Thread: Captain smithers

In the great days of the British Empire a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right hand man. God, he's really the strength of this entire outfit. His talents are absolutely boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, sightless, hairless hunchback, covered in scabs and deeply pockmarked. A hideous little piece of humanity, less than three feet tall.

"Smithers, old man, tell the new CO about yourself."

Well, sir, I graduated from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a silver medal in the middle weight boxing at the Olympic Games. I have researched the history of........

Here the Colonel interrupted,

"Yes, yes, never mind about that, the CO can find all that in your file.

Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f#*^ed."