The search for meaning...

[Wild Dingo]

Okay I recognize Im not "disabled" in a physical sence nor in a mental sence in other words all my faculties are working on most cylinders... but I am "disabled" or probably "dysfunctional" might be a better word for it?

Anyway... Im starting to search for a meaning in my life.

Nah not depressed or sad or such whats happened has happened what will happen will happen as far as Jo goes... its just that I cant seem to get focus on much of anything I go through the motions of living you know breathing caring for myself eating sleeping working that shyte... but its like I have no idea what I want to do from here on in... no idea whatever!

Often I think okay Shane yer burke lets look at this situation what the hell are you gonna do? Right says I... get the house in my name and sell the buggar be debt free go rent for awhile then buy a mobile home and invest and just enjoy life... mmmm then I think well the place isnt that bad could do with a mountain of work but with a small morgage Id be debt free in about 8 years if I go for broke with the morgage anyway so why not hang in there?... mmm then I think stuff it sell up and fly away to the states europe wherever setup and make a new life.... mmm then the kids... so head east buy a place over there?... mmm I have NO FRIGGIN IDEA!!

I cant find inspiration once over plentifull I cant find motivation once more than plentifull and Im sorta just wombling around nothing really grabs my attention and if it does it lasts for a few days at most then I loose interest then its just wombling around again I get ideas but cant get moving on them or if I do its just for a short time then back to wombling again

I just cant seem to focus and STAY focused!

And I dont seem to care much about anything material you know? Im caring for myself no worries god Im healthier and fitter than Ive been in years I dont get upset by whats happening anymore I just seem to shrug and ignore it now mentally Im fine sorta I think clearly I am as emotionally stable as I can be lonely as hell but fine with it most of the time. I just dont seem to give a rats about anything

I mean the yard just the part around the house let alone the other 2 acres has overgrown and I mean overgrown down the back the weeds are as tall as I am (5ft or more) theres crap and things all over the back yard (not overly just enough to annoy hell out of me from time to time then I shrug and get over it) but I just dont give a shyte... I often leave the house car or shed wide open without a thought... theres a swag of things I MUST do to the house itself but I just cant be bloody bothered... oh I clean up its tidy and nothing out of place just cant be bothered doin the necessary work to bring it up to scratch you know? new skirting boards need making and installing light fittings doors not quite fitting new floors in the bedroom and laundry that sort of thing just "buggar it"

Work wise Im happy as hell... only work 10 hours 5 days a week most Saturdays but would like to work 12 or MORE hours a day 7 days a week as the mind is in gear and doing stuff that has to be done and I dont have to wonder whats next just turn up sort the truck get orders for the day and off I go till end of day then its park up take off for here and thats that... here I look around during the day having decided that I WILL do such and such but once I get here I think "stuff it" and thats the end of that.

Looking back I never had questions of what I should do or what must be done Id just do it... never had a problem with motivation Id just look around then at Jo or the kids and motivation came... never had a problem with inspiration again just look around then at Jo and the kids and inspiration was there... now theyre not here... nothing.

Nothing whatever seems to matter... just going through the motions of living... but no meaning no passion or desire for anything nothing at all gets me going as I used to... I dont want for anything I have everything I could need for a good life I guess Ive got a home that I should be able to keep a morgage thats low as and so easy enough to manage Ive furniture to hell and gone most unused since they arent here Ive got more tools and timber than I will ever find a use for... Ive got everything I need for a good life... but its drab its boring its mundane and its nothing.

Jo WAS my life for 26 years... seriously I had no friends she was my friends I had no life outside of the home she was my life everything revolved around her and the kids... inspiration came from her smile her laugh her cheeky grin her brilliant blue eyes motivation came from the 8 kids and their zany happiness noise brilliant personalities the future they saw and shared... that was my inspiration and motivation for everything I did.

Now theyre gone this place is an empty cold shell Im withering inside with loneliness heartache and life is a shallow empty pool where once it was a magical crystal clear pool under a magical never ending waterfall of life laughter smiles grins noise and hope for the future...

Now I have nothing... nothing means a damned thing to me... seriously Im not particularily sad nor depressed just lost momentum and purpose... I mean how can I have purpose when my children dont talk to me? how can I have momentum when my wife wants nothing to do with me? How can I find all that when I have no love in my life? To have the motivation inspiration momentum and purpose in life to fully enjoy and make the world one lives in one must have love must have the joy of their children the warmth of a partner who wants to be by your side wants to make you happy and you them... otherwise... there is nothing.

Move on? WHERE??? Where can I go? What can I do? Nothing... I am literally stuck here... at least till the house has been transfered into my name for the morgage must be paid and I see no good logical reason to pay a morgage AND rent somewhere else then I must remain until the place is sold then there are the younger nippers I cant up and leave them no matter that I dont have anything to do with the two older youngest ones anymore and just Josh the youngest no matter that all bar 1 of the elder children want nothing to do with me... I must still be near to know they are okay to just be there if they need me... I cant leave so Im stuck in this blindingly morose cold miserable existance

You know I havent laughed since this began? No not once I have found something that makes me really laugh... nothing that brings a feeling of sheer joy... even when my precious granddaughter Amelia was born it was tinged with sadness and coldness because that is what I recieved from Jo and now I am not allowed to see little Amelia as the daughter and her partner have determined Im an utter mongrel and thus they wont allow me to know her... even when Tiffanys second child was born little Peyton was tinged with sadness because I was alone I just cant see a way through this thing I cant see happiness joy laughter and well a life thats really worth living... oh I dont mean Im feeling suicidal Im not... Im also well aware that life will apparently get better with time... thats not it... its well so bloody boring and pointless you know?

Without someone to make me laugh to show me kindness gentleness warmth passion and desire Im empty... and nothing seems to be changing... its just an endless progression of emptiness loneliness and bloody boredom that lies in front of me

I mean I know Im a good bloke I dont drink (very rarely and then only a couple) Im gentle placid and kind Im fairly good lookin in a rough sorta way I know there are other women out there who may find me attractive or at least someone to share time with... but Ive no idea how to go about doing so!... Im not a drinker so pubs are not somewhere I go Im not into clubs never have been too bloody noisy... so how the bloody blue buggary does one start a new life meet new people and make relationships? geezus I dont friggin know!!! Honestly I have no idea where to start... mind you I dont even know if I want to... Im bloody lonely as hell never been so utterly alone that I can recall... maybe I was way back but over the last half a lifetime Ive always had her and the nippers and never needed anyone else... theres also the fact that Im still married we have separated not divorced and in my weird mind I took the vows on our wedding day "... till death us do part" so no matter what she does I cant find it in me to move on or meet another woman until either one of us croaks or our marriage is dead as in divorced... so even that is not going to happen!!

FLUCKADUCK a bloke cant win a damned trick!!

Soooo I guess Im asking the question thats probably unanswerable... HOW THE HELL DO I FIND MEANING NOW?

As I said Im not depressed suicidal or overtly sad... just lost confused and looking for a reason a meaning to whats become an incredibly lonely boring life.

mmmm maybe this should be a blog entry?? aaahh stuff it someone will move it if they think it should be there... but its sure a "disability" for me! and by god I bet Im not alone with this others have to be going through the same thing

[dennford]

Hey Mate,

I reckon that no matter who answers - all or any of those things, it won't mean a dammed thing because you know yourself that there is only one answer, TIME - TIME - TIME.

You know full well that it's like the flu - it aint goin' to get better the first day, you must let it run it's course.

You can hit your thumb with a bloody big hammer and it hurts like hell but you know that it won't matter next year.

Just hang in, wait and see what happens.

Denn

[jmk89]

Shane
(I'm using your real name to show this is a serious response)

Having had my own deeply depressive episode, I can tell you that you can be clinically depressed without having suicidal thoughts. I'm not an expert, but a lot of your post sounds like depression to me.

One really important test for me was what my psychiatrist called the salt test - remember the things that you used to do that maade you happy that don't seem to anymore? Is it like putting salt on something and then not tasting the salt? If that sort of sums you up, you may well be depressed. The fact that happy-making activities don't make you happy is part of why you lose motivation.

I may well be wrong. But you should get an appointment with a really good psychiatrist and get them to tell you one way or another. For me it was a revelation - the drugs helped and then the counselling side cut in to hlep me get back to being able to look after my own mental health. Just knowing what was happening and why I felt the way I did was a great step forward.

[Waldo]

Dingo,

:hug:

I watched from down here my Mum (in Qld) go from depression into very severe psychosis when my Dad died, she did some awful things and it was a battle for a year before we could gert her to get herself some help. The medical ssystem is a complete failure on that part. It was a real hard time especially given that I couldn't be in two places at once as my wife was ready to go into labour at any time from 18 weeks with our first kid.

I'd go with jmk89 and get an opinion, even if you're not depressed, not saying and I can't say. it's better to find out before things go down a slippery path. :2tsup:

[Wild Dingo]

Shane
(I'm using your real name to show this is a serious response)

Thanks mate it is

Having had my own deeply depressive episode, I can tell you that you can be clinically depressed without having suicidal thoughts. I'm not an expert, but a lot of your post sounds like depression to me.

Does it? God I was a counsellor for 12 years and well... strewth maybe I am but dont realize it? honestly when the black dog stopped chewing on my neck I thought I was passed the depression

One really important test for me was what my psychiatrist called the salt test - remember the things that you used to do that maade you happy that don't seem to anymore? Is it like putting salt on something and then not tasting the salt? If that sort of sums you up, you may well be depressed. The fact that happy-making activities don't make you happy is part of why you lose motivation.

You could be right... food is bland now whereas before Id really enjoy the taste and texture of food its just food nothing no taste no texture just something I have to eat... nothing that once made me smile even to myself makes me smile now.

I may well be wrong. But you should get an appointment with a really good psychiatrist and get them to tell you one way or another. For me it was a revelation - the drugs helped and then the counselling side cut in to hlep me get back to being able to look after my own mental health. Just knowing what was happening and why I felt the way I did was a great step forward.

Biggest problem there is I dont trust psychs or counsellors.. probably because I was one I suppose... but then theres the drug issue Im not one to take or trust drugs either Im allergic to a lot of medications and being brain dead is not something I want to be I dont want to alter my perceptions and mind and most drugs do that... mate I want my life back thats all or at least a life with some worth and enjoyment



I answered the questions the way I did so I could address you directly rather than just writing in a new post... I take what youve said very much to heart and I do think you are right that Im becoming depressed again... and thus is my life I guess a round about of lonely isolation and boring solitude where nothing holds any particular interest or enthusiasm... momentarily interspersed with fractionally moments of joy shattered by sadness and emptiness

Such is life.

I do believe you but what to do when you dont trust psychs or counsellors and cant trust drugs? I suppose you just exist until the slow passage of time takes over as Denn says

Thanks fellas seriously thanks
Shane

[Ron Dunn]

Get a job. ANY job, but the harder the better.

In our society men derive most of their worth from their work. That might be sad, but that is the way it is.

You need a reason to get out of bed. You need to be told what to do. You need to be able to achieve small things, and get recognition for them. You need money to spend, to reward and/or validate yourself for the work you did.

You need a job.

[wheelinround]

:tissue2:

:missing: Ok I'll bite ding why the hell are you at home its Monday :sick:..............ok so WA is a bit behind but not that far.:U

For starters you sitting at the keyboard why aren't you at work or out finishing or doing something constructive.

WHY possibly your brain & body is saying R&R time.....make sure all is in gear and breaks are working, we often get lost in our own worlds. Then all of a sudden :oo:

Ok Long grass do you own a flame thrower .........Fixed :ft::burnt:

Weeds spray with radiator coolant .............Fixed

Whats got to be done about the little camper ........go do it Fixed

All your ideas are good ones :2tsup: I have had many of the same ideas and I go through the same sort of stuff Ding.........as you said if your home you have time to think it over.

The kids well think back to when you were their ages.........did you hang with your old man :no:. I know I didn't only on some occassions mainly due to him being at work me at school or having been sent away by mother to some aunts or other.

They are growing up. Your lucky they are close by they'll contact you if they need you.
I gave up chasing the 2 sons who are married now have their own famlies and own standards lives etc.:~:thinkingof:


Ok Shane I'll swap you lives.

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Ron... mate Ive got a job and beauty to great mob to work with and alongside not one thats a mongrel which in this industry is unusual... wouldnt mind another one to kill the extra hours in a day but I think I actually need those few hours between getting home and going to bed just havent quite worked out what for

Wheeling mate... swap lives? why in blazes would anyone want my life?... you still have your missus by your side mate! Thats more important than all the possessions and things I have... yeah theres things I really should do (does coolant really kill weeds? be bloody good if it does since Im allergic to the poisons and hence why they thrive) but as I say my biggest problem just now is motivation... just cant seem to kick myself into gear

Thanks all
Shane

[wheelinround]

Well Ding you just blew your chance for good food :D

The rest well we all go through personal problems with spouses etc.:~

As to why Your in WA last time I went through there it was in 1961 on our way to Sydney from the UK.

You have land a house a shed bigger than a bathroom :roll: and a bloody mig welder :U

Yes antifreeze/coolant the green stuff for sure :2tsup: does kill off grass and weeds even if mixed type DO NOT put it near plants you love or vegies etc.

[pugwash]

Shane, you've got to seek help from a professional.
You can't do it on your own, you're just gonna get worse. When you're in a dark, deep hole the first thing to do is stop digging.
The wonderful people on this forum can offer you sympathy but that's not what you need.
Please. Bite the bullet. See your GP. Get a referral. Get some treatment. Get your life back.

Do it now.
All the best.
Clive

[Wild Dingo]

Okay will get some tomorrow... public holiday here for some reason... no reason I cant sort the place out before I go so thanks me old mate

Thanks for the words and help people... I guess I should have asked a few months ago... anyway its all rather pointless and pedantic now I guess.

Jeremy your right but to late now

Im tired tired as all hell of this so Im gonna take a break thanks for the words encouragement and support.

[RufflyRustic]

Hi Shane,

Have you had a chance to be angry? I know, it's a bit out there, but bear with me. My Dad swears that depression is anger turned inwards and not let out, not dealt with and no decision/action taken to stop/change the thing that made you angry. Goes something like this, bad thing happens, you feel a lot of emotion about it, one of those emotions is anger, but you know if you let the anger out, further bad things could happen, so you hold it in, hold it in, be good and well-mannered/behaved....... and then you get depressed casue you can't let rip and deal with the original thing that started it all.

I would agree with JMK and others, but I would also say that this 'waiting ' time could well be another, very normal stage of working through everything that has happened recently. I wouldn't fight it by forcing yourself to find something to keep you busy, but I strongly recommend seeing a doctor or similar, qualified assistance is very, very sound advice. Getting help is not a sign of weakness, but the very opposite.

Thinking of you.

Wendy

[Master Splinter]

As someone who has spent the last 4+ years going through all that sort of stuff...

Don't be too hard on yourself - it'll take ~18 months to a few years till you really feel like getting back on track with your life.

I can recommend mirtazapine as an anti-depressant - it seems to work well (for me at least) and it doesn't stuff around with your sleep like the SSRI's - selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors - can (it increases drowsiness so you take it in the evening, so you actually get a good night's sleep) and it doesn't seem to give that 'wrapped in cotton wool' emotional feeling - it just knocks the really sharp edges off.

Don't worry that you don't have the self-motivation or goal setting that you are used to having - it'll return, but it takes time as you have to let your personality rework itself.

Just go with the flow, catch up on some terrible TV programs, read some back issues of Fine Woodworking or other activities that don't really have 'start' or 'finish' points - just accept that you are going to be out of sorts for a while yet and lasting motivation may be hard to come by. Welcome to the womble farm.

My suggestion for a worthwhile short term goal for you is to get the property settlement and divorce done and settled and given a big rubber stamp by the court; I know that may sound very clinical, but - and I can't stress this enough - it is in your interest, both psychologically and financially, to get your ex out of your life. It may hurt at the time, or not seem worth doing, but see it as a small step on the road to feeling better - get it done and out the way and don't let it hang around like a sore tooth that you don't want to go to the dentist about - a quick bit of drilling now saves a big bucket of pus later!

[tea lady]

Don't be afraid of the anti-depressants. all the anti hype we hear is just "A current Affair" and "60 minutes" having a slow night. The modern drugs don't make you walk around like a zombi.:no: They don't make you not feel your feelings. The help your mind think straight. and help you deal with things rather than fall in a heep or blow up at everyone, or drive half way across the country.:rolleyes: I was even having quite bad memory problems that made me think I was getting altzimers. It was another effect of the depression, which for me took hold after having my son. So go and see a doctor. And go and see a counselor even if you think you know what they will say. Go to a different one if you don't like the first one. ...... They usually do more listening them talking anyway.

Wishing you well from way over here.:hug:

[Calm]

Ding i think I can honestly say "i know how you feel". The photo from the "get together" post shows a bloke with a kid that adores him and whose face is furrowed with worry/confusion.

This is not something that i particuarly want to talk about but if it helps someone else then so what.

Although my financial situation was different (no home etc) 11 years ago my wife took off with 3 of the 4 kids (7, 10, 12) and the 14 yo said get knicked i'm staying with dad.

I was working casual driving trucks - 30 hours one week 60 or 70 the next - I had kids coming to see me, i was working not knowing when i would be home, so i needed to make some decisions. Like you the house and the yard got into a mess, i'd go to see freinds get bored or feel uncomfortable and leave, food tasted sthytehouse, i couldnt find anything to "make me happy". Centrelink, child support etc were in my ear about - you need to pay this, you earnt that - we wont start on them, i could write a book on those bas@#$%$%ts

So my decision - i had 4 kids and i was going to ensure i finished the job of raising them. I decided that my house would be a sanctuary for them , if they wanted to come over bring freinds or whatever they would always feel comfortable at "their house". (i had seen to many families where the "step' mum or dad wasnt liked)

My personal life went onto hold, i coached their basketball teams, went to school and listened to them read, barracked at school sports, took them everywhere they wanted to go , made sure they did all the homework etc. it wasnt a big holiday for them it was their dad being their for them whatever/whenever they wanted. After a while the eldest daughter and i cleaned up the house and the yard and food started tasting better, i still didnt know if i was doing it right but the kids werent complaining.

Next to get Child support off my back (they were sending me broke) i quit my job, went back to uni and became an accountant (para professional). That was 2 years full time that exhausted all remaining funds and saw me sell everything we didnt sit on to get through - living on Austudy isnt easy. (i forgot to mention about the unpaid bills at the start - only about 25% of my annual wage, i had told them they would all get paid and they did - even though i has taken 10 years for the school fees)

After about 18 months the 11 yo came back to live with me then about 6 months later the 13 yo and the "baby" came every weekend and t 1 night through the week. After about 4 years she also moved back in. The reason for this was they didnt get on with their mothers "boyfreinds" so they eventually all moved back home. I made sure that i didnt criticise their mother to them, it was none of my doing it was totally their decision. Now she's remarried and they only see her about once a month. I have not spoken to her for 10 years, due to child support i had to make sure everything was in writing.

So what has changed - well 11 years later the "baby" has got her licence all of them have jobs, I still dont have a house (or mortgage), all the debts are finally paid, and i have now given up the "inside" work (the politics in offices -thats yet another book) and i am driving trucks for a living. Yesterday was the first trip in a "b double", that could be alright, a couple of trips interstate weekly

My personal life is, still no new partner - not sure if i want one - the kids ring me every day, come around every sunday morning at 10 am for bacon & eggs, i have a heap of tools in the shed and i reckon life's not bad. All the good freinds have always been their for me and most helped me without me even knowing it.

So Ding ol mate, their are no answers, i wouldn't give you 2 bob for a counsellor or phyc, i reckon shyte happens , that's life get over it,

That is the hand you have been dealt ol son so deal with it. Their are no right and wrong answers just be true to yourself and do what feels right. Family and kids that is the secret. Being one of 6 kids myself and with 4 daughters i know that is where happiness is (and a lathe in the shed - even if its not a VL300) i reckon lifes not bad.

Hope that helps - that boy is a rippa so go put your life into him. Dont spoil him just be his dad and best mate.

Try starting what i am now doing - cook bacon & eggs for anyone who wants to come around sunday at 10 am (you need to give some of them time to get out of bed) you might be surprised at the visitors that turn up.

So endeth the first lesson:2tsup:

Cheers

[Pops]

Hi Shane,

Well ol' mate, I empathise, as do many others here. Don't have any magic answers for you, probably because there are no magic cures to get one feeling on top of the world again.

Don't want to tell you what to do, 'you have to do this or do that' but one thing I can say is, the person you need to focus on looking after is YOU !! And I mean for the future as well. So if you can look after yourself in regard to the things you can control, like perhaps keeping the house, keeping a place you can call yours might be a good idea. Trying to buy a place in a few years might be a lot more difficult. Just a thought.

How else to look after yourself? Stay here with us, your forum friends. Come along to the next get-together, we all enjoy your company.

Hang in there mate. There are people that care about you. :2tsup:

Cheers
Pops

[Wild Dingo]

Cheers people... seriously thanks for the words.

I wont use drugs to get through this simply past experience seeing what theyve done to others in similar situations and me personally I just dont like the thought of having my mind altered by substances... and that includes alcohol although I enjoy a quiet social drink.

Sell the house? yes its the major thought just now actually has been for sometime even before she left it was a major thought... I can see the "rightness" of trying to hang onto it 1) investment wise hanging on to it is the best thing to do 2) its a small easily managed mortgage be paid off in 8 years 3) I wont easily replace this place of 4x1 on 2 lush acres with all year round creek and a nice shed 4) the improvements paint etc Ive done have made it a lot better to live in

On the other side... I just cant seem to stop seeing smelling hearing and expecting her to be here... even though Ive now taken everything that relates to her out of the place she is still here... I cant seem to do a damned thing wood related in the shed... Im bloody unhappy here 9 10ths of the time... just every now and then I see it for what it is a comfortable albeit small house with land that is very furtile and everything I personally wanted to achieve home wise... but majority of the time Im not at all happy from the time I turn into the driveway

So Im in a bit of a bind re sell or not sell

Re doing something else... I know the truck driving machine operating thing is only a short term thing as my knees are totaled and need replacements and I have arthritis in both... I have considered studying but financially I cant afford it as things stand... and its considered my "career" path as far as the bank goes and therefore by going back to it has made it easy for me to get the loan to sort the assets...

Once done I intend to do something easier on my bod... What Id REALLY like to do is to write and hence my present thinking.

1) hang tough with the house until its all sorted then sell up everything minimize economize and prioritize everything.
2) rent a place for 6 months as a base camp
3) Buy a mobile home that has beds for the kids and is a home rather than a caravan... make a trailer big enough for the 4x a small boat on top and a workshop at the front... make the back two bins into slide out areas for things like bandsaws small table saw and timber veneer storage
4) Buy a good laptop decent movie camera and still one.

Then invest the majority of whatever comes from the sell up (This should be a substantial deposit if I decide to buy again down the track) and find a good spot somewhere and take a few months to a year and just write... then publish whatever Ive written... taking photos and doing a travel type (using my natural Aussie not the bullshyte no accent that most use!!) docos... work when I have to or to rebuild the bank account without touching the invested.

This appeals so much just now... basically the thought of being totally debt free and able to do what I want to do without having to worry about anyone else but able to have the nippers with me enjoying that same freedom just really appeals after all this time struggling and working my ???? of trying to make ends meet and a good life for us all...

I guess Im having serious trouble being here thats all.

Josh is a great kid and increadibly sensitive to how I am! Couldnt believe how when we left Dereks the other day and I told him I was sorry Id had to leave he just nodded and said "no worries dad you have other things on your mind I dont mind it was good anyway" great kid.

The others? Well I know they all care and love me I know that without a doubt... even the ones who dont talk to me or refuse to aknowledge I exist still love me... they like me are struggling to come to terms with the whole family crash and burn and dont know who to blame or be with her or me... I dont have a problem either way and know that one day I will be dad again until they come back I will just be dad and wait.

No there arent any cure alls out there no majik wands or ways of helping... but rather than walk in silence and try on my own to get through this thing I am taking the hands of friendship that are offered here and holding on like grim death!!

I no longer blame her for whats happened... we both caused it... and so I accept my half of the blame if blames to be laid... but I saw a saying the other day at the mortgage brokers "One is never defeated until they start blaming someone else" and it made perfect sence.

So Im trying a few things to keep me going from day to day... sometimes they work sometimes they dont but most of the time I dont belt myself over the head with a mallet if they dont... just quietly exit stage left and take my time with myself... sometimes I find I need other people around me and others I find solitude best... just not here!

Thanks for all the words and encouragement.

Cheers
Shane

[tea lady]

That list of what to do sounds like a good one. Writing will make good use of those typing skills.:cool: Don't worry about trying to work out why. No one would do anything if we had to work out why first. :2tsup:

And just another little thing. Don't think about it at someone or both of you caused anything.:no: It just happened. And it doesn't help to blame anyone or everyone Or no one.

Best wishes.:)

[Wild Dingo]

That list of what to do sounds like a good one. Writing will make good use of those typing skills.:cool: Don't worry about trying to work out why. No one would do anything if we had to work out why first. :2tsup:

And just another little thing. Don't think about it at someone or both of you caused anything.:no: It just happened. And it doesn't help to blame anyone or everyone Or no one.

Best wishes.:)

Thats my thinking tea lady... it happened god alone knows how or why it just did over time I guess but regardless it happened.

I spent the first 6 months wondering and blaming myself and her... but now I guess thats pretty pointless and doesnt help matters for me at all.

Yes Ive been thinking of the writing for some time now... having already written a number of "books" including a 600,000 word trilogy and 8 childrens books along with a pile of odes and poems over the years... and yet Ive never even really tried to purposely sit down to write a "book" or story they just happen... or even try to get published... and I believe I should... no need to try to work out why words just seem to come from the head to the fingers in a constant stream once I begin.

Ive avoided it for the last 4 years due to the "trilogy" which found me believing the old adage that writers live precariously close to the edge of the line of insanity... a shocking thing writing that 3 months straight in front of the screen night and day around the clock it was like a possession to follow through with what was coming constantly... like a life I had no choice but to get down NOW.

But Ive no fear of that now... I actually look forward to it.

But thats not for awhile yet other things must be taken care of first and formost and then... life will be whatever I choose to make it be.

HEY!! When I had a yarn to Greame "Bookend" at Dereks the other day he made a comment that sorta struck a chord with me... apparently some blokes he knew who had gone through a similar thing joined a dance school... yeah I sorta rolled me eyesockets too... but thinking about it when I was a nipper dancing was one of my best subjects at school and even did some after when I joined a boxing club the coach demanded I keep dancing... but I havent done it since I was about 17... so presently Im looking around Bunbury to see if theres a school or club I can join... no NOT ballet!! Me in tights?? GOD FORBID!!.. no waltzes and such nothing like a nice waltz :2tsup:

Presently Im just rolling with ideas and options... and seeing what comes.

No blame I really honestly wish her the absolute best in life and all the happiness she can find.

Cheers
Shane

[tea lady]

An old friend of mine took up dancing too after his break up. Gets you out of the house and out of your own thoughts for a while. And social contact, and you've got something to do rather than thinking of something to say.:cool: He now trecks off to all the samba and tango bars in Melbourne. :rolleyes: (And when you're a bloke doing dancing you ain't short of willing partners. ) (For dancing.......:p)

[Andy Mac]

Some good responses here Shane, from people who want to see you get back to the old Wild Dingo we know and love!
I can't offer any advice, except to say (from experiencing depression in the past) it feeds off inaction. Do something, a little thing, and get satisfaction from that. Little steps and recognise them. If your yard is a shambles and everytime you look out the window at the whole disaster, it defeats you. Get out there with a weed picker and remove a metre of weeds from you back door. Another day, move to the next metre, and keep chipping away at it.
Extend the weeding action into you life. I agree with what was said by someone before, maybe the time has come to make a legal and financial seperation with your ex. Doesn't sound like you'll be able to move on without a cut and dried result.
BTW, was good to see your rugged handsome dial (and your son's) in photos at Derek's GTG!

Take care mate.

[Wild Dingo]

mmmm disaster? mmmm more like well a catastrophy!! god I went out there today wandered around the entire 2 acres... got lost twice!!... Out at the place where I have a large stack of logs you cant see them!!! TOTALLY OUT OF SIGHT :o behind the weeds :doh: Seriously in some places theyre over 7ft tall out there...

Down at the creek I almost fell in!! simply cause its sooooo overgrown that the reeds hide the thing!! reeds and kykyu (sp) grass is so thick and long the bank is obscured totally

I started thinking that maybe just maybe I should do something about it when I invited the kids over for a barbie the other night and had no choice but to set it up under the carport... usually this gives a great veiw of the creek... but mmmm weeds almost to the roof surround it!!! was a strange sensation actually sitting there with weeds up to the roof all round

Yep think I better get the whipper snipper arced up tomorrow and make a start :roll:

But I think Ive finally resolved my guilt with the shed/woodworking... I posted what happened today up in general woodwork but sufficed to say MUSIC doth in fact soothe the raging beast and gets the foots tappin the mind a snappin an things a crackin :2tsup:

As for the search for meaning... well there simply is no meaning in whats happened it just has... no need for blame either way really simple fact we allowed it to happen and did nothing to stop it... both our faults if fault is to be laid... that one wanted desperatly to try again while the other wanted nothing to do with them is just that one has put themselves in a place of no compromise and can see no way it could change for them if try they did so not even an attempt was made... when all they think of is their own personal happiness and wants putting themselves before all others... without wanting to make the other happy without wanting to give warmth care and love it could only be a one way marriage and that can and does never work... but life is naught if not choices we each made and each make them and so it is... that one hardens themselves so that they can envision no better life with the other than what was then no better life will they see no matter how much the other entreats them.

No fault or blame should be held for one has changed and the other must... love is an amazing thing... so easy to fall in love and so easy to fall out of as well.

I dont for a moment consider Jo has had an easier time of this past 8 months than I for I dont believe someone you share 25 years with can shut down all feelings and emotions for the other totally... there must have been times of terrible lonelines of desperatly wanting to be with the other of that comfortable fondness and warmth of just knowing that the other is there... but to gain what she wanted she had no choice in her mind but to shut down the feelings whenever they arose so she could achieve whatever it was she was looking for... but as hard as it was for me it was equally so for her... other than financially but that was a good thing by her parents in a way for as a parent I know if my daughter was desperatly unhappy depressed and loosing so much weight and not caring for themselves I would do whatever I could to help her... If I had the same sort of financial backing as they I would have had no hessitation in doing the same thing... although I would also have tried to get her to seek medical help as well not just help her leave but again thats a choice.

Search for meaning otherwise? In ones head I guess theres meaning out there for each of us me included I just have to get motivated to find it and create a future thats got meaning for me personally... presently Im starting to get myself back on my feet loosing the emotional baggage and getting over things focusing on making things happen for me forcing myself to do things Id usually not do finding laughter and smiles every day in every situation regardless of how utterly stupid or idiotic I may appear to anyone else... seeing the beauty around me again the creek the birds the flowers this place has a lot going for it just needs an awful lot of work to bring it back to a) where it was and b) a better place than its ever been... I wouldnt have a clue if Im up to that challenge but I think I will give it a whirl and if I dont then so be it no problem no sweat I will sell and move forward.

Life waits and time doesnt... so as time blunders ever onwards and I sit on my thumbs waiting for what was what could have been or what might have been life is wasting... so Im forcing myself to find new meaning.

Each week there seems to be some new challenge that comes but at least now its a new challenge each week instead of each day... so its slowly improving with the passage of time... and having now passed what we both knew was the turning point for me of submitting the consent orders for the assets Im in a lot better space than Ive been over this entire 8 months of hell

Strange that some can think that doing this thing can allow one to sit for as long as the other wants... why would one do that? there is nothing left of what was our marriage there is nothing left from her to me so why put ones life on hold waiting for something that has for all appearances passed into history? When one says they "always believed there would be an "us" yet every action word and attitude says the direct opposite one has no choice but to accept.

My "meaning" now is my own self care and life and that of the nippers and grandies... what my once loving wife does is entirely her choice and I wish her well in whatever she does and I will always be there for her if she needs me for any reason... as a good friend... not my choice as I have always considered her my best and only friend and also my beautiful wonderful loving wife... but seems to her I can only ever be a friend from here on and so it will be.

Changes would have had to have been made from both of us toward the other and toward lifestyle choices and indeed life itself if ever we were to try again... and while I was more than ready willing and eager to make whatever changes we both deemed necessary quite simply she doesnt seem to wish to make any of those changes... or even to discuss them or what happened... so communication on that most important of levels has been stifled and nothing is said... when communication is so very vital silence is all thats forthcoming and anger the result of trying.

We will see what the future brings... for now its enough to be able to smile see light again where not so very long ago there was only darkness of feeling hope and inspiration in a future thats unknown... of no longer being confused hurt and isolated by it all... of now finding and having direction and options to look toward to.

Thanks for all the support encouragement and thoughts :2tsup:

Finally
Jody I know you read this forum from time to time and so if you are reading this now please accept the above as how I feel with no malice or hurt intended... you have my number you can ring or message you know where our former marital home is you can visit to talk... but sadly you dont such a small simple thing but you choose not to... time is not an unlimited source Jody time is a finite thing it ends just as life itself must end sooner or later to sit and wait for an indefinate time is to waste the time one is given... be well

Cheers
Shane

[Pops]

Hi WD,

Good to hear things are looking up and you have some positive plans. Music is a great idea. Dancing is also a great social outing. Good move. :2tsup:

Look after yourself ol' son.

Cheers
Pops

[dennford]

Sounds a bit more like it. Maybe you can get on and tidy that bloody block up now. And if you get tempted to slip back into slack days, just do something - even a little can help.

And what're you doing up at all hours of the night Pops?

Good luck Shane; no! luck isn't the word - your future depends on you, not luck.

Denn

[barnsey]

G'day Shane,

Think I know where you are coming from.

Married 3 times - 1st ran off with the best man at the wedding, married again and after 15 years I was so desperately unhappy I ended it , third relationship saw me having my first child at 45 with a woman I proposed to with 3 kids from 3 different fathers. Between a high pressure job and 3 heart attacks shortly there after she decided that she couldn't live with that hanging over her head with the 4 kids so she ran back to her former abusive husband.

Having retired on a modest superanuation package I met a woman that I believed was the love of my life, married and having got her through a graduate diploma in psychology and put her kids through private schools she ran off after I suffered depression to the point of attempted suicide.

Now nothing in the bank - given the anti-depressants the khyber and nought but the workshop equipment I have I'm moving on.

In every instance time has been the thing that has got me through - but it was me I was looking after. Sure I can look at what's happened and accept responsibility for the outcomes but the relationships obviously weren't strong enough to weather the pressures. I tried to resurrect one of those relationships beliving it was possible but it ended in an even more bitter result. I do not have any contact with my daughter and recieve hostile venom from any attempt to contact her as a result.

The last relationship not only resulted in draining my entire retirement benefit but also fleeced my father of $5k into the bargain - her runaway resource.

I've been through the severe depression and the best thing I did was get off the medication so your decision there I can wholeheartedly agree with.

I've met another great woman whom I now share a house with - mind you took us 18 months to even contemplate it and we are still very much our own people but we do it together and get on really well together and the future looks positive for our ongoing relationship.

I still get periods of depression but I recognise it now and work constructively to overcome it. You have to do it - you only get one chance on earth - you can have many experiences and many partners if that be the case but only one life - so "Sieze the Day"

Your life could be spent looking for a refill of what was or it could be a fresh glass with a wild new drink.

Get where I'm coming from?

Jamie

[Wild Dingo]

Geez Jamie, It never ceases to amaze me since this happened just how many blokes have or are going through similar things!!! Seems every second bloke I speak to is or has been through it at least once... I wonder why that is?

Anyway... They say the only thing to fear is fear itself I tend to put it another way the only thing I fear is not fear itself but rather isolation and loneliness... fear is an adrenaline rush in many ways if one can harness it it can FORCE one to step up where theyve never stepped up before... its the loneliness that gets me more than anything even with young Josh here Im lonely as all hell... more than anything its her company and just her presence I miss

The isolation I can sort there are options with that one, but given the way the tide of the economy and world stage is looking I may have to just "tuffen up" and stay put till it improves so I can get a fair price for the place... but even so going out on weekends and one evening a week can cure the isolation to some degree but even saying that the times I have gone out Ive missed her as we always did everything together so again Im isolated from that one person

Loneliness is a terrible thing... although when I was young and single I thrived on it would rather be alone than with anyone but since Jo loneliness is something I havent had and dont particularily like anymore I need company

Not interested in a woman per se just the company... I doubt I will meet and get with another woman for a bloody long time Im simply not interested in anything along those lines as for a relationship well mate once is truely enough in my book. But thats now who knows how I will feel in a year or two.

Shes in my head 24 hours a day... every day... I cant seem to go an hour without thinking about her or whats happened or what I imagine could happen it just goes round and bloody round again and again and again!! Drives me bloody ratty I can tell you!! And causes no end of hysterics for the other blokes at work as they watch me driving the truck swearin cursin waving me arms around as I talk argue and bicker with meself :doh: about her.

I dont get a moments peace from it... seriously... night and day its all I think about... her... I wonder how one stops loving someone youve shared so many years with had so many children with and enjoyed so many adventures and love with? Ive no idea!! Some people seem to be like a tap you know? they seem to be able to turn the tap of their feelings off when it suits them... or rather they must force whatever good feelings they have for the other person into some deep dark hole inside them every time they raise themselves and they "feel" for the other... Im buggared if I can do that!! Stuffed if I can!

My younger brother (recent divorcee) tells me I NEED to "get back on the horse" and get with another woman... yeah right... theres no other woman that I even remotely see as interesting or someone Id like to share time with OTHER THAN JO!!!...

Sounds like Im mopin about like some lovesick puppy eh? but really Im fine as all get out and keeping as busy as I can... Just missing my wife is all... funny I keep seeing things I know she would like and think "I'll get that for her" then I realize I cant do that as it wouldnt be appreciated so I dont I see some roses or such and think "damn she would have to like those" but dont get them knowing she wouldnt want them... I simply cant think of what to do about this situation thats all Im buggared if I know! Sometimes I see her and shes friendly and theres that old look of care and love in her eye but somethings said by either of us and its gone as fast as it came... other times theres nothing not a thing in her eyes...

Like Ive said to her a fair few times over the last months... if she would stop ignoring me and shutting me out and just talk to me it would be easier for me to handle... but thats not right either since I dont understand what the hell happened or why shes turned so cold and angry... If she would just talk to me about whatever the hells upset her so much maybe we could find a way to resolve it? who knows but this way isnt working for either of us! I dont know where I stand or where our marriage stands and thats what confuses the hell out of me... and I know theres times when she misses me something shocking as the kids tell me "dad mum misses you and cried herself to sleep the other night" or "Dad she keeps so busy doing stuff for everyone and then she will sit at the sewing machine and just stare of into the distance and when she looks up she looks straight at the family photo on the sideboard"... but shes determined to get whatever it is shes looking for REGARDLESS of anything else... my feelings even her own about me the kids or anything else she WILL have whatever it is she is looking for REGARDLESS.

And brother that attitude makes it HARD!!

There must be a gray area for women that I dont understand I think... I mean to me you either love someone and want to be with them or at least have some contact with them or you dont end of story... but for Jo she seems to be sitting in some gray area of uncertainty

The paper work for the assets are in her lawyers hands now and so we will have to wait and see if she signs them or not... she seemed uncertain on Sunday when I saw her... gray area... its like I know she was phissed of about something when she went and saw the lawyer and got the asset paperwork started... but I also know she didnt expect and was surprised when I got the loan sorted... its like now its ACTUALLY about to happen shes unsure if its what she wants... which leaves me where? no bloody where again!!... as I said I think women have this gray area in them that we blokes just dont understand.

Thanks for sharing all that Jamie takes a good man to do that on a public forum... thanks.

Cheers
Shane

[barnsey]

Shane,

Can't tell you how much your thoughts sound like they came out of my head.

Loneliness is a bitch, BTDT and my only answer is you have to get happy in your own space. I get up - the sky's blue, the birds sing, I'm above ground and vertical. OK that's a good sign. If I could do anything I wanted to please myself what would that be - you are your own person, you breathe on your own, you crap on your own - your life is not dependant on another person.

We all get into positions of dependencies - drink, smoke etc. Another one is being dependent on your partner. Sure there should be an element of the outcome being greater than the sum of the individuals but sometimes an individual retires into the security of the outcome and no longer contributes to the result. In any relationship you have to balance your own being, self worth with everything else around you.

If you can't be a proud independent person on your own why would anyone want to become a friend or even lover or for that matter stay that way. Why would you as an individual want to be involved if you had to be the support for the other - lifes tough enough as it is!

Now - I'm not havin' a go at you or suggesting what I'm saying is the only answer - just my experience. Get comfortable with yourself - be proud of youself for all the good in you and disregard any external negatives. You are the individual that is the prime objective.

When you convince yourself of your own independence you will convey that and others will be attracted to your inner strength. Who knows who that might be - maybe Jo - if she has her own shyte together - maybe someone else. But in the end it is you that is the winner because you can and you are :2tsup:

Now go and make you the person you are - not how you think others see you.

Sounds bloody simple really - it ain't, I can tell you.

I have to battle it every day but it is the only answer - I am the master of my destiny - what else happens is a result of all I do for myself.

OK - I've exposed myself again but try it mate. YOU can do it and others will respect and be attracted to your determination.

Jamie

[Wild Dingo]

Cheers Barnsey
I had started sorta off and on trying to find a way to focus on who I was before all this even before Jo came along... and one of the things I always could do was to see good in everything see beauty in everything and find a positive in every day through this that had gone so Id started trying to find me again

I think Im getting there... over the last month since I got the paperwork for the assets done and into the lawyers and so nothing else I could or can do about it... Ive started to push everything I feel for Jo down inside and think of her as just a friend nothing more nothing less... someone I know thats it... been a battle for sure a hell of a battle!.

I found a fair while back the only way I can give her what she wants ala no contact with me was to take her number out of my phone so in September I did that again and told her why dont want any angst from her because Im trying to handle this thing my way... and didnt contact her for any reason for near on a month drove me insane! and probably made her extatic... anyway her numbers in the phone again but not in the phone book so no name and only in the recent numbers area so I gotta go find the sodding thing which is more often than not enough to stop me which is a good thing.

Anyways I am now enjoying my days although shes constantly in my thoughts its not over riding everything else and Im often happy when the day ends and Ive had nothing to do with her... now I message her a simple message twice a week generally first thing in the morning "Hey Jo hope you have a wonderful day" and thats about it... sometimes I get a response "yep I will" or more often silence... sometimes I will manage to cadge a small conversation out of her as long as its nothing of relevence and then silence.

Life is about choices and in my view if she chooses to be rude by constantly ignoring me then thats her problem not mine and I no longer get upset by it and actually laugh when she does it... not at her but rather at the patheticness of her behaviour the very childishness of it all... I refuse now to let her behavior spoil my day!

Ive become fed up with the constant rudeness, the lack of anything positive to say, the lack of any feelings from her to me and the lack of wanting to even try in the slightest to sort this out... sick and tired of the bullshyte of it all.

I wake at 4am every day have a shower smile get a coffee wander outside and watch the sunrise and SMILE... get ready for work and take off in a great mood... which remains for the whole day even when I get home Im in a good frame of mind no stress you know unlike the first 7 months when Id get home more stressed than I left due to letting her ignorance and rudeness get to me.

I AM the dictator of MY life, I know Im a good bloke, Im kind generous friendly open caring and Im damned proud of me and what Ive bloody well achieved in my 51 years!! to hell with anyone who thinks Im otherwise! I will not be dragged into being sad angry bitter dejected or depressed by someone who cannot even take the time to converse with their husband of 25 years and father of their 8 children! If that is what she wants for her life then good luck to her in my book I INTEND to enjoy my life experience love happiness joy laughter to have a better life than the last 25 years were with or without her in it... she chooses to believe the worst and see only the negatives of our time together then so be it I choose to believe the best happened and the positives were the larger part of our lives together... and by god it will be better from here on! If she refuses to budge and see the potential for that then again thats her problem not mine.

Shes determined to get what she wants REGARDLESS of cost REGARDLESS of the hurt it causes the kids or me REGARDLESS if it means the absolute end of our marriage she has determined she WILL HAVE whatever it is she is demanding.

I may never be rich or have shyteloads of cash like her mob but then Ive never wanted that sort of life either just not interested in it never have been never will be.

Do I believe there was/is a chance for us still? Damned if I know and Im fast starting to not care... IF she would communicate perhaps... IF she would talk to me the only person that had a part in whats happened perhaps... IF she would simply and clearly state to me what her problems are and IF she can listen to mine without judging me perhaps... but she refuses to do any of that... prefering instead to say nothing just continually telling me she needs time time will tell but still maintaining she feels nothing for me as her husband... so no I dont think I believe there is a chance for us still she has and is killing it off.

As my younger brother told me about his breakup... he still cared for his ex very much... but would strangle and push down ANY feelings he had for her every time the came to the fore so he could end it... Jo is doing the same.... difference there is I think Scott was AWARE of what he was doing I dont think Jo is or if she is then shes far more callous than I ever thought possible.

I need someone in my life who has passion desire want and need... Im in no rush to find her but I now know what I want and dont want for MY LIFE... happiness laughter smiles quiet times gentle times excitement adventure a passionate life! not some mundane suburbian mediocre shadow of life but one full of energy fun and smiles... of course there will always be times of the opposite but those time WILL BE nothing compared to the better times!

I AM ME! I AM A GOOD BLOKE! I WILL ENJOY MY LIFE!

now thankfully I can see good things I can smile I can appreciate things again and I can laugh... still cant do a damned thing in the shed but what the hell that will come again.

Cheers
Shane

PS... thanks again mate... that just picked me back up again and made me refocus... cause although Id been trying to get there and had had my moments your words have helped incredibly in me believing in me again... so cheers! :2tsup:

[barnsey]

Great to see you getting there mate :2tsup:

I still have my down days and get a dose of the "What if's"

As the ole man used to say " If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle "

"What if's" are just "what were's" - move on is what you've got to do :doh:

Today and tomorrow are the important bits - yesterday is just history that gives you the experience to know how to keep going.

You can always PM me if you have a moment - I've got voip if you need to talk.

Hang in there.:wink:

Jamie

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Jamie
Been quiet lately as Ive delved downward in my mind... cant seem to stop it happening... thing is I am still living in the "family home" and although Ive painted it and changed some of the furniture and pictures its still the same place... still the same layout same furniture same bed same same same... every day and every night its the same memories of our and our families dreams hopes wants and plans around and around and around nothing seems to set me free from it... then I see her... and with whats happened I cant handle it... downward I spiral

A mate over east rang me on Friday night and suggested I break away and go overseas to Laos total change of environment culture everything... and as the assets thing is now done and the final finish by the lawyers will be completed within the week I will have the $ to be able to do a trip out of the country

Ive had my daughter Tiffany (my saviour) talking me through what I should do and prodding me along to do it... shes not sure about Laos but definant that I should get out and away for a time she thinks the US would be better for me as I know a bunch of people over there so costs would be way down just the airfares would be needed and a little spending money... and Ive been talking about going there for about 10 years now just never did anything about it... now I have no choice... simple fact is if I stay in this house much longer I wont be here... and Tiff wont allow that its "UNACCEPTABLE DAD! what about Lukas? Dont you think he needs his poppy? And little Peyton? Shes too young to know you yet but she has the right to know her poppy! And what about me? and Josh? and all the others? YOU HAVE TO GO CAUSE WE LOVE YOU"... talk about persuasive

So up till tonight everything was aimed at Laos... tonight I got Josh involved cause hes the most affected by this going thing as he will miss 3 weeks of being with me... his decision was based on the time honored Aussie bloke method of deciding important things... toss a coin... heads Laos tails US... one tails... next heads... next tails... AGAIN!!!... first heads... next tails... next tails... done!

So having made the decision Josh AND Tiff are now heavily into planning my route itinery and when Im coming back... no... now theyre planning where Im going when I get back!!! Tiff reckons cause I cant stand being cold I should move to Darwin while Josh is arguing that Queensland would be better... ah well I'll let them argue that one time enough for what to do when I get back WHEN I get back!

Sooo present thinking is to do the south first start in Charlotte NC then Georgia Alabama Mississipi Tennessee and then Florida up to NY and home... once the house is sold next year I will go back and do the rest and finish up in Laos on the way home...

Tiffs budgetting 7-10K all up for the trip... should be doable since I will be staying with friends along the way

Soo Ive been up since Friday... and since she doesnt want or need me to help her move into her newly bought home as was expected her whole mob are coming to help her move since they paid for it :~ ... so I dont need to see her between now and when I go... no worries... just need to keep focused on the 28th December when Im planning to leave only a few weeks!!! :2tsup:

Anyway theres where Im at.

Shane

[RufflyRustic]

Tiffany is a GEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and, Tiffany is RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yes:

I'm so glad to hear you are going to live one of your dreams:2tsup: The trip sounds just the ticket.

:2tsup::2tsup::2tsup:

Cheers
Wendy

[tea lady]

Heeeeyyyy! Ding! :2tsup: All sounds great. A good way to start a new chapter of your life. Sounds like a fantastic trip. But you better help plan a BIT. No telling where you'll end up.:rolleyes::U Keep us posted. End ya better take pics....:((......:D

[jmk89]

What Wendy and Anne-Maria said. Have a great time!

[Robomanic]

I have just read this entire thread and am so glad that you are making the plans for the trip!

You are clearly a perceptive, genuine and articulate person and I would love to hear about your travels, so keep us posted!

[Wild Dingo]

travelogue? Me??? Strewth mate Im a quiet unassumin sorta bloke me I wouldnt know how to throw ten words together me!!! :no:

Yeah okay I can hear all that chucklin over there :U :q

Okay... things have been up and DOWN lately... now its done (still waiting on the lawyers) seems I cant stand being in her airspace for some reason man it gets to me!!... Ive now missed one future son in laws birthday and a major part of my little grand daughters naming day due it how I feel about her!! drives me flamin nuts that she can be so bloody happy when our marriage is so damned buggared :~

So the trip thing?... changed again Im afraid seems the longer it takes to bloody go the more often it changes :doh:

NOW the thinking is a bit more rational I think... maybe?... anyway Im planning on buying a cheep poptop caravan around 3-4K and buggar of down south do the wine tours a river cruise maybe go to the chocolate factory and the mead distillery (god that stuff is bloody addictive!!!) take about a week I guess then to Albany see my elder sis for a day or so then wander around to Esperance to Norseman and finally aim the car east along the null and bore... plan for a few days in SA wander to Vic a couple more days thinking maybe the ferry trip to Tassy might be good spend maybe a week or less there depending then back and see what Im feeling about then...

head home or head northward... presently aiming at 2-3 weeks away but dont have any hurry until it hits about the 13th Feb this to allow 5 days travel to be back in time for Joshys birthday... unlike her I WILL NOT miss any of the younger kids or grandies birthdays! mmmm okay I have no choice but to miss one of them as her parents refuse to allow me anywhere near her due to this thing... their choice... but back in time for Josh to come stay for his birthday... still plan on leaving at this stage looks a goer for the 27th - 28th Decemeber!! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!

Way I see it... Im plannin on 3-4 weeks max (okay room for maybe another week there if I push it) while shes planning on being in England for 6-8 weeks and miss 3 of the kids birthdays along with one of the grandies 1st... but thats her choice I reckon since shes had 5 overseas holidays since this began along with 2 holidays down south and a long overseas one coming while Ive been to broome twice in 3 weeks back in the begining Im about due... SO I DONT GIVE A RIP WHAT SHE THINKS... IM GOING!

Soooo... got to thinking today maybe Im doing this a bit ???? about face? I mean I could zoom over east to Tassy collect some of their fine wines then head west to SA an Vic pick up some of their fine wines then on the way home go to the south pick up a crate of mead and some fine wines along with some chocolates from the factory... mmmm bars gonna be well stocked for me birfday eh!!! :2tsup: of course I havent been able to do shyte in the shed so the bar still isnt even started :doh: but its gonna be well stocked!! :q

mmmm reading that one might start to think Im a bit of a boozer eh? and that Im gonna spend a fair whack of $ on the good oil right?... RIGHT!!!! TOO BLOODY RIGHT!!!... sadly only reds since whites taste like vinigar to me... oooh and as much mead as I can get hold of!! GOD I LOVE THAT STUFF... but yeah theres a good budget set for the cargo holds return contents bringing plenty of towels and a couple of big esky/ice boxes to hold it all nice and safe :2tsup:

Thoughts? east first or southwest first?.

Shane

mmmm anyone got a spare sis they want to palm of on me for a few weeks? gotta be cute small wheeled base long hair prefer non blonde (I think Im over blondes for a time) good company happy with a cheeky sence of humor and adventurous... well gotta add that cause I dont stick to the road too much!! see now yous mob thought I was thinkin of somethin else werent you? NOT I!! well mmmm okay then maybe just a teeny bit I might have... but anyway if you know of some fine young sheila who wants to hit the road for a few weeks in a comfy 4x4 and caravan... all she has to do is put up with me an give me a good laugh at least 10 times per 100 klicks I'll do the rest!! :2tsup:

pm me instructions so we can meet up!! :U

Well what do you mob expect!! Wendys done tooken by her spanner headed boofhead!! :;

Shane!

[RufflyRustic]

..........
Thoughts? east first or southwest first?.


Flip a coin Shane, Heads = east, Tails = Southwest :)



...........Well what do you mob expect!! Wendys done tooken by her spanner headed boofhead!! :;

Shane!

:B

[masoth]

Mate, there's more to the East of you than to the South, and think of the potential 'meeting of Members' you could arrange.

soth

[Wild Dingo]

True soth true... but now things have changed a tad... again... work has picked up!!! so Ive been told were standing down as of the 19th Dec and returning the 5th Jan... bummer for me in some ways but FANFRIGGINTASTIC in others!!

Soooo Ive been thinking... hehehehe yeah I tend to do that (note specially after a few tipples of mead... ahem... which Ive had :; ) and after checkin me emails Ive recieved one from that Wicked campers mob about their campers for sale... seems I HAVE to travel to Queensland after all if I want one

Dont know what theyre like really all ive done is whizz past them on the road... but seems theyre for sale for 6K with a guarenteed buyback within the first 12mths for 1800 plus a years comprehensive ins... bit HIGH on the miliage as youd expect (bet 200 and 400K) soooo Im thinking how quick a trip I can make to Brizzy pick one up and wander back??... mmm now if I fly over on say the 26th IF I can get a ticket of course the drive back shouldnt take more than the remaining 10 days left of the break?? unless I get stuck with yous mob of course!! :doh: :q

Only person I know of thats used one is Neil from this forum... so Neil me ol sock reckon theyre worth the above price?

At present since the times shorter its either catch the silver bird to say Adelaide and waste some time drinkin muckin about and generally making everyones reputation rather wrecked and fly back...

or...

Head south for a few days before Chrissy stock up on some fine choccys and wines... have Chrissy with the nippers... head back south to the mead distillery and STOCK UP BIG TIME... and wander back in time to go to work

Am DEFINANTLY going to buy some form of decent sort of camper caravan or some such as I wont be moving back into this place after the new year but will park the watever out the back and live in that till this place is sold... either that or park it in the caravan park and come here in the evenings to clean sort and get it sold... NO FLAMIN WAY I can live here anymore... round and round and flamin round it goes every sodding day and every bloody night... so out I go!!

Seems thats how shes been able to move through this thing with "relative" ease as shes not surrounded by it and living it all the time... and IM GOING NUTS!!!.

Anyway views opinions and suggestions are more than welcome!!

oooh Wendy? why the rolled eyes my girl? You know I digs yer an boofhead bein the nice bloke he is he understands :; :;

Shane!

[tea lady]

I was going too suggest buying the camper over east and driving it back. :2tsup: But seems that big trip is put off cos o' work. But you want to live in it after new year.:doh: You are prolly right about her being able to get over it so much sooner by being out if the house. She was prolly also working up the the move for a while, where for you it all came as a sudden shock. If you do get the camper I think it would be better to be at a caravan park than the back yard. Just that bit more removed. and may be some other people there to talk to and drive you nuts.:cool:

Don't be too worried about birthdays. A phone call from where ever you are would be fine I reckon. It sounds a bit like you are using them to rack up points against "her". :shrug: IMHO:)

[Wild Dingo]

Don't be too worried about birthdays. A phone call from where ever you are would be fine I reckon. It sounds a bit like you are using them to rack up points against "her". :shrug: IMHO:)

Hi tea lady... you were right on the money until this.

Sorry but its the other way round she is turning them against me... so far there are of 8 kids only 3 left that have anything to do with me and 2 grandchildren that dont know me thanks to her.

The only thing I want from having Christmas here is based on IF this is to be our last christmas as a family (which is more than probable) I PERSONALLY would like to have ALL the children grandchildren AND HER here at what was the family home for the final time... THAT IS ALL I WANT FROM IT... however 4 have stated flat out that they wont be here end of story and shes now saying theres no way she will be here either as she considers the house her father recently bought and gave to her as her new home and she wants it there... I HAVE NOT been asked to come.

Okay as to the caravan camper thing... yes thats the idea to live in it present thinking is that I will stay in it here while Josh isnt here then when he comes stay in the house with him... If I stay here but dont live inside Im hoping to be able to disassociate myself enough to fix and sort it while Josh isnt here... although this will probably change and I will more than likely move into the caravan park as this place the memories the hurts the laughters the plans and love that WAS here is eating me up each and every damned day and night.

So getting a caravan is probably more appropriate as its unknown how long it will take to sell in this real estate market here... it is a possibility that it will be a sitter for many months but on the other hand due to its location size and a few other things may well sell quick... hopefully.

Anyway...
Shane

[Calm]

Hi tea lady... you were right on the money until this.

Sorry but its the other way round she is turning them against me... so far there are of 8 kids only 3 left that have anything to do with me and 2 grandchildren that dont know me thanks to her.

The only thing I want from having Christmas here is based on IF this is to be our last christmas as a family (which is more than probable) I PERSONALLY would like to have ALL the children grandchildren AND HER here at what was the family home for the final time... THAT IS ALL I WANT FROM IT... however 4 have stated flat out that they wont be here end of story and shes now saying theres no way she will be here either as she considers the house her father recently bought and gave to her as her new home and she wants it there... I HAVE NOT been asked to come.

.................................................Shane


Shane you have me really worried about you now.

"Anyway views opinions and suggestions are more than welcome!!" you wrote this in one of your last posts so here goes it is not going to be pretty, in fact i am known for being about as subtle as a sledge hammer, with about as much compassion at times.

But i think you need it, possibly others are thinking it also but not going to tell you. There is no easy way to sugar coat this as you might not see what i am trying to say.

But then again i could be wrong, this is just my opinion., as was the following opinion from the first page of your thread




Ding i think I can honestly say "i know how you feel". The photo from the "get together" post shows a bloke with a kid that adores him and whose face is furrowed with worry/confusion.

...................................

So Ding ol mate, their are no answers, i wouldn't give you 2 bob for a counsellor or phyc, i reckon shyte happens , that's life get over it,

That is the hand you have been dealt ol son so deal with it. Their are no right and wrong answers just be true to yourself and do what feels right. Family and kids that is the secret. Being one of 6 kids myself and with 4 daughters i know that is where happiness is (and a lathe in the shed - even if its not a VL300) i reckon lifes not bad.

Hope that helps - that boy is a rippa so go put your life into him. Dont spoil him just be his dad and best mate.

...............................................

I think you need help Ding, sell the house go see someone and get help, go see a counsellor, psychiatrist or someone to help you. If it is the house then get out, the money doesn't matter when it comes to your health. I originally said i wouldnt give 2 bob for these people but i think you are in trouble and need help NOW.

To me it appears you are either denying it or refusing to acknowledge it but YOU JUST DONT GET IT, you are also appearing to be paranoid.

- You say you want it to be the last family christmas together (that was 2007 and will never happen again)
- Ding you are not in her family anymore
- you and her share children but you dont have a family together
- your family is short of a female "head of state" there is only one parent in YOUR family and thats you
- Move on, get over it, the marriage and life as 2 parents together is over, she is trying to tell you she doesnt want you in her life anymore but you are not listening.
- You are not in "HER" family any more. That is why she wants christmas in "HER" new house with "HER" new family, a new start for "HER"
- To say "she is turning them against me" seems paranoid to me, from my experience and knowledge, any parent who loves their children insists that they see both parents and try their hardest to keep their "personal thoughts" from the kids. I think you are making a big mistake/under estimating your kids if you think their mother is "running you down" in front of them and not letting them make up their own minds/decisions.

WHAT TO DO
- get help and i mean professional help, you are struggling with this whole seperation, end of marriage thing, see the pro's ask them for help and listen, before you go troppo over it, there is a great bloke inside that head that is struggling with the cards dealt to him and he need someone to help him get back to his normal cheerful self.

- all your freinds here are wishing you well and wanting you to get past this stage and really enjoy life again, but you are going to need help to do that.

- Organise your own christmas dinner/lunch/meal/gettogether, invite all of your family (not your EX wife, she's not in your family anymore) and see who turns up, dont make it a competition against your EX, if she wants christmas lunch then have tea or breakfast or a boxing day meal at your place, give them the option to go to both. Then they have to make the decision whether they turn up or not, if they dont them make sure the door is always open at your house when they are ready to talk.

- make sure you ring each of them for their birthdays just so they know you care.

- Keep your thoughts about their mother to yourself, dont tell the kids what you think of her. It is not a competition to see who gets the most ids at their house, your house needs to be a place they want to come too, feel comfortable in, and most of all enjoy it when they are there.

- Do you think "YOUR" place is a "great" place when they come to see you, make sure it is.


Good luck Ding and with no smilies i hope you can tell the caring in this post. Get help and get better.

Cheers ol mate

PS you can tell me to get stuffed and mind my own business if it makes you feel better.

[Wild Dingo]

David
Thanks... the highlighted passages actually hit home.
I dont know I guess I still hope against all hope that theres some chance... but you are right even if I cant face it yet I know that... its just well 25 years! MAN... ah well

Will print those passages off and keep a copy in my wallet and one on the wall near the door so I see it every time I start to think... maybe?... I KNOW its over I just dont want to let go I guess.

How one reconsiles this is beyond me!

Sell the house? ABSOLUTELY!... buy a caravan and move into it while the house sells ABSOLUTELY!... maybe then... maybe I will be able to disassociate myself from it all if I do that?... get another life? how the bloody hell do you do that!!! move interstate? everything I love is here!!

Anyway I have to find a way to deal with this thing... as I said thanks David

Shane

[Derg]

Ok read your post..see the issues. I don't live in Oz but here in UK your local doctor has all sorts of fancy names for the way you feel. I am classed as having something similar to you..I cannot even remember the name they call it. They give me medication; paroxetine and half indrella days and zopiclone and disulpin nights.
The night time ones are heaven sent..I can S L E E P...wonderful. I have been on these about 10 years now.

I was 44 years old when I first noticed that I was going off the road. Now just how and why this happened is unique to everyone who finds themselves in this way. It took me a hell of a long time to work out just what the **** was going on. I think I was born like this, or maybe conditioned to be like this from the day I was born. Only a set of unfortunate life circumstances made me " break". Nature, nuture and happenstance..whatever.

I can tell the way you write that you are not a "nugget" in cognition or emotion. I picked up a few clues as to was going on from a few radio programmes on the BBC. To me I began to make analogies to stuff I could relate with...the first one I made was to see my brain as a pickled herring...not a dead one..a live one.

You got a lot of stuff that is really sensitive..brain tissue..in a vat of chemicals..inside your heed..

Key words here are endorfins and stuff like adrenalin. Will continue this later..

[Derg]

People in general are scared of mental illness...yet one in five people will experience it at some point in their life. If you tell an employer most of em will run a mile..as will insurance companies.

Sex....this is another taboo subject. We are supposed to have women who are "emancipated" yet few of 'em will ask a man out. This internet I would guess is made up of about 20% sexual based business ventures. If you forgot what a women looks like naked I can recommend sites..YouPorn and xhamster are really educational..ahem.

Socialising....I made some fabulous friends on the internet and I think you have too. In my mind there is no better way to communicate. Sites like Craig's List are wonderful if you are looking for a partner. I never looked up "mental health groups" so I don't know if there are places where you can share as we are doing on here. I think this site is breaking new ground with this section.

Chatrooms...I love 'em. Help me a hell of a lot. You either got the patience or you ain't. I am NEVER alone. The rooms I visit run 24/7/365 and all of 'em are in the USA.

I can't think of anymore...anyone is welcome to email me at [email protected]

[Johncs]

David
Thanks... the highlighted passages actually hit home.
I dont know I guess I still hope against all hope that theres some chance... but you are right even if I cant face it yet I know that... its just well 25 years! MAN... ah well

Shane

Have a chat with Derek. He could put you in touch with someone in the Bunbury area. You might need to bribe him with a piece of rare Brunswick Marri or Sheoak or something:rolleyes:, but I'm sure he'd give you some time..

You said you used to be a counsellor. That suggests to me you can teach, Could you run some woodwork classes for TAFE at a local school?

I have two married daughters, one of them has just produced my first grandchild. I've not suggested this yet, but I'm thinking of proposing we meet at our place New Years Eve or thereabouts to dine together and exchange gifts. This would allow them to meet with their husbands' families if hey wish, and with us too.

You might try a similar thing with your kids, I don't see any point in fighting over the date when an easy alternative is at hand. If they can be with Mum for Christmas and Dad for another Christmas, how good is that!

[wheelinround]

Ding ever since getting married having kids we have celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve as they do in some countries Europe :~

This has been APIA as I gave up trying to celebrate our family day Christmas day and would work instead. $$$$$

Now we have our kids partnered off they have extended families whom demand their presence during the day :(( without a thought of us and our family wishes.

There is no reason you can not do this with those whom you wish to invite. This could become known as Pop's Christmas solves the problem of Christmas day and other extended family. :2tsup: AND you get in first.

[Wild Dingo]

Good idea Wheelin

But no Ive gotten the call and been TOLD that my elder sis and her lifepartner are coming to stay here for 2 days over Chrissy INCLUDING Chrissy morning and they expect... ahem as this is my elder sis lets put it how she does things ala DEMANDS :roll: that ALL the kids and grandies are HERE for breaky on the morning no ifs buts or whatevers they MUST be here

Yeah good luck with that Vicki :roll:

Anyway what I know is... Yaz and Amelia along with her partner WONT be coming... Melissa Iszy Sarah and Paul MIGHT be coming... Yaz and co are going to Jos and have informed me with no restraint what I can do with chrissy breaky... twice... Tiffany Ben Lukas an Peyton WILL be here... Aaron and Cassie MIGHT be here... Bethany and Rowan MIGHT be here... Jacinta THINKS she MIGHT be here... Brie has no idea and Josh is here for the week so WILL be here

No probs!! Whoever doesnt rock up gets a dressing down from their Aunty Vicki... and her lifepartner Gail... believe me this is not a good thing to be on the recieving end of!!! :no:

Am in some ways looking forward to it actually... As my younger brother lives in Bunbury now and my younger sis will be down from Broome to see her 2 grandies and what with Vick and Gail coming up from Albany it should be a good day... morning with the nippers who turn up and the grandies arvo and eve with my bro an sis's... should be good I reckon

I do agree that Jo has now made two distinct families out of this mess... and thinking about it its not a bad thing means I see and therefore have to deal with her less which for me is a good thing...

Anyway whatever happens happens what will be will be sorta thing I guess... nothing much I can do about it if they choose not to come its their choice.

Life dribbles along regardless an all we can do is dribble along with it
Shane

[dennford]

Been watching your progress - and other peoples thoughts and suggestions, but refraining from comment.However one thing stuck out this morning.

You said last night
"Life dribbles along regardless an all we can do is dribble along with it
Shane"

In this case (Chrismas get together); you are dead right matey.

But remember that it isn't allways the case, there are times when you can open the tap a little. The thing is to know and recognise when it is time to let things be and when to do something to change the situation - or even which situation to change - like now you cannot change the situation of a split family but you can and must change your own situation.

Denn

[Wild Dingo]

The thing is to know and recognise when it is time to let things be and when to do something to change the situation - or even which situation to change - like now you cannot change the situation of a split family but you can and must change your own situation.

Denn

Spot on words Denn... easier said than done though... every day I say the same thing to myself but well doesnt seem to stick eh? :C

Changing my own situation isnt a quick thing to do either its going to take time to sell the place no doubt with the market as it is... personally well I do a fair bit of "mower therapy" every time I turn around the last bit I mowed needs mowing again!! :~ Im working harder then I have in many years physically... getting fit which is good eating well so no longer shedding the weight sleeping sometimes and more often than not to get that its with the help of the little pills the doc gave me :roll:

Mate its the head that needs to escape! feel like Im trapped in a never ending cycle of hurt just goes on and on no matter how much I try or what I try to stop it it just keeps on keeping on and on and on... reminders EVERYFRIGGINWHERE!!! :~ I think if I could just afford to buggar off for a week or so SOMEWHERE different I may handle things better, but thats not lookin like its gonna happen for some time... unless I take a risk of loosing the job and just bloody go... go for as long as I feel I must then if i come back and theres no job well Id just have to wear that as part of the cost of keeping my sanity... but even so since theres been a delay in sorting the assets its not going to happen in the near future and probably not until after I return to work... so much for court orders being firmly adhered to eh? :roll:

Anyway its being here living the damned thing every day and night thats doing me in... cant afford to buggar of cant afford a caravan so Im stuck... but that will change when the assets are done as Ive allowed some extra in the new morgage for just that reason :2tsup: well it was the broker who decided that I wasnt thinking terribly straight when I spoke with her seems I told her everything that was happening and she decided to up the ante on the amount explaining at the time "its as a bit of a fall back in case you need it for bills or lawyers fees" but since then shes told me I NEED to take off somewhere when its done and thats why she added it... bloody bottler of a sheila!! :2tsup: thank god one of us was actually thinking clearly eh! :roll:

I think Im starting to get it with Jo... sad but true I think... I simply MUST get over it and start moving forward again.

Anyway Denn enough from me I gotta sort Josh out for school tomorrow.. and try to get my body functioning again... man this physical labor intensive truck driving job is sure knocking me about!! Think the old bod has about had enough of running on pure adrenaline and is about to jack up on me... han g on old fella onlyone more week to go!!!

Shane

[Derg]

Back in 1992 I attended a university at the age of 38. It literally drove me "nuts" Now that is an attempted change. 16 years later I am in a lifestyle where I can go three weeks without a wash...OK I use babywipes in the bog..but other than that nothing.
I don't have a job. I have no friends..did I EVER have any friends?

I don't go out unless I have too. I cuddle my three dogs for personal comfort. I live day to day..I make the best of what that day brings...I cannot plan ahead.

My family sticks with me. I am hell to live with. I have no income..no routine no nothing. The climate here in the UK drains your money just to keep warm. Running a vehicle is a struggle...out of every pound in the UK the govmnt takes 46% tax all told in the taxes you pay.

People have said to me the answer lies within YOU. Yeah in the pickled live herring of a brain that stuggles to find solace and peace...the brain suspended in the vat of fancy liquids. The medics do not know exactly what is going on in your heed...so there is no way you can perform a miracle and one day all will be well.:aro-l::aro-r:

[Wild Dingo]

Geez mate sorry to hear that seriously I am

Okay... what has happened and what Im doing! Strewth this seems to change like a mum changin a babys nappy! :doh:

Since calm (ala David) posted his post stating that
YOU JUST DONT GET IT and that "2007 was our last Christmas together as a family" Ive taken a good long look at everything thats happened and whats been said and done... and I get it now... no problem its over and Im okay with it actually... there are reasons I wont go into here but its in some ways the best thing that it is over as much as she doesnt want to live with me I no longer want her in my life... quite simple really I never want what happened between us to ever happen again in MY life and so Im okay with her leaving.

Okay since her parents bought her the house Ive been there twice... NO PROBLEMO!!! The "new lifestyle" is almost the same as I have here only on a 600sq mtr block! fibro with tile roof many "additions" and "alterations" over the years all done rather bodgey brothers style... like every house her parents have had that Ive been to this one is no different it is JUST a house nothing more... when theres no passion no emotion and devoid of love its just four walls and a roof no matter what else it may appear... So the feelings I had when she moved into the flash place when she left have disappeared and I can waltz in and smile no problem.

The trouble I had with the partner of the eldest daughter stopped as soon as I decided that Id had a gut full of taking the bullshyte and blame and told the wakker what I thought of him... silence since!!! BRILLIANT!! So that problems over... and if not then I will deal with it as needs be dealt with.

I no longer get angry or emotional around Jo and refuse to take the baits intended to get me worked up but raise a hand wave and say "nah its cool bubs no problem Im not here for that so I'll see yer later" and walk out to the car and drive away... Ive also started to quietly state the facts and simple truth of situations that have happened simply and quietly with no emotion or anger, and dont let her get under my skin or push the buttons anymore.

In other words I refuse to be the scape goat and take the pineapples up the date from everyone as I have done since this started.

Ive made sure that Ive told each of the kids that NO MATTER WHAT I love them with no strings I AM their dad and I WILL be there for them as I always have been... and refuse to be drawn into any discussion regarding Jo or whats happened or happening.

Quite liberating actually... intitially it was bloody hard as hell cause she can be so damned infuriating and picky or blind about things but now after 2 weeks of it I find it simple and easy to just walk out the door and think nothing more of it.

Ive also decided that no matter what happens I am going over east for at least 2 weeks... this though depends on WHEN the assets are finally done and the monies in the bank... been a hiccup somewhere in Perth which has delayed the thing but apparently its almost done a few days the lawyer reckons and its all over... when that happens I'll sort the few bills I have sorta let go over the last couple of weeks clear the credit card repay young Tiffany and Ben their help and pack the Prado and aim it east!!

Ive decided that although the job starts again on the 5th Jan Im taking the time I need regardless... if I get back and the boss has hired someone else then so be it and I will find something else (or move east) but Im no longer going to sweat the little things and I DEFINANTLY NEED this trip.

So... Im feeling pretty damned good just now! Nothing like making a few decisions and changing ones attitude to feel a good deal more in control of ones own life and destiny :2tsup: Oh I have NO DOUBT there will be some ups and downs still to come no doubt at all but Im better able now emotionally to deal with it without coming to a grinding halt and crashing again... It still gets to me from time to time and I still think of the what ifs and if onlys but theyre not as often now as they were.

I now look around this place with a few more positive thoughts, it wouldnt be THAT hard to fix it up so it was almost entirely self sufficient... just a whack of hard work! but its doable... a cheep wee tractor of some sort with a hoe or such a rake and a bucket attachement along with a lawn mower (the old one died quater way through the house 1/4 acre :doh: ) and that would sort the grounds out a bit of burning off and clearing... then sort the creek out... sort the house out a new carport perhaps a back verandah or deck fix a few wee probs inside maybe take out a window and replace it with some of those french doors from the demo mob in town... find a cheep shed to attach to the existing one... clear out all the crap and crud of the past that resides in the seatainer and connect it to the shed...

Ive actually begun to see some potential with the place again... I mean its not a mansion and its nothing flash but its home for me and it could be a bloody good one... and its affordable the morgage is small and easily managed and well what needs to be done I can do myself or with the help of Aaron and Ben... anyway it can be done... and its close enough to the kids that if they need me or want to see me or me them then its easy.

Or I can sell it... no real problem either way for me... it will I think depend a lot on what happens in the next few weeks or months.

As to the loneliness... well loneliness really is only a state of mind and if Im prepared to accept it as my lot in life then it will be, but if I reject it and make some positive changes and get out there some more and meet people then I will find companionship or it will come along... I have no pretenses that Im a "great catch" Im just me and Im pretty easy going have very little debt and well am a bloody nice bloke! (aside from what some may say! :q ) I think Id be a pretty good catch for someone who doesnt mind someone whos not a typical Aussie mucho into footy drinkin an carryin on bloke, but is looking for someone whos a happy go lucky emotional passionate and an incredibly manic sorta fella who rarely drinks and will try ALMOST anything!!! :U

Anyway lets see what the future brings!!! :2tsup:

Cheers
Shane

HEY!!! did you know tis nearly Chrissy???? WHAHOOOOO!!! Tis about bloody time I started to look forward to having this mob of galahs and dopey wombats along with their pups all together and having fun... am really starting to look forward to having them all here even if the eldest doesnt come thats okay the rest are so its gonna be mayhem and chaos on Chrissy morning for me!!! :2tsup: :U :U

[wheelinround]

Ding great t hear and as you say its a sea saw merry go-round but knowing how to handle the ride helps. :2tsup:

Going East is going to be hard yakka mate early risers here :D we are up 3 hours before WA and even then they roll over for another quick sleep.:p

If Sydney is out of your way blow your horn long and loud we'll hear it.

[Wild Dingo]

Mate... I rise when I rise just now... IM ON HOLIDAYS!!! :2tsup: when I come over keep yer eyeballs open for Christopha or me we will orjanamiz something on here to let people know where Im at an what Im up to... first port of call will be his place... from there??? will have a couple of weeks no hurry no rush just me heading along the road for a bit... see whats what and meet up with a few bods here and there and when I feel Ive about had enough I'll just turn the baby around and wander back :2tsup:

Its not the destination that matters but the journey!! So who knows where I will end up or how long I will be gone... Im plannin on two weeks but well we will see how it all goes... nothing much to come racing back for or any urgent demands here so open road... swooosh gone!

Bens coming around tomorra and were gonna drag that sorry camper out of the shed and get the damned thing fixed!!!... Need to make it EASIER to setup and take down that weve so far found the thing to be! god a bloke needs 4 hands and the strength of tarzan superman AND bloody Arnie Swazzawhatever to do it!!... so were workin on either working it out or bloody well altering the sodding thing so it is EASY!!... then I will haul it over... that way I will have a bed no matter where I end up

Cheers
Shane

[wheelinround]

keep the spirits high and the eye's out for blue lights

[Wild Dingo]

:U:U:U Sure will!!

Think Juffy's sorta set the cruise back a few days with his thread... no wukkers will be a real treat for me to spend a day or so with a mob of mates workin and sorting stuff out around here... unlike when I went up to Dereks and managed to "escape" before the day really arced up here I cant just mutter quietly "mmm mate I sorta gotta buggar of okay?" :doh: cause here Im home no where else to go eh! So I just gotta buck up an get me back into it! :2tsup:

Will be good I think... If people stay for the day or a few hours or overnight will be a good thing for me to mix and mingle and just be with people cause Ive been avoiding it for too long... Be good to have a woman in the house in the kitchen to... Denn reckons his missus the lovely Rose will come along shes a bonzer sheila and is more than welcome to see what she can do with me batchelors pads kitchen!!! :o Actually it would be a nice thing to smell and see the touch of a woman around this place!! Sheilas tend to give a place scents and sounds that a bloke just cant replicate no matter how hard they try... and to have that even just for a day while were workin out the back will be great! :2tsup:

Good weekend to Josh will be at his mothers and Aaron and his lady will be off doing whatever they do and Im aiming to send them over to her place as well... so we will have total free rein on what happens here!!! :2tsup:

Once done Im leaving... so be on the road on the night of the 5th at latest... plan to stay for little Lukas's birthday bash then come home in the arvo hitch the camper (if done) to the Prado and throw some clobber and tucker in and just drive... stay overnight in Kal or Norseman then face the great Null an bore!! :2tsup:

Cheers
Shane

[Johncs]

Or I can sell it... no real problem either way for me... it will I think depend a lot on what happens in the next few weeks or months.


When you sell your home, you sell your memories. Not just the bad ones, but the good memories too.And not just your memories, but your kids too.

When we married, Suzanne and I had a house built in Kambah, and that's the home our kids, now in their 30s, remember. We moved to Melbourne in the mid 80s, while the girls were still in primary school.

Years later, as teenagers the twins visited friends in Canberra, and while there went to see their old home. They got invited in, and had a look around. "There's our old bedroom," one squealed.
"There's where our sandpit was."
"That's the tree we used to climb."

When they visit us, it's just the house where Mum and Dad live, it's not special otherwise.

Some memories might be a bit sharp now, but that won't always be so. Do you remember where you met Joe Blake n his missus?

Take your holiday, but don't close off your options. While you have the home, the kids (and any nieces, nephews, cousins) know where to find you, and they know they're welcome to visit their old home and bring their kids.





Sell no

[masoth]

Good sentiment John. I'm the 'baby' of six kids and there is just two occasions when all have been in the same place at the same time, 21 years apart. I've never lived in "a home".
The house I own now has been where I've lived for 14 years (the longest place I have ever stayed) - it has no 'pull' on my memories.

soth

[Wild Dingo]

W

Take your holiday, but don't close off your options. While you have the home, the kids (and any nieces, nephews, cousins) know where to find you, and they know they're welcome to visit their old home and bring their kids.





Sell no

mmmm great sentiments John... had had some thoughts that edged toward that but had turned them away guess its all still too raw now.

Kids are all coming for Chrissy... bar one at this stage and her highness is having a "talk" with her and her partner tomorrow to straighten that out... so who knows but all our nippers and their nippers might well find their way "home" for the morning at least :2tsup:

I must admit since Juffy started organizing the working bee down here on the forum Ive started feelin somewhat guilty (along with embaressed) about the sell thoughts... I mean these mates are going to come down and put themselves out fixing the 2 acres for me? And Im thinking of selling after all their good work to help a mate out?... yeah rather guilty... but still I often sit specially in the mornings and with a mead in hand in the evening just sitting back looking down from the carport at the property and wondering if its possible for me to make this place a good "home" without her.

And you know in the last few days Ive found myself planning again starting to see potential and looking forward (in a totally masachistic sorta way) to the work that doing so would entail...

Sell? Im not so sure now... its an option... but its funny of late Ive been looking at it a tad differently than I was I mean its an easy low mortgage its a home Id planned and worked for for over 20 years its what Ive wanted... and now I have it and I want to sell it away?... but yeah the memories are still very raw and I guess its gonna take some to move on from that... but with the work that the blokes and sheilas from here are helping me with I hope it will be easier to see and stay.

Not so much for the kids but for me.

Cheers
Shane

[wheelinround]

Ding I know I said a while ago a stable place for your kids to come see you is great I had that with my dad he stayed at the family home when mother walked out with sis and I. If its eating you apart and hard to maintain then a move could be the bee's knee's.

A new place Pop's Place where new memories are created, new dreams, and grandies have fond memories of.

From one who has moved around a lot when a kid memories are all over the place many with aunts and uncles friends of the family I was sent to spend time with longest was 3 months x 2. So I have a large extended family this is the only thing I thank my mother for.

We have tried to maintain since being married a stable situation for our family, 5 places 2 we owned, shared with inlaws for 2 years when kids were just prior HS.

Home is what and where you make it same with memories having read your tall tales you have your own.

All your kids are growing moved or moving out, you have to think of yourself to.


Read:aro-d:

[Wild Dingo]

You know I think thats what shes doing Ray... creating a new place called grandmas place...

Whatever... Im not sure as to what is the best course for me so Im just going to be sitting quiet for a time... had a bunch of "DAMNIT Ive had enough Im going to..." moments but now Im okay with whats happened and respect her choices although dont agree I can accept it... actually in many ways I do agree with it... In some ways Im a lot more content healthier and strangely happier now wont go into which ways but its interesting that its so... Im not sure which way to go from here so Im thinking discression being the better part of valor I will wait a time for me to sort though what it is that I actually WANT to do.

Over the last week of Chrissy some of the kids have learnt (the hard way) that it wasnt me who did or wants this and in one she learnt the reason for it and though her and her dopey partner are struggling to understand Im no longer seen as the absolute basturd in the thing... Finally Jo and her family have made comments that have made it clear whats happened and their part in it along with what their mother wants and its been a horrible awakening for them.

So staying put is the best thing... has been all along as some have said Im still here Dads still the same lovable easy going bloke he was and always has been... no strings here I love them no matter what... so that issue of me leaving is settled for now.

Im lonely as hell for female companionship... not love nor lust nothing physical just the scents and sounds of a woman in my life thats my biggest issue nowadays... that and having no idea how to meet the creatures!!! :doh: Note to the sheilas I mean that in the nicest possible way :; ... Not really stressing about it but just having some loneliness issues which I will get over soon enough.

About that... Im heading to Albany and will probably stay down there for a couple of days over the New Years... heading down on Tuesday after I pick up my younger sis and her stored gear will be leaving that in my elder sisters shed... so will be there from New Years eve till I get sick of it or bored with it... will be staying at my elder sisters place for the night but then?? ... probably get a cabin or some such at a caravan park for a couple of nights... And no Ray me an Ben havent sorted the bloody mongrel camper out yet :~ keep finding more and more issues and problems with the thing... may yet rebuild the whole shootin match!! :roll:

Soooo anyways Im wonderin if any of our mates down Albany way know where the lonely women are? Any suggestions for companionship would be happily accepted!! would prefer someone wanting a friend for talks walks and simply being with someone for a time... loneliness is a terrible thing particularily at this time of year and Albanys too nice a place to be alone.

Anyway there we go! Onwards and upwards!!!
Cheers
Shane

[wheelinround]

Ding did I mention the Camper :rolleyes: :roll:

Dateless & Desperate clubs all over the place even on the net :roll: shopping mall's, caravan parks,

Ins't there supposed to be 6 woman for each bloke in OZ :; don't we wish

[Wild Dingo]

:U:U yeah something like that... finding one who wants to be with YOU is the problem seems to me many sheilas want "mr perfect" or "mr right" and set their parameters way too high! so high very few blokes can reach the expectations :roll:

Mind you I have some pretty set parameters myself :;

Nah simply want someone to share some time with thats all... dont much give a rip if shes STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS or just a home body as long as she looks after herself and treats herself with tenderness and kindness... as long as she isnt a mess and takes care of how she looks I dont mind... seems many sheilas (and blokes mind) get to a point where they just dont give a rip what they look like or how they present using the old standby "I am what I am" duhhh :doh: sadly with just a little care and time on and for themselves they would be so much more of "I AM WHO I AM!" thats important... self assurance in themselves and their appearance confidence in what they want and need in life content in their own skin having achieved and recognising those achievements and being proud of them and herself. Not overbearing or over self confident but not some whispy sort either. Someone who loves to smile and let the smile reach their eyes, who laughs and it comes from deep inside so they light up.

Hard one eh? :U Oh and she cant be over 5ft 6 either... Im a shortarse and Ive found MOST tall women can be intimidating (sometimes without being aware of it) especially if the bloke theyre with is shorter than them... a power thing? could be even subconsciously... mind you this is the same for some blokes to! hence why I like women who are close to my own height so its an equal thing in all ways :2tsup::2tsup: must admit though most of the women Ive spent time with over the years have been around 5ft 3 or 4 in height just an attraction for me I guess :roll:

Cheers
Shane


ohh and I was just gettin in first with the camper mate! :; Its bugging the hell out of me :~

[Sturdee]

Soooo anyways Im wonderin if any of our mates down Albany way know where the lonely women are? Any suggestions for companionship would be happily accepted!! would prefer someone wanting a friend for talks walks and simply being with someone for a time..

Shane,

I don't know about Albany, but over here if you want to meet lovely ladies to talk to whilst you are holding them closely to you in your arms Then learn to dance.

We go dancing regularly and at every place we go to there are lots more single ladies then men who would love to be asked to dance and keep you company. I'm sure that would be the same over your way.

Most dances have at the beginning lessons for people to learn the dances so don't worry if you think you have two left legs. Most ladies would be willing to help you master the steps.

Unless you have three legs a-la Jake the peg you can learn to dance. There are also books and videos in the library to help you learn. And if I could learn then so can you.

So give it a try Shane, and good luck.


Peter.

[Wild Dingo]

Funny thing that mate... Id actually be told that once before some time back and intended to do something about it then but for one reason or another I havent done anything about it

Maybe time I did eh?

Was a time many years ago in another life I actually enjoyed dancing was pretty good at it too as I recall... had the legs so they said :; ... Cant think why I gave it away mmm yep was the same reason I gave away surfing and motor bikes a wife who didnt enjoy them and didnt enjoy my doing them so to keep harmony they went.

Good reason to a) get into dancing again b) get a surfboard and go surfing again and c) get a motor bike and loose myself in the wind :2tsup:

Do sheilas still enjoy dancing? havent they stopped ballroom dancing? I thought for some reason most dance places had turned to the more modern stuff?... okay okay Ive been known to be wrong before so Im wrong again :roll: I will do some research tomorrow and see whats around locally

BUT!!! I am heading to Albany over New Years and wouldnt mind getting out and about think it will be easier to start doing so somewhere else then come back and keep doing it... so I still need to know where the ladies are!!! :2tsup: :;

Cheers
Shane

[Lignin]

Dingo,
You seem to be emerging from the black miasma.Hang in there, as, from one who has been there too, once you start the positive thoughts,things miraculously get better and better.
Give Albany Hell, and good fortune for 2009!!!
Jim, former custodian of The Black Dog.:U:B

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Jim
Mate Im okay as long as I dont see or speak to her... once I do all the frustration hurt anger and confusion comes back in a rush and it all goes to shyte :roll:

Im okay with the new house her parents gave her, no problem Im okay that she took what was the financial opening for a new life for our family for herself, Im even okay with the fact that they keep giving her money so shes not "struggling" Im okay with all of that... Im just not okay with the lies and what shes done to me us and the kids... I accept it... I can sorta understand it... I appreciate her right to choose what shes done and doing... it just drives me bloody troppo!

So from here on instead of me going there and staying for a coffee when I pick Josh up Im going to start messaging Josh before I leave home and then just parking at the top of the drive and wait for him to come out then once he and his bags are in I'll drive away... simplest easiest way I think... and saves the hurt and angst starting up again from either of us

Shes basing how she wants to do this on the mongrel son in laws parents breakup I think as she has said many times before she left "they seem happy" yep right uhuh... they split for 3 years and are presently "trying" again... difference was he was screwing around on her while they were together while they were separated so... and they DID NOT do the assets why Jo? Cause its the bloody end of the flamin marriage!! :doh:

You dont do what she has done and expect to be able to just start again when it suits you... just not the way to achieve anything

Anyway to hell with it.

I am going to pick MY life up and get living again... if that means I have nothing to do with her from now on then so be it... I can live with that now.

The loneliness will pass the feelings will pass and when they do I will be in a far better place... hell Im there already!! :2tsup:


AND If I hear one more woman say "Time for ME time" Im gonna throttle them!! :~ Bloody "me time"!! Friggin selfish bloody mongrel... ahem enough of that young Shane! :B

[Sturdee]

Do sheilas still enjoy dancing? havent they stopped ballroom dancing? I thought for some reason most dance places had turned to the more modern stuff?... okay okay Ive been known to be wrong before so Im wrong again :roll: I will do some research tomorrow and see whats around locally

BUT!!! I am heading to Albany over New Years and wouldnt mind getting out and about think it will be easier to start doing so somewhere else then come back and keep doing it... so I still need to know where the ladies are!!! :2tsup: :;

Cheers
Shane

Ofcourse they do Shane, and ballroom has never gone away it has just increased and increased all the time. In Melbourne there are about 150 different places you can go ballroom dancing, every day and evening of the week if you have the stamina. Most of them are not very expensive either.

Do a search on sequence dancing or ballroom dancing. Here is the details of two in Albany :

"Albany City Dance Club, Ambulance Hall, Middleton Beach Road - Contact: Raylee - (08) 9841 5404 - Friday 8.00 pm - Old Time, New Vogue"

and

"Albany Ballroom Dance Studio, Albany Italian Club, Albany Hwy, ALBANY 6330
Principal: Joy Hearn, Phone: (08) 9841 7461"

Peter.

[Lignin]

Hey, Ding,
Tie the bloody dog up before you get to Albany, or you'll have a ????house time there looking after the bar steward instead of "checking on the chicks"
There IS light at the end of the tunnel, and it AIN'T a dirty big express train.
Hang in there, as our younger bretheren would say.
Jim


"Give without remembering.
Receive without forgetting":2tsup::2tsup:

[wheelinround]

So where have they chained him to a tree or what
disconnected his computer
he got lost between WA and SA

WTFAY Ding

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Ray
Mate Im still breathing had an enforced stay in hospital which I wont go into here sufficed to say your old mate lost the plot did something bloody stupid promptly regretted went in search of help and found that volunterially going to a hospital for help sometimes has conotations that impinge on ones ability to leave.

The black dog managed to get well inside my head and near tore my throat out by the gronicles.

So... house is on the market had a few good nibbles and looking good for an offer this weekend... EVERYTHING CROSSED!!!

Had a bunch of issues of late with her and a few of the kids along with work... and now this latest events happened Ive been "stood down" "until youve got your act together" seems I cant be trusted to not do something stupid in the dump truck whatever anyway lifes gonna get a whole mess worse if I dont sell soon as money runs out but well I got problems and so have others some worse some better... such is life eh?

Im lucky that Ive got young Josh for the next 4 weeks while she who must not be spoken of is having yet another wonderous holiday in Europe with her family :roll: so with him here I should keep my shyte together for at least that long

One day one foot on breath in front of the other... stumbling my way through the dark dank murk of whats become life Im struggling to see much worth in anything nowadays... but I know that if I dont do anything stupid again I have somesort of future out there but what it is Ive no idea nor am I very interested in what it might be... there seems to be no meaning just darkness about now.

Yeah lower than a sleeping bungarras testicles at present.

I'll get there... sooner or later

Cheers
Shane

[dennford]

What the!!

Come on, you know damned well that if you want - things will be better one day.

Dropped a paving slab on my thumb yesterday and it hurt like hell: But, I do know that it won't even matter this time next month.

I'm not saying that your situation is that simple, but nothing lasts for ever - things get better when you're at the bottom, just as being on top means that eventually you will head down again.

And what's Josh reckon? I bet he'll stick it through with you - kids are sometimes tougher than us so called grown ups.

Keep us in touch and for petes sake don,t slide down any more eh!

Denn

[Lignin]

Hey, Ding,
Hitch a ride east.
I've got a workshop that needs a bloke bashing about in it, a spare bed, a dog and a pet pig, and you sound like my sort of bloke.
This is not a proposition, it's a genuine offer if you think it'll help, but, judging by the response to your recent "working bee" from your Woodie mates locally, you've got a lot of alternatives.
Your input to the forums has been missed, and your absence commented on.You're a popular boy, so, try to chain that mongrel dog to a post out the back, give Josh some lessons on the tools, and continue your climb towards the light.:2tsup::2tsup:
Good luck.
Lignin, former owner of "The Black Dog.

[Wild Dingo]

Thanks for the phone call great to hear your dulcet tones again mate

Im starting to perk up a tad finally... got a call from the agent theres a serious cash offer on the table so hes presently trying to get them up by another 10K but either way Im gonna sell time to cut my losses and move on I reckon can do without the burdens and memories of this place... so looks good for me to be on the move within the month

The agents able to turn the property over in 2 weeks apparently and Ive pretty much organized young Tiff and her hubby Ben to take on Josh for the final two weeks of she who will not be nameds trip to Europe if I can get it done and dusted and ticket to the states booked... Then IM GONE!

As I told I will organize it to come back via Melbourne that way I can hopefully sort the mobile home out before heading northward to a new life... think what I will do is do 3 months in the states a quick trip to Europe then home get the mobile home and travel around the top for a few months working as I go finally ending up back here to see the kids sometime next year.

Damn the setting of "I will be there on such and such a date" just going to make my way along until I get a better idea of what it is I want from the remaining years I have... kids? Well Tiff has that part as under control as it ever can be and I will be in contact with the ones who want to know what dads up to... otherwise I simply have to take the time I need to sort me out... if thats 6 months so be it if its 12 months then again so be it if its longer well get over it its what I need

Again thanks !!
Cheers
Shane

[mongrell]

hey ding you shouldnt have any problem with the wimmen youve actually got hair :doh:

[Wild Dingo]

hey ding you shouldnt have any problem with the wimmen youve actually got hair :doh:

:U :U Your joking right?? Me with another woman?? :o god no!! Not for awhile anyway :doh: well okay maybe another one now an again for you know company... that sorta thing :; :;

AND!! Ive made a pact with meself I have... yep today as I was driving along considering me navel and just mutterin in the sunshine while taking a call from the real estate agent about the cash offer on the house... well I pacted with meself that I will henceforth and hithertoo refuse all and sundry attempts by any to reduce the quantity of hair I have on me noggin both top and chin... until I get back here in oooohhh say 6 months maybe longer! :2tsup:

So I reckon thats sorted the sheilas out!! Long grey hair long white beard might just turn em off me... either that or I'll experience a rush of sheilas like young fellas only dream of :U

Cheers
Shane

[Johncs]

bungarras

Translation: Lizard, goana (racehorse I think). They're faster than a wild dingo.

[Johncs]

So I reckon thats sorted the sheilas out!! Long grey hair long white beard might just turn em off me...

Cheers
Shane

I wooden say that.

[Wild Dingo]

Translation: Lizard, goana (racehorse I think). They're faster than a wild dingo.

I need a translator on an Aussie site?? Strewth!!! :doh:

Actually... the bungarra (lizard goanna... note the double n John? :; ) is in official terms named the perenti monitor lizard... nice eating by the way :2tsup:

Man if I gotta translate me wafflings on an Aussie site Im right stuffed eh :roll: :U

Cheers
Shane

[JourneyMan]

Shane, have you read the following books (given your background in counselling)?

Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl

The Road Less Travelled - Scott Peck

I know about these books because my other half is a qualified psych.

These books are both A+++++++++++. Read them. You are not alone.

Cheers
Ryan

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Ryan
I recall reading both a fair while back no idea where they are now she who wont be named probably has them or has tipped them who knows...

OKAY!!! Meaning? I have none BUT!!! What I do have or rather have done is...

TADA!!!

Drum roll....


The papers on the sale of the house have been signed... its a done deed all over in 30 days (or less) and its gone and Im outta here!!! :2tsup: NO WUKKERS! I am absotively stoked rapt over the moon and quite happy :U Well I coulda hung out for a few grand more but why bother? I need out this was a cash offer and well its done. what an incredible weight of my shoulders :2tsup:

Now what the hell am I gonna do???? :doh: :U Well for one... Im booking my ticket just as soon as I can flying ex Perth to... SEATTLE!!! :o yep then score a car of some sort some camping gear and do a run through the states for 3 months... well you get 90 days without havin to apply for a visa so why not?

Then back here through Bali and probably straight to Christophas in SA and across to Robbos in Vic for to find me a nice mobile home or sexy caravan to live in... yep theres enough for a nice one not an expensive one but a nice one enough for one fella to live comfortably in with perhaps enough room for some fine figured sheila to bunk and keep me company and some in an interest bearing fixed term account for later on down the track.

Life I think is turning a corner... theres bound to be downs again but I think I hit the bottom of the slush pile the other day and now its a clamber up through the mud again... there is some light Im seeing beyond this present time.

Actually this last couple of days have been good... not only did I start some meds that seeem to be working but the passport came in I went and got the international license the house was sold but also I found a smile or two!!! :2tsup: Not my old full bottle smiles but none the less a smile that made me feel pretty damned good... and made a couple of the kids grin cant get better than that and will only improve from here on :2tsup:

Oh and on the matter of psychs... the one I saw the other day advised me that "the meds probably wont help you much with your depression because its not a true depression as its caused by whats happened to you, if your wife hadnt left you you probably wouldnt be depressed would you? No so dont expect much from the medication its not an internal depression your experiencing" Im about over psychs!! :~

Anyways... I think things will get better from here on... Im plannin on spending a fair bit of time in Forest Gump area and so fully expect to come back with an accent to knock yer blocks off!! :U

Cheers
Shane

[Cliff Rogers]

Hang in there Ding, remember to stick yer head back in here while you are on the road.

Have fun, take photos. :2tsup:

[masoth]

Shane, it's good to hear you are bouncing again. Your saga has obviously been tough but all the support recieved from friends, known and unknown, here on the woody forum has, hopefully, bouyed you somewhat.
I'm certaiin your next few months will be a pleasure, and the face to face contacts you have planned will be satisfying. At least, I hope so.

soth

[Lignin]

Onya Ding....GO!!!!!!!!!:2tsup::2tsup:

[dennford]

Good on yer Shane.

Well, if you're leaving via Perth I reckon that you owe us blokes up here, You owe us your presence at a Perth barbie, sure we can organise something before you head of into the nether regions of our planet.
If anyone thinks it is a good idea then I can offer my place - we can bbq whilst Derek C sharpens all my tools.

Denn

[jmk89]

Shane

Great news all round. Mate yer wasted on the seppos. They'll think that you're Mick Dundee (prats that they are).

Keep us up to date with your adventures.

We know you'll keep sliding into muck holes, but they get shallower and smaller as time goes by and the you beaut scenes in between get longer (sometimes with beeyootiful sunsets thrown in).

OOROO

[dennford]

Shane

They'll think that you're Mick Dundee


That could make for a good bit o' fun:U

[Johncs]

I

Actually... the bungarra (lizard goanna... note the double n John? :; ) is in official terms named the perenti monitor lizard... nice eating by the way :2tsup:

Man if I gotta translate me wafflings on an Aussie site Im right stuffed eh :roll: :U

Cheers
Shane

I looked at it both ways, my spelling checker (firefox checks spells) didn't like it either way.

That aside, thems furreners over there, they don't have a proper understanding of our lingo. I've been married over 30 years, and still the Qld girl I married doesn't understand what I'm talking about :no:

[masoth]

For anyone who has not seen a goanna you may wish to look at:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc9TbL0ORFg (http://www.woodworkforums.com/www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc9TbL0ORFg)
Ooops, add http:// in front if the link doesn't work.

soth

[Andy Mac]

Hi Shane,
Glad to hear you're climbing out of that dark hole at last.:) A camping adventure in the States sounds good, a refreshing start to your new life.
When you get back and hit the road in your camper/cara van, make sure you call in through Toowoomba on the way to Cliff's!:D We'll reminisce about long lost nights at the White Sands, ripping it up with Dave Hole.

All the best Mild Dingo!:D

[kekemo]

Hi Shane...
Great to see you post again....
Fantastic news that everything is honky-dory....
I'm getting there slowly too... just don't know where "there" is yet....

thought you might like this....

...the purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences....


Your idea's & future adventure sound wonderful... envious... you will enjoy it tremendously... good luck & postcards would be nice.....LOL
Hope you take a laptop & keep in touch with us all....

We will all miss you...
Cheers KEKEMO

[Wild Dingo]

Gidday Kerry and all
Id thought of taking a laptop but well I figured since theyre 110volts and were 240volts id fry anything I tried to charge over there :o so gave it a miss... I'll use the computer at whoevers place I stop over at theyre all flamin computer geeks over there :;

Will definantly be getting a good camera with a waterproof case since many of me US mates have boats that I will give a hoot of a time to rippin about in :2tsup: so it may get a tad wet :doh:

How am I travelling now?... yeah sorta happy tinged with sadness I guess that its got to this but sorta happy to turn the page and start something new getting away for a few months to a place far far away will help turn the page and make the choices I have to make when I return clearer and hopefully a tad easier to make.

Ive sorted everything I have left out so I'll be distributing pretty much all of it to the kids before I leave, will keep the remaining tools down at my sisters in Albany while Im gone till Tiffany and Ben get their shed up at their new house then on my return we'll head down and bring it up to store there till I settle wherever I end up... Im planning on going on or about the 30 April as everything should be sorted and done by then... returning 3 months later... still tossing up if I should come back here or over east but will figure that as I go along

Its not easy its not happy as such it just is and as Im getting "better" and while theres no way of contact between her and I Ive got a good chance to sort things for myself... so Im taking it with both hands!

Cheers
Shane

[Johncs]

Gidday Kerry and all
Id thought of taking a laptop but well I figured since theyre 110volts and were 240volts id fry anything I tried to charge over there :o so gave it a miss...
Cheers
Shane

Not so fast young Shane. If you actually look at the lapstops, you might find that they're compatible. They are made for travellers, after all.

At worst, you might need a charger for the USA.

Just make sure you get a decent screen, most of the cheapies around the place have terrible screens. I bought an Acer Aspire because it was cheap and it was also terrible.

Check out a Mac, they're easy to use, immune to Windows viruses (unless you run Windows on one), and probably have almost all the software you need, including iphoto to talk to your camera.

Add openoffice.org for word processing (free download), firefox for an alternative web browser (another free download) and Bob's your uncle.

[masoth]

Unless you have a lot of use in mind requiring a computer I'd not bother to carry a laptop. Instead, I'd visit an 'Internet Cafe" when you wanted to make contact or check stuff. They are pretty cheap, I think - not that I know USA opportunities.

soth

[Wild Dingo]

Im pretty much of the same frame of mind soth... but Im intending on getting a mac when I get back... so your both bein helpfull cheers!! :2tsup:

I'll be getting a good slr/digital camera before I go and take copious amounts of pics which apparently I can get put onto cd (or whatever) and send that down to my daughter every so often... like a running picture gallery of where Ive been... also gotten a couple of journals to write about everything again they will be send to my daughter every so often hopefully I remember to sorta sequence the pics with the words but its probably unlikely knowing me :doh:

I want to say thanks to everyone for walking along this horrendous journey over the last 13 months... your support encouragement and belief in me and a future has been something very special to me and some of my kids who read it... youve helped keep me going in a true sence so thank you :2tsup: The physical help that I recieved with the yard was an incredible help the phone calls pms and emails have been essentially life savers several times

So a hearty warm thank you to all of you

Cheers
Shane

[Cliff Rogers]

OK Ding, when are you going to write that book? :wink:

[ficfac]

Hi Shane,

My wife has suffered severe depression and anxiety. For several years she couldn't even work or really relate to people in general. Lots of crying and self doubting. She's come a long way now, but still on the mend.

I'm late to this thread but can relate to some of your experiences and thoughts. I really hope things work out for you.

Communication, as you've no doubt noticed, is one of the best forms of therapy.

There's always positive things in life, just sometimes they're hard to see. Keep looking and all will be revealed.

Good luck, and mission on!

Josh. :)

[Wild Dingo]

OK Ding, when are you going to write that book? :wink:

First edition first publication after I get back and sort it all out into something sorta legible and intelligent... well as good as it gets for me! :doh: :U Thinkin something along the lines of "Dingo does Seattle" followed by "Dingo does Dallas" followed closely by "Dingo does Florida" followed by... :U Could be a whole line of "Dingo does ..." books in the pipeline :2tsup:

Thinking some sort of travel guide with pics? Aussie version Aussie lingo by an Aussie for the Aussie... ala mucha da Aussie lingo :2tsup:

An adventure book? a mystery? mmmm that has possibilities eh :;

Plan is to do the trip come back buy a mobile home/caravan and travel for a bit writing it as I wander then publish meanwhile taking notes photos an such for an Aussie version ala "Dingo does Minbun" :U "Dingo does Toowoomba" and so on... could be a winner eh :2tsup:

.........................................................................................................

Sorry to hear about the missus Josh... terrible thing and I hope she gets right as time moves on... Im taking each day as it comes and within that each hour as it comes cause it can and does change that quick :C But you would know that through your own experiences with your missus I honestly hope she comes through eventually better than she ever was happier more vivacious more beautiful and more loving than even you remember.

Communication IS THE MOST important thing of anything at all without it were stuffed... even then we need to be HONEST WITH EACH OTHER! and not hold back what we feel desire need want or hope for the future.


Cheers
Shane

[Calm]

"Dingo does Seattle" followed by "Dingo does Dallas" followed closely by "Dingo does Florida" followed by... :U Could be a whole line of "Dingo does ..." .............................


Cheers
Shane

If you find a freind/travel companion look for Debbie - she already did the film "Debbie does Dallas" so she could give you some pointers. :B:doh::o:D:D

Cheers & good luck , just reading your posts is an uplifting event for the day.

[ficfac]

Thanks Shane.

All will be well. I have faith and the truth will prevail!

Cheers,

Josh. :)

[LogDog]

I dont get a moments peace from it... seriously... night and day its all I think about... her... I wonder how one stops loving someone youve shared so many years with had so many children with and enjoyed so many adventures and love with? Ive no idea!! Some people seem to be like a tap you know? they seem to be able to turn the tap of their feelings off when it suits them... or rather they must force whatever good feelings they have for the other person into some deep dark hole inside them every time they raise themselves and they "feel" for the other... Im buggared if I can do that!! Stuffed if I can!

My younger brother (recent divorcee) tells me I NEED to "get back on the horse" and get with another woman... yeah right... theres no other woman that I even remotely see as interesting or someone Id like to share time with OTHER THAN JO!!!...

Sounds like Im mopin about like some lovesick puppy eh? but really Im fine as all get out and keeping as busy as I can... Just missing my wife is all... funny I keep seeing things I know she would like and think "I'll get that for her" then I realize I cant do that as it wouldnt be appreciated so I dont I see some roses or such and think "damn she would have to like those" but dont get them knowing she wouldnt want them... I simply cant think of what to do about this situation thats all Im buggared if I know! Sometimes I see her and shes friendly and theres that old look of care and love in her eye but somethings said by either of us and its gone as fast as it came... other times theres nothing not a thing in her eyes...

The fact is You have no power over how other people feel and you can not make people be happy. By rights they have no power over how you feel unles you let them. Call it coldness if you like I call it self protection. The ideal is to be so centered in your own hapiness and perfection that even if someone you love is putting you down your emotions do not decline to the negative. When you have this true and obtainable inner strength others of a simmilar positive vibration will be attracted to you and the other negative energy suckers will disappear. You do not need another person to feel good within yourself. I found looking at beautiful timber most joyous.And the freedom of the ocean most omnipotent. We are all on a journey and nothing in this reality can last forever so we must make the most of every minute we have, and this does not mean rushing around doing something to keep your mind so busy that you have no time to reflect on who you really are and what you truely feel and desire. Please read the book "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" by Esther and Jerry Hicks as I feel it will help you enormously to live more fully in the Now. Which after all, is all we have. We dont have yesterday and we don't have tomorrow we only have the power of now to help us create our futures.
May peace be yours in the deepest and most meaningfull ways.
And may we meet on the rise of the soul.
Sincerely Laura