Numb

[Matt88s]

I've been feeling a bit numb lately. Its rather odd. Its not really a matter of feeling something so much as its a matter of not feeling anything. Its not that I don't want to, I would rather like to, I just don't. I'm not interested in food, in drink, in work, in play, nothing. I'm not even interesting in self diagnosing myself.

Mentally I know I should. Mentally I'm here, sort of.

I've also been feeling a bit on the suicidal side. Which is nuts. I'm not the suicidal type. I have no intention of committing suicide. I can logically think though it but I have an illogical fear of committing suicide even though I don't want to. Some of this probably stems from some panic type attacks I was having earlier this summer. I was taking a Chem II class at the uni and was under some pretty intense pressure due to the short termness of the class and the subject. I sort of lost it for a bit about midway though. Once again I was there mentally, but I had overwhelming sense of panic and out of control feeling that made me want to end everything just to make the feelings stop. (I am always in control and calm and it freaks me out when I can't control my emotions) Even then I was in control mentally. It was like my body was rebelling though, and dumping adrinlin and screaming PANIC PANIC PANIC. Mentally I was calm, thinking was logical even though my heart rate was up, blood pressure was up, and I felt like running screaming though the streets. :roll:

Thats pretty much when the numb feeling started. I eat but i don't taste or want to, its like a job, you have to eat. I miss wanting too though, and I eat and drink things that I used to enjoy and think, gee, I wish I enjoyed this like I used to. Nothing.

I go to turn a pen and the enjoyment is just not there, I don't really feel anything at all, its not that I don't want to, or that I want to, I just don't really feel anything at all. Nothing.

Carving. Woodcarving has been a form of relaxation for me for well over a decade. I love it, I can make anything I want and I love that feeling, or I used to. No interest in it at all. Nada.

I'm not sure what happened. I didn't mean to break myself. I don't know whats wrong. I don't think I'm really depressed. I'm not really "down" or "depressed" feeling I just don't feel anything at all. Is there a name for that?

I go to work. I mow the yard. I function normally except for a total lack of interest in anything I used to enjoy and a total lack feeling. If something needs to be done, I do it, and there are plenty of things that need to be done. Too many in fact. It's like I'm a machine. I do my job and thats it. Machines don't have feelings or wants or likes, they just do what they are supposed to do.

I know I should care more about this but unfortunately I don't care about anything so fixing myself when I don't care enough to care about fixing myself is going to be a trick.

I just don't understand. I've always been resiliant, hardy, easy going, on top of everything, spit in the eye of the storm type of fellow, nothing every shook me. So how'd this happen? And how do I fix it? I have no experiance with this sort of stuff, I have no idea whats wrong with me much less how to fix it, I hate that, If I knew what was wrong and how to fix it I would. I don't though.

Meh. Whatever.

It's very strange I tell you, very strange. :no:

[Ironwood]

Sounds like deppression to me. Best to talk to your Doctor about it.

My Doctor diagnosed me with depression a little while back, my symptoms sounded similar to yours, though I had a lot to worry about at the time.

I denied being depressed at the time, but the people around me and my doctor said I was.

Have been taking a little pill each day now and feel much better.

Please talk to your Doctor about it. For your sake, and your loved ones.

[Grunt]

Sounds like depression to me too. Try doing some strenuous exercise and see if that give you a bit of a lift. A jog, brisk walk or a ride on your bike for an hour or so.

[Stuart]

Me three. Sounds clinical rather than reactive (in other words the little white pill should work)

(Reactive - when outside influences are the cause - stress, death in the family etc etc)
(clinical - chemical imbalance (to simplify it tremendously))

Depression doesn't mean being 'down' In the same way that alcohol is a depressive.

Funny thing, often when you start on a course of meds, you feel better much earlier than you should - not that the tablet is working, but the fact you are actively doing something about it helps a lot. And as Grunt said - exercise also helps.

[Termite]

Trust me, been there done that, same symptoms 25 years ago. It's depression, and get something done about it pretty quick smart.

[Gra]

It unanimous. from another fellow sufferer.... GO TO THE DOCTOR NOW... DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.

Yes I meant to yell

[johnc]

Ditto with the others also and endorse the get help now. Just doing something about it is the first step to getting out of the hole.

John.

[Matt88s]

I don't think its depression. I know I have some of the symptoms, but I've been depressed and down and had my bad days before and this isn't like that. I'm not down, I'm just numb. It's a very weird feeling.

It feels more like some sort of imbalance or mental block, what else could cause it?

I have been under a great deal of stress but I'm almost always under a great deal of stress, nothing new there.

I have been working outside a great deal for the last couple weeks, building fence, mowing, preppy my blazer for painting. I usually love working outside, and I'm glad to be outside, but its not helping me any with this.

I really don't think its depression. I'm pre-med guys, I would know if it was depression, right? I think I would.

(I also hate doctors, figure that one out :roll: )

Thanks for your comments though. :)

[Glenn_M]

Matt - It's depression, or at least sure sounds like it.

Reading your post was like looking back 12-18months of my life

You may not think so nor want to be. I thought I wasn't suffering from depression for a while then denied it for almost a year. Almost ruined my life. For what?

Go see a doctor now. Please.

[rodm]

Matt

It could be anxiety or also known as panic attacks. This does indeed produce adreline and raises the heart rate, etc. A classic symptom is not feeling one with your own body.

I am far from an expert but my son suffers from this so I know the symptoms.
You have made the first step by asking the question now you need to find a solution - professional help is the only way to deal with this. It took my wife and I twelve months to convince him to seek medical help. The docotor said his resting heartrate was the equivalent to a marathon runner. Six months later he is off medication and uses relaxation techniques to avert an attack.
Stay off stimulants cafine, alcohol, etc as these will bring on an attack.

We can only relate our experiences and you do need to get a professional opinion to work towards fixing it - what harm can it do?

[Matt88s]

Matt

We can only relate our experiences and you do need to get a professional opinion to work towards fixing it - what harm can it do?

Well, I could become one of those chaps who are addicted to pills and goes nuts when his happy pills are no longer effective and he can't cope cause he never learned how to cope only pop another pill. :C I have a neighbor rather like that only worse. Watching the afore mentioned subject progress from a normal person to a addicted pillhead all under the wise and guiding supervision of her doctor :roll: well, about all you can do is sit back and go, wow. :no: She looks like a meth addict, which I suppose is what she is.

I know a chap who can tell me of a doctor chap who all I'll have to do is walk in and say aww doc I've been feeling all down and out of it and 5min later I'll be walking out the door with a bottle of happy pills. Will that have really fixed anything though? I've got to learn how to kick this only own. Its just really hard to fix yourself when your down like this.

I've still got spirit, I've always been the kick'em in the balls, spit in their eyes, never say die type of fellow, and I've still got the spirit, but its like when you've been out working really hard and you're all wobbly and you still really want to finish whatever you were working on but your muscles are too tired and won't obey.

Life goes on though, and so do I.

Thanks for the advice, info, and care.

Cheers!
Matthew

[rodm]

Hi Matt,
I can't ever see you being a permanent pill muncher with the spirit you have got.

The professional guidance is suggested so you can identify what is happening to you and work towards a solution. My son delayed help for too long and medication was needed so that he could get out of bed and face another day. Six months down the track he was off medication and now uses relaxation techniques taught to him by a phycologist.

The mind is a powerful thing and sometimes it tricks you. Fear is a primitive instinct that is triggered for survival. It is a necessary thing otherwise we would walk in front of moving trains, not use guarding on machinery, jump in a cage with a lion, etc. Sometimes the balance gets out of wack - I'm sure you have seen people over reacting to a threat.

I'm really not sure if I am helping you and lacking clinical knowledge I might do more harm than good so I'll stop.

I can tell you that you are not on your own and there are lots of people living with depression and anxiety.

Reading your words is like deja vu for me and I do urge you to seek professional help so that how you are feeling now is not imprinted in your mind. Matt it might be that you have an over active gland that is actually causing a chemical imbalance in your body so you really need to find out what is going on.

I promise not to nag you again. :)

[K_S]

Matt

It's clear your amongst friends on this. Pick your own Dr and just see what they say.
Who knows you maybe able to say "I TOLD YOU SO" :wink:

good luck

[Gingermick]

Yeah mate, get to a good GP or a psychologist and talk about whats going on.
Hows your sleep?
I hope you start on a road to recovery soon, best wishes.

[wheelinround]

Matt I read your post whe first put up obviously you still haven't been to a quack and got it sorted.

Not to wory Matt I am still waiting after 43 years for someone to decided whats my medical problem not that I haven't had a name given to it just I was stuck in a hole that sort of fitted trouble is its so rare no-one else dares to go any further.
If I do see quacks I spend 1hr telling life medical history

[astrid]

depression can show many faces and have different causes,
many bi polar sufferers take a simple mood stabliser eg epilim
a lot of doctors dont really understand the complexity and prescribe valium, and other depressants when people are on an upswing
this can be bad
see a psychyatrist not your gp
please for those who love you
Im not talking about the suicide potential Im talking about the reactive sadness and depression your state can cause in others
it is painful to be helpless