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funkychicken
4th Mar 2008, 11:48 PM
John and Barry walk into a pub...



(next person continues the story)

Elbow
5th Mar 2008, 08:53 AM
Because they had alcoholic constipation:(
they couldn't pass a pub

Allan

Black Ned
5th Mar 2008, 09:26 AM
Actually they have prostate problems and couldn't pass a pee.

wayfarer
5th Mar 2008, 01:23 PM
In what was a watershed for John, Barry found it a strain to find his way to the bar...

flynnsart
5th Mar 2008, 01:39 PM
It was a dark and eerie night, and silence decended when they entered. Barry glanced around nervously, anxiously trying to catch Johns eye. He couldnt help but notice the....

Incoming!
5th Mar 2008, 02:37 PM
... preponderance of black leather trousers with the rear ends cut out. Of course, to balance things up there were plenty of ...

fenderbelly
5th Mar 2008, 05:55 PM
Topless barmaids who

weisyboy
5th Mar 2008, 06:07 PM
sporting bushy mostaches and short pink hair

watson
5th Mar 2008, 06:41 PM
Geez you blokes must go to some weird bars!!!

Just remember that the bloke who started the thread is 15 yrs old..............

watson
5th Mar 2008, 08:41 PM
And so you don't think I'm a thread Killer.............
After walking into the bar......John said to Barry............

chrisb691
5th Mar 2008, 09:03 PM
Know any good jokes?

watson
5th Mar 2008, 09:10 PM
No, you have to ask Allan for the jokes.

Sleeping Dog
5th Mar 2008, 09:23 PM
.....Barry replied"Yeah, stop me if you've heard this one,........

chrisb691
5th Mar 2008, 09:26 PM
....two guys walk into a pub.....

autogenous
5th Mar 2008, 09:29 PM
2 cougars and a slice of lemon please

Sleeping Dog
5th Mar 2008, 09:29 PM
...... and there's this chicken standing on a barstool.........

Incoming!
6th Mar 2008, 08:13 AM
Which Barry thought was a little unusual. Turning to John he asked, "Isn't that one of your mother's Rhode Island Reds?" John looked over and replied, "Nah, it's ....

Black Ned
6th Mar 2008, 08:26 AM
Chicken Man - the Masked Marauder and he's looking at you!

Incoming!
6th Mar 2008, 09:30 PM
Barry freaked out and turned to run out the door. Unfortunately, he ran straight into ...

Sleeping Dog
6th Mar 2008, 09:38 PM
....Kevin Rudd...

chrisb691
6th Mar 2008, 10:05 PM
Bugga says Barry, there's chickens everywhere.

Ashore
6th Mar 2008, 10:14 PM
and foul was kevins responce when he saw barries ......

tea lady
6th Mar 2008, 10:40 PM
drink still sitting on the bar. That's..

funkychicken
6th Mar 2008, 11:33 PM
a white wine sprintzer?!

Ashore
7th Mar 2008, 12:05 AM
no that white wine's from australia , I don't drink that foreign muck , unless...

Black Ned
7th Mar 2008, 08:18 AM
it has a dash of Green Ginger Wine ..

tea lady
7th Mar 2008, 09:05 AM
But no one is dashing anywhere today. Chooks all over the...

Incoming!
7th Mar 2008, 11:04 AM
... flamin' place, politicians in their favourite bar. What's a bloke to do? Why seek the assistance of another character, that's what! Enter ....

Black Ned
7th Mar 2008, 04:25 PM
Zero Man circling the ..

tea lady
7th Mar 2008, 04:45 PM
....interesting adds in the Trading post. His highlighter halts mid circle and he says...

Black Ned
7th Mar 2008, 04:47 PM
"Barry, I've found a cheap truss for your..."

chrisb691
7th Mar 2008, 05:18 PM
A TRUSS, I don't need a roof truss, I need a .......




EDIT: Barry rarely listens

fenderbelly
7th Mar 2008, 06:14 PM
i need a hills hoist to

Incoming!
7th Mar 2008, 06:46 PM
..throw the tarp over, so that I'll have somewhere to host the ....

flynnsart
7th Mar 2008, 07:49 PM
woodies get-together, but we betta get....

weisyboy
7th Mar 2008, 08:17 PM
a bbq for.

fenderbelly
7th Mar 2008, 10:06 PM
funkychicken in case

tea lady
7th Mar 2008, 11:01 PM
Wongo forgets his world famous sausages. The secret ingredient is...

Incoming!
8th Mar 2008, 07:52 AM
... protected in a vault by three teams of SAS kept awake by ....

Black Ned
8th Mar 2008, 09:35 AM
thirty two howling smoodles.

funkychicken
8th Mar 2008, 09:50 AM
Bred in the high alps of...

Black Ned
8th Mar 2008, 10:14 AM
Smoodlevania and specially imported for

fenderbelly
8th Mar 2008, 10:54 AM
their ability to

Incoming!
8th Mar 2008, 05:18 PM
...pick their noses and gross out onlookers, the smoodles were only the first line of defence against the theft of the secret ingredient. Far more sinister, and hidden in the depths of the vault was ...

tea lady
8th Mar 2008, 11:07 PM
the crack troupe of lay about roomilators. They lie in wait for unsuspecting...

fenderbelly
8th Mar 2008, 11:18 PM
woodies carrying kegs of

funkychicken
8th Mar 2008, 11:18 PM
Floobydusters who might...

tea lady
9th Mar 2008, 12:01 AM
be making a foolish attempt at infiltration. Little do they know that even if they make it past the roomilators they still have to contend with....

Black Ned
9th Mar 2008, 09:04 AM
Dogsbreath and the baskerville sniffer

Incoming!
9th Mar 2008, 09:28 AM
which as the ultimate horror for most people, would pose no threat to ...

Black Ned
9th Mar 2008, 09:33 AM
'Hicksy' and the Munruben Mauler who have been posing as two ordinary ...

funkychicken
9th Mar 2008, 02:46 PM
Woodies down on their luck... but when they hear the call sign, "....

fenderbelly
9th Mar 2008, 06:33 PM
there's a get together they

Black Ned
9th Mar 2008, 08:39 PM
party hard and feign drunkeness so as to confuse the

tea lady
9th Mar 2008, 10:58 PM
hell out of the misses. She never expects the...

Black Ned
10th Mar 2008, 08:06 AM
bleeding obvious

tea lady
10th Mar 2008, 09:33 AM
Resigned again to the fact that blokes aren't that complicated she decides to liberate the secret ingredient herself and strolls nonchalantly into the ....

fenderbelly
10th Mar 2008, 12:05 PM
pantry sized

Incoming!
10th Mar 2008, 09:25 PM
... gun cabinet and arms herself with three ....

Sleeping Dog
10th Mar 2008, 10:01 PM
.... Glocks and a featherduster. The purpose of the guns was obvious but the duster was necessary to ....

tea lady
10th Mar 2008, 11:45 PM
render the baskeville sniffers snifferless. It was little know that their inherant weakness in the seemingly impenetrable bank of sleeping dogs was their loathing if feather dusters. All she had to do was toss it in their direction, but first she....

Black Ned
11th Mar 2008, 09:29 AM
had to distract the bare bottomed bikers who had their eye on

tea lady
11th Mar 2008, 04:42 PM
Her delactable knees. "Oh my God! I forgot to over my knees. I hope I can out run these guys" she muttered as she made adash for the bunker tossing the feather duster over her shoulder. The murauding baskerville sniffers did a good job of slowing down the bare bottomed bikers, and our intrepid "misses" Made it into the inner sanctum. Breathing a sigh of relief she tuurne4d triumphant only to be confronted by.....

Incoming!
11th Mar 2008, 06:40 PM
..her own greatest weakness, the actor Alan Rickman (ok - ok, I MAY be personalising the story - just a little). Alan took his time looking her up and down, with that irresistible sneer on his face, as he uttered her name in that hypnotic and mellifluous voice ....

Slap slap! Start again!

to be confronted by ...
... the extraordinary mess left by the bikers. There was a fine old collection of hamburger wrappers, beer bottles, three month old copies of Australian Wood Worker and ...

fenderbelly
11th Mar 2008, 08:13 PM
two copies of well thumbed

tea lady
11th Mar 2008, 09:04 PM
Ralph magazine. "Typical" Muttered the misses, gingerly making her way to the other side of the room. "Now to find Wongo's secret recipe file. It wouldn't be in the obvious place would it. He is a man though. Not very complicated." she thought to herself as she rummaged through the....

Incoming!
12th Mar 2008, 09:43 AM
... pile of unpaid bills marked "Urgent". "Got it!," she cried triumphantly. "Naturally, no one would ever think to look in a pile of Telstra accounts."

The missus jerked at a slight noise from outside the vault. "They mustn't find this recipe! The Country Women's Association Armed Wing will kill me if I don't bring this back safe to them!" Hastily, she secreted the recipe in the most ingenious hiding spot of all, her ...

fenderbelly
12th Mar 2008, 11:47 AM
cavenous handbag witch contained her capsicum spray plus the other thousands of girly aids and the

Incoming!
12th Mar 2008, 02:51 PM
... matchbox containing her husband's brains. She whipped around to confront the intruder and beheld ...

tea lady
12th Mar 2008, 02:54 PM
the remains of a tuna sandwich. "That reminds me. I haven't had lunch yet " she thought, as she hoisted the handbag over her shoulder and made for the window. Half way out with one leg still in the sink, she discovered that...

Incoming!
12th Mar 2008, 03:00 PM
.. the seat of her favourite Prada jeans had been caught up on the flick mixer. "I've lost weight!" she exulted. "My bum ...

fenderbelly
13th Mar 2008, 11:59 AM
is mixing with the wrong

Incoming!
14th Mar 2008, 08:31 AM
...refractory index which distorts the overall effect! So she decamped with Wongo's secret ingredient and ....

Black Ned
14th Mar 2008, 08:42 AM
makes a bee line to the ladies powder room to tidy up and re-spackle her face. Crashing through the door she bumps into

Incoming!
14th Mar 2008, 08:57 AM
.. fenderbelly, who'd previously ratted through her handbag and therefore was intimately acquainted with all of the girly aids contained therein. Now fetchingly adorned with ...

tea lady
14th Mar 2008, 09:00 AM
Hillary Clinton, Talking to herself in the mirror. "See I told him I could be President too. And he didn't believe me. Ha!! I showed him. And that little Menica strumpet...."
"Oh!! 'Scuse me." our intrepid misses said as she backed out of the room.
"Mmmm! Now where? " she muttered to herself ......

Incoming!
14th Mar 2008, 09:13 AM
"Back to the bar! I believe the sun's over the yardarm in Afghanistan and therefore the time is right to .......

Black Ned
14th Mar 2008, 09:19 AM
put another log on the fire. Meanwhile John has been having trouble with "jock itch" and asks the really cute biker how

tea lady
14th Mar 2008, 09:31 AM
....he gets the holes even on his trousers. "Well, you just....

Black Ned
14th Mar 2008, 09:34 AM
buy this thingo from Spotlight and measure in, and punch

Incoming!
14th Mar 2008, 01:14 PM
.. according to the size required. But if you make the hole too big, you end up with ....

tea lady
14th Mar 2008, 02:26 PM
a mini skirt, and with my legs I can't afford that. "Right!Best be careful then ", said John, nodding slowly. Then, across the room full of bikers he spots our intrepid misses dashing over to the bar. Mesmerized by her patent red leather heels he.............

flynnsart
14th Mar 2008, 02:36 PM
thought to himself, "i must ask her where she got them from, they would look nice with the Rufflyrustic outfit I just got" and pole vaulted over the bar and...

fenderbelly
14th Mar 2008, 02:53 PM
said "hey doll, where'd you get the heels" our intrepid miss replied (somewhat shamefacedly ) "got them at the Imelda Marcos garage sale" at the

flynnsart
14th Mar 2008, 03:03 PM
and before she had finished her sentence, the funkychicken on the bar had beak-dived into her cavernous handbag, PLUCKED the recipe from its secret hidey hole and

Black Ned
14th Mar 2008, 03:33 PM
yelled "another one for chicken man!"
"now we can put Wongo Kitten Burgers on the menu and faze out the chickens!"
"No,No,No, I won't have that" cried Barry as he grabbed Funkychicken by the

Incoming!
14th Mar 2008, 03:46 PM
... bum fluff - exciting murmurs of appreciation from the assembled bikers. "Why not?" queried the missus. "Because," replied Barry, "Kittens make me ....

fenderbelly
14th Mar 2008, 10:17 PM
think of that French woody Claude Balls who

Incoming!
15th Mar 2008, 08:40 AM
.. got ten years hard labour for illicit genetic manipulation of his neighbour's pussy. Turned it into a ...

flynnsart
15th Mar 2008, 08:49 AM
real cat fight. "Incoming!" yelled our intrepid miss as she swung back into the afray and grabbed the secret Wongo recipe back out of their clutches, dashed out towards the back door and ran plumb bang into Fenders belly, causing him to

Black Ned
15th Mar 2008, 09:57 AM
chunder all over Allan who was chatting up this big breasted blonde

Incoming!
15th Mar 2008, 11:08 AM
with a suspicious bulge in the front of her tight black leather trousers. Naturally, upon his investigating further, it turned out to be ....

fenderbelly
15th Mar 2008, 12:45 PM
a roll of $50 notes he was going to

Black Ned
15th Mar 2008, 02:51 PM
pay Brickie for some of his "etchings" that he kept upstairs in Room 13

tea lady
15th Mar 2008, 11:59 PM
"Room 13? It can't be. That's where I've been sending all my rescued cats." Shrieked our intrepid misses, as she careened down the...

Black Ned
16th Mar 2008, 09:59 AM
the hall yelling "has anyone seen my pussy?" "I have" said

fenderbelly
16th Mar 2008, 10:47 AM
the Brazilian hair dresser in the black leather pants as he wiped his straggley beard with

Incoming!
16th Mar 2008, 11:10 AM
... the dreadlocks charmingly intertwined between the bald bits. "Your pussy can be found ...

flynnsart
16th Mar 2008, 02:33 PM
in the kitchen with the cook, he was saying something about the secret Wongo recipe and muttering to

Black Ned
16th Mar 2008, 06:33 PM
his assistant " I think this one has hair balls."
"Oh good, we can now add