Thread: health issue (minor)

Ow, not nice.

I'm of the age where I need to start thinking about this sort of thing; but still very much looking for that female Asian proctologist our ex-First Bloke recommended . My step-father who is now in his seventies is waiting for his re-bore; he wasn't that much older than you are now when he was diagnosed with the same condition but in his case it has been a very slow and gradual progression.


On a related and funny side, a few years ago I was laid up in hospital having just had a double hernia repaired, the one where they make a small delicate incision with an axe and stitch half an acre of shade cloth over your lower abdominal wall. On each side.

Anyway; I have a bit of a drama with general anaesthetics; in particular I really struggle to widdle afterwards. Annoyingly, nearly every bloody op I've ever had involved some part of me between the hips and the toenails so getting up for a slash afterwards has usually been somewhat tricky in varying degrees. This was the worst, because that op BLOODY HURT. I couldn't use a bottle; I tried standing-no good and too sore. I managed to get to the pan and tried sitting, I had taps running; all to no avail. Eventually the decision was made that I'd have to be catheterised and the nearest trainee nurse was promptly summoned and closely supervised in performing her task. Well, when I say closely....

By this time the volume built up was quite considerable, as was the acute discomfort. When the dam was breeched the pressure was sufficiently high enough for my flow to blast out around the outside of the tube; directly at, over and unfortunately on the somewhat surprised young lady; who was unable to avoid the deluge due to having to hold the tube, bag and the, ahem, physical source. Apparently, this isn't that unusual an occurrence and is one of those "master and apprentice" moments that are passed on from generation to generation. I did wonder at the time why the ward sister was directing the procedure from the other side of the bed . Through my agony even I was able to raise a chuckle; apologising profusely whilst unintentionally performing an act usually only seen in very specialised European adult movies. It's not like I could actually stop....

She did have her revenge a little while later though when it came to remove the damn thing. She simply took two turns of tube around her hand, asked me to brace myself and proceeded to smoothly pull the tubing out. I tell you, there is no feeling in the world so painless, yet so spectacularly unpleasant, as having two foot of 1/4" bore ridged plastic hose* pulled through your old chap.


Anyway, hope you're back on your feet and in the shed soon.






* Note: The tube dimensions were gauged by how it felt on the way out; as I'm pretty sure it had expanded while wet.

Originally Posted by Chief Tiff

Anyway, hope you're back on your feet and in the shed soon.






* Note: The tube dimensions were gauged by how it felt on the way out; as I'm pretty sure it had expanded while wet.

thanks ... and good story


regards david

Find a Asian Dr because they have smaller fingers.

Yes the tube up de willy is not pleasant and is even more unpleasant if you try and pull it out yourself. When the nurse pulled mine out, I replied that it felt like she had stretched an extra 6" and she replied with a smile... I will leave that up to you to decide.

Foo