Who plays Golf ? Poll.

[Zed]

Greetings all,

who plays golf - that is the question - is there are common thread between reducing wood to its component molecules and belting the bejezzus out of some compressed plastic into a hole over yonder ?

[craigb]

Actually in my case it should be "who attempts to play golf" :D

[Sturdee]

Having worked for eleven years in a golf club and patiently listened to the whinging and moaning of golfers my opinion of this alledged "Noble Game" and some of its participants is so low that if I truly expressed myself I would be banned by Neil.

Therefore where is the option for " Abhor and detest golf".

Peter.

[Cliff Rogers]

G'day.


In my case, I need a a button that says...

"Sometimes, when SWMBO organises it..."

I have a set of clubs & have had lessons &
used to go to the driving range evey second night to
bash a bucket of balls for therapy after fixing computers &
dealing with computer customers but I moved & it is
now a 1 hour round trip to the driving range so I
rarely ever go.
SWMBO has a social interest &, being the social secretary
of the house, sometimes gets around to organising a
golf day with friends.

I ticked the too busy/lazy button.

[Robert WA]

Playing golf is one way to spoil a good walk.

[oges]

drive like a datsun 180b, putt like norman :rolleyes:

actually 16 h/cap for me

[Zed]

I must say - im very disappointed with the level of golfing here, I had thought that there was strong link between wood and greens but evidently not. tsk tsk.... ok another question - has anyone considered making some persimmon heads ? they after all, are wood...

I sorta agree with studee that golfers whinge and the "noble" stuff is just so much horseshit... come to think of it I was walking past one of those brass monstrosities called art in the park today and it was "opened" by some politician who's title is "your worship" .... I mean (on my soapbox here).... we are aussies right ? we dont use titles do we ? just because some lying politician managed to convince a bunch of people to vote for him does not make him an entity worth praying to right ?In fact he was probably the one on his knees during the election right ?

If I ever met betty 2 stroke I would not call her your highness I'd say "G'day Liz, nice to metcha... who's your renovator???".

your higness your worship, your magesty. you gotta be kidding right ? I bet none of them know how to use a bisquit joiner or sharpen a chisel... or even buy thier own groceries for that matter

Do it today! join the community of indignant normal people who refuse to kotow to pompous gits!

call your doctor "mate",

write a letter to your local pocket liner (politician) that starts with "listen here you",

publicly humiliate and ridicule people who sign thier name with DipEd or MBA etc....

Send your kid to a public school,

abuse in the street anyone with thier nose in the air or pontificates about the quality of schooling they recieved at "Kings",

hit "ruggers" dipshits with a lump of 4x2 and walk away with a contented air saying loudly "I love working with wood" .....
torch the house of any nearby monarchists...


wankers the lot of 'em...


:D :D :D :D :D

[Christopha]

Zed, mate, that's all very well but why don't you tell us how youREALLY feel?;)

[silentC]

Zed, I can see that you are a kindred spirit. But instead of violent retribution, do what I do and look down your nose at them. They're so self obsessed they probably don't even know you're looking down your nose at them, and probably wouldn't care if they did. But do it anyway! It always makes me feel better. If you can manage a derisive sneer, that's all the better.

And while we're on the subject, my wife, who is a pretty keen golfer (11 handicap) often buys this magazine called Who Weekly. Now if that is not a catalogue of useless lives, I don't know what is. It's full of stories about actors and pop singers. Such and such has bought a new mansion, here are the latest pics of Kylie and her boyfriend, why J Lo and [insert name of latest toy boy here] will never last.

It should be called "WHO CARES??" These people are the scum of society. As role models, you couldn't find any worse. And yet they are put up on pedestals and worshipped by our children. These people can't even stay in a relationship for two minutes without nicking off for a quicky with some tart on a Greek island. My parents have been married for forty years. Forty years with the same person through thick and thin. Tough times and good, but always putting food on the table and clothes on our backs. Now that is something to aspire to.

And I'll bet none of them play golf, either.

[craigb]

Zed, Darren - keep taking the medication. :p

[silentC]

The doctor says I'm doing well and soon they'll let me eat with a knife and fork again. :(

[craigb]

:D :D :D

[Sturdee]

wankers the lot of 'em...


:D :D :D :D :D


Amen to that. Zed, even of others don't like your style I do.


Peter

[craigb]

I never said I didn't like his style.

I'm as fond of a good rant as the next man. :)

[Zed]

I'm touched. thank you for your support - Can I assume I have your vote in the upcoming elections ? If so, I have a bridge you may wish to buy.

[Eastie]

A bridge you say. It just so happens that I'm in the market for a bridge. I'll install it at the end of a freeway and toll the bastard so I too can get in on the biggest money spinner this side of shity link.

[craigb]

Upcoming elections - what upcoming elections?

Are we to have a vote on who is the biggest tit on the board?

(God, I hope it's not me.)

[AlexS]

...just a little point of principle. All letters to the trough-wallowing muck-swillers that we have for politicians should finish with...

You have the honour to be, sir,
my obedient servant.
......

[Kev Y.]

Was'nt golf invented to allow those who were not BIG enough for Aussie rules, Dumb enough for RUGBY, BLIND enough for soccer, DRUNK enough for cricket, or TALENTED enough for woodwork , to have something to talk about????:o :rolleyes:

[vcohen]

While you blokes/blokesses have been mucking about on the golf question .... I have been doing some serious research on the subject. Yessireee Bob!

The final result of this research is to establish that the object of golf is to:-

'Take a small ball approx 35mm in diameter, place it on a ball approx 12800 Km in diameter, Then hit the small ball without hitting the big one.'

I don't mess about, I go out and ask the hard questions.:o

[Sturdee]

The trouble is so few can hit the small ball without hitting the big one thereby ruining good grassland. And if they ever do they think it is such a big deal they keep retelling it for years just like the fish that just got away.


Peter.

[silentC]

My wife plays golf 2 to 3 times a week. When she's not playing golf, she's on Ebay looking for new clubs (you can never have too many), reading books and magazines on the subject, or talking to people about golf. She participates in online forums about golf, golfing and golf clubs. She's always sneaking off to "hit a few balls". She tapes the golf show and watches it to get tips on how to play better.

Does this sound eerily familiar to anybody?

[vcohen]

Wow!!!

And then they say WE are fixated with our tools and workshops!!!!

Cheers

[silentC]

It's the perfect situation. I never get challenged when I'm heading for the shed. Sometimes I come home from work and she's checking out Ebay or something. I hang around in the background for a few minutes and she says "why don't you go down to your shed and cut some wood or something?". :D

[Zed]

your wife sounds perfect - with the price of golf equipment these days surely she cant mess with you buying a new Felder Combo.

[silentC]

It's all in how you play the ball :D.

You're right about the golf gear. She got all fitted up for new sticks a couple of years ago and now "the flex is wrong" so she has to replace them all. Thank God for Ebay, can't afford to pay retail on a country salary.

A couple of weeks ago I got a new jointer and thicknesser, she got a new driver. Next year she wants a new set of irons, I want a bandsaw and a drill press.

'fraid I'd have to sell the car to afford a Felder. Not sure I'd want one though anyway. Much more impressive having a shed crammed full of single-purpose machines (that's separate machines, if you're reading Jim ;)). Already got into a fight over that on another thread :rolleyes:

[ozwinner]

Originally posted by silentC
She's always sneaking off to "hit a few balls".


Gees, no wonder your called Silent, must be painful. :D
Cheers, Allan The Loud, :)

[Rocker]

As your resident pommy b*st*rd (although I do have a bit of paper to certify that I am now dinky-di), I have to point out to Zed that there is one member of the royal family, Viscount Linley, who makes pretty good furniture (see, for example,

http://www.edwardpritchard.co.uk/linleytable.htm ),

although it might be argued that actually he gets the proles to make it and then attaches his name to it:) However, I have to sympathise with Zed's republican leanings. It does seem a bit excessive that the Australian taxpayer should fork out $600,000 so that Prince Harry can take an extended holiday in the outback.

Anyway, I think that Zed should be grateful that more poms did not take up that that very generous ten-pound offer back in the sixties. But I suppose someone has to take up the white man's burden, and endure the filthy weather in Britain. I am afraid my stiff upper lip was not up to the task.

Darren,
Perhaps you could explain to your wife that, since the rules of golf specify that a player may not use more than 14 clubs, she is risking the humiliation of being drummed out of the golf club, if the word should get around that she has exceeded that number.

[Sturdee]

Originally posted by silentC
..........looking for new clubs (you can never have too many)......

Yes you can Darren. The rules limit her to 14 clubs when she is playing else she be disqualified. And yes unfortunately it sounds all too familiar.


Peter.

[DanP]

Originally posted by silentC
She got all fitted up for new sticks a couple of years ago and now "the flex is wrong" so she has to replace them all. Thank God for Ebay, can't afford to pay retail on a country salary.
[/B]

She could always get the clubs re shafted with the correct flex for about half the cost. YEAH RIGHT... LIKE THATS GUNNA HAPPEN :rolleyes: :D

Dan

[Iain]

Used to play golf but discovered fly fishing, a much more efficient means of disposing of surplus income in a shorter space of time.
Average trout for me costs about $5000.00 per Kg with trips to NZ, Eucumbene etc etc.
And I get to fall into hidden holes and get free swimming lessons too, can't do that with golf ;)

[silentC]

Sturdee and Rocker, yes you're correct that she can have no more than 14 in the bag but that doesn't stop her from having 140 at home in the cupboard ;)

[Sturdee]

Darren


You're a woodworker so get out your saw and hammer and nails and alter the cupboard so she can only store 14 clubs at home.:D :D :D


Peter.

[DanP]

WOO HOO!!!:D

The missus got me a 425cc Wilson Deep Red driver for Christmas.:D If only I could get a day off to go have a hit with it.:(

Dan

[Zed]

I hear god things about the wilson deep red. supposedly the 11 degree loft gives the greatest distance... I've got some callaway hawkeyes meself.

you gotta get the wife involved - you'll get plenty of golf in....

[DanP]

Zed,

The wife is involved. Took her out for a hit when we first moved to Cobram. She loved it and improved all the time. (Her only goal is to beat me). We played together regularly until she was too preggers to play. Bubs is six weeks old today so the other half is going to the Doc soon to get cleared to exercise. She had an emergency caesarian which has put her out of action for a bit longer than usual. Just got my membership to the Cobram-Barooga Golf Course which is great. 36 holes in great condition and reciprocals at Yarrawonga (45 holes, 20 minutes away). The Murray river region is golfing bliss.

Finally got out for a hit with the new driver and it works real well. If only I could play well to compliment it.:( A bit of work at the range should see me right though.:)

All the best,

Dan

[silentC]

Missus just rang me to say she's won the day today and broken the handicap down to 9. Is that good?

:confused:

[craigb]

Sounds like you're on a promise to me :D

[silentC]

You think so? Hope I don't have to wait 'till it gets to 8 for the next one!

Probably means I'm going to have to build a new cupboard for next lot of golf sticks. And make all the doors in the house wider. :rolleyes:

[Zed]

9 is an excellent handicap. you should grab one while they are going :-)

in order to avoid a new cupboard and more golf sticks get her a "carry/stand bag" and throw her buggy away - she'll soon economise how many clubs she needs.

[silentC]

Trouble is, she frequently plays with, ehem, older ladies and more often than not one of them uses a golf cart, so she doesn't have to carry them.

Actually, she's selling some on Ebay at the moment, so that's a good sign. One is a men's Cleveland 60 deg. lob wedge, if anyone is interested.

[Dirty Den]

Just stumbled across this thread and all I can say about golf is that Norman is a choker.

As for the spray that Zed gave the Pommy Housewife and her cronies more power to him. And as for Lord Lindley and the furniture he makes well Ive never seen a piece! He has a workshop is in Whitby, North Yorkshire and I knew a bloke that applied for a job there. He had to do a test that took an hour and then he was offer a job paying £4 an hour. (The shop he was in was paying £8). Lindley like the rest of the parasites he's related to reckon the opportunity to work for them should be reward enough.

Up the Republic and hit that sucker straight!

Dennis

[Driver]

Golf! Y'know why it's called golf, do you? Because they used all the other four-letter words already.

Listen, I hate the game because it hates me! But it keeps sucking me back in! Every time I play (Play! Ha! Give me a break, how can such agony be described as play?) Every time, I hit at least one superb shot - a work of art. Something to be admired and recalled again and again. Something that, unfortunately convinces me that I can actually do it - I can play golf! So I go back and make a fool of myself and lose several balls - and curse and swear that I'll give it up. But I keep going back! I can't help it!

(It's now 13 days since I had a cigarette but I'm in control - honest!)

Col (cough, gasp, wheeze).

[John Saxton]

Hit the turf some years back(cos ER' indoors) reckoned onit bein' good exercise even with a real good set of Wilson's.

Trouble was the 19th hole along with judicious(off course) innebriatiation between holes...coulda ended up a fessional hic! had the drink not got me.

Woe and betide those that aspire to those lofty heights of golfdom be aware of the pitfalls that await them.

cheers:)