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  1. #46
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    Mar 2018
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    Sydney
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    oh dear that is such sad news, sorry to hear it. It seemed to me to be an inevitable consequence of your earlier reports, but it is still painful for us all to hear, and we can only imagine how much worse it is from your perspective. Having been touched by brain cancers in the past, part of me wants to say that the fact things have progressed so quickly is somewhat beneficial as the prolonged illness is never good, but that doesn't soften any of the blow caused by having to see your son suffer through this. My heart does feel for you, even though we've only met here.

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  3. #47
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    Apr 2018
    Location
    Nsw
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    64
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    1,357

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    Sorry to hear the news. My condolences to you and your family.

  4. #48
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    Canberra
    Posts
    5,124

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    A sad day.

  5. #49
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Rockhampton QLD
    Age
    68
    Posts
    2,335

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    Terribly sorry to hear this sad news.

  6. #50
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Adelaide
    Age
    63
    Posts
    500

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    Apple8, my sincerest condolences on the passing of your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your sons friends and work colleagues.

  7. #51
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Bendigo
    Posts
    776

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    Apple8, so sorry to hear this news. Have been off the site for a while and missed this thread coming back. Devastating mate!

  8. #52
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    SE Melb
    Age
    64
    Posts
    1,277

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    I'm very sorry for your loss

  9. #53
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    back in Alberta for a while
    Age
    68
    Posts
    12,006

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    Apple8, it is now four months since your son died.

    How are you and SWMBO travelling?
    How are the rest of the extended family coping with the tragedy of your son's sudden and so early death?
    regards from Alberta, Canada

    ian

  10. #54
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    940

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    Quote Originally Posted by apple8 View Post
    Sadly today our son succumbed to his illness passing away mid morning.
    Thinking of you and your family at this very difficult time.

  11. #55
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Campbelltown NSW
    Age
    77
    Posts
    335

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    Quote Originally Posted by ian View Post
    Apple8, it is now four months since your son died.

    How are you and SWMBO travelling?
    How are the rest of the extended family coping with the tragedy of your son's sudden and so early death?
    Thank you for keeping us your thoughts. Things are starting to settle a little bit although they will never be normal for us. There isn’t a day goes by that our thoughts don’t turn to his memory. SWMBO has sought professional help and fills a lot of her time reading, sometimes quite late until she falls asleep in the chair. I try to keep myself busy around the house and in the shed but inevitably in the quieter moments.........

    The younger ones are no doubt affected but I think a bit more resilient with more distractions and busier lives with their families and jobs to keep their minds on other things. Apart from one granddaughter all live remotely from us and when we talk or FaceTime our conversations are about the positive things in life for them.

    As a catch-up the funeral was held eight days after his passing, in that time and whilst grieving we had to arrange the funeral service, choose flowers and casket, choose photos for the video collage, songs to played, readings, order of service publications,write eulogy and pick participants. Due to COVID rules at the time only 10 persons were allowed to be present sitting two metres apart. Fortunately the service was streamed live so his relatives, friends and work colleagues could view the service. We chose Australian flowers for his casket which was from an eco friendly sustainable timber source which was his belief that he lived by and honoured his wish to be cremated. He was an organ donor which we also honoured however due the nature of his passing only the corneas were able to be used and we have since received correspondence that two people have now had their sight restored.


    I have spent some time closing accounts for phones, internet, utilities , memberships and subscriptions and found myself becoming irritable after each, I think mainly because it was reinforcing that he was no longer with us. For this reason and as we are the beneficiaries, we have with our help, left the collection of his financial assets to our solicitor to sort out. We have cleaned out his flat with most of his possessions now with us except for some bulky items in storage. We will have to rationalise this at some time but SWMBO and part of me find it difficult to seperate ourselves from his possessions as though we are clinging on to what is left of him and disposal is like removing him from our lives.


    A couple of months ago we met with the cemetery people to choose a final resting place for our son’s ashes and wording for the plaque. We chose a location in a polished granite wall. There wasn’t much choice in location within the wall as there was only a few left, so when the new wall is built later this year we will relocate to the new wall facing east rather than south with two adjacent spots reserved for ourselves.


    Sorry if I’m rambling but I guess it is cathartic to share an event that has put blip in our lives.

  12. #56
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    May 2013
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    Rockhampton QLD
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    68
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    2,335

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    Ramble away as much as you like. I’m very sure none of us will mind and if it helps you both thats a bonus.

    All the best.

    Ross

  13. #57
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    back in Alberta for a while
    Age
    68
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    12,006

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    Quote Originally Posted by apple8 View Post
    Thank you for keeping us your thoughts.

    snip

    I have spent some time closing accounts for phones, internet, utilities , memberships and subscriptions and found myself becoming irritable after each, I think mainly because it was reinforcing that he was no longer with us. For this reason and as we are the beneficiaries, we have with our help, left the collection of his financial assets to our solicitor to sort out. We have cleaned out his flat with most of his possessions now with us except for some bulky items in storage. We will have to rationalise this at some time but SWMBO and part of me find it difficult to seperate ourselves from his possessions as though we are clinging on to what is left of him and disposal is like removing him from our lives.

    I know some of what you are going through.

    Clearing out and selling my father's house -- including disposing of most of his tools -- was similarly traumatic for me. Less so for my sisters, one of whom was married and living in Leeton, the other living in her own place in Sydney. The number of nights I'd spent in dad's house over the 30 year period before his death would have
    probably averaged less than one per year. I was living in country NSW when mum and dad moved and so I never really lived in dad's house, but all my childhood memories and toys were stored in his garage and back shed.


    Take your time with the grieving and try to stay positive about life. You and SWMBO have the other kids and the grandkiddies to share your memories with.


    Not wishing to be pushy, but perhaps some of your son's estate could be used as a donation to a worthwhile cause.
    I don't think you ever mentioned what he liked or the causes he supported, and perhaps it's for the best if you don't do so now, but think about how your son's early passing can be turned into a positive of some sort.
    Around here (Canmore, Alberta) memorial benches are a thing. A relatively plain bench with a memorial plague affixed to the top rail is the norm.


    Quote Originally Posted by apple8 View Post
    Sorry if I’m rambling but I guess it is cathartic to share an event that has put blip in our lives.
    Don't be sorry about rambling.
    If it helps, use this thread to share the odd thoughts that come to you as you and SWMBO go through the grieving process.
    regards from Alberta, Canada

    ian

  14. #58
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Oz
    Posts
    615

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    The health merry go round is real. If you're lucky you'll go through life without issues and won't leave this world until you're good and ready. Unfortunately, there is no good way to depart and the vast majority of us will leave before we'd like. Heart disease, alzheimers, stroke, cancer and pulmonary obstructive disease, in that order, are the leading causes, so it's a good bet one of them is going to get you.

    I'm not what you'd call lucky: Widespread OA visited me in my 40s, diabetes (despite never being overweight, never being sedentary and having no family history) visited me in my 50s, aggressive RA in my 60s and then cancer hit, first, second and now third time.

    I suppose the good thing is, or the bad, depending on how you look at it, at least I know what is going to claim me. Fact of life, we're all going to die, most before our time. I'm not ready yet, I still have too much to do, but what can you do? Hopefully, my next round of chemo and radio will give me the time I need to get things done: I got a new hip, new big toe, had the ulna nerve moved, gave up my gall bladder, had more steroids pumped into me than Arnie ever had (not the same type, but who 's counting), gave up 75% of my lung, taken more toxins into my body than you can poke a stick at, had lots of radio and two weeks ago, I got four nice new fingers that actually work, but still the reaper chases me.

    One good thing about escaping the cancer reaper twice, it prepares you. I'm no longer afraid of dying, I'd just prefer not to, not at the moment at least.

    If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was immortal. Sadly, one look in the mirror dispels that idea. Hopefully I'll still ride this merry go round for a lot more years, I may even get to finish my bike, you never know??? What's around the corner!

  15. #59
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Campbelltown NSW
    Age
    77
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    335

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    Quote Originally Posted by ian View Post
    Around here (Canmore, Alberta) memorial benches are a thing. A relatively plain bench with a memorial plague affixed to the top rail is the norm.
    The memorial bench was an option offered by the cemetery on the edge of a small lake with a rose bush for $85000. On the one that was viewed it was evident that rabbits had been digging around the bush.

  16. #60
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    back in Alberta for a while
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    68
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    12,006

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    Quote Originally Posted by apple8 View Post
    The memorial bench was an option offered by the cemetery on the edge of a small lake with a rose bush for $85000.
    $85,000

    someone saw you coming


    In Banff an expensive "memorial bench" (including 20 years' upkeep) is around $3000.
    In Canmore a similar bench is about $2000.
    regards from Alberta, Canada

    ian

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