Thread: Tool Envy Syndrome

Came across this on the wobbly wobbly wobbly whilst looking at metal lathes:

Tool Envy Syndrome (TES)<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>

Tool Envy Syndrome (TES) is a serious condition that afflicts, in varying degrees, nearly all men who are interested in mechanical things. It is very important to recognize and deal with this condition before it becomes serious; left untreated it can lead to a far more serious condition: Inflammation of the Credit Card (ICC). TES is known to strike under the following circumstances: <o></o>

• <LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Browsing the latest tool catalogs or sale flyers <o></o><LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Visiting stores such as Grizzly or Harbor Freight (Warning: while much less than in earlier years, the tool department at Sears can still trigger small attacks) <o></o><LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Visiting the shop of a friend who has more or better tools than you have <o></o><LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1">Surfing the web site of someone with a well-equipped shop <o></o>
• Seeing a well-equipped shop in magazines such as Home Shop Machinist <o></o>

Tool Envy Syndrome tends to strike young men particularly hard, due its close relationship to a similar condition: Gear Acquisition Syndrome (GAS). Over time, in most men, both of these conditions tend to lessen in severity. In fact, it can be shown that gradual accumulation of tools and gear over a period of years can control both conditions while minimizing the risk of Inflammation of the the Credit Card (this is known as the Mature Phase). It has also been widely observed that getting married and having children can moderate the risk; primarily, it is believed, due to counseling from a loving wife and the sobering effect of having lots more bills to pay.<o></o>

Tool Envy Syndrome cannot be controlled by any known drugs (although its effects can be exaggerated by the use of alcohol). Therefore, treatment is currently limited primarily to counseling methods. The first step is admitting that you have a problem. Here are some additonal pointers: <o></o>

• <LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2">Avoid situations that are likely to cause an attack <o></o><LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2">When visiting tool stores, leave your credit card at home (Warning: in severely afflicted individuals this can trigger emotional breakdown, fits of crying and other irrational behavior) <o></o><LI class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2">Meditate on the fine collection of tools that you already have; recognize that time will make it better <o></o>
• Find a quiet place. Visualize your ideal shop. Repeat to yourself "It is coming" <o></o>

I hope you have found this information to be helpful. As a TES/GAS sufferer myself (now in the Mature Phase) I felt compelled to pass it on to you.<o></o>

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