Thread: Depression

Good on you Kiwi 75. I cannot describe what I would have done to him but he would have wished that he had never set eyes on me.

The best thing to do for your sons, would be to sit them down and explain to the your feelings of what had happened, if you have not already done so. Good luck with the future with your mum.

Foo

Well Kiwi75, What a story!!! Unfortunately so much of it is not uncommon!!

Your bravery in facing Grant and supporting your mother that way will prove to
be a watershed.

Please, get counseling help!

I don't know how far you wish to push this, but the creature deserves to be imprisoned for
the abuse of your sister.

Stick with it mate. You have taken an extremely important first step.

Things often happen that we do not always expect, this is just one example and I hope that things work out for you and your family.

Thanks guys, unfortunately this is just the beginning. He's found where she's living and won't stop ringing. At first he tried the "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you, you can see Carlos sometimes, blah blah blah"
And when that didn't work he started demanding, and threatening, trying to gain back the control that I neatly cut off.
I've said she needs to stop talking to him as after a while he'll slowly gain that lost control back, but, well, it's hard to explain but the abused can often form a connection with their abuses.

I am afraid I could feel a visit coming up. Get a AVO or something taken out against him, maybe!

I would prefer to give him another flogging personally but that would mean more trouble with the authorities though.

Foo

It's been some time since I last posted on these forums. I have come across this thread before but didn't feel like sharing until now.

I had felt something was wrong, lacking, not right for most of my life but up until about twenty five years ago I couldn't put a handle on it. Way back then I had got to the point where my tolerance for people and certain situations resulted in two outcomes. Look at me the wrong way and you would either see me say and do nothing except walk away or you would receive a smack in the mouth. I learned to read the signs and fighting and martial arts training taught me that even though I was capable of seriously hurting someone the outcome was never good, walking away was better.

Unfortunately walking away set up certain patterns in my life, if things got difficult, work, situations, relationships, I just walked away.

About twenty five years ago I reached a point in my life where I couldn't hold down a job, one lasted three hours as a truck driver and when I got back to the depo had the boss been there...........I hate to think what would have happened. My finances were in a mess and my so called friends were no where to be seen. Looking back now it was no wonder. My health had bottomed out and I needed to find answers to why I felt the way I did, trouble was I couldn't even formulate the questions.

The GP referred me to a psychologist who spent sometime listening to me, gave me lots of books to read and got me "better", enough to be become one of his multi level marketing distributors with thoughts of becoming a millionaire. I was pumped so full of "good" thoughts I felt I could take on the world. The only problem was once my friends and family had told me in no uncertain terms that there was no way in hell they would be in "that" business with me my only fallback was the psychologist, his wife and my new found "friends.

One of the problems with "Positive attachment" is that if it doesn't happen early there is a tendency to not grow emotionally as a person, there is a basic need that has not been fulfilled so anything you can cling to to fill that need becomes an overriding motivation. Now I'm not saying that as a trained psychologist this guy knew this about me but I clung and clung hard until life's realities set in. It looked like my friends and family had deserted me and anyone I spoke to about this "business" thought I was nuts and because I wasn't performing, my best new buddy, and psychologist also thought I wasn't worth the trouble and cut all ties. That all happened over about six months so I went from not knowing to taking over the world to having a downright bad opinion of people and the world in general. I spent the next twenty plus years on and off the dole then became self employed, worked for a number of companies, spent time unemployed, went back to school full time, self employed again up until toward the end of last year when it all came to a head.

My home maintenance business was broke and deregistered, I was 172kg, type 2 diabetic and seeing only one course of action. I went to my woodturning clubs christmas break up on the 23rd of November and had a good time catching up and wishing Xmas cheer to one and all then came home, turned the tv and computer on and started to think. I went through what rope to use, what to stand on, where to tie the rope so the roof wouldn't cave in before the job was done, remember 170+kg and how to tie a hangman's noose (one of the benefits of boy scouts) then I went cold. I must have spent the next hour in tears and was so agitated even my dog wouldn't come near me.

I realised I needed help so off to the GP first thing sunday morning I go. My mental state was not much better than the day before, the GP took one look and monday afternoon I found myself sitting in a very comfortable chair talking about my life to another psychologist. Thankfully this guy "knew" what was "wrong" with me but chose to wait until my next visit to explain it to me. My next session the very next day was like winning lotto, question's were answered and the relief was amazing. One of the things I used to do over the years when bored was find Mensa tests on the net just for ##### and giggles but never went any further. My self image was one who was stupid, fat, lazy, unworthy of achievement, useless. I would often find myself doing things in such a way that would have a negative outcome, reaffirming my self image.

My psychologist has taught me various ways to change my thinking patterns, self motivation, self worth, a positive outlook and what is and should be important to me in this world. I take one 100mg Pristiq tablet a day, wonderful thing that has cleared to fog and allows me to think clearly.

I now KNOW there is nothing WRONG with me, no one is to blame and that my life is now full of possibilites, I just have to grab hold of the reins and ride. I now KNOW that my situation was caused by not forming the normal bond that most boys have with their father, he had a terrible up bringing with his own father and when I came along whilst he was the best provider a boy could ever wish for I can now say I never really knew him or got close to him. He just had no idea of how to bond with either my sister or myself. I believe my mother unconsciously knew this and tried to fill the gap, you think that didn't mess me up even more. I did start to get closer to him towards the end of his life as his part time carer but the disease he suffered from, Huntington's Disease, caused dementia and I could see bit by bit it taking him away from me. He became very abusive verbally to my mother and I toward the end and trying to protect her I took the brunt of his abuse, his last words to me were "F... Off you PR..K, I don't wanna see you, I want your mother" which took a number of years to get over. I now know in my heart that it was the dementia and not him saying those words to me.

Some of you have mentioned exercise as a way of relieving depression, it certainly helps me. Back in my early 20's I raced bicycles, both road and track then when mountain bikes came onto the scene I had the 11th one made in Australia and was the 15th member of the Fat Tyre Flyers and both helped organise and participated in the first mountain bike race in Australia. You might say I like all things bikes and you'd be dead on right. I bought a second hand recumbent trike at the start of the year and ride it a few times a week with a 15 to 20km ride most sundays. I've taking to videoing some of the rides and for those of you who may be interested in what I and my trike friends get up to, I've set up a Youtube channel called Fozzfreedommachine that shows what its like to ride with your backside about four inches off the ground.

At present there is a couple of obsessive compulsive issues I'm dealing with, a left over of the past. Gotta give the smokes away, why is it that everyone gets irritable and lacks a sense of humour when I do that? I'm enrolled for school starting february next year in a Diploma of Community Services (case management), still over weight but give it time, loosing 30kg in ten months is not lazy, I'm worthy of success as everyone is, I have friends and great ones at that and last but by no means least, for the first time in my life I can honestly say I AM HAPPY

To finish this off there's just a couple of things I'd like to add.

PLEASE, if you are having feelings and thoughts like any that have been mentioned in this thread, SEEK HELP!!!!!, not later, NOW!!!
The other thing I've found most helpful is be open about your feelings and thoughts, don't bottle them up.

And remember this, you are UNIQUE and a very WORTHY member of this crazy thing we call the HUMAN RACE!!!.

Kindest regards to you all,

Ross.

Hi Ross What a story!!!
I can relate to a lot of what you have said especially when you talked about not being able toget your thoughts verbalized!
In my case I couldn't get any satisfaction from a psychologist my brain couldn't get anything clear out of the sessions (Too much cloud in my mind) So I have had to rely on medications over the last 25 years or so.
At the moment I feel fine and can see the world in a bright light......but.....I know that my moods are cyclic and I have to be wary of the signs.

Mate all the best with your program of exercise and schooling. The brain seems to need stimulation a lot to stop us from thinking about the negatives.

Thanks for sharing Ross.

That's quite a journey.

Yes, it's important to be aware that counsellors vary in their approach and if one isn't helping you try another. There are different ways of conceptualising how the psyche works and so different therapies follow.

It's interesting to hear some of you talk about the *cloudiness* It's a sensation I found almost over bearing at times. it was a thick, buzzing cotton wool feeling in my head, and I just couldn't seem to think clearly, it comes back from time to time but the anti-depressants seem to have stopped it from returning often.

There can be multiple causes of that fuzzy head feeling. Talk to your GP.

As I've posted before re depression: one take is that it's anger without the fun. A similar one is that it's anger turned inwards, which I think amounts to the same thing or worse.

Therapies should vary acc. to whether it's mild/moderate or severe.

In some cultures there is no such thing as a diagnosis of depression.

What does that tell you?

Yep, the fog was a wonderful thing, most days it was just there as an annoyance. Some days though it would be a lot worse. For instance, there were days when I'd go out to the garage to do some turning and when I got there I'd sit down on the chair in front of the lathe and wonder what the hell I was doing out there. Then there'd be times when I'd be turning, have to change tools, chucks or what ever and never complete the task. You can imagine trying to run a business being like that.

Anyone interested in how mental suffering is classified and treated by the medical establishment might find the following interesting:

Psychiatry re-examined - All In The Mind - ABC Radio National (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Guys,

There are some great stories in here and will be surpirsed by the amount of people (males) who suffer from depression but do nothign about it.

I am 29 years old and have suffered from depression for over 10 years.

I have tried over 9 different anti-depressants, and only in the last 8 months have found one that seems to be working for me. A combination of lithium and an older one called Clomipramine seems to be going well.

Sometimes there are no reasons for it, its a chemical imbalance. Similar to how some people with high blood pressure are fit and healthy, yet suffer. I look at things in my life and can't pin point anything bad or negative, yet I feel so down. This is frustrating to me because I see so many people around me who are so much worse off, yet they are happy. I struggle to comprehend that and it makes me feel selfish.

I can relate to how fozz said he would go down to the workshop and just sit and stare at something and wonder what he is doing.

I have had many days where I could not get out of bed. All I want to do is sleep.

Like what has been said before, seek help and make sure that you feel comfortable with the person you are receiving help from. It may take several different trips to doctors or psycologists but once you find the right one that is a great step forward.

Well, that's my view.

I know its hard and I got sick of hearing it because I never felt it, but there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Slowly the good days will out number the bad ones. It not fast or easy, but will happen.

Matt

Good post Matt.

For all followers of this thread, bear in mind that there's a difference between feeling down (emotionally suffering) and having a diagnosis of moderate to severe depression that can be demonstrated by reliable tests of brain function.