Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Needs Pictures Needs Pictures:  0
Picture(s) thanks Picture(s) thanks:  0
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: The Coffin

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Bottom of the leg
    Age
    82
    Posts
    828

    Smile The Coffin

    Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......

    BUMP........



    BUMP........


    BUMP........





    Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.





    BUMP........


    BUMP........


    BUMP........





    He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.


    Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.





    BUMP........



    BUMP........





    BUMP........





    He could feel the coffin gaining on him, so he started walking faster.........




    BUMP........BUMP......



    BUMP........BUMP.....



    BUMP........BUMP......





    The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......





    BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......


    BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......



    BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......



    He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .



    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.



    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....



    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.





    Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys. His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.





    Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin bashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........



    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...



    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...



    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...





    The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty bang, the bathroom door flew off its hinges....



    The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......



    He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......



    Still it came…..



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....



    Still it came......





    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





    He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it.



    Still it came......



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





    He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........





    The coffin stopped.
    Cheers Fred



    The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with the light on.
    http://www.redbubble.com/people/fredsmi ... t_creative"

    Updated 26 April 2010
    http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

  2. # ADS
    Google Adsense Advertisement
    Join Date
    Always
    Location
    Advertising world
    Age
    2010
    Posts
    Many





     
  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    North Of The Boarder
    Age
    68
    Posts
    16,794

    Default

    Ok FB I would like to know who the coffin maker was please
    two reasons
    1 solidly made will withstand heavy abuse
    2 lousy locks will ask for better on mine

    Also is this an attempt to use more space than Shane.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Armadale
    Posts
    1,150

    Default best "arrr daaaad" joke

    this is the best daggy joke I've heard since Dad died

    astrid

Similar Threads

  1. Coffin splutter
    By Allan at Wallan in forum WOODIES JOKES
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 6th September 2007, 10:00 AM
  2. Help with Coffin design and making.
    By Michael Breen in forum WOODWORK - GENERAL
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 8th June 2007, 10:49 PM
  3. Remember The Coffin
    By echnidna in forum NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WOODWORK
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 6th December 2006, 06:12 PM
  4. Coffin
    By ozwinner in forum WOODWORK - GENERAL
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 17th October 2003, 04:23 PM
  5. Coffin Plans
    By ozwinner in forum WOODWORK - GENERAL
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 12th August 2003, 10:45 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •