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DaveInOz
28th Mar 2003, 09:27 AM
What the hell - lets see what happens.


It was a dark and stormy night. The rain bucketed down, beating a steady tattoo on the corro roof. Inside the shed the white glare of flouresent lighting flashed back at him from the polished blades of the tools.
Sweating despite the chill he......

fxst
28th Mar 2003, 10:58 AM
opened a bottle of port and threw another log in the fire and then.....

Wayne Davy
28th Mar 2003, 11:10 AM
there was a knock at the door. Opening the door...

splinter
28th Mar 2003, 02:15 PM
... two gorgeous, incredibly sexy women, one of whom said, "Hi, my name is Beryl, this is my twin sister Cheryl, we're feeling a little feral, would you like to.......

Wayne Davy
28th Mar 2003, 02:23 PM
do us a good turn?? We really need....

JackoH
28th Mar 2003, 04:22 PM
....come inside take off all our wet clothes, and stand in front of the fire in order to dry our....

Wayne Davy
28th Mar 2003, 04:55 PM
hair?" ;)

"Come on in" he said "Allow me to .....

Neil
28th Mar 2003, 06:35 PM
a brass ferrel, for the end of my tool
handle.

I don't want it to split when I use it for.........

fxst
28th Mar 2003, 09:25 PM
stirring my special potions for the benefit of all mankind and.......

fxst
29th Mar 2003, 09:45 PM
brass ferrules for tools that are used.................

splinter
30th Mar 2003, 03:23 PM
... and abused by the sexually confused for the......

Neil
30th Mar 2003, 07:56 PM
woodturning gratification and ............

fxst
30th Mar 2003, 10:43 PM
nice gifts for swambo and further to that.....

splinter
31st Mar 2003, 05:50 PM
... they had better be just what she wants because Beryl can be a little frightening." Having said that he flourished his ferrule and flung it at......

JackoH
1st Apr 2003, 12:10 PM
...what are two, georgeous, sexy, feral ladies (Hah) like you doing here anyway?
Would you like me to......(Lets get back to the main plot fellas.):rolleyes:

DaveInOz
1st Apr 2003, 02:18 PM
... help you?"

"Oh yes" the feral ladies replied in unison
"We've come to you're workshop in the hope you could give us a screw"

After the enevitable double take Merv asked " To what use would you put this screw? Tell me so I can determine the type of screw you need"

"Well" Cheryl breathed " we need ....

DaveInOz
2nd Apr 2003, 10:33 AM
... binomial bubble chip smorched by the bloke with the double overhead underhang 3 phase whacker"

"Bloody hell" Merv exclaimed "This will call for my new....



(consider it copped :))

splinter
3rd Apr 2003, 05:23 PM
Which explains why our hair is all messed up, now if you could give us a screw or two so we can completely dovetail our tails we will.......

Wayne Davy
3rd Apr 2003, 11:14 PM
get our beloved gronicle stretcher untensioned as it seems a bit uptight at the moment."

Beryl gestured, "Do you have one of those large, thick .....

ubeaut
4th Apr 2003, 12:27 AM
thwacking-stick things that you use for........

AlexS
4th Apr 2003, 03:33 PM
...sharp pointy leaves, and we don't like getting pricked in the....

macca2
4th Apr 2003, 10:31 PM
middle of the night while...............

fxst
5th Apr 2003, 08:02 PM
watching the double episode of st nits while......

Wayne Davy
7th Apr 2003, 04:01 PM
stroking a long, thick....

JackoH
7th Apr 2003, 04:56 PM
sausage shaped.....:D

ubeaut
7th Apr 2003, 07:36 PM
balloon, that we use to create............

fxst
7th Apr 2003, 09:36 PM
words in while making cartoons of.............

macca2
7th Apr 2003, 10:09 PM
two gorgeous, incredibly sexy women,that have been known to.............

Johnno
7th Apr 2003, 11:09 PM
offcut reject from the last failed attempt to produce something useful...

Johnno
7th Apr 2003, 11:10 PM
dammit - that had nothing to do with the thread I was trying to post to!

ubeaut
8th Apr 2003, 12:09 AM
And with that little Johnno ran to his room in a state of shame and humiliation, slammed the door, threw himself on his bed, burried his head in his pillow and cried himself to sleep.http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/fie.gif

The next morning there was a knock at his door. "Johnno, oh little Johnno" came a sweet voice "Johnno can we please come in and.......

fxst
8th Apr 2003, 12:46 AM
as he sprung to open the door he realised the floor had disappeared and......

Wayne Davy
8th Apr 2003, 01:08 AM
been replaced by a pile of sawdust. "Bloody termites", he muttered. If I had my way .....

fxst
8th Apr 2003, 10:13 AM
I'd.....ooooooooh look the ceilings gone geez those termites are quick ..he then went and found.......................

splinter
9th Apr 2003, 10:05 PM
... that some lovely chap had left him a huge bunch of pansies, "Goodness gracious me" he lisped, grasped the huge bunch firmly in his delicate hands and minced off to......

ubeaut
11th Apr 2003, 12:13 AM
wild bees, intent on deflowering his posie of pansies. With the bees in hot persuit he ran screaming down the street holding the flowers high and yelling..........

JackoH
11th Apr 2003, 06:05 PM
.... Help, Help, if I can't stop these bloody B's I'll be deflowered and who would marry me then? With that a passer-by seeing our hero's plight......

(What happened to those maidens who started all this?)

fxst
11th Apr 2003, 11:03 PM
called the 2 maidens on his highly secret mobile steering wheel and asked..........................
(that answer your question John?)

macca2
14th Apr 2003, 11:42 AM
...the policeman who pulled him over for useing his moblie while driving to go easy on him as he only........

ubeaut
15th Apr 2003, 12:10 AM
block to run before he was safe from the bees and in the arms of the two maidens were going to give him..............

fxst
15th Apr 2003, 01:38 AM
a nice cup of tea and a lie down after which they would.............

JackoH
15th Apr 2003, 10:03 AM
...massage his ego, and...

ubeaut
16th Apr 2003, 12:51 AM
rampage throught the streets of Kings Cross, where........

Dennis Hill
17th Apr 2003, 07:02 AM
boys will be girls and girls could be anything!!!

macca2
17th Apr 2003, 11:37 AM
so venture out with care as those two maidens could well be.......

JackoH
17th Apr 2003, 05:40 PM
...not what they seem. However you could.....

Dennis Hill
17th Apr 2003, 08:17 PM
always go somewhere private and ask them to......

macca2
17th Apr 2003, 10:01 PM
show you their...........

Johnno
17th Apr 2003, 11:09 PM
scratching johnno's itch

fxst
18th Apr 2003, 12:02 AM
which was right inthe middle of his back and on removing his shirt they saw a great big .....................

ubeaut
18th Apr 2003, 12:17 AM
tatoo of a hunting scene with the dogs and the hunters in full flight and there disappearing into the crack of his bum was the foxes tail. "Well!" they exclaimed as one " We have never seen.............

JackoH
18th Apr 2003, 10:06 AM
...tug to see if it....

Dennis Hill
18th Apr 2003, 04:19 PM
...a quick brush and comb and powder it for fleas. Then we can have a.......

Dennis Hill
18th Apr 2003, 04:24 PM
How did Dear Doorstop get in before me? Quite upset my train of thought.

most flea ridden ferret that a person could dream of

ubeaut
18th Apr 2003, 04:25 PM
nice cuppa tea and a........

What the???? Where did that bloody dennis Hill sneak in from?

Dennis Hill
18th Apr 2003, 04:46 PM
Bloody cheek of the bloke! I'd have a word with the Admin department about him if I were you!

Dennis Hill
18th Apr 2003, 04:48 PM
OOPS! get back to the topic Hilly!!!

..... and a "Bex Powder" and a good lie......

fxst
18th Apr 2003, 07:18 PM
will keep the maidens guessing as to what Dennis was up too as he is a ..........................

Johnno
18th Apr 2003, 10:43 PM
senior who may have trouble getting anything up..

Dennis Hill
19th Apr 2003, 07:38 AM
Gentlemen, please! Getting what up? Up to no good would be more like it! Up on a ladder?

Now back to our nubile young ladies, they were ladies were'nt they? I have trouble rembering the plot, I think I lost it years ago!

Thats it! we were going to have a cup of tea, a Bex, and lie in the recliner and....... watch the footy????? or was it play footsies???

Where did that plot go?

macca2
19th Apr 2003, 11:34 AM
The plot?.....it seems the maidens have gone to the footy to see............

JackoH
19th Apr 2003, 11:53 AM
..all those well endowed young men in very tight shorts, showing off their tackles (this is Rugby football we're talking about isn't it?) Also these luverly young ladies like........

Dennis Hill
19th Apr 2003, 02:25 PM
.....The hot-dogs that they sell in the stadium while the populace watch the spetecale of .........

Johnno
19th Apr 2003, 06:45 PM
those people doing all kinds of nasty things to each other in that steaming maelstrom they call 'the scrum'...

fxst
19th Apr 2003, 09:36 PM
which the maidens overheard being deciphered as hope we get to play Aussie Rules soon as the two maidens prefer real football and so..........................

Dennis Hill
20th Apr 2003, 07:38 AM
Watch those fine young fellows in their tight shorts as they........

ubeaut
20th Apr 2003, 10:08 AM
go about the business of playing one of the real football games, not throw ball. Their wish was granted and all of a sudden the players grew necks and stopped the bum sniffing scrums and a new game was in play. The maidens were so delighted that they.............

Dennis Hill
20th Apr 2003, 03:46 PM
Could hardly control themselves and started to......

Shane Watson
20th Apr 2003, 04:08 PM
throw pom poms round like they had never thrown them before. Pom poms went this way & pom poms went that way, but what they didn't realise was that............

Johnno
20th Apr 2003, 10:23 PM
pom tiddely pompom tiddely pom - and all these funny people wrapped in British flags had invaded the field - and the poor girls didn't know what to do next...

macca2
20th Apr 2003, 10:31 PM
so they ran down the nearest pathway looking for an escape from this madness, only to find .................

Dennis Hill
21st Apr 2003, 07:25 AM
(Drums and spooky music in background....)
.
.
....There was no escape from the Football addiction! All they could do was to...........

ubeaut
21st Apr 2003, 08:13 AM
stand by quietly and watch in horror, as..............

Dennis Hill
21st Apr 2003, 04:03 PM
As....As... Mercyfull Heaven protect us, the stadium was invaded by that most awful of football codes, SOCK-ER! and worse still, there was the English Football...........

macca2
21st Apr 2003, 09:40 PM
with their pompoms here,pompoms there, in fact you couldn't see the grass for.................

Johnno
21st Apr 2003, 11:54 PM
asses! There were so many asses in tight shorts that the girls really didn't know where to cast their eyes...

Dennis Hill
22nd Apr 2003, 07:36 AM
And then, floating on a cloud, came the most splendid of visions. With long blonde hair flowing in the breeze, the tightest of tight shorts on the cutest of asses Warwick Cappa returned from obscurity (well, the Eastern suburbs of Sydney) to save our fair ladies from.......

JackoH
22nd Apr 2003, 06:44 PM
...a fate worse than death. 'But' the ladies cried,' We do not wish to be saved. We want to be.......

Johnno
22nd Apr 2003, 09:29 PM
well and truly cappad...

Dennis Hill
23rd Apr 2003, 07:08 AM
...and so it was. The now slighyly greying blond god of the AFL took the ladies into his arms, lifted them onto his fluffy cloud and wisked them away to...........

macca2
24th Apr 2003, 10:43 PM
the make believe home, in the make believe world, of this make believe AFL player, and the poor young maidens soon became aware of this and cried out for...........................

Dennis Hill
25th Apr 2003, 07:35 AM
....rescue from this silly place by a REAL MAN driving a HOLDEN UTE with the Bull bar, big mud flaps and.........

JackoH
25th Apr 2003, 10:25 AM
....wide chrome wheels,with huge nuts and....

macca2
25th Apr 2003, 11:31 AM
with the mandatory great ugle mut in the back the will.............

Dennis Hill
25th Apr 2003, 03:08 PM
...where the dog actually looked and smelled better than the driver and did not drink as much.......

Kev Y.
26th Apr 2003, 04:15 PM
red coona stuff, favoured by many of those residents of the south east states.........

Dennis Hill
26th Apr 2003, 04:48 PM
.....but the dog, in true Ute-Dog fassion, did like childeren. They could be raw, roasted, or..........

macca2
26th Apr 2003, 10:05 PM
57 big bad bearded, Harley riding Coffin Cheaters who didn't give a stuff if it was cab sav or vinegar,all they wanted was............

fxst
26th Apr 2003, 11:38 PM
a boozeup and to win over the 2 maidens that are still hanging around the ute while................

Dennis Hill
27th Apr 2003, 06:48 AM
.....the dog calculated which parts of the Coffin Cheaters would taste the best if he were to.......

JackoH
27th Apr 2003, 03:48 PM
...catch them bare-bummed whilst having their wicked way with the lovely maidens, who were finally getting.........
.
.
,{Can I get away with that?)


HMMMMM? I will allow it this time because of its eloquence :D
.

Dennis Hill
27th Apr 2003, 06:02 PM
..would have prefered them with a nice Chianti, but as none was available at the time, simply opened his huge slavvering jaws and prepared to.....

Neil
28th Apr 2003, 12:36 AM
bite the bugger on the bum, when all of a sudden.......

Dennis Hill
28th Apr 2003, 06:33 AM
......Sopt realised that Roger's buttocks were truly too revolting to bite, even for a real pig-hunting, cat chewing ute-dog. He saw the errors of his ways, renounced his past life, became a lacto-vegetarian and set off to juin a Comune in.......

JackoH
28th Apr 2003, 09:44 AM
...Nimbin, where he was last seen wandering off into the bush,full of funny mushrooms and with a look of complete happiness on his face.(Oh happy daze). Then it happened. A........

Dennis Hill
29th Apr 2003, 07:11 AM
....Feral Female ute-dog once known as Sheryl but now known as something quite un-pronounceable and very Indian sounding wandered out of the bushes and sugested that they........

fxst
30th Apr 2003, 10:21 AM
get together and have lotsa puppies with strange unpronoucable names and spread...................

macca2
30th Apr 2003, 11:59 AM
their horrible litter far and wide. But Bruce the local (this is my patch) Blue Heeler had other ideas and..........

Johnno
30th Apr 2003, 05:45 PM
the ultimate sin by crapping in front of the truck, causing it to skid and....



(I own two Bluey's, and I'm on their side!)

Dennis Hill
30th Apr 2003, 08:23 PM
...a large, hairy truck driver who was so impressed with the retention powers of his Bonds undies that he....
.
.
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.Did the heeler die of food poisoning? :D Only joking! I simply could not resist, sorry!:rolleyes: