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  1. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodPixel View Post
    BobL, your last three posts touched me. You are a good man.
    Thanks but before I take any more credit here, when I say "we" in those posts above, the work of putting the music and photo stuff together was done by my sisters. All I did was provide one of the photos

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  3. #137
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    Jul 2003
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    Riverhills, Brisbane
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    64
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    Well, crunch time has come with Mum's care.

    Not because she has become difficult to care for but my sister in law who has been her principle care giver is in hospital and about to be put on a ventilator.

    It is not Covid as she has had a deteriorating lung condition for over 15 years.

    My brother rang me this morning in tears and facing a hard slog with his very ill wife and worrying about Mum.

    He broke down and admitted that they couldn't care for her any more.

    I told him that they had done an exceptional job of caring for Mum for the past 2 years but it is now time to take care of both his wife & his own health.

    I assured him that my elder sister and myself will now make sure that Mum's long term care is organised and for him not to worry too much or beat himself up about no longer being able to look after Mum. I told him that my siblings and I have been expecting this type of predicament for some time and it is now up to us to relieve him of the worry for Mum's day to day needs.

    Now the search is on for permanent Aged Care.

  4. #138
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    Perth
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    Sorry to hear that Skot.

    Hope you find somewhere decent for mum and your SIL improves.

  5. #139
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    Blackalls Park NSW 2283
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    77
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    21

    Default What to do about mum

    Sorry to hear about your mum.
    I can offer a recommendation of an aged care facility if it helps. Not close to Riverhills unfortunately.
    My mother in law about 3 years ago had to go into an aged care facility for much the same reasons you describe.
    My wife is a stickler for detail and spends great time and effort on research for the best facility and best value.
    She with her sisters visited numerous aged care facilities and eventually decided the best was
    Welington Park Aged Care FacilityWellington Park



    16 Balmoral Street, Wellington Point


    (07) 3556 1837


    [email protected]

    The management and staff facilities and service were exceptional. We were all so pleased with the services offered and support that we could relax and knew we had made the right decision.

    Hope this helps
    Good Luck Michael

  6. #140
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    Jul 2003
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    Riverhills, Brisbane
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    Thanks for recommendation MichaelGT,

    We have to consider a few things and the most important is a good quality of care as we all wish for our loved ones but also it's location in respect to all the family.

    Our family is spread between Riverhills to Sandstone Point & a large contingent in Toowoomba so we are looking either west side of Brisbane and up to Toowoomba so that the most anyone has to travel to visit mum would be about an hour or so.

    Wellington Point would be OK for myself & my 2 sisters but a large travel requirement for our Toowoomba family.

    One of the Toowoomba group suggested Pittsworth - OK for people up on the range but 2 hours for me & my younger sister and 3 hours for my elder sister.

    So we have to find a nice place that is located as centrally as possible so we all get the opportunity to visit mum regularly.

  7. #141
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    Feb 2006
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    Perth
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    My mums still in Dementia care and slowly losing her memories and becoming more and more paranoid.

    2 weeks my very pregnant niece (mums granddaughter) visited her and mum didn't recognise her. Mum wanted to know if she was married (mum was at wedding about 5 years ago) and, did her father know about her "condition"? The next day niece had the baby but when mum was told about it (her 13the great grand child) she didn't remember seeing the niece the day before.

    Mum's also developed a leg ulcer and it was getting worse and pushed to have something more done about it than just more pills. Mum could still walk OK but she said it was painful. We finally got her to a specialist who said mum hacirculatory issues and he sent her for a scan. Mum handled that OK and the recommendation from that was certain surgical procedures be undertaken but this was no guarantee that it would make any difference. Anyway organising this has dragged on and on and we're still waiting to hear back about it. Any way the procrastination might have been worthwhile as last week the nurse at the care facility told us the ulcer is slowly getting better by itself!

  8. #142
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    Jul 2003
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    Riverhills, Brisbane
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    BobL,

    Yes it's a hard long road as you know. Hope your mum's physical ailments improve, as we know that the dementia will not.

    My wife and I are also first point of contact for wife's 97yo Aunt who still lives by herself. Lucky I guess that my brother took on Mum's care a couple of years ago as I do not think I could handle both of them if they were both living by themselves. Mum would call me at least 5 times every day when she was alone at her Unit with weird stories of things she imagined were happening in her Unit.

  9. #143
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    Jul 2003
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    BobL,

    Can you tell me whether your Mum has accepted that the Aged Care facility is now her home ?

    Does she remember living at your sister's place and ask when she can go back ?

    As I mentioned previously, my mum has forgotten where she lived before moving into my brother's place and she now considers that her safe place, but I was wondering whether the same may happen when we move her into Aged Care. I know that there will be a period of adjustment and she will constantly ask to go "home" when any of the family visit which will difficult for all but I am looking for some ray of light that I can hang onto. I am hoping that she may settle down after a while.

  10. #144
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    Feb 2006
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    Perth
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    Quote Originally Posted by skot View Post
    BobL,

    Can you tell me whether your Mum has accepted that the Aged Care facility is now her home ?
    Nope she has not accepted it. If anything she refers to "going home" more often. Home usually refers to her childhood home back in Italy.

    When we go around to see her she sometimes mum has a bag half packed or empty, and tells us she's waiting for her father or brother to pick her up.
    Sometimes she asks if we can take her home.
    Even if the bag is not evident, mum says at least several times during visits that she can't wait to go home.
    Mum rarely self refers to any other "homes" she used to live at in Australia.

    Sometimes she says she's sick of being in hospital.
    Sometimes when we turn up mum is half dressed and says she's waiting to be picked up to go to a funeral.

    It's weird that she has forgotten she used to live at my sisters place, but sometimes refers to the care facility as being owned by that sister and said sister is never around, and why does my sister need all these staff because all they do is sit round, drink tea and chat.

    Mum sometimes asks if her mother or father or siblings are still alive, or when dad is coming to visit (he died in 1999). My older sister is very patient with her and takes out conveniently place photo albums and goes thru who is still alive or not. Sometimes this makes mum upset because she doesn't remember going to their funeral.

    It's very distressing to all concerned but it must be hell for mum.

    The only time mum seems happy is when we take her out for family gatherings (once or twice a week) and mum sits and seems to just absorb the vibes but often nods off. Mum still eats well but prefers Italian food so we alway have some of her favourites ready for her.

  11. #145
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    Thanks for the feedback Bob.

    I know the thought of Mum going into Aged Care is much more distressing for my brother's family in Toowoomba who are the one's that have been caring for her over the past 2 years, but we are trying to find a place in Toowoomba and explain to my family up there that mum will not be in prison...we can all still visit and take her out for morning teas & lunches just like we do now. Just her residence has changed and she is under more supervision & care.

  12. #146
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    Perth
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    On several occasions I have attempted to explain to mum about Covid and somewhat reluctantly tried to use it as a reason why she is better off in care while it's all still playing out.

    Interestingly mum does remember the 1919 flu pandemic - not that she was in it but her mother (my "Nonna") remembers it and would often tell us and likewise mum when she was younger about the great pestilence after the war. Italians call it "Peste" so when I mention it (again and again) she indicates she knows what it is. However mum usually forgets that I have told her about Covid and that it is still around and has to be retold about it every time. She does not remember having her shots for it about 3 months back.

    Two of her sisters (not in their late 80's) have had Covid but did not show any symptoms. If genetics is anything to go by, and given that mum is in better shape than either of the sisters, mum would probably survive if she got it.

  13. #147
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    Mum watches the News during the day but several times over the past 18 months, I mentioned Covid and the pandemic....she looks at me and says she's never heard about covid.

    So I avoid mentioning it now but it makes it difficult trying to explain to her why we can not travel to Toowoomba to see her during a Brisbane lockdown.

  14. #148
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    Well, we found a lovely place for Mum in Toowoomba and she was admitted last Thursday with all 4 of the siblings present to explain the situation.
    She had a little cry but soon moved on. The room has a beautiful outlook onto a garden with an easterly aspect so the sun floods the room in the morning.

    Finding a place can be a "lucky dip" in some way.
    Due to the very nature of Aged Care and the turnover of residents at a fair rate, you may be in the right home at the right time that a nice room becomes vacant and we are happy that it was the case for us.
    We saw some homes where the only rooms or room that was vacant would not be considered by us as suitable for our mum's care.

    We have good reports about Mum's new place from several different sources including the manager of the facility that mum stayed in for 3 weeks for emergency respite while we searched.

    We will stay vigilant & make sure she is well cared for.

    As a slight aside...I was so glad to hear that my brother & his wife who have looked after mum since late 2019...were able to go and watch their grandson's footy finals match for the 1st time in 2 years, knowing that mum is safe and being looked after.

  15. #149
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    Perth
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    Just finished reading a book called "Mind Thief", by Han Yu. Its' a comprehensive book about Alzheimers, history/discovery, causes, genetic factors (really interesting), and the shenanigans that big pharma goes through to get treatments onto the market. A bit technical in parts but I found it did not degrade from the readability, and if you know someone with Alzheimers, there are loads of "Oh Yeah!" moments .

    Given that a good percentage of us will either experience Alzheimers directly or indirectly I recommend it for everyone. It certainly would have helped me understand my mother better especially in her early stages of this disease

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