Thread: Cymbalta and Depression

Originally Posted by FenceFurniture

Indeed Ern. I haven't really known what to say in reply. Depression is one thing, and can be pretty dangerous, but when you add the other end to it to get BP, it's quite another altogether. Coping with both ends, and the middle "normal" bit, can be very difficult.

I'm "soft" BP2, which in time will be recognised as BP3 I suppose. The depression is always obvious (to myself, and others) but the hypomania was not apparent to anyone until 5 years ago, at age 51. And this is despite being under psychs since I was 30.

However, during the final months before we got to diagnosis, I spent a great deal of time reflecting on my life's events, and I can now trace HM behaviour back to the age of 10, and many more occurences after that. The poor decisions and choices that I've made can be almost all ascribed to HM, I believe. It's pretty complex, but it all makes so much sense to me now, in retrospect.

That's not to say that HM is all bad. There are many very successful things that have come out of it for me - when I'm on a (worthwhile) project by God I can concentrate on it, and see it through to what is often a great result. I just wish I had known about it much, much earlier as I believe that I would have been so much better equipped to deal with life as it's been for me. You see, now I can see the HM coming to some extent, and so that allows me to keep it under control, and basically use it like a tool to get results. I no longer take Lithium (and haven't for 2 years) because I think (hope) that I have enough awareness to manage it within myself.

Metester, I can't really offer you advice because all of our situations are so different. All I can say is that I believe very strongly that you/we can control it to (at least some) extent from within.

Brett

Thanks for your support guys. It might sound odd but there is something special about receiving it here. It is quite unique and actually not something I can always rely on in the non-online world if you get my drift.

Fencefurniture, I am at the start of beginning to piece together the HM behaviour over the years myself. I would often describe my highs as awesome and signs of beating the depression when in actual fact it was a HM episode. I'd often describe it as feeling "on fire." My family now see it too. We all now understand why people would be wise to get out of my way when they occur. Learning to both recognise and manage the highs and lows is ahead of me but I am further down the track than I was last year!

Woodworking has a special place amongst all this for me. I have stuffed up some projects monumentally and others I am very proud of. I have a few pieces of furniture that I have made around the house and each has its own story and memories of where I was at during the time. I have even kept some of the not so good projects and on some level they are special to me too.

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