PDA

View Full Version : It's moments like these ...



Allan at Wallan
22nd Jan 2009, 05:04 PM
This should start off an avalanche of stories of life's
special moments.

When I was years younger I used to ride my bicycle to
work around the suburbs of Melbourne. This could sometimes
get a little boring and repetitious. I noticed that almost every
day another chap on a bike used to sneak up on me, and with
an air of arrogance, ride past with a wry grin on his face.

Being adventurous I then kept an eye out for him and decided
to "take him on". If I saw him stopped at traffic lights I would
time myself to race past him and get a few metres out in front.
We would then be like Olympians racing to the point where
we parted ways for the day. This went on for months without
either of us ever speaking.

One day, after ceasing work, I called in at the supermarket and
purchased a frozen chicken. I placed it inside my shirt and did
the buttons up. When riding home I suddenly saw this chap out
of the corner of my eye about to pass me. I rose off the seat
and pedalled like a madman trying to keep in front. At this stage
I was approaching a tram, parked at the tram terminus, and as
I was passing it, my shirt buttons gave way and the bloomin'
chook bounced out and slid under the tram.

I must have waited about 4-5 minutes for the tram to depart so
that I could get the chook back. In the meantime my cyclist
"mate" rode happily on with yet another wry smile on his face.

Some years later I met the cyclist at a party I was attending
and we reminisced about this incident. Plenty of laughs.

Allan

fenderbelly
23rd Jan 2009, 09:38 AM
Ok Allan you asked for it.

When i was a kid growing up in the UK we used to go birdnesting.
Me and a couple of mates were in the local woods and it was my turn to climb the tree.
There was 3 nests there full of eggs so about a total of 12 eggs.Now even in those days we never took all the eggs leaving a couple in each nest.

So i shouted down to my mates, too many eggs to carry down what do i do.

Just put them in your mouth they will be ok was the reply.

So six blackbird ( i think ) eggs went into my mouth and back down i went.

At the bottom my mate asked if the eggs were ok, i nodded and he promptly clapped his hands on my cheeks and broke them them all in my mouth.

Happy days.


Cheers Fred

tea lady
23rd Jan 2009, 09:42 AM
:rofl:

Allan at Wallan
24th Jan 2009, 11:45 AM
Fred,

Nice story but should have been in the
"yokes" section:D

There must be many more funny incidents
... come on Forumites.

Allan

artme
24th Jan 2009, 03:38 PM
Went where I wasn't supposed to one time _ down along the river at home. Time was getting on and i was due home. Unfortunately I slipped down the bank and the bottom of the legs on my shorts got wet.

Knew I would be is strife if I arrived home with wet shorts as it wouldn't take much nouse to know where I'd been. Lucky me! Norm, my apiarist mate, is burning some rubbish. Off come the shorts and they were placed on a suitalbe length stick to dry over the fire.

Bugger! The shorts have caught fire!!

Do I need to finish this tale or can your imaginations do that for you?:D:D:D

Allan at Wallan
25th Jan 2009, 10:37 AM
Ohhh, I do like "shorts" stories, or
was that a "short" story. Good one Arthur:2tsup:

Allan

Skew ChiDAMN!!
25th Jan 2009, 05:11 PM
No, no, I'm not playing. Already posted enough of my "special moments" that I run the risk of repeating myself. :D

Except for the ones that I've never told anybody and never will! :p

Allan at Wallan
26th Jan 2009, 11:20 AM
C'mon Skew - there must be one you can tell
otherwise we might have to make one up about you.:D

Allan

fenderbelly
29th Jan 2009, 10:22 AM
They're all so shy Allan, come on guy /gals we will only laugh once, and then maybe again if we foward it.


Cheers Fred

Allan at Wallan
30th Jan 2009, 01:37 PM
Ok, here is another of my Minties' moments.

I was driving along a busy suburban street towing a
rather large trailer. My wife suddenly commanded, "Stop
here I want to pay a bill across the road.

I replied, "You will have to be quick getting out" as there
was a car about 400 metres behind me. She jumped out
and within a couple of seconds I took off.

After driving about 30 metres I looked in my rear vision mirror
to check the travel of the car behind me. All I could see,
and certainly hear, was my wife yelling out, "Allan, Allan".

She was sitting astride the front of the trailer and holding on
for dear life after taking a short cut between the car and trailer
to cross the road. I gently drove the car to a side street and
let her get off. Naturally I cannot repeat what I said to her.

I often wondered if the other motorist thought this was always
the way that I took my wife out shopping.

Allan

fenderbelly
30th Jan 2009, 05:22 PM
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::roflmao::roflmao:

love it

tea lady
31st Jan 2009, 08:51 PM
Ok, here is another of my Minties' moments.

I was driving along a busy suburban street towing a
rather large trailer. My wife suddenly commanded, "Stop
here I want to pay a bill across the road.

I replied, "You will have to be quick getting out" as there
was a car about 400 metres behind me. She jumped out
and within a couple of seconds I took off.

After driving about 30 metres I looked in my rear vision mirror
to check the travel of the car behind me. All I could see,
and certainly hear, was my wife yelling out, "Allan, Allan".

She was sitting astride the front of the trailer and holding on
for dear life after taking a short cut between the car and trailer
to cross the road. I gently drove the car to a side street and
let her get off. Naturally I cannot repeat what I said to her.

I often wondered if the other motorist thought this was always
the way that I took my wife out shopping.

Allan
And what did she say to you?:rolleyes:

fenderbelly
31st Jan 2009, 09:31 PM
She probably said "does my bum look big on this"

or " my hairs a right [email protected]@dy mess now "

Cheers Fred

RicB
4th Oct 2012, 09:58 PM
When I was about 12 ish, my brother and I and a couple of his mates decided it would be good fun to grab some grapes off the local farmer. We took a little bucket along and into the vines we went. We didn't see the farmer come up on us but when he let his shot gun off he certainly got our attention. He kept us bailed up in the corner of his paddock whilst his wife rang the Police. The Police arrived and bundled us into the Police panel van, a HG Holden, and took us to the nearest cop shop. I happened to be holding the bucket and I placed it on the counter, looked in at the two grapes in the bottom, looked up at the Police SGT and said "how many years do I get for two grapes Sarge?", yes I have always been a bit cocky. My feet didn't touch the ground, with one hand he picked me up by the scruff of the neck and hauled me into a cell where he yelled at me until I could cry no more. They then took us back into the Panel Van for the long drive home. Now I was really filling my pants, my Dad was pretty harsh and a disciplinarian. When we got home Dad took me in the back yard, I was waiting for it. He confided in me that when he was a boy in Engalnd they used to do it with Apples, the difference being he never got caught. I was so relieved. The Sarge did a good job though, I was on the straight and narrow for the rest of my life. Looking back I think that SGT had the two grapes though.....:~

Lyle
12th Oct 2012, 12:21 PM
Many years ago I was new into archery and had just bought my new bow and arrows. I had been practicing and was a pretty good shot :D.
Anyway my dad had come to visit us for a while and I thought I'd impress him with my skills.

"Hey dad watch this I'll show how good this is...."

Then proceeded to put two arrows into the tyre of my trailer parked about 6 feet away from the target! :-

Suffice to say I have never been let to forget it either. I said to the missus that we need a new tyre on the trailer as that one had 'perished'. Well it wasn't a lie really, it had 'perished' from an arrow, not age and weather. :wink:

25th Oct 2012, 08:29 PM
About 15 years ago the rest of my family went out of town for several days and I took the opportunity to repaint the living room. First thing was to move all the furniture into other parts of the house so the job would be quick and easy. To get the sofa bed through a doorway it had go up on end and being somewhat bulky it was a tight fit with the particular wall configuration either side of the doorway.

At one point it seemed a good idea to squeeze past and finish the move from the other side, so being relatively lean in those days I pushed my way in with the intention of sliding the sofa bed a little as I went. As my back came up against the door jamb it became very tight and my torso was pushing on the bottom of the pop out folding bed. Something had to give and the bed mechanism moved up and out just as it would when setting up. This happened at the same time as the whole thing slid into the doorway a little more and I found myself occupying the cavity left by the bed.

There was not enough room to squeeze out either way and I was in a half crouch with nothing to grab for either pushing or pulling. OK I thought just use momentum to move the whole thing a bit further and all will be well. So I repeatedly threw myself against one side with as much velocity as I could muster given the cramped situation, but there was no movement. Figured there must be something stopping it so tried the other direction – nothing. It was locked solid as if someone had nailed it to the floor.

At this point I started to think about what would happen if I couldn’t get out. Family was not due home for several more days. I was due at work the next day but how soon would anyone actually come looking instead of just assuming that I would be in touch eventually? Again could be several days. No mobile phone in the family back then. Warm time of year, no water in reach.
Would the family come home to a dehydrated wreck – or worse?

Not sure how long I was in there but at some stage I think panic set in and I went berserk trying to bash the thing apart. Luckily something eventually gave and I was able to joggle it enough to squeeze out again.

I found out that when the sofa bed had popped up, the rail that you would normally pull it out by had lodged between and partly under the mushroom shaped handles on the linen cupboard. This very effectively locked it in position. Even if I had known what happened I don’t think I could have unhooked it from inside and the only reason I escaped was that one of the handles broke off due to my frantic efforts.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if our builder had been less dodgy and put those handles on really well.

Allan at Wallan
30th Oct 2012, 04:00 PM
About 15 years ago the rest of my family went out of town for several days and I took the opportunity to repaint the living room. First thing was to move all the furniture into other parts of the house so the job would be quick and easy. To get the sofa bed through a doorway it had go up on end and being somewhat bulky it was a tight fit with the particular wall configuration either side of the doorway.

At one point it seemed a good idea to squeeze past and finish the move from the other side, so being relatively lean in those days I pushed my way in with the intention of sliding the sofa bed a little as I went. As my back came up against the door jamb it became very tight and my torso was pushing on the bottom of the pop out folding bed. Something had to give and the bed mechanism moved up and out just as it would when setting up. This happened at the same time as the whole thing slid into the doorway a little more and I found myself occupying the cavity left by the bed.

There was not enough room to squeeze out either way and I was in a half crouch with nothing to grab for either pushing or pulling. OK I thought just use momentum to move the whole thing a bit further and all will be well. So I repeatedly threw myself against one side with as much velocity as I could muster given the cramped situation, but there was no movement. Figured there must be something stopping it so tried the other direction – nothing. It was locked solid as if someone had nailed it to the floor.

At this point I started to think about what would happen if I couldn’t get out. Family was not due home for several more days. I was due at work the next day but how soon would anyone actually come looking instead of just assuming that I would be in touch eventually? Again could be several days. No mobile phone in the family back then. Warm time of year, no water in reach.
Would the family come home to a dehydrated wreck – or worse?

Not sure how long I was in there but at some stage I think panic set in and I went berserk trying to bash the thing apart. Luckily something eventually gave and I was able to joggle it enough to squeeze out again.

I found out that when the sofa bed had popped up, the rail that you would normally pull it out by had lodged between and partly under the mushroom shaped handles on the linen cupboard. This very effectively locked it in position. Even if I had known what happened I don’t think I could have unhooked it from inside and the only reason I escaped was that one of the handles broke off due to my frantic efforts.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if our builder had been less dodgy and put those handles on really well.

You would never have "died" ... after all it was the "living" room.:D

Allan

robbygard
30th Oct 2012, 04:21 PM
This should start off an avalanche of stories of life's
special moments.



Allan

i was 23 and newly engaged, spending my first night at the prospective inlaw's house .. fiancee and her mother in the kitchen and her father and i watching some execrable movie on tv about some manic depressive musician .. mother (showing some interest) asks me what were we watching .. my reply "a movie about a neurotic penis" :- ... to this day i still refer to a piano player and never attempt to say "pianist" :B

(ended in divorce 12 years later :wink:)

regards david

fenderbelly
22nd Nov 2012, 11:44 AM
Last week in the pub an old guy asked me if i would take him up to the hospital for an operation on his hand as he wouldn't be allowed
to drive back.He's a lot older than me, well a bit older than me, him being 88 years old.
The operation went well and he said he had to go back this week ( Thursday ) to get it checked and the dressing changed.

So i volunteered to be his driver again and this week i duly arrived at his place ( next town ) drove into the driveway and bipped the horn.
He didn't come out so i got out of the car and knocked on the door.

He opened the door and said whats up. I said it's hospital day mate thinking he'd forgotten.

He said it's only Wednesday Fred.:B

Old bastard couldn't stop laughing.:U

Wait till we go to the pub tomorrow, they will have my life.

Bushmiller
30th Jan 2013, 10:33 PM
You would never have "died" ... after all it was the "living" room.:D

Allan

Allan

Actually that would have been the irony:

"Found dead in the living room!" :rolleyes:

Regards
Paul

Bushmiller
30th Jan 2013, 11:13 PM
A little over twenty years ago I was partly through building our house. I needed some doors and had spotted a large dead ironbark tree that would provide sufficient timber.

Problem was that although it had been dead for years it still supported a huge canopy of limbs and had an aggressive lean over a small gully filled with large boulders. Ironbark for all it's strength and hardness can be quite brittle and I knew if I felled it into the gully it would shatter on impact. I decided that if I cut it halfway through the trunk or a bit more I could hook a long line (steel rope actually) onto the upper reaches of the tree and back to my tractor. Then I stood a chance of bringing it down in the right direction.

Now I know what you are thinking but you're wrong :) . I was wise to the rope being longer than the height of the tree!

The problem was the weight in the canopy. I could see the tractor getting wipped into the gully as the tree went down with dire consequences to my personal well-being. I decided that I had to remove the canopy first. In those days I was a lot more agile than I am today and I had a grappling hook on a length of rope which I used to throw up into the trees: This was for climbing Kurrajong trees to lop them. It produced feed for the cattle during droughts.

Anyhow, I used the same hook with a bow saw thrown over my shoulder and hoisted myself into the tree. But an Ironbark (probably dead for fifteen years) is not a live Kurrajong, which is like butter, and the saw hardly even grazed the tough old limbs.

So I grabbed the chainsaw and did what I maintained nobody should do, took it into the tree and proceeded to limb it. The first branch I removed fell on the branch on which I was standing and bounced me up and down. Bearing in mind my comments on how brittle Ironbark can be I was more careful after that and gradually moved around the tree removing all the limbs until I came to the last one which I also duly cut.

Now what I haven't told you is that because I took the chainsaw up in the tree I had used a ladder instead of my rope to climb into the tree. The last branch knocked the ladder away :( .

I was about a Km from the house and SWMBO had just gone into town even if I could have shouted loud enough to make myself heard. The chances are she would have laughed and left me there for being so stupid anyway.

I was standing on about 300mm of remaining branch clutching the top of the tree with one hand and the saw with the other. Couldn't jump down as it was about fifteen feet and the ground was strewn with those boulders I mentioned previously. Guaranteed broken ankle if I jumped. To buy a bit of time I restarted the saw and cut a point on the top of the tree so I could hang the saw on it though the handle. I could at least hold on with two hands while I considered my options.

Then it came to me. I was wearing overalls, which I removed. I tied the arms around one of the remained stubs of the branches and climbed down the overalls until I could hang a couple of feet off the ground.

:rolleyes:.

Regards
Paul

The Bleeder
31st Jan 2013, 10:55 AM
About 45 years ago I lived in a country town. All of my mates including me owned slug guns and being responsible would only shoot targets.

Well one of my mates got a new slug gun and we all turned up at his place for a look and shoot.

Well not having any targets (still or moving) we decided to get some pennies and line them up on the fence rail and se if we could hit the middle of them.

All was going well, pennies got hit and then they were hammered flat again and put back on the fence rail.

We were shooting from a distance of about 30 feet, so my mate with his new slug gun decided 10 feet was better as the slug might go through the penny.

He aimed and fired and promptly fell on the ground screaming. We could see no blood or gore ... nothing.

Then we noticed a small hole the size of a slug in the crotch of his shorts. I think you can now work out what happened.....

He go no medical attention from us as we were too busy rolling around laughing.

BTW he walked funny for a few days.

enelef
31st Jan 2013, 11:11 AM
:lolabove::rotfl:

Haha, slugged by a slug in the slugger. I'm laughing and crying.

artme
1st Sep 2013, 10:37 AM
When I bought the orchard/ farm in Leeton it had a large palm tree on the northern side of the house.

These date palms were most usually planted in pairs at the gates the farms as an indication to the water
bailiffs of where the driveways, and therefore the farms, were.

This palm had a diameter of 1 metre or so and was a haven for rats and cockroaches. It had to go!!!

Cut a scarf in the base of the trunk with the trusty McCollough . moved around the back and started to cut there.
Unfortunately my movement and access to this side was restricted. I did the best i could and then the tree dropped
enough to jam the saw

Brought the tractor down, hitched up wire rope and chain. Put oregon extension ladder against tree and proceeded to
climb up with wire rope. I had previously put the rope around the tree and was working it up the trunk as I climbed.
Slow and tedious process.

I was just about to put the hook over the rope when a slight breeze sprang up. I heard a very slight creak and decided
the best strategy was rapid exit from the ladder. Leaped sideways and down and hit the ground a almost he instant the tree
fell to the ground with the ladder exactly under it. Rats and cockroaches went scattering hell west and crooked.
The ladder, of course, was of no further use. The man was a gibbering heap and still has nightmares.

Bushmiller
1st Sep 2013, 12:53 PM
Arthur

That was a close one. I could offer at least two suggestions to avoid that type of occurrence, but it would be a bit late now :wink: .

Regards
Paul

artme
1st Sep 2013, 06:48 PM
Yes Paul, my retrospectascope is now brilliantly focused.

Probably has the same "picture" as your forward thinking!!:D

Allan at Wallan
26th Sep 2014, 11:42 AM
Just remembered another "Mintie moment" from a long
while ago.l

I drove my Holden sedan to the local timber supplies and
purchased a paling which was around eight feet long.

Naturally it would not fit in the boot so I wound down the
passenger window in the front left side, pushed the paling
through to sit on the ledge behind the rear passenger seats,
leaving some hanging out of the window. I tied it to the
door post of the open window.

I then increased my speed only to get the shock of my life.
The wind caught on the protruding part of the paling and
spun it around and whacked me on the back of my head.
:no:


I honestly thought someone was in the back of my car and
had attacked me.

Naturally I have never done that again - I have since
purchased a good trailer.

Allan

chambezio
26th Sep 2014, 12:19 PM
Here is a true story
We were on a four wheel drive trip up the forest 60 miles. We left a main track and headed down the side of a mountain on a steep descent. We had only gone down about 100 yards when we found a huge tree over the road. No chainsaw and too steep to drive around it. The only way back was reverse the 100 yards back to the main track. This track had been cut into the side of the mountain and was just wide enough to get a jinker down. So we had to use the mirrors to reverse. I kept an eye mainly in the left mirror to keep us close to the vertical bank and away from the drop off on the right side of the vehicle.
Low Range in this case is such a great gear- it gives you plenty of power, if you need it, and very slow pace without slipping the clutch.
We had gone back about half way when my peripheral vision picked up something. When I turned my head to see what it was......to my surprise we had a leafy tree branch in the cab with us.
What had happened was we had pushed past a fallen tree on the right side of the track. It was leaning down about chest high and as we backed up it naturally came silently into the cab. It gave me a start initially because I wonder what "smar tar**" has pushed this branch into the cab while I was concentrating on the reversing manoeuvre.

28th Sep 2014, 11:41 PM
and spun it around and whacked me on the back of my head


Allan your descriptive skills must be exceptional as I could tell what was going to happen before reading it.

Allan at Wallan
1st Nov 2014, 10:26 AM
Allan your descriptive skills must be exceptional as I could tell what was going to happen before reading it.

Perhaps you should have told me before the paling whacked me.:D


Allan

10th Dec 2014, 06:05 PM
Last week my wife went to the end of year lunch with her work colleagues, one of whom suffered a wardrobe malfunction. Nothing embarrassing mind you, just a broken strap on one of the thong style sandals she was wearing. The piece that goes between the toes had popped out of the sole (just like the old rubber thongs used to do) rendering it useless. One of the others in the group fished around in her handbag and came up with ......a Minty!

Being somewhat warm weather the Minty was soft enough to wedge into the hole with the strap and hold it in place thereby saving the day.

Talk about a classic "Moments like these" situation.

skot
31st Dec 2014, 05:51 PM
Eat your heart out MacGyver

Allan at Wallan
7th Mar 2015, 09:15 AM
Last week my wife went to the end of year lunch with her work colleagues, one of whom suffered a wardrobe malfunction. Nothing embarrassing mind you, just a broken strap on one of the thong style sandals she was wearing. The piece that goes between the toes had popped out of the sole (just like the old rubber thongs used to do) rendering it useless. One of the others in the group fished around in her handbag and came up with ......a Minty!

Being somewhat warm weather the Minty was soft enough to wedge into the hole with the strap and hold it in place thereby saving the day.

Talk about a classic "Moments like these" situation.

If that lady offers me a Minty I will tactfully and politely refuse. :D

Allan

Bushmiller
14th Mar 2015, 06:14 PM
Last week my wife went to the end of year lunch with her work colleagues, one of whom suffered a wardrobe malfunction. Nothing embarrassing mind you, just a broken strap on one of the thong style sandals she was wearing. The piece that goes between the toes had popped out of the sole (just like the old rubber thongs used to do) rendering it useless. One of the others in the group fished around in her handbag and came up with ......a Minty!

Being somewhat warm weather the Minty was soft enough to wedge into the hole with the strap and hold it in place thereby saving the day.

Talk about a classic "Moments like these" situation.

Not to be outdone, I can see another brand of mint vying to fix the other thong:

"Tic-Tac Toe."

Regards
Paul

mark david
14th Mar 2015, 07:58 PM
Good thing you didnt try drying them while they were still on.:burnt:

QUOTE=artme;884366]Went where I wasn't supposed to one time _ down along the river at home. Time was getting on and i was due home. Unfortunately I slipped down the bank and the bottom of the legs on my shorts got wet.

Knew I would be is strife if I arrived home with wet shorts as it wouldn't take much nouse to know where I'd been. Lucky me! Norm, my apiarist mate, is burning some rubbish. Off come the shorts and they were placed on a suitalbe length stick to dry over the fire.

Bugger! The shorts have caught fire!!

Do I need to finish this tale or can your imaginations do that for you?:D:D:D[/QUOTE]