The Code of Practice

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Extenuating circumstances? Written notification?

Mate, do these phrases sound at all blokely?

No, but every bloke should be able to understand weasel-speak. Even if it is only so we know which monkeys to throw peanuts at

[Driver]

Where, in the code, does it refer to time zones, state supremisy, or smartarzedrey?

It doesn't. I was merely taking advantage of the fact that I knew - at this time of the evening you'd be halfway down your second bottle of red and ripe for a bit of p!ss-taking. ;) :p :D

Incidentally, which varietal, vineyard and vintage is receiving your patronage this evening, Ginge?


...but every bloke should be able to understand weasel-speak.

"...understand weasel-speak..." - true. But to USE "weasel-speak" - MA-A-ATE! :eek:

[Cliff Rogers]

... which varietal, vineyard and vintage is receiving your patronage this evening, Ginge?...
Cleanskin 2005 Merlot from the III Associates, McLarenvale.
$6.67 a bottle landed in Cairns. :D (if you buy a hogshead :rolleyes: )

Mate & I went halfs in a Hogshead.
1 x Hopgsheads = 33 cartons= 396 bottles = 198 bottle each. :rolleyes:

We have about 75 bottles left. :D

RRP $18.50 a bottle cellar door. :)

[baxter]

She must be wearing green shoes.

Why Cliff, do you want to drink your wine out of them!:D or just hope that they are shiney?:rolleyes:

[Cliff Rogers]

Why Cliff, ....
You didn't look at the bottom of the picture did you? :rolleyes: :D

Picture has moved to here.
http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?p=373548#post373548

[Driver]

Cleanskin 2005 Merlot from the III Associates, McLarenvale.
$6.67 a bottle landed in Cairns. :D (if you buy a hogshead :rolleyes: )

Mate & I went halfs in a Hogshead.
1 x Hopgsheads = 33 cartons= 396 bottles = 198 bottle each. :rolleyes:

We have about 75 bottles left. :D

RRP $18.50 a bottle cellar door. :)

You got yourself what sounds like a great price. How's it drinking? Any good?

I'm running a bit low in the red section of the cellar and need to re-stock. When you did that deal, did you get an opportunity to have a bit of a slurp before you bought?

[Cliff Rogers]

... When you did that deal, did you get an opportunity to have a bit of a slurp before you bought?

Not really, (I mean, it is drinking fine, I didn't get to try it.) to get the good price, you prebuy & pay it off over 4 months before it arrives.
We have had heaps from that winery & none was ever crook so we were going on reputation.

[Auld Bassoon]

She must be wearing green shoes. (insert judge's serious face here.)


H'mmm Cliff!

I'd like to see your photo album some time - or is that one of your offspring :D The thing is, can she joint a board?

[baxter]

You didn't look at the bottom of the picture did you? :rolleyes: :D

yes how else would I have noticed that she was wearing sandals that had a back to hold the wine;) ?

[Cliff Rogers]

Cleanskin 2005 Merlot from the III Associates, McLarenvale.
$6.67 a bottle landed in Cairns. :D (if you buy a hogshead :rolleyes: )

Mate & I went halfs in a Hogshead.
1 x Hopgsheads = 33 cartons= 396 bottles = 198 bottle each. :rolleyes:

We have about 75 bottles left. :D

RRP $18.50 a bottle cellar door. :)
For those who have asked...
The III Associates, McLaren Vale. http://www.associates.com.au/

Cheers.

[baxter]

Come on Cliff, don't change the subject. Tell us more about the green shoes!

[Cliff Rogers]

Come on Cliff, don't change the subject. Tell us more about the green shoes!
Well, if you can't work it out, you are on ya own mate 'cos if I do try to explain it to you, I'll just get m'self & Benny ('cos he can't help himself) in trouble all over again. :rolleyes: :cool: :D (Hint. The blue bits, not the green bits :rolleyes: )

For anybody who is totally lost, we have to go all the way back to the original question about what to do about the use of the tools by the 'significant other,' & I refered to the Code of Practice 5.4. Decoration. Decoration of a shed is very important...

Make her ('significant other') a decoration. (Means she has to pose nude on the shed wall for about 15 or 16 months but she'll get used to it I'm sure. :D )
BUT only if she ('significant other') has green shoes. (and for the slow ones, blue bits & pink bits like the example.... damn I'm just getting in deeper here. :eek: )

If she is like the example in the green shoes, you may even like to look at section 6.2 Collections. :rolleyes:

Well.... now it sort of looks like I'm waffling 'cos some 'kind helpful sole' has removed the picture of the 'example with green shoes'.... damn :rolleyes: ... now I'll have to start a new thread in OS & link to it. :D
Picture has moved to here.
http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?p=373548#post373548

[Cliff Rogers]

BTW Col... while doing my home work to get my facts & figures (no pun intended) straight (Now why would I do that? :rolleyes: What the hell would I do with a straight figure. :confused: ) I found an error in continuity in the code.
Parra 5.4 about decorations refers to para 5.4 in the text & it should refer to para 5.6. Otherwise you have a recursivivity.

[Driver]

BTW Col... while doing my home work to get my facts & figures (no pun intended) straight (Now why would I do that? :rolleyes: What the hell would I do with a straight figure. :confused: ) I found an error in continuity in the code.
Parra 5.4 about decorations refers to para 5.4 in the text & it should refer to para 5.6. Otherwise you have a recursivivity.

Thanks, mate. I'll fix it in the next update. (Could be a while. We haven't had any contributions for some time now).

[11011100]

Thanks, mate. I'll fix it in the next update. (Could be a while. We haven't had any contributions for some time now).

What about a bit in the code about SWMBO's not using a blokes tools! and penalties for those that do. (Not sure about the green shoes!)

I had a few pints, after SWMBO used my tools, just to get over it, tried leaning and staring, tried sharpening a few bits and bobs, but I think I might just have a few more (pints) - just in case I'm not over it... :D

Anyone recommend a good Aussie wine? (red of course)? ;)

[Cliff Rogers]

...Anyone recommend a good Aussie wine? (red of course)? ;)


Yeap, the only sort. :D

Nuh, seriously, I picked up a 2002 Cockfighter's Ghost Langhorne Creek Cab Sav for $20 & it was damned good for the price.
They also have a good Cab Merlot, a Shiraz &, if there is nothing else left, they have a very good unwooded chard. (see 8.3.7, or you can always say you bought it to impress a shiela. ;) )

PS. Hang her to the wall like a poster, even if she isn't wearing green shoes. ;)

[Driver]

OK - it's time to issue an update of The Code.

In another thread (see: http://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?p=448153) Dennis Millard posted a very good poem about sheds and woodworking. It was so good, in fact, that it really should be included within The Code. Anyway, Dennis has kindly given his permission and so "History In The Shed" is now Appendix D.

On a completely unrelated subject, it has been troubling the present writer for some while that DanP, that worthy walloper from country Victoria, saw it as an issue that the expression "life partner" was used to some extent throughout early versions of The Code. He felt - quite strongly - that the correct expression should be SWMBO. On lengthy consideration I have come to the conclusion that DanP is correct. SWMBO is the term of choice on these venerable forums so SWMBO it should be in The Code. The required changes have been made. Thanks, Dan. :)

The Drafting Committee has also taken the opportunity to make some necessary changes to various inaccurate cross-references throughout the text and to correct a couple of typos and one piece of inaccurate grammar.

If anyone spots any other errors they can either post a reference to the offending passage or elect to keep it to themselves. No prizes for spotting the cock-ups, just that warm glow of self-righteousness and the knowledge that you have been appropriately recognised by your peers. (Smart@rse!)

Col

[Lignum]

Is the Domino mentioned the code? It shoud be, when you consider over 17,000 have already viewed just one thread "Festoop Domino Experience...." :?

[Driver]

Is the Domino mentioned the code? It shoud be, when you consider over 17,000 have already viewed just one thread "Festoop Domino Experience...." :?

If, Brother Lignum, you feel moved to pen a suggested amendment to The Code that specifically mentions the Domino and this meets the approval of the Drafting Committee (see page 29 of the latest updated version of The Code), the Domino may find itself achieving a mention. :wink:

[Waldo]

G'day Brother Committee Member Driver,

It has occured to me in reading the newly ammeneded Code, that under Section 5, might it be warranted to have the inclusion that blokes who may feel the need to have their shed accredited as an Accredited Shed after submitting it Shed Scientist, Director of the Australasian Institute of Backyard Studies [email protected]. See http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?t=19202 .While not a requirment of a shed being a shed, that said blokes may proudly grunt and point towards the sticker, thus gaining recognition in their endevours from their neighbour or peer as being a bloke with a shed?

[Howdya do that]

Fantastic document Driver:2tsup:
It should be taught in schools

[Driver]

G'day Brother Committee Member Driver,

It has occured to me in reading the newly ammeneded Code, that under Section 5, might it be warranted to have the inclusion that blokes who may feel the need to have their shed accredited as an Accredited Shed after submitting it Shed Scientist, Director of the Australasian Institute of Backyard Studies [email protected]. See http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?t=19202 .While not a requirment of a shed being a shed, that said blokes may proudly grunt and point towards the sticker, thus gaining recognition in their endevours from their neighbour or peer as being a bloke with a shed?

G'day Brother Committee Member Waldo,

Excellent suggestion. Shed Scientist's work should be more widely recognised and you've found a way to do it. If Shed Scientist should read this perhaps he could give us an opinion?

[DanP]

Bout bluddy time.

[John99]

:wave::roflmao::coolio::lolol::yourock2::wtg::groupwave::lb::rotfl::yippy::clap3::hahaha::thewave::rotfl::roflmao2::clap2::woot::bgth::hooray::yes::brava:)(

Bloody Ripper !

thank you all

[ss_11000]

thanx all for writing such a great document:2tsup:

[Driver]

Following some recent correspondence on the vexed question of whether or not a bloke should loan tools to another bloke or blokes, our septic mate, Honorary Bloke, suggested that The Code needed to cover this important and potentially touchy subject. Accordingly, The Code has been updated to include a new section (para 6.5: Borrowing and lending tools - a touchy subject).

Honorary Bloke has been added to the list of Drafting Committee members on page 30. (Thanks for the input, Bob :D )

As is customary with Code updates, changes to the text have been highlighted in yellow.

Blokes are advised to familiarise themselves with the updates so as to avoid potential Code violations.

[echnidna]

Dontha reckon the C of P has got so big its become THE rule book? :rolleyes:

Yet the Code prohibits reading any instructions. :2tsup:

So is the Code gunna fly away with the Woop Woop Bird? :D

[Driver]

Dontha reckon the C of P has got so big its become THE rule book? :rolleyes:

Yet the Code prohibits reading any instructions. :2tsup:

So is the Code gunna fly away with the Woop Woop Bird? :D

Read it again, mate. It's not a manual. It's The Code.

Quote:

"Para 5 The Shed

What a bloke does in his shed is up to him ...."

If you want to make The Code fly away from your shed, that's your choice.

However:

Quote:

Para 5 The Shed

"If a bloke chooses to ignore this guidance, well, he has that right but it would be a foolish bloke who knowingly transgresses The Code and commits a violation."


:wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :cool: :cool:

[dadpad]

Naturally my instinctive blokelyness did not allow me to actually read the whole code (i did however skim parts here and there).
Now! There did not appear to be any mention of curtains. Obviously curtains would NOT allowed even under threat of complete withdrawl of conjiguls curtains would not be allowed but can an exemption could be granted in this case.

The sun, in the afternoon is glaring in through the one window I have in my shed, making visibility quite difficult at my workbench. As i see it my options are:
1. Knock off for the day and have a beer
2. Go to the pub.
3. Nail a couple of hessian wheat bags to the framing above the window as a temporary measure.

Also if i go with 3. should I use flat head nails or bullet heads but only nailed halfway in and then bent over to stop the bags sliding off.

[silentC]

I've got the same problem in my office (which is in the back of the shed). I got an old drawer and stuck it up on the inside of the window. Problem solved in a half-arsed blokely way :wink:

[Bleedin Thumb]

Problem solved in a half-arsed blokely way :wink:


IS there any other way? As blokes we are condemned to have to live, breath and think like this.
But do we complain? No:no:

Often we are criticised for these very traits by the fairer sex.
If they realised the pain that is caused by the dilemma of perfectionist vs blokeyness then surely we would see more empathy.:)

PS I hope you have removed those curtains Cliff.

[Cliff Rogers]

PS I hope you have removed those curtains Cliff.
Been gone for a while now, one was covering a window where I needed to put a fan & the other was on the window in the wall than got clobbered by Larry. (Saved me a job. :p )
Please note how they are carefully stored.

[Poppa]

Superb. Excellent thread. The Code is just great. Well, from what I could tell in a quick glance anyway. Thanks to all who contributed.
:2tsup: :2tsup: :2tsup:

[Thickasaplank]

Oh great and wonderous wood butchers, yes yea who have created this document of knowledge, let me bow before you, and humbly offer up my words of wisdom.:bowdown: :bowdown:

Let no bloke with multi coloured hair enter my shed. Let blokes only have hair the colour that the big man intended.

Let no discussion be entered into about hairstyles, or so called "product" (other than brill cream) within the confines of said shed. Such product that is needed to keep ones hair out of ones eyes shall be obtained by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand or in absolute emergencies see the film "there is something about Mary"

While at the barber shop, let no bloke utter more than "short back and sides" Any more discussion with the barber about hairstyles shall be deemed chappish, and will probably be followed by accepting fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.

Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.

Thank you o oderous men of the wood for allowing my submission.

:2tsup:

[mcarthur]

While at the barber shop, let no bloke utter more than "short back and sides" Any more discussion with the barber about hairstyles shall be deemed chappish, and will probably be followed by accepting fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.


Hey, I think "Number 3 please" is OK as well :1eye:


Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.



That's what a bandsaw's for :oo::2tsup:

Rob

[Cliff Rogers]

OK... most of this has already been covered by other sections of The Code.

I would like to draw you attention to following:-
4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

See the first paragraph of this section....
5. The Shed
What a bloke does in his shed is up to him (see para 3 – Definitions, sub para 3.2 – Shed and para 4 – Purposes, sub para 4.2 – The purpose of a shed). It is clear from these important sections of the Code of Practice that a bloke has complete control over all activities within his own shed. This is inviolable. However, the Code is designed to provide appropriate guidance (see para 1 – Scope). What follows in this section is intended to provide a bloke with some clear guidance. If a bloke chooses to ignore this guidance, well, he has that right but it would be a foolish bloke who knowingly transgresses the Code and commits a violation.


See also:
5.15. Hospitality. A bloke should make provision for entertaining his mates.


So, if you don't like his hair, he probably isn't your mate anyway so you don't have to be hospitable to him. Problem solved. :2tsup:

[Wild Dingo]

O
Let no discussion be entered into about hairstyles, or so called "product" (other than brill cream) within the confines of said shed. Such product that is needed to keep ones hair out of ones eyes shall be obtained by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand or in absolute emergencies see the film "there is something about Mary"

Brylbloodycream?? Get a flamin grip!! that went out with the dinosaurs mate! its Californian Poppy all the way mate!! slicks back slicker than a wet chick flat on her back :2tsup:

[MarkV]

Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.


:2tsup:
I have always thought that mullets were the ultimate expression of Blokeness in that Woman generally hate them they are a throwback to a gentler Era:roll: when most blokes couldn't even spell political correctness let alone attempt to interpret feeling emotions and stuff. Plus finally they generally look appalling!! You can't get more blokey that that surely??

[Driver]

... by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand....


You can't get more blokey that that surely??

Gents

At the risk of appearing a tad over-conscientious, I should point out to you that the correct blokely term is "blokely".

"Blokey" is an expression used by SWMBOs and other non-blokes to describe activities engaged in by blokes. It's an expression which is only ever used by said SWMBOs when they wish to denigrate our blokely pursuits. Use by a bloke of this non-blokely expression doesn't automatically constitute a Code violation but I urge you to caution.

Col the Cautionary

[Cliff Rogers]

G'day Col, where have you been? :)

[Driver]

G'day Cliff

I've been here all along, mate. A bit busy however. Some mates asked me to help them start up a new business. It needs my full-time involvement for several months and I'm starting at around 4.00 am every day.

Good fun but very time-consuming!

Col

[Cliff Rogers]

Struth! What are you doing? Writing a code of practice for a bakery? :D

[Driver]

Struth! What are you doing? Writing a code of practice for a bakery? :D

No - but now you mention it .......:wink:

Actually, I've noticed the bakers are just about the only people who are already awake by the time I'm on my way to work (at the fruit and veg markets, by the way).

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Lemme guess.. you're doing temp work as the futch-up fairy, running around visiting various woodies' sheds in the wee hours, loosening screws on equipment, changing the clamping positions on overnight glue-ups and shortening one leg out of every four?

[Waldo]

Lemme guess.. you're doing temp work as the futch-up fairy, running around visiting various woodies' sheds in the wee hours, loosening screws on equipment, changing the clamping positions on overnight glue-ups and shortening one leg out of every four?

G'day,

If that's what's been goin' on, then no wonder Dingo has been having all this grief over his thicknesser. Damn Stuff-up Fairies.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Hmmm... yeah... both in WA... more fuel for my suspicions!

It'd be nice to have something in the Code banning these fairies from our sheds, but I'm not sure whether they can read. They certainly ignore the plans I leave next to my pieces when I lock up for the day!

[Driver]

Lemme guess.. you're doing temp work as the futch-up fairy, running around visiting various woodies' sheds in the wee hours, loosening screws on equipment, changing the clamping positions on overnight glue-ups and shortening one leg out of every four?


G'day,

If that's what's been goin' on, then no wonder Dingo has been having all this grief over his thicknesser. Damn Stuff-up Fairies.


Hmmm... yeah... both in WA... more fuel for my suspicions!

It'd be nice to have something in the Code banning these fairies from our sheds, but I'm not sure whether they can read. They certainly ignore the plans I leave next to my pieces when I lock up for the day!

You blokes need to read the Code again and stop believing in fairies! :rolleyes:

Cock-ups are not just unavoidable, they're compulsory. A bloke doesn't need fairies to help him create a cock-up, he's perfectly capable of getting there all on his own.

[Cliff Rogers]

You blokes need to read the Code again and stop believing in fairies! :rolleyes:
..... A bloke doesn't need fairies to help him create a cock-up, he's perfectly capable of getting there all on his own.

Pizz fairies on the other hand, are a different story. :cool:

[RufflyRustic]

Please could the Code be updated to include allowance for the use of 'internal security window covers' as this would mean curtains are definitely never allowed in sheds.

Thanks
Wendy
Inventor of the Internal Security Window Cover trend:rolleyes:

[echnidna]

Nope, can't do that.
But yer can hang cleaning rags over the windows

[wheelinround]

I am amazed where did you guys get the time to creat the worlds best CODE this is exceptionally a one off document :2tsup::2tsup::2tsup::2tsup:

I only had time to skim WOW

I have created a PDF and willing to forward it to anyone if they'd prefer or if there is an area it can be permenantly posted to its just 175kb

or should i just attache it

[Groggy]

Nope, can't do that.
But yer can hang cleaning rags over the windowsPerhaps if they were cleaning rags that had been cleaned and hung to dry ready for re-use. You couldn't call 'em curtains though, that wouldn't be right.

[Driver]

Please could the Code be updated to include allowance for the use of 'internal security window covers' as this would mean curtains are definitely never allowed in sheds.

Thanks
Wendy
Inventor of the Internal Security Window Cover trend:rolleyes:


Nope, can't do that.
But yer can hang cleaning rags over the windows


Perhaps if they were cleaning rags that had been cleaned and hung to dry ready for re-use. You couldn't call 'em curtains though, that wouldn't be right.

Curtains!?!???! Did someone mention curtains? Surely not!

Wendy, you can't mean those french polishing rubber cloths that you have hanging down the RH side of your new shed, can you? I mean, they're not curtains. They can't be because it's an immutable Law of Shed Physics, as you know, that any piece of cloth present in the shed, unless it forms part of a bloke's blokely attire, can and will be taken down and used to wipe up stuff, apply stuff, clean up stuff, smear stuff around, soak up stuff and generally play a part in stuff - including stuff-ups.

Curtains, I mean to say! Per-lease!!!

[echnidna]

Theres no rule about cleanin cloths not being frilly an lacey

[RufflyRustic]

just don't tell anyone there yours, Right Echnida? :oo: :p :D



Carn Guys - but they're there to keep prying eyes out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely under shed security they'd be allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


mumble, mumble....... :kickcan:

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

I dunno, You people. :no:

Surely everybody knows they're really tack cloths? They're ideally positioned and all! You just take the piece you want to clean over into the better light by the window and there they are... all ready to remove those last few offending specks of dust. :D

[Driver]

I dunno, You people. :no:

Surely everybody knows they're really tack cloths? They're ideally positioned and all! You just take the piece you want to clean over into the better light by the window and there they are... all ready to remove those last few offending specks of dust. :D

'Swhat I was sayin'. See, Wendy. We knew they weren't curtains.

Curtains! C'mon.....!

[Groggy]

just don't tell anyone there yours, Right Echnida? :oo: :p :D



Carn Guys - but they're there to keep prying eyes out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely under shed security they'd be allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


mumble, mumble....... :kickcan:Security blinds! That's not bad, ya can't have ya tools being perved on by the great unwashed out there. Now you're getting the idea. :2tsup:

[Burnsy]

I think all glass coatings/covers/security should only be as applied by the friendly shed spiders collecting dust and creating a lovely non see through haze or that mud/slobber and fresh blood mix as applied by a large black dog trying to look through the window but not realising his nose really is that long.

[Honorary Bloke]

Ruffly,

The pieces of fabric in question are not, in my opinion, Code violations as such. To whit:

5.4 Decoration. Decoration of a shed is very important as it expresses a bloke’s personality and character. Decoration of the shed can include but shall not be limited to: old number plates, tin signs, tool stickers, calendars, charts, photos, posters, drawings, coasters, cobwebs (see para 5.4 Cobwebs) old bottles, old cans, old jars, old footballs and other superannuated sporting paraphernalia (no self-respecting shed is entirely complete without a bent and twisted wooden-framed tennis or squash racquet with busted real-gut strings) & information leaflets on every conceivable subject known to Man.

This leaves a lot of leeway for personal decisions. I believe we may safely posit that fabric hung on a wall (whether or not a window is present) is well within the rights of the bloke as it is his shed (please substitute sheila and gender-specific pronouns as necessary). Therefore, I submit to Driver (who is, after all the final arbiter in disputes of this sort) that so long as the fabric in question is not openly referred to as a "curtain" or as "lacy" but simply as part of the decoration of the shed (or perhaps as a safety device to protect your tools), that you are on safe ground.

[Driver]

Brother HB, you have the right of it! :)

Wendy, I reckon Bob has not only provided you with an excellent Get Out of Jail Free card but has pointed out , yet again, that The Code is sufficiently robust to meet and deal with any situation that can arise in the shed.

Good result all round, I think.

Well done, Bob.

Col the Congratulatory

[RufflyRustic]

Whew!!!!!

Thanks Guys!! :2tsup:

[dadpad]

Carn Guys - but they're there to keep prying eyes out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely under shed security they'd be allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mumble, mumble....... :kickcan:

I vote definitly no.

A proper sheds windows would be covered with enough dirt grime and dust that no - one would be able to see in. In addition this situation creates an opportunity for a projectand the purchase of a new tool!

How so?

You need to replace the glass in your windows with opaque. Of course you wont be able to find the damn glass cutter so you will have to buy a new one.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have a friend in Canada who is a little concerned he may have gotten a dose of girl cooties (germs) by drinking milk from his significant other's glass.

I suggested he take the quiz (Appendix B of THE CODE) in order to check.
In my opinion Canadians are a lot like Ozzyuns..... (just kept in the fridge for later on) so it prolly wont matter all that much.

Q1. Can a furriner qualify for blokelyness assuming he is still living in his native country.?

[Cliff Rogers]

...A proper sheds windows would be covered with enough dirt grime and dust ...
and cobwebs, mould, splattered oil, wax, paint, blood, mud...... :D

[Honorary Bloke]

Q1. Can a furriner qualify for blokelyness assuming he is still living in his native country.?

Yes.

For further edification, please check Posts 202 and 203 in this thread. Plus, my user name. :cool: :D :D

[Wild Dingo]

And now 25 pages later :doh: ...do we have a DEFINITIVE cod of practice for the shed yet or is it still a "work in progress"?

Im thinking of making it up into a document laminating it and then make a nice frame for it... then hang it PROMINENTLY in the shed :2tsup:

note... appropriate sections HIGHLIGHTED of course :;

And Wendy? Your alternative name calling of the curtains in your sheds cannot and will not fool anyone!!! They are what yous sheilas call

CURTAINS!! :~


and are therefore a violation of the code... please remove them forthwith or else one of the nearby brethren of the code will have to take steps to resolve said violation :o an if theyre too flamin scared of boofheaded spanner I will have to work a way around our distance issues and take you to task meself! :;

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Definitive? Hmmm... :hmm:

Well... so far a few questions have been thrown into the ring and The Code has come through unscathed. Sooner or later someone will ask a real poser that may require a redefinition, but until then... :fineprint:

[RufflyRustic]

...until then or when Wild Dingo visits my domain, I shall continue building up a more appropriate window dressing such as Cliff suggested :) Until then, those hanging things will just have to stay :rolleyes:

cheers
Wendy

[Black Ned]

Is there any differences allowed to distinguish between a Blokes Shed and a Sheila's Shed?
Can sheila's have a official shed?
If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.

[Gra]

Is there any differences allowed to distinguish between a Blokes Shed and a Sheila's Shed?
Can sheila's have a official shed?
If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.
I believe the code states that a bloke doesnt have to be a particular gender, they just have to meet certain criteria? Am I wrong

[NCArcher]

Im thinking of making it up into a document laminating it and then make a nice frame for it... then hang it PROMINENTLY in the shed :2tsup:

Just so you know Dingo, The Code is now 30 pages long.
It's going to be one big @rse frame featuring very PROMINENTLY in the shed. :o

[Gra]

Just so you know Dingo, The Code is now 30 pages long.
It's going to be one big @rse frame featuring very PROMINENTLY in the shed. :o

One word... Wall Paper

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

From memory, Wendy started compiling a Sheila's Code of Practice, but decided that The Code was sufficient, with reversals of gender where applicable.

I'm not sure whether this is mentioned in The Code, it has been a while since I checked :whip: but if it isn't, perhaps it should be? Then again, mebbe not... AFAICT wood and tools don't care what the gender of the person they're biting is. :rolleyes:

And while I'm asking... what's the latest revision? The latest I have on HDD is 21 June 06...

[silentC]

One word... Wall Paper
That's two words, but let's not split hairs. I'm still waiting to see the DEFINITIVE cod of practice. Sounds a bit fishy to me...

[NCArcher]

And while I'm asking... what's the latest revision? The latest I have on HDD is 21 June 06...
Post 326, page 22. Version 7 Feb'07

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Post 326, page 22. Version 7 Feb'07

Ah... so I'm current then. [Phew!] (That's the Jun 06 version)

Where has the time gone? :oo:

[Driver]

Is there any differences allowed to distinguish between a Blokes Shed and a Sheila's Shed?
Can sheila's have a official shed?
If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.

Linden

You've posed quite an interesting series of problems, mate.

Y'see, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, then you wouldn't be in any doubt as to Wendy and Bob's joint and several blokeliness.

Equally, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, or even if you had merely read the last several postings, you'd be aware that the expression "Blokey" is, in and of itself, unblokely. :oo:

On the other hand, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, you could be accused of having read the bloody thing in detail - in itself almost a Code violation.

So, the dilemma is: have you actually, by having a go at a couple of blokes, to whit: Wendy and Bob, and by using a SWMBO expression (ie, "Blokey") stepped across the line, or should we ignore these appalling transgressions and let your post go through to the keeper?

Whaddaya think, girls?

Col the Concerned.

[wonderplumb]

My shed has, amongst all the various car, motorcycle parts, fishing gear, camping gear, rifle safe, reloading gear, skins, skulls, tools, various bits and pieces ive collected and hung on the wall, parts cleaner, compressor, sink, toilet, WELL stocked fridge, etc. etc. a male dunny man on the door walking in and a female dunny girl on the door on the way out, with a sign that states "By invite only".

[Honorary Bloke]

If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.

I'll let this pass--just the once. :rolleyes: :D :rolleyes: :D

[smitthhyy]

An excellent job creating a code for many blokes sheds today and into the future.

Can I suggest a definition be added regarding "thongs". The intent should be for our international associates to not miss-understand what a thong is in Australia. For example using the US definition, wearing the thong could be a concern if worn and would probably not be seen as blokely.

[Wild Dingo]

My shed has, ... a male dunny man on the door walking in and a female dunny girl on the door on the way out, with a sign that states "By invite only".

Id like to see that!! :2tsup: :U

mmmmm so Im gonna have to go back and look for the damned code?... Rats and buggarbums! time for another slurp of the good oil before me brain zions zap emselves stupid an me eyesockets begin to bleed reading back through all those posts to find the friggin thing!!

30 pages??? nah this thread ISNT the code the code is more definitive than this thread which is confusing and consistantly hijacked by suggestive red leatherette wearin "blokeys" which of itself is no doubt a violition of the code since were meant to be blokes its just not on wearin red leatherette!! and yet that blokey one continues to express the intent nay the contemptuous intent to leave those CURTAINS up over their shed windows!! A CLEAR VIOLATION!... the main problem I see with enforcing the code violation punishment is the fact that since such code violation punishment would require a cadre of brethren attending the offendees shed and taking down the offending CURTAINS and hanging the offendee by the gronicles from the roof trusses... unfortunately since the offendee is a blokey sort of non bloke they unfortunately do not have bloke bits to hang them from... thus we are in a state of conundrum with what to do by way of punishment for crimes against the code the offendee

It is a problem that must be remedied and thus included within the code to send a clear and present warning to other "blokey" ones that curtains will not be tollerated in a blokes shed... red leatherette does not a bloke make!!

As for Bob being a blokey type of bloke I have it on good authority that he is indeed a bloke by way of having those blokey bits earlier spoke of and thus being able to accept and face the punishment if he indeed were to violate the code by hanging curtains in his shed... whereas Ruffly is NOT a bloke but rather a "blokey" type person

As for the code not discriminating by word usage the differences between a blokes shed and a sheilas shed unfortunately by virtue of this being the Politically Correct era of the year 2007 and not the wonderously non politically correct era of the 1950s through to 1980s during which era a BLOKE was a BLOKE and a SHEILA was a SHEILA and no variance betwixt or between was tollerated... a bloke had the shed the sheila the house... and thus Wendy being a sheila would in fact NOT have a shed but her boofheaded spanner nut of a hubby would have the shed and she being a sheila would have the house... thus the right order of things

but now... now... we blokes have been degronicled to such an extent that now its not politically correct to have a blokes shed it must be a unisex shed... or as has been stated elsewhere a blokes shed and a "blokey" shed so in fact the code itself is in violation of the code!! thus this entire code thread could be seen as being in violition of the code itself by its very nature its contradictory consilitary politically correct and not by its nature done in a BLOKE type of way.

So as a bloke who has a blokes shed I ask beseech an implore all brethren and sisteren to control thine emotions and stick to the facts! A blokes shed is his domain a sheilas shed is the house where of course everything goes other than the blokes gear in his blokes shed

signed brother Dingo


:U :U stated like a true child of my time :q and showing my age brilliantly :C just out for a bit of fishing I am :2tsup:

[Cliff Rogers]

....could be accused of having read the bloody thing in detail - in itself almost a Code violation......
A bit like the line on the last page of Neil's Polisher's Handbook... I found it after I had read the whole book. :D

....should we ignore these appalling transgressions and let your post go through to the keeper?
Get that one will ya Gillie... Linden has 2 left feet, when one isn't in his mouth, the other one is. :p

....Whaddaya think, girls?
Is that why you call me Ginge? :?

[Wild Dingo]

Okay what I am gonna do cause yous buggars wont is to try my hand at condensing that 30 page code of practice to something a bloke might actually read. :roll:

So Im thinking something like this

The Shed
Code of Practice

1) ITS MY SHED

2) If you dont like it PHISS OFF

3) I will do what I want in MY SHED

4) You as a visitor will ONLY do as I say when I say while in MY SHED

5) No visitor no matter their relative relationship to me will dictate to me in MY SHED

6) Enter MY SHED only if you intend to DO SOMETHING

7) ASK BEFORE YOU PHART or do anything in MY SHED

8) If you intend to enter MY SHED you will put beer in the shed fridge FIRST

9) No frilly knickers curtains skirts or sheila type things will be allowed in MY SHED

10) Stand outside MY SHED until I notice you do not disturb burp phart yell scream knock or otherwise try to get my attention, EVENTUALLY I will notice you.

11) There is NO SUCH thing as an emergency outside of MY SHED while I am in said Shed, IF you have a problem deal with it I AM UNAVAILABLE until I leave shut and lock the shed door.

12) See 1 above

Anyone else want to try to make a condenced version of the 30 page code that may be more pc than the above is welcome to have at it.

Im really starting to think we might just be able to design and impliment a MY SHED Code of Practice that we can submit to the University of Shed Studies and thus can be utilized and in every shed in the land! :2tsup: But we must get it to such a degree of understanding that any bloke or blokey type can read it and understand its simple message without having eye bleeds nose runs brain pharts or just plain waste away from dehydration and starvation while reading the sodding tomb!! :doh:

[RufflyRustic]

Geeez - where's that big sheet of bubble wrap I put aside for the windows (and then lost track of where it went) :rolleyes:

[journeyman Mick]

Shane,
This isn't like you!:D I thought you'd be taking the 30 pages of the code and rewriting them in your inimitable style so it becomes a 75 page code. :D :wink:

Mick

[Wild Dingo]

Shane,
This isn't like you! I thought you'd be taking the 30 pages of the code and rewriting them in your inimitable style so it becomes a 75 page code.

Mick

Well I must admit I did try.. gave it my best too I did... in fact Im yet to go to bed its been so trying... but so far Ive only managed to boot it out to 140 pages so Im still working on it... dont worry I'll sort it :doh: I know I was trying to reduce the pages but theres just so much legalize you have to include in such a profound document that I find it impossible

sigh... Wendy Wendy Wendy :roll: You do realize that Im simply taking the phiss outta you dont you? I mean your a sheila!! (an a pretty sparkly good lookin one by the way... stay outta this boofhead :o ahem sorry about that hes okay Wendy must be since hes with you eh!! :U ) For cripes sake WE ALL KNOW sheilas are weird creatures even those sheilas like your own good self :doh: ... and weirds good no wukkers me dear!! :2tsup: You want curtains? You go right ahead and have curtains... heck you want pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet in your shed you have pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet... it is after all

YOUR SHED!

And as such there can be no code violation!! YOU are the master or is that mistress? of your shed :2tsup:

Me I wouldnt have curtains but then nor would I have pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet in me shed... but then Im a bloke an us blokes are like that :; Unless your names Bwuthey of course then the mere existance of a Bwuthy in a BLOKES shed is a code violation... but then a Bwuthy type "blokey" person would feel more at ease and at home in a sheilas shed than a blokes shed anyways so...

Its all good :2tsup:

has my leg vacated me gob yet?? :o

[RufflyRustic]

http://www.ubeaut.biz/fishing.gif :D

[Wild Dingo]

That just proves my point made elsewhere... sheilas are evil :q

[wonderplumb]

A shed's Code of Practice is determined and laid down by the Owner of afore-mentioned shed. The Owner of such a shed shall gain the wisdom and gather information on acceptible solutions, which shall be included in said Code of Practice, from years of reconnaisance missions to the "Old Mans Shed", where he would have gained valuable knowledge through listening to otherwise secret conversations via a partially opened door or an old bullet hole through the iron sheeting on the walls.
Information may also be taken in snippets, without arousing suspicion, from a mates Shed, a mate who was fortunate enough to own a shed before yourself.
You may also take into account things you have seen in various other Sheds on your journeys around the countryside.
Upon aquiring your own Shed, the Shed shall be personalised to your own tastes.
You shall draw up your own Code of Practice, which may be displayed or you may take it for granted that any Shed-worthy people you happen to invite into mentioned Shed will posess enough common-sense, and know the Owner of the Shed well enough to respect such formalities.

Summary..................

The Owner of the Shed shall posess the authority to formulate His own Code of Practice, using the basic fundamentals of Shed ettiquite.
Anyone fortunate enough to visit the Shed, shall comply to the Code of Practice at all times, lest the resultant consequences be decided by the Owner of the Shed.
Any visitor shall replace what he drinks, unless specified said drinks are repayment for a favour, the price of which shall be agreed upon between the two parties.

In short............
Its my shed, my rules, dont like it, f##k off!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cliff Rogers]

A shed's Code of Practice is determined and laid down by the Owner of afore-mentioned shed. ...
In short............
Its my shed, my rules, dont like it, f##k off!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, now... have you read the code? :?

I draw your attention to this section....

4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

You don't sound very happy.... is somebody violating your code? :D

[bricks]

c o d e is that what the kids are calling it nowdays

[Honorary Bloke]

The Owner of the Shed shall posess the authority to formulate His own Code of Practice, using the basic fundamentals of Shed ettiquite.

Ahh, but in this direction lies anarchy, Grasshopper. For a bloke to develop his own Code is impossible, because then it would not be a Code, just a collection of personal eccentricities.

The Code of Practice is but the logical outcome of the theory of the Social Contract. The Social Contract is a means by which we can come together to agree what is generally acceptable and unacceptable in any given shed and thus promote the best interests of all blokely shed owners. As Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau argued so cogently, the Social Contract (dare we refer to it henceforth as the Shed Contract? I think so.) is necessary for the successful functioning of society. Without a Shed Contract (let us speak plainly now), a bloke visiting another bloke's shed would be in a constant state of tension, lest he unknowingly violate that shed owner's personal rules.

Oh ho, but we do have the Code. Consider now that the visiting bloke knows what to do and not do and can join in the general camaraderie of the shed without fear of a misstep. What's more, in his own shed, the bloke not only understands his role (which is that of absolute monarch) but also can depend on his subjects (shed visitors) to behave according to the correct protocol.

So you see, the Code exists for the benefit of the Greater Good and should be embraced in that vein.

[The above does not, of course, apply to chaps, who are free to write their own rules as no decent bloke would associate with them anyway and other chappies visiting their Space are equally likely to be nongs.]

There will be a quiz on Thursday. :)

[Cliff Rogers]

Struth!!!! :oo:

Go easy Bob... you are starting to sound like (waffle like) bloody Ding. :D

PS. I did however, read the whole lot & understand it, so maybe you aren't doing that bad yet. :p

[Wild Dingo]

Struth!!!! :oo:

Go easy Bob... you are starting to sound like (waffle like) bloody Ding. :D

PS. I did however, read the whole lot & understand it, so maybe you aren't doing that bad yet. :p

Steady up ol fella yer encroachin nigh on to warrin country with them words!! :~

ahem... I do not waffle... like or otherwise!... I ruminate cogitate extrapolate and generally converse! more often than not with meownself but at times with others... and yes inclusive of your own self Cliffy me boyo! so steady up ol son steady up

Now... this code... Ive printed of the existing code as it stood back a few pages in time... and Ive sat on the royal throne and pondered its contents... I have spent many MANY friggin hours attempting to reduce the duced words and paragraphs down to a few short succinct ones that could be made into an easily read by any visiting bloke to the shed document that can be laminated framed and hung at eyesocket level in full view of said visitor to shed... but have failed miserably to do so

Sooo whats to do with this code of practice to make it more bloke freindly? Do we have to make it into a book to have on hand to give to any venturous bloke type sod who may wander through the door of the said shed... in so doing do we say nothing hand them the book point at the moaning chair and shout "READ THAT" and leave them to it? Sounds right rude to me... and knowing most blokes a book like tombe such as has been created in this code would be glanced at and tossed to one side never to be read said bloke would then begin wandering around touching fondling and sneeking drinks from the fridge whilst the owner of the shed would be busy doin stuff... not a good thing in my book

So we NEED a shortened condensed version that is simple easy and to the point so any bloke would not help but be drawn to reading it... this would then make the rules of the Shed ala the code clear to any visitor to the shed bloke or heaven forbid sheila type... as is well known NO bloke in his right mind will read a document such as this IF he doesnt HAVE to... and a visitor we must agree does not feel any urgency to read ANYTHING

I therefore submit that someone MUST write a condensed shortened perhaps in point form code of practice for the benefit of all and continued harmony in the shed.

Now thinking about this I believe it should be on A3 size parchment and framed under glass so as to look mightily officious an serious thus grabbing the visiting blokes attention upon entry... this I feel would stop the visiting bloke in his tracks and draw his attention to the code wherein upon reading the points written therein would behave in suitable fashion... ie: run out of the shed and down to the local rubbetty to pick up the required BEER to replenish the beer fridge stocks... I do think many have not given this one point the attention it deserves which is a sad indictment on those blokes with sheds who have given this code of practice their attention and assistance... sad

What can be done regarding this matter?

As for distribution I feel aside from every contributor that has given of their time ruminations eludications and efforts on this the code of practice thread at ubeaut.com.au forums getting a complimentary A3 framed original... this could be signed by all however many contributors (much like the USA constitution eh? very officious indeed!) and sent to them poste haste!... but a copy also should be sent to that shed bloke of shed blokes the shed scientist for him to include with his package when a bloke becomes one of the band of brothers with "good shed" status... thus promote the wholesomeness brilliance and communal nature of "The Shed Code of practice" :2tsup:

We must at all times strive to help and assist our fellow shedites and this I feel would assist and help a good many new young shedites who of no fault of their own are without a bloody clue with regard shed etiquite and proper diplomacy with regard their sheds... and thus we would be furthering our great forum and its brilliant membership...

The code of practice document should always include reference to the Ubeaut forum and its members from whence it came :2tsup:

[Cliff Rogers]

.... I have spent many MANY friggin hours attempting to reduce the duced words and paragraphs down to a few short succinct ones ....
That doesn't sound like you Ding. :D

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

A condensed version, eh? Hmmm... how 'bout:


MY SHED
(Rules & conditions apply)

:p

[Wild Dingo]

That doesn't sound like you Ding. :D

Im thinking of others Cliffy mate... some of who have the attention span when it comes to things like rules of an gnat... not even a gnat on heat just a half dead gnat... so Im thinking there should be a shorter version to cater for them blokes you know?

gawd mate Ive gotta stop worryin about other buggars!! strewth they dont wanna read the book called The Shed.. The code of practice" then tuff shyte sport when I toss em out the damned door!! :doh:

[wonderplumb]

Now, now... have you read the code? :?

I draw your attention to this section....

4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

You don't sound very happy.... is somebody violating your code? :D

Good Lord no! What was meant by the little swear words is that there is boundaries, and as long as these boundaries are not over-stepped, I have total dominion and control and am therefore happy. Example, my best mate has an awesome shed on his farm, being a former aircraft engineer he has a rather hefty Snap on tool chest. I know without being told, should I happen to find myself within arms reach of said tool chest I risk, at worst a broken arm, at least being banished from the Shed. A Shed worthy visitor in my opinion has the common sense to know instinctively what the boundaries are.

[wonderplumb]

Ahh, but in this direction lies anarchy, Grasshopper. For a bloke to develop his own Code is impossible, because then it would not be a Code, just a collection of personal eccentricities.

The Code of Practice is but the logical outcome of the theory of the Social Contract. The Social Contract is a means by which we can come together to agree what is generally acceptable and unacceptable in any given shed and thus promote the best interests of all blokely shed owners. As Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau argued so cogently, the Social Contract (dare we refer to it henceforth as the Shed Contract? I think so.) is necessary for the successful functioning of society. Without a Shed Contract (let us speak plainly now), a bloke visiting another bloke's shed would be in a constant state of tension, lest he unknowingly violate that shed owner's personal rules.

Oh ho, but we do have the Code. Consider now that the visiting bloke knows what to do and not do and can join in the general camaraderie of the shed without fear of a misstep. What's more, in his own shed, the bloke not only understands his role (which is that of absolute monarch) but also can depend on his subjects (shed visitors) to behave according to the correct protocol.

So you see, the Code exists for the benefit of the Greater Good and should be embraced in that vein.

[The above does not, of course, apply to chaps, who are free to write their own rules as no decent bloke would associate with them anyway and other chappies visiting their Space are equally likely to be nongs.]

There will be a quiz on Thursday. :)

But using said fundamentals of Shed Ettiquite you are providing a Code of Practice best suited to your local authoritive requirements......
example,
AS3500, National plumbing and drainage code of practice,
NSW Code of Practice for plumbing and drainage, a code of practice which overrides the National code of practice to be better suited to local authoritive requirements, ie Sydney Water for the main part and local council requirements, and still however uses the basic fundamentals of the original Code.
So you see, its not about eccentricities at all, but submitting clauses into the Code so they best suit your locality, shed design, shed contents and so on and so forth, as every shed is different.

[Driver]

So we NEED a shortened condensed version that is simple easy and to the point . . . . .

I've only just recovered after originally reading this extract from the Wild Westralian Dingo's recent post. I read it several hours ago and, in the period since, I've had a bit of a lie down and a couple of stiff drinks ..... calmed down my colleagues, who were concerned at my health when they found me lying on the floor with tears streaming down my face, apparently gasping for air ..... and brought my pulse rate back to a less excited level.

However, on mature consideration, I've realised what's been going on. Some bastard who is an extremely skilled plagiarist has managed to overcome Shane and gain control of his computer. He's written this appallingly blatant spoof, brilliantly disguising it so that it looks as if our own Wild Dingo wrote it himself. But he isn't fooling me! No-one who is at all familiar with Shane's posts could ever believe he would want to have a shortened, condensed version of anything.

So come on, ya bastard! What have you done with Wild Dingo. Eh? If you don't release him before the WW Show on the weekend, a mob of wild woodies will descend on the South West and sort you out. Let him go! You're fooling no-one!