Thread: Your daily moment of Zen

1.Do not walk behind me,for I may not lead.Do not walk ahead of me,for I may not follow.Do not walk beside me,either.Just leave me the hell alone.

2.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fanbelt and a leaky tyre.

3.Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper,thats the time to do it.

4.Sex is like air. Its not important unless you aren't getting any.

5.Dont be irreplaceable. If you cant be replaced,you cant be promoted.

6.No one is listening until you break wind.

7.Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8.Never test the depth of water with both feet.

9.It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

10.It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

11.If you think no-one cares if you're alive,try missing a couple of car payments.

12.Before you critisise someone,you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way,when you critisise them,you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

13.If at first you dont succeed then skydiving is not for you.

14.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.Teach him how to fish,and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

15.If you lend someone $20,and never see that person again,it was probably worth it.

16.Dont squat with your spurs on.

17.If you tell the truth.You dont have to remember anything.

18.If you drink,dont park;accidents cause people.

19.Some days you are the bug,some days you are the windshield.

20.Dont worry,it only seems kinky the first time.

21.Good judgement comes from bad experience,and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

22.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

23.Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

24.A close mouth gathers no foot.

25.Duct tape is like the Force.It has a light side and a dark side,and it holds the universe together.

26.There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

27.Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

28.Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it.

29.Never miss a good chance to shut up.

30.We are born naked,wet, and hungry.then things get worse.