New Warning Labels on Alcohol

**John Saxton** · 10th August 2001, 09:20 PM

Due to increasing products liability litigation the following warning labels should be placed on all containers

WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your Bra.
WARNING:The consumption may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to phone them....at four in the morning.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you logically think you can converse with other members of the opposite sex.....without spitting.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung-Fu powers,resulting in you getting your kicked.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead,knees and lower back.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,smarter,faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum,whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may give you false belief that you can evade the constabulary when driving.

I invite further comment from all who have been there!

Cheers

------------------
Johnno

**Gino** · 15th August 2001, 10:45 PM

Warning the consumption of alchol may make you think the person in the mirror is actually someone else.
(scared myself in a hotel room once)

**Iain** · 16th August 2001, 11:34 AM

I would never admit to that Gino but in a motel recently when a call of nature awoke me I got up and went to the toilet at about 3.00am. My wife retrieved me from the car park about ten minutes later, so I have been told.

**John Saxton** · 17th August 2001, 05:19 PM

Iain,some may well acquaint that deep-rooted sub-conscious with mans ability to readily bond with that other mate in his life.......his car.
Cheers

**Gino** · 21st August 2001, 09:10 PM

personaly John I reckon the man was .
But Iain must have had more then my record 3/4 bottle of red.

**Iain** · 21st August 2001, 09:38 PM

This is starting to sound like character assassination and it seems like the instigators knoweth not their Fathers

I forgot to add that I was in an advanced state of undress in that motel carpark in Goulburn earlier this year and it was not the red.
Glenfiddich is alive and well.

**John Saxton** · 22nd August 2001, 11:13 PM

Now there in lies the truth of the matter LADDIE ....Glenfiddich will treat you like that.
Now Bushmills (I'll get you converted yet)will be kinder to your conscience and allow more decorum in you sub-liminal activities.
You still won't know what day it is and who cares anyway when one is about the business of relieving ones anxieties of the day.
You,re correct in the assumption of one not knowing thy father especially..... of a rather large flat palm across the ear for sneaking his favourite whiskey one Christmas eve when I was about twelve.
Cheers

------------------
Johnno

**Iain** · 30th August 2001, 07:46 AM

It has now been proven that alcohol does NOT cause hangovers, sleep does ............ I felt alright when I went to bed.

**John Saxton** · 31st August 2001, 08:28 PM

Ahh sleep apnoea

**Gino** · 2nd September 2001, 11:01 PM

(Sorry I've been away.)
Iain my long lost Daddy.

**Iain** · 3rd September 2001, 08:19 AM

Not even going to comment on that one

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