Thread: 2 animal jokes

>Legless Parrot
>
> A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
>perch.
>It doesn't have any feet or legs.
>The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?" The
>parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
>"Holy ," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
>"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent,
>thoroughly educated bird."
>"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you hang onto your perch
>without any feet?"
>"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I
>wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it
>because of my feathers."
>"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't
>you?"
>"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with
>reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
>physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought
>to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
>The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
>"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants
>me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make
>the guy an offer!"
>The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot
>is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a
>great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
>The guy is delighted.
>One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst"
>and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this
>or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
>"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
>"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a
>sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."
>"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
>"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and
>began petting her all over" reported the parrot.
>"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"
>"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her
>all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."
>"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
>"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch".
>
>=============================================================
>
>just a joke
>
>
>A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog
>on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on
>the dog's chest.
>After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry,
>but your dog has passed away."
>"What?" protested the man hysterically. "How can you tell? You haven't done
>any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
>With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned
>with a Labrador retriever. The Labrador went right to work, sniffing around
>all over and prodding the poor dead dog with his paws.
>After a considerable amount of sniffing and prodding, the Labrador sadly
>shook his head and said "Woof."
>The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments
>with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his
>predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow".
>He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian then
>handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal."$600! Just to
>tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"
>The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "Well, if you had taken my word for
it that your dog was dead, it would have been just $50, but with the lab work
and the cat scan..."