Dickhead of the week award

[ozwinner]

Hi all
And this weeks winner is..............drum roll.............."ozwinner".
If you would like to nominate yourself for the "ozwinner dickhead of the week award"
Then do so, but self nominations only, and I will post you the trophy.
Send me a PM with your address.
Award comes complete with burn marks and chain to hang in the shed.


Heres why,...........
http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7731


Cheers, Al

[silentC]

Now come on Al, don't be so hard on yourself - we've all had little failed, ehem, experiments like yours. No harm done, the house is still intact and we all know just a little bit more about microwaving wood now thanks to you.

If you cut the chain shorter, you could wear it around your neck. They used to do things like that in the olden days to punish people. People might even mistake you for one of those rappers.

[ozwinner]

Just a bit of fun thats all.

Cheers, Al

[arose62]

That thread was actually quite helpful to me - I'd seen a Taymar blowlamp reduced to $20 in K-mart, and was going to buy it, but now I can save the $$, knowing I can use the microwave to scorch timber.

Cheers,
Andrew

P.S. Do you have to chain the wood down before microwaving it?
I think I have tool-envy, and would love to see a pic of your (presumably) industrial strength oven.

[AlexS]

Re Silent's suggestion about wearing it around your neck: they used to make the apprentices wear one like that as an apron so they wouldn't cut themselves in half when using a draw knife.

[ozwinner]

OK 3 reply, and no nominations?
What is the world comeing to? :D :D :D

Al

[bsrlee]

Ah! But you didn't actually BLEED, did you? I have a constantly changing collections of cuts from my efforts - seems every project requires at least one blood sacrifice. I'm currently typing with 6 out of 8 fingers - the last cut was packing up today, just after the 'customer' said - 'At least you haven't hurt yourself today' - the previous effort has kept me relatively inactive for a few weeks after I routed the tip of a finger, but its clearing up well.

[Gumby]

Hey guys, can I nominate this week? I spent a bit of time yesterday making a third drawer for my workbench. I decided to have a practice at doing it really acurately rather than thinking it was just for a workbench and didn't need to be 100%. Anyway, I changed to crosscut mode on the Triton, got it all very square, measured the other 2 drawers so it would be identical and cut away. I then dovetailed the joints, sanded the ends back to really smooth, made a nice decorative drawer, cut slots in the bottom for the base and put it all together. Beautiful fit !

That's when i found out I'd measured the inside of the other drawer and forgot about the dovetail pins on each side ! The result is a lovely new drawer, 40mm too narrow!!

It's now sitting on the bottom shelf of the bench as a nicely finished box for my clamps! And I'm off, back to Bunnies to get another 1.5m length to start it all again :rolleyes:

[ozwinner]

We have a new winner...............dadahhhhh.
Welcome to the club.

Cheers, Al

[Rocker]

I am putting my hand up. Last year, I saw a picture of an elegant-looking chair made out of curly rock maple in Fine Woodworking (#163, P. 54) I should have been warned by the maker's statement that he had spent five months designing and making the chair. Anyway, I thought I would have a go at making the chair in jarrah. I spent about a month last year, before the weather got too hot for comfortable work in the shed, gluing up the curved laminations for the back legs, arms, and back-slats, roughly shaping them and making the joints, to the stage where I could dry-assemble the partly finished parts of the chair. By this time, I had made a couple of minor mistakes which were not totally disastrous, but sufficient to ensure that the completed chair would have minor flaws, and so would not sell for big bucks.

At this stage, I began to get cold feet and to realiize that I didn't really have a good place to put the chair in the house, and that anyway I did not really like the design that much, and I was intimidated by the huge amount of hand-tool shaping of the parts that remained to be done. The upshot is that I have a number of elegantly curved pieces of expensive firewood :(

Rocker

[ozwinner]

Well here it is, all updated.

You too can have your name here, ( still plenty of room )all ya gota do is stuff up. :D:D

Cheers, Al

[RETIRED]

Does stepping off a ladder into thin air count?

[Sea Moose]

I was cutting some plastic up and managed to cut my hand with the rusty stanley knife doeasnt sound bad? It friggin hit bone!!

Simmo the goof :p

[silentC]

Does it have to be woodwork-related?

On the second day of a 2 day walk in the Wollembi NP and half way up a spur, I decided to free-climb a 3 metre cliff with a 20kg pack on my back. Almost made it to the top when the ledge I was standing on broke and I fell and landed on my heels, breaking one. I couldn't walk so we sent one guy out for help, the other stayed with me (golden rule, minimum of three people when bushwalking). Both were on their first trip - I thought I was going to die in the bush because the other guy would get lost for sure.

It got dark, so we lit a fire. About 11:00 we spotted the chopper. They searched for about 15 minutes then finally they spotted the fire. I told my friend to douse the fire but he wasn't quick enough and when the chopper came in, embers went everywhere. They only had enough fuel to pick me up and run, so my friend had to spend the night in the bush. He had no water (used to put out the fire) and had three packs to carry. He ended up leaving one behind.

Next morning I got a phone call to say he'd made it out OK. He'd spent the night dragging the packs up the hill to try and get away from the fire, which was following him up the hill. The NP guys reckon it burnt out about a hectare of bush. Fortunately it was the middle of winter.

Two weeks later, another mate (who knows how to navigate) went in looking for the lost pack. I showed him on the map where I reckoned we were and he found it. The friend who'd left it there hadn't made it easy. He thought it might get stolen (middle of the bush, no walking tracks for miles) and had hidden it under a hole and covered it with rocks. The guy who found it deserves a medal!

Actually I don't need a trophy to remember that because I have a plate in my right heel, a 12 inch scar, 2 different shoe sizes and a guaranteed method of predicting rain to remind me :(

[ozwinner]

Thats the way fellas, 'fes up. :D :D

Its like confession.
Say 3 hail Marys.
And put money in the poor box on your way out.

God be with you, Al the Athiest. :rolleyes:

[Gumby]

As a previous winner, I think it has to be something to do with woodwork. Otherwise we'd all be on it !

[Wayne Davy]

Al,

I recon this guy should get the award (and prob keep it for life).

http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,8895332%255E13762,00.html


BRAD Shorten admits he is a fool who is lucky to be alive

He was skylarking with mates over a few beers and took what he thought was an empty nail gun and pointed it at his head.

The Victorian father of three fired a 3.2cm nail through his skull into his brain, just behind his temple.

A centimetre deeper and Mr Shorten, 33, could have been dead or paralysed.

The Sunbury bricklayer's labourer thought the firing mechanism had glanced his skin, leaving a small red dot, not realising the nail had been counter-sunk into his skull.

Mr Shorten said he had used the nail gun to install wall panelling in his home, but had turned off the compressor and removed the nail cartridge.

"My mates and I were talking about construction site accidents and taking your eye out with a nail gun, and I foolishly put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger," he said.

Although the compressor was disconnected, there was still pressure in the hose and it shot the nail into his skull. ......

Now thats the Dickhead of the Year :rolleyes:

[RETIRED]

Perhaps Bullethead or Flathead of the year would be more appropiate?

[Sea Moose]

Thats really gotta hurt!!!

I once put a pitch fork through my bare foot (i always wear steel caps from now on) Seriously what do i need to do to win that trophy :P Oh i spilt boiling oil over my arm and i have pics of it on the comp but im sure you dont wanna see that....

[bitingmidge]

1974 - my first ever visit to a building demolition yard to buy more flooring for our first renovation.

Old guy in the building yard caught my attention, firstly with a complaint that tickled my fancy, that most of the floor boards he had in stock had "more twists in 'em than my old fella"....then I noticed his feet.

Bare feet with what appeared to be chicken pox scabs over the TOPS of them. Noticing that he had just been clambering over a pile of floor timbers which had not been denailed, as the cause of the scabs slowly dawned, I flinched and asked him why the heck he wasn't wearing boots.

"Oh" he said, looking at his feet "Got so many holes in 'em now, it's just unlucky if I hit anything."

30 years later and I still remember every detail of him, the yard and the conversation, sadly I didn't ask his name.

Cheers,
P

[DPB]

Hey, Ozwinner, the guy's a brickie. That's explaination enough!:D :D :D

[Zed]

Does the D.O.T.W award apply to crappy workmanship ? If so I would be the perpetual winner....

My recent router purchase (see other threads) - decided to practice by making a sharpening stone box. what a woeful box. I learnt the following :


1 - cutting freehand is hard
2 - cutting a straight line is impossible without a straight edge
3 - a 12mm straight bit should not be used to cut 12 mm deep in one pass.
4 - routers have lotsa torque
5 - my first box is a P.O.S
6- I need to make myself a router table (I hear the Triton ones are a "bit flexy" thus should make my own... comments ???)
7 - dont practice on wood that is useful (I should have saved my fiddled tas oak)
8 - the naughty end of a router chatters up the workpiece nicely thank you very much....
9 - there is a BIG difference between speed 1 and speed 5 on a triton router....


I still think Ozwinners microwave is the best one. mr nailgun deserves a darwin award - far too prestigious for our little ceremony....