, from somewhere near Kempsey, NSW came a horrible, deformed creature. Clad in a red flannelette shirt, scratching his beard and telling tales of woe from the trans Siberian Adventure.
"Hovo is dead !" he screamed.
"Felled by the axe of deletion, never to return."
Sadly, however, the force is not to be defeated so easily and the horrible pitiful creature you see before you is his reincarnation. Caliban, the tempestuous beast. Hovo tried to warn you of the dangers of the rip in the fabric of the universe. Now he is its latest victim. Dragged behind a speeding train across frozen tundra would have killed someone less powerful in the force of the rip, but like Roger, he is at his most dangerous when he is dead.
Hovo is gone and only this sad creature remains. After this post no mention will ever be made of the poor fool again.

[flea1607]

"Nonsense!" replied the little detective. "You've been auditioning for that awful dance group: the Hole in the Drawers Collective! Don't try to deny it!"

"We-e-ell'" wheedled Mr M. "You know I've always had a hankering to be a clog ...."

maker working with all the wonderful wood but I was drawn........

[fxst]

to the previous message of doom to a forumite.....
HEY EVERY BODY hOVOS DEAD.............alas poor hove er who cares
anyway lets head for the rip and the boat and then we will.............

[echnidna]

.... build a branch line to the craporium (via the local rubbity dub of course) there we will .................

[Caliban]

all leave a nasty little sample of last night's dinner for Mrs Oz, that ought to keep ther detectives busy for a while doing the pathology and forensics and whatever else pushes their buttons (possibly using mrs major's phone ;) )

[echnidna]

... meanwhile, back in the jungle, Tarzan was trying to extract Zed's finger from...

[ozwinner]

the trans siberian express drivers............................

[echnidna]

....large red...

[ozwinner]

apple

[echnidna]

The trouble is it was a toffee apple and Tarzan ended up glued to Zed so....

[ozwinner]

all the sticky gooey mess was flung onto the nearest ant nest

[Driver]

"Good!" thought the toffee apple. "An ant's nest is the best place for Zed and Tarzan - together they make a very sticky gooey mess!"

With that, the toffee apple sprouted legs, spun round twice, clipped on his clogs and clattered off - looking for the Rip.

However ...

[speedy]

Ms M seeing all this turned to Mr M and said .....................

[fxst]

'Next thing will be robots and naval type people turning up I suppose'

[Caliban]

and right on cue, the train was suddenly the scene of one white coat clad technician, several smelly sailors, five large robots and twenty one nuns and last (and certainly least) a gaggle of clog dancers collectively wearing...

[echnidna]

.... knickers on their heads so that....

[rufazguts]

They closely resembled Muslim teararseists coming home from....

[echnidna]

... Ireland after a long pub crawl

[Caliban]

which was just as well because sober they'd never survive the sight of the mother farquar trying to retieve her knickers from the clog dancing collective, who were balancing on the edge of...

[RETIRED]

Read my post at the start of this one.

[echnidna]

Ok boys and girls. The rules with this one.
.....................
.........
Lets see if you can write a literary masterpiece using the Queens English. This should be a real challenge!! :D :D :D

So is it a literary masterpiece yet? :cool: :cool:

[fxst]

which was just as well because sober they'd never survive the sight of the mother farquar trying to retieve her knickers from the clog dancing collective, who were balancing on the edge of...
__________________
just to keep the thought going. :D

......a runaway carraige heading at breakneck speed towards the TSE and if it hits then all................................

[ozwinner]

the platform at Usednickerstan.
Just then Midge appeared saying, gees Oz, what have you started?

[echnidna]

... but was it really Midge?????????
he's in Finland......
aint he ?????????

Does the TSE go through Finland?????????

[Driver]

Only if it fails to stop at the Moscow terminus!

[bitingmidge]

It wasn't long before the intrepid troll hunter, having despatched his quarry, leaving the monster a mere pile of river gravel in it's native Finland, was called to the Wilds of Latvia and Estonia, but the new troll was far too cunning and had long gone.

The insect arrived in St Petersburg a mere hour before Driver's post, determined to catch Moriarty on the Express, perhaps in a few days he would be in Moscow, and with just a little luck would catch the monster before the Gobi Desert brought new challenges.

(and if you buggers think I'm going to add any more to this thread in the next week or three, I fear you could be sadly mistaken!!)

:D :D :D

[Alias Ralph]

Amazing how the troll hunter just happened to pop up out of nowhere

[Caliban]

Amazing how the troll hunter just happened to pop up out of nowhere
just long enough to raise the subject (much to 's disgust) of buggers.
He also threw in a spelling mistake (it's instead of its) just to prove he is actually on holidays and therefore doesn't give a damn about the Queen's English. (which also breaks the rules of this thread, as set by the axe wielding mongrel)

[ozwinner]

all of a sudden after 1 weeks kip on the TSE, our travellers awake to the sound of...............................................

[Driver]

... the usual dawn chorus that occurs when a group of blokes wakes up :eek: - although after a full week's kip it was, of course, somewhat extended.

"Phwoar!" said Miss M ...

[Caliban]

said who?

[ozwinner]

Man Ive got to stop taking them sleeping drugs, man.

Said Ms M
Just then the TSE pulled into a most strange station with...................

[speedy]

....a screech of wheels and shuddered to a halt, throwing all on board to the floor. Slowly standing, and brushing herself off, Ms M noticed a large shape running past the window, she thought "could that be the troll, and is it going to............"

[Caliban]

break all the rules and enter by the forbidden r...

[savage]

railway employees entrance, that foreboding portal set at the end of the carriage with a sign afixed menacingly reading in large bold letters, EMPLOYEES ENTRANCE, (who would have guessed). The door exploded open and thier in the doorway stood........

savage(Eric):) .

[bitingmidge]

.... ..... ....a thread that had struggled from the first post, and one they al they all thought had died a natural death. .... .... ...

:D

[savage]

.... ..... ....a thread that had struggled from the first post, and one they al they all thought had died a natural death. .... .... ...

:D

Well!.. that doesn't make any sense, now does it!....
Remember if it's on the forum it's alive!...alive!...alive!..I tell you!..Ha!Ha!Ha!..(manical laughter).
Ah!..just ignore that last bit!...really, pay no attention to it!...just read the first bit!...Mummy everyone's laughing at me.....again!:confused:
savage(Eric):D

[echnidna]

just then the train stopped at a station to pick up ........

[bitingmidge]

the newly released best of the Monkees black vinyl CD..... :confused:

[echnidna]

as sold by.....

[ozwinner]

Dimeree Dochitch.
He also sell two peices of fishes.....

Al :p