PDA

View Full Version : 'Twas the Month before Christmas ...



DaveInOz
27th Nov 2003, 10:54 AM
'Twas the Month before Christmas and all through the shed sawdust hung for the cobwebs.
I could clean up ..... Nah
I could start on the kid sized outdoor chairs I'd promised the in-laws ..... Nah
Too early for beer .....
and fantasizing about new tools is frustrating.

What I need is workshop inspiration - What I need is a visit from Little Neil the woodwork inspiration fairy.

.............

craigb
27th Nov 2003, 11:53 AM
Geez calling Neil a fairy might get you banned Dave :D

silentC
27th Nov 2003, 12:07 PM
I just want to say that it's NEVER too early for beer....

DaveInOz
27th Nov 2003, 02:42 PM
Originally posted by craigb
Geez calling Neil a fairy might get you banned Dave :D

Bloody hell Craig - I wasn't implying anything about the mighty and manly 'U':eek: I just thought I'd give the inspiration fairy a good name ...... what makes you think 'U' qualifies as a fairy ?? What do you know that I don't? ;)

Is there a link between the Inspiration fairy and 'U' other than the occasional visit which I'm sure is all above board?

DaveInOz
27th Nov 2003, 02:46 PM
Originally posted by silentC
I just want to say that it's NEVER too early for beer....
Of course I only ment larger which is an afternoon beer, ale as a breaky beer is perfectly acceptable, as is bitter, wheat beer, stout, derivatives of larger (pilsner), Trapist beers .....

silentC
27th Nov 2003, 02:54 PM
Whereas XXXX is never acceptable under any circumstances. But then I don't know why I mention it, as it's not really a beer at all, is it. D :D :D

When all of a sudden, there arose such a clamour,
I leapt to my feet and picked up my hammer.

The door to my shed was ripped from it's hinge,
and...

ozwinner
27th Nov 2003, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by silentC

When all of a sudden, there arose such a clamour,
I leapt to my feet and picked up my hammer.

The door to my shed was ripped from it's hinge,
and...
I then yelled out with a st.......st........stammer.
This wouldnt have happened if I didnt go on a binge........oh me head
:eek:

craigb
27th Nov 2003, 03:56 PM
what makes you think 'U' qualifies as a fairy ?? What do you know that I don't?

Absolutely nothing! Just my feeble attempt at humour :)

DaveInOz
28th Nov 2003, 10:29 AM
Originally posted by ozwinner
I then yelled out with a st.......st........stammer.
This wouldnt have happened if I didnt go on a binge........oh me head
:eek:

Now I'm seeing fairies.:eek:
"You ain't see'n nothing lunk head" the fairy said as it flit lightly to my shoulder and smaked me in the head with what looked like a wand but could have been a very small 2x4.
"I'm 'ere ta help youse out. Youse need inspiration so I'm ya muse. Now what I'm finkin' is ........"

DaveInOz
28th Nov 2003, 10:33 AM
Originally posted by craigb
Absolutely nothing! Just my feeble attempt at humour :)
Relax mate - I was just winding you up too :)

silentC
28th Nov 2003, 10:51 AM
"I'm 'ere ta help youse out. Youse need inspiration so I'm ya muse. Now what I'm finkin' is ........"

"... sumpfin in line with the time of the year, now listen to me or I'll rip off yah ear. That cut out of Santa from the christmas before was a load of old crap son, so put down your jigsaw. Pick up your ..."

DaveInOz
2nd Dec 2003, 10:19 AM
..... credit card, we're going shopping. First we need timber, lots of timber, and tools, new tools" Little Neilseyes gleamed with a maniacal light.

"But" I protested "I'm broke!"
This time the tiny 2x4 drew blood.

"Don't sweat it me old china" Neil quipped, all confidence, "I get trade discount"

So into the ute Neil the fairy stomped, with me close behind, and with a sprinkle of fairy (saw) dust we where transported to ................

Zed
2nd Dec 2003, 10:48 AM
next week - where we quickly bought all the newspapers and wrote down the winning lotto numbers.

Next stop in the ute hauled by carved reindeer was to be...

silentC
2nd Dec 2003, 11:16 AM
... back to the past to purchase the tickets and then to tomorrow to pick up the winnings.

"Now sit tight," said Neil "you snivelling louse, our next stop will be Bunnings Warehouse."

"My God, are you mad, " said I to the fairy. "I haven't been there since ... "

DaveInOz
2nd Dec 2003, 02:58 PM
.... they kicked me out of the playground"

"Well, dis time youse are gunna get some timber" Neil said, He looked sternly at me "And no bitching about the range or service, got it"

"Got it" I replied as I nervously eyed the 2x4

"Good, now lets go check out the racks" Neil instructed

After we left the service desk with its impressive rack we headed straight for the timber.

"right", said Neil, " Ere's wot ya need. ..........

ozwinner
2nd Dec 2003, 03:26 PM
A nice Bunnies uniform and a useless back brace, now get sweepen them floors, and no whingen.
And!!!!! be nice to the there customers, got it.

Zed
2nd Dec 2003, 04:00 PM
Or :

10 lengths of timber,
9 types of hammers,
8 grades of paper,
7 spirit levels,
6 wooden horses,
5 4x2's
4 g-clamps,
3 bench dogs,
2 cordless drills
and Lie Neilsen No5 plane.

silentC
2nd Dec 2003, 04:02 PM
Before I knew what had happened I was sweeping the floor and my eyes were wandering from the clock to the door. Then over those specials bins, that $2 heaven, to the shapely figure of Tina, on register seven.

When suddenly I remembered that 2x4, as Neil the fairy pole-axed me to the floor. "You're dreamin' again, you silly old goat, now put down that broom and ..."

ozwinner
2nd Dec 2003, 04:41 PM
go talk to Tina.............ya spineless good for nothing.
She has the hots for ya in a bad way.
And do up ya back brace..................

Caliban
23rd Dec 2003, 07:37 PM
It's time to save face.
So don't stammer or pace, just go right up to her and ask...

ozwinner
26th Mar 2004, 04:47 PM
Whompwoooh.
Red card
Your out of here. :D

So Right Al:D

Bob Willson
26th Mar 2004, 06:50 PM
It was all meant to be tongue in cheek. :)

ozwinner
26th Mar 2004, 07:10 PM
Must admit I like your sense of humour, but here aint the place for it.
Awh , I must be getting old. :(

Cheers, Grumpy

Caliban
27th Mar 2004, 06:43 PM
why the hell can't you guys concentrate on the story? I was really wondering what was going to happen! Come on, lift your games.
Now that I've had a sook
Where were we?
Tina is waiting at checkout seven.
Just ask her...
Cheers
Jim

ozwinner
27th Mar 2004, 06:59 PM
Is that big wart on ya face real?
Ooooowhhhhh.
Any way, warts aside, do you fancy comeing back to my place and we'll clip all your back hair, I have the latest in clippers from GMC and its laser guided too........
So with that....................................

Caliban
27th Mar 2004, 07:07 PM
... she showed me her...

Sturdee
27th Mar 2004, 07:12 PM
...........own laser guiding system , and with a cute smile coyly asked me is it as ................



Peter.

ozwinner
27th Mar 2004, 07:14 PM
good as the orange gear I have heard so much aboout? ( scottish) ?
So with that shim said.......................

Caliban
27th Mar 2004, 07:50 PM
....as good as anything Sturdee could think up to improve the...

ozwinner
27th Mar 2004, 08:12 PM
way she looked.
Her look, was as cold as a Melbourne winter, it could freeze the nuts off a bolt.
With that he turned and.......................

silentC
29th Mar 2004, 09:06 AM
... picked up some boots from the $2 bin,
he turned to Tina and flashed her a grin.
"By Chistmas morning, I'll bet you" he said,
"These $2 boots will be under your ...

ozwinner
29th Mar 2004, 09:44 AM
car when you run me over, because I'll...................

Bob Willson
3rd Apr 2004, 07:57 AM
be putting these boots on yer cat and the stupid little moggie won’t be able to ..

Caliban
4th Apr 2004, 09:29 PM
...play leap frog anymore, so what're ye gonna do aboot (scottish)it?