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  1. #61
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    Its 6:30 pm and another sister just called to say she dropped to see mum in the late afternoon and found her sitting with a group of residents in front of the big telly screen all humming along to Andre Rieu. It's early days yet but normally in the late arvo mum is at her worst so something appears to have happened.

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  3. #62
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    not being cruel ...

    perhaps your mum has found a new set of people to bully


    I hope it all goes well.
    Carer sister gets her sanity back and everyone can settle into a regular routine of visits to mum
    regards from Canada

    ian

  4. #63
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    A real positive to see your Mum's settling in and enjoying the company of the other residents so early in the peace
    Bob does she have an area in which she can still garden or the very least have a stroll and enjoy the sight of some greenery?
    God bless her as she embarks on a new chapter in her life...MM
    Mapleman

  5. #64
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    perhaps your mum has found a new set of people to bully
    Possibly, but Mum has always been most genteel to neighbours and anyone outside her family, everyone else thinks she is a charming.
    I suspect family members will just cop a serve when we visit.

    Normally mum is very reserved and PC, but her dementia increasingly sees her calling a spade a spade. Yesterday she saw an attactive dark skinned cleaning lady at the centre and she commented to me, "what an attractive darky" but the staff should be used to all that.

    Quote Originally Posted by MAPLEMAN View Post
    A real positive to see your Mum's settling in and enjoying the company of the other residents so early in the peace
    Bob does she have an area in which she can still garden or the very least have a stroll and enjoy the sight of some greenery?
    Thanks MM.
    Yes there is heaps of space for her to garden including some raised beds which will suit her.
    The gardens are quite extensive although looking a bit sad due to the prolonged WA summer.
    If mum has her way she will whip at least some of it into shape in short order.

  6. #65
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    Towards his end, my dad used to say non PC things about the hospital staff from other countries. I never thought he meant to be rude or insulting, I believe that as he got more "muddy" minded nearing his death it was not easy to remember the correct PC words to use. He used to say similar things as your mum..."That pretty darky nurse is very helpful...". No malice intended.... as we , his family, used to hope that the floor would open up swallow us at that very moment.

  7. #66
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    Visited my Mum a couple of months ago at the nursing home where she now resides
    A couple of times I was disturbed by some her actions
    Firstly, whilst she was sitting in her wheelchair...she abruptly starting waving her arms around and pointing into the air
    She was chatting away to herself as well which made me think she may well have been hallucinating
    Then to my horror she starting picking her nose with great intensity! This went on for what seemed an eternity
    She had the 'form guide' out and there was no stopping her.
    Now this is something I had NEVER witnessed Mum doing...EVER! Oh my goodness...my mind was momentarily suspended
    But she was in her element without shame!What a place to be
    Dementia sure is a puzzling affliction...MM
    Mapleman

  8. #67
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    My FIL who was also suffering quite badly from dementia was the same. When we finally got him to hospital (we had to go through casualty) and he finally got a bed inside casualty he could see a group of medical staff discussing something and he said. "I don't want that darky doctor coming near me, he wont know much". It turned out that the doctor concerned was the mental health expert who was going to assess FIL. Anyway by the time he did see FIL, FIL had forgotten what he had said.

    While waiting (it was a early morning saturday) a rough bloke only wearing boxer shorts and covered in blood and his left hand in a blood soaked bandage was escorted into casualty and FIL said to me "looks like a knife fight, make sure the don't put him next to me" but they did. Of course there were curtains around the beds but at one point a nurse pulled the wrong curtain and FIL came face to face with the bloke. By then they had cleaned him up and FIL didn't say word. It turned out that the rough looking bloke had a fistula on his wrist that had spontaneously burst while he was asleep, spurting blood all over him.

  9. #68
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    Mum's been in care for nearly a week and as expected it's "Swings and roundabouts".

    Mum has expressed to all her visitors (there have been one or two siblings that have visited every day so far) that she is "way better" than all the other residents, so why is she there? Even though mum is 90, physically I would say she probably is better, not sure about mentally.

    As to be expected mum has expressed to the family a number of complaints about this and that. Mum is not the outward complaining type (probably because of language complications) and we have to coach her to ask for things she needs.

    My sister and Mum attended the centre's weekly singalong session and even though mum did not know any of the words, my sister said mum enthusiastically La-La-La'd along with the group. Mum is still very paranoid about her stuff and can't find many of the things in her room that we expressly went through with her several times about their location.

    Overall, even though mum is not happy about it, it all seems to have better than I thought it would have. We're hoping mum can settle a bit more before we start taking her out for day visits and excursions.

  10. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by BobL View Post
    Mum has expressed to all her visitors (there have been one or two siblings that have visited every day so far) that she is "way better" than all the other residents, so why is she there?
    I can relate to that, Bob. Every day for 18 months my mother has told my father that she is better than him and demands to know why she is "in here" and he is not.

    Once they are in care it is not the end of the fight - just the start of the next round.

    Cheers

    Doug
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  11. #70
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    [QUOTE=doug3030;2077198]I can relate to that, Bob. Every day for 18 months my mother has told my father that she is better than him and demands to know why she is "in here" and he is not.[QUOTE]

    Yep - that will last a long time I reckon.

    Once they are in care it is not the end of the fight - just the start of the next round.
    With mum its less of a fight and more of "HD guilt trip",
    eg
    "look at what I did with all youse kids"
    "All those nappies I washed and hung out"
    "I went begging for food" She never begged but she did have to borrow money for food when dad was in crook.
    "I had to make 3 cents go a week and I even managed to save a cent"
    Etc

    The one thing we worked out is that grandies and great grandies easily distract her and I reckon these will be towed along for many a visit in the next few months.

  12. #71
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    BobL,

    Wonder if you can clear something up for me if you can. My 88 yo mother is showing signs of severe memory loss and I have approached her Doctor (he's the same as mine) with her symptoms. He gave me a phone number to ask about an ACAT assessment but it appears that the assessment is only to be done when entry into a care facility in immanent. Mum can still cook for herself and seems to be coping ...sort of..... and her Dr said as long as she is not a threat to herself we should just keep an eye on her. I was wondering if I should contact Dementia Australia and see if there is a step before Aged Care Home so that she can stay in her home with some extra help from a government scheme.

  13. #72
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    Based on our experience in the years preceding my father's passing, outside help is available for things like getting the lawns mown, house cleaning, etc.

    we used to take it in turns to each spend 1 or 2 days per week with dad, and importantly to eat 3 or 4 meals (lunch or dinner) with him each week.

    Our biggest issue was his stubbornness. We were very keen that he wear / carry a "I've fallen and can't get up" alarm or at the very least a working mobile phone, which he could use to summon help. Of course he wouldn't and in the end it was delayed help following a fall that led to his death. He fell in the bathroom and it was 6 or 7 hours before he could get to the phone and dial 000.

    One company (I believe Nokia) still make simple mobiles -- flip open, push a button, or three, and talk to help.
    regards from Canada

    ian

  14. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by skot View Post
    BobL,

    Wonder if you can clear something up for me if you can. My 88 yo mother is showing signs of severe memory loss and I have approached her Doctor (he's the same as mine) with her symptoms. He gave me a phone number to ask about an ACAT assessment but it appears that the assessment is only to be done when entry into a care facility in immanent. Mum can still cook for herself and seems to be coping ...sort of..... and her Dr said as long as she is not a threat to herself we should just keep an eye on her. I was wondering if I should contact Dementia Australia and see if there is a step before Aged Care Home so that she can stay in her home with some extra help from a government scheme.
    Yes there is and approaching Dementia Australia is a good start. But be prepared for it to take for ever, well a lot longer than you think so its best to start now.

    BTW mum is doing OK at her nursing home. Visits are centred around not much more than talking about her aches and pains and how these shoes don't fit her and where are these other shoes etc. Sometimes she thinks she is still living at my sisters place and comments often that my sister is always away because Mum doesn't see her that often and what are all these other people doing living at my sisters place? Other times she thinks she is in a hospital because doctors and nurses keep appearing and giving her medication. Mum's memories and recall have regressed right back to the 1940's whereby she can't recall stuff from the 1950's onwards so she doesn't always want to talk about any memories later than that when prompted, but last Tuesday she temporarily did pop back into the 1950's. Mum doesn't join in any of the centre's activities, proffering a sore toe or headache as an excuse. She is actually quite a shy person and worries she won't know how to do the activity. There are enough of us to make sure someone visits her every day and my sisters take her out a couple of times a week for coffee or lunch etc.

  15. #74
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    Thanks for that Bob,

    Hopefully your Mum can still remember all her children

    My mum is not that far yet but as you said short term is shocking.....long term is OK. Important things in the last 5 years and she has no recall but her short term can be intermittent ...sometimes OK...sometimes completely lost and asks the same question each day about a certain event.

    Hope you are coping OK with your Mum. My mum knows that her mind is being affected and does some crying times when that happens, but my Dad used to say that there is no use worrying about things we have no control over.

    All the best Bob

  16. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by skot View Post
    Thanks for that Bob,
    Hopefully your Mum can still remember all her children
    It's not reached that stage yet but I can see it coming as there are 10 of us and 9 partners, 26 grandies which she confuses. and 9 great grandies which she seems to do better at because she relates better to younger kids.

    My mum is not that far yet but as you said short term is shocking.....long term is OK. Important things in the last 5 years and she has no recall but her short term can be intermittent ...sometimes OK...sometimes completely lost and asks the same question each day about a certain event.
    Hope you are coping OK with your Mum. My mum knows that her mind is being affected and does some crying times when that happens, but my Dad used to say that there is no use worrying about things we have no control over.
    All the best Bob
    Thanks Skot, we've resigned ourselves to mum being who she is and just limit what we try to discuss with her. For the last few years Mum has found most social occasions with the family quite challenging as she can no longer follow most discussions and the noise levels tended to be high as well. To get around this we started bringing her along to restricted number gatherings and even then she would wander off and sit on her own. She now has stopped doing that and seems happy enough just to sit and be there with us and not worry about the conversation.

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