And So It Begins...

[funkychicken]

John and Barry walk into a pub...



(next person continues the story)

[Elbow]

Because they had alcoholic constipation:(
they couldn't pass a pub

Allan

[Black Ned]

Actually they have prostate problems and couldn't pass a pee.

[wayfarer]

In what was a watershed for John, Barry found it a strain to find his way to the bar...

[flynnsart]

It was a dark and eerie night, and silence decended when they entered. Barry glanced around nervously, anxiously trying to catch Johns eye. He couldnt help but notice the....

[Incoming!]

... preponderance of black leather trousers with the rear ends cut out. Of course, to balance things up there were plenty of ...

[fenderbelly]

Topless barmaids who

[weisyboy]

sporting bushy mostaches and short pink hair

[watson]

Geez you blokes must go to some weird bars!!!

Just remember that the bloke who started the thread is 15 yrs old..............

[watson]

And so you don't think I'm a thread Killer.............
After walking into the bar......John said to Barry............

[chrisb691]

Know any good jokes?

[watson]

No, you have to ask Allan for the jokes.

[Sleeping Dog]

.....Barry replied"Yeah, stop me if you've heard this one,........

[chrisb691]

....two guys walk into a pub.....

[autogenous]

2 cougars and a slice of lemon please

[Sleeping Dog]

...... and there's this chicken standing on a barstool.........

[Incoming!]

Which Barry thought was a little unusual. Turning to John he asked, "Isn't that one of your mother's Rhode Island Reds?" John looked over and replied, "Nah, it's ....

[Black Ned]

Chicken Man - the Masked Marauder and he's looking at you!

[Incoming!]

Barry freaked out and turned to run out the door. Unfortunately, he ran straight into ...

[Sleeping Dog]

....Kevin Rudd...

[chrisb691]

Bugga says Barry, there's chickens everywhere.

[Ashore]

and foul was kevins responce when he saw barries ......

[tea lady]

drink still sitting on the bar. That's..

[funkychicken]

a white wine sprintzer?!

[Ashore]

no that white wine's from australia , I don't drink that foreign muck , unless...

[Black Ned]

it has a dash of Green Ginger Wine ..

[tea lady]

But no one is dashing anywhere today. Chooks all over the...

[Incoming!]

... flamin' place, politicians in their favourite bar. What's a bloke to do? Why seek the assistance of another character, that's what! Enter ....

[Black Ned]

Zero Man circling the ..

[tea lady]

....interesting adds in the Trading post. His highlighter halts mid circle and he says...

[Black Ned]

"Barry, I've found a cheap truss for your..."

[chrisb691]

A TRUSS, I don't need a roof truss, I need a .......




EDIT: Barry rarely listens

[fenderbelly]

i need a hills hoist to

[Incoming!]

..throw the tarp over, so that I'll have somewhere to host the ....

[flynnsart]

woodies get-together, but we betta get....

[weisyboy]

a bbq for.

[fenderbelly]

funkychicken in case

[tea lady]

Wongo forgets his world famous sausages. The secret ingredient is...

[Incoming!]

... protected in a vault by three teams of SAS kept awake by ....

[Black Ned]

thirty two howling smoodles.

[funkychicken]

Bred in the high alps of...

[Black Ned]

Smoodlevania and specially imported for

[fenderbelly]

their ability to

[Incoming!]

...pick their noses and gross out onlookers, the smoodles were only the first line of defence against the theft of the secret ingredient. Far more sinister, and hidden in the depths of the vault was ...

[tea lady]

the crack troupe of lay about roomilators. They lie in wait for unsuspecting...

[fenderbelly]

woodies carrying kegs of

[funkychicken]

Floobydusters who might...

[tea lady]

be making a foolish attempt at infiltration. Little do they know that even if they make it past the roomilators they still have to contend with....

[Black Ned]

Dogsbreath and the baskerville sniffer

[Incoming!]

which as the ultimate horror for most people, would pose no threat to ...

[Black Ned]

'Hicksy' and the Munruben Mauler who have been posing as two ordinary ...

[funkychicken]

Woodies down on their luck... but when they hear the call sign, "....

[fenderbelly]

there's a get together they

[Black Ned]

party hard and feign drunkeness so as to confuse the

[tea lady]

hell out of the misses. She never expects the...

[Black Ned]

bleeding obvious

[tea lady]

Resigned again to the fact that blokes aren't that complicated she decides to liberate the secret ingredient herself and strolls nonchalantly into the ....

[fenderbelly]

pantry sized

[Incoming!]

... gun cabinet and arms herself with three ....

[Sleeping Dog]

.... Glocks and a featherduster. The purpose of the guns was obvious but the duster was necessary to ....

[tea lady]

render the baskeville sniffers snifferless. It was little know that their inherant weakness in the seemingly impenetrable bank of sleeping dogs was their loathing if feather dusters. All she had to do was toss it in their direction, but first she....

[Black Ned]

had to distract the bare bottomed bikers who had their eye on

[tea lady]

Her delactable knees. "Oh my God! I forgot to over my knees. I hope I can out run these guys" she muttered as she made adash for the bunker tossing the feather duster over her shoulder. The murauding baskerville sniffers did a good job of slowing down the bare bottomed bikers, and our intrepid "misses" Made it into the inner sanctum. Breathing a sigh of relief she tuurne4d triumphant only to be confronted by.....

[Incoming!]

..her own greatest weakness, the actor Alan Rickman (ok - ok, I MAY be personalising the story - just a little). Alan took his time looking her up and down, with that irresistible sneer on his face, as he uttered her name in that hypnotic and mellifluous voice ....

Slap slap! Start again!

to be confronted by ...
... the extraordinary mess left by the bikers. There was a fine old collection of hamburger wrappers, beer bottles, three month old copies of Australian Wood Worker and ...

[fenderbelly]

two copies of well thumbed

[tea lady]

Ralph magazine. "Typical" Muttered the misses, gingerly making her way to the other side of the room. "Now to find Wongo's secret recipe file. It wouldn't be in the obvious place would it. He is a man though. Not very complicated." she thought to herself as she rummaged through the....

[Incoming!]

... pile of unpaid bills marked "Urgent". "Got it!," she cried triumphantly. "Naturally, no one would ever think to look in a pile of Telstra accounts."

The missus jerked at a slight noise from outside the vault. "They mustn't find this recipe! The Country Women's Association Armed Wing will kill me if I don't bring this back safe to them!" Hastily, she secreted the recipe in the most ingenious hiding spot of all, her ...

[fenderbelly]

cavenous handbag witch contained her capsicum spray plus the other thousands of girly aids and the

[Incoming!]

... matchbox containing her husband's brains. She whipped around to confront the intruder and beheld ...

[tea lady]

the remains of a tuna sandwich. "That reminds me. I haven't had lunch yet " she thought, as she hoisted the handbag over her shoulder and made for the window. Half way out with one leg still in the sink, she discovered that...

[Incoming!]

.. the seat of her favourite Prada jeans had been caught up on the flick mixer. "I've lost weight!" she exulted. "My bum ...

[fenderbelly]

is mixing with the wrong

[Incoming!]

...refractory index which distorts the overall effect! So she decamped with Wongo's secret ingredient and ....

[Black Ned]

makes a bee line to the ladies powder room to tidy up and re-spackle her face. Crashing through the door she bumps into

[Incoming!]

.. fenderbelly, who'd previously ratted through her handbag and therefore was intimately acquainted with all of the girly aids contained therein. Now fetchingly adorned with ...

[tea lady]

Hillary Clinton, Talking to herself in the mirror. "See I told him I could be President too. And he didn't believe me. Ha!! I showed him. And that little Menica strumpet...."
"Oh!! 'Scuse me." our intrepid misses said as she backed out of the room.
"Mmmm! Now where? " she muttered to herself ......

[Incoming!]

"Back to the bar! I believe the sun's over the yardarm in Afghanistan and therefore the time is right to .......

[Black Ned]

put another log on the fire. Meanwhile John has been having trouble with "jock itch" and asks the really cute biker how

[tea lady]

....he gets the holes even on his trousers. "Well, you just....

[Black Ned]

buy this thingo from Spotlight and measure in, and punch

[Incoming!]

.. according to the size required. But if you make the hole too big, you end up with ....

[tea lady]

a mini skirt, and with my legs I can't afford that. "Right!Best be careful then ", said John, nodding slowly. Then, across the room full of bikers he spots our intrepid misses dashing over to the bar. Mesmerized by her patent red leather heels he.............

[flynnsart]

thought to himself, "i must ask her where she got them from, they would look nice with the Rufflyrustic outfit I just got" and pole vaulted over the bar and...

[fenderbelly]

said "hey doll, where'd you get the heels" our intrepid miss replied (somewhat shamefacedly ) "got them at the Imelda Marcos garage sale" at the

[flynnsart]

and before she had finished her sentence, the funkychicken on the bar had beak-dived into her cavernous handbag, PLUCKED the recipe from its secret hidey hole and

[Black Ned]

yelled "another one for chicken man!"
"now we can put Wongo Kitten Burgers on the menu and faze out the chickens!"
"No,No,No, I won't have that" cried Barry as he grabbed Funkychicken by the

[Incoming!]

... bum fluff - exciting murmurs of appreciation from the assembled bikers. "Why not?" queried the missus. "Because," replied Barry, "Kittens make me ....

[fenderbelly]

think of that French woody Claude Balls who

[Incoming!]

.. got ten years hard labour for illicit genetic manipulation of his neighbour's pussy. Turned it into a ...

[flynnsart]

real cat fight. "Incoming!" yelled our intrepid miss as she swung back into the afray and grabbed the secret Wongo recipe back out of their clutches, dashed out towards the back door and ran plumb bang into Fenders belly, causing him to

[Black Ned]

chunder all over Allan who was chatting up this big breasted blonde

[Incoming!]

with a suspicious bulge in the front of her tight black leather trousers. Naturally, upon his investigating further, it turned out to be ....

[fenderbelly]

a roll of $50 notes he was going to

[Black Ned]

pay Brickie for some of his "etchings" that he kept upstairs in Room 13

[tea lady]

"Room 13? It can't be. That's where I've been sending all my rescued cats." Shrieked our intrepid misses, as she careened down the...

[Black Ned]

the hall yelling "has anyone seen my pussy?" "I have" said

[fenderbelly]

the Brazilian hair dresser in the black leather pants as he wiped his straggley beard with

[Incoming!]

... the dreadlocks charmingly intertwined between the bald bits. "Your pussy can be found ...

[flynnsart]

in the kitchen with the cook, he was saying something about the secret Wongo recipe and muttering to

[Black Ned]

his assistant " I think this one has hair balls."
"Oh good, we can now add