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Thread: Dear Diary

  1. 20th August 2004, 05:26 PM #1
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    Default Dear Diary

    From the cat's diary:

    DAY 752 -
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eatdry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going, is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
    Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

    DAY 761 -
    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

    DAY 765 -
    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

    DAY 768 -
    I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

    DAY 771 -
    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    DAY 774 -
    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
    I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
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  2. 20th August 2004 05:26 PM # ADS
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  3. 20th August 2004, 10:12 PM #2
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    This series of calanders has had pride of place on our kitchen wall for the last 2 years.
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  4. 21st August 2004, 10:49 PM #3
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    Christopha,
    How did you get my cat's diary?
    Regards, Bob Thomas

    www.wombatsawmill.com
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  5. 23rd August 2004, 06:46 PM #4
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    Thanks Ben, it's on our fridge now
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.
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  6. 23rd August 2004, 07:20 PM #5
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    I'm with Ben and Iain, drown them all....
    Always look on the bright side...
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  7. 23rd August 2004, 07:32 PM #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyHammer
    I'm with Ben and Iain, drown them all....
    Don't drown them.
    Flat cats make great mouse pads but it doesn't work if they are wet.

    It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
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  8. 23rd August 2004, 08:19 PM #7
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    Caution - do not open if easily offended.
    Turn sound on.

    http://au.geocities.com/pdg_canberra/Other/cat.mpeg
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  9. 23rd August 2004, 09:37 PM #8
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    Iain.

    Glad you liked it.


    DavidG.

    Already got it, love it.
    Can't believe they made it. :eek:


    Ben.
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  10. 23rd August 2004, 09:56 PM #9
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    David, the link doesn't work..... :confused:
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  11. 24th August 2004, 12:49 AM #10
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    Now it does, seen it before.... loved it then like it even more now!

    nice kitty, sit still kitty......
    Last edited by Christopha; 20th February 2006 at 01:28 PM.
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  12. 24th August 2004, 11:13 AM #11
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    Find it quite strange really, this hatred of cats. They're just doinjg what they instincts tell them. We are the ones who put them in a domestic situation.

    Grow up :mad: , thats what I say.

    Pow! wham! kaboom! take that!
    Cheers,

    Adam

    ------------------------------------------

    I can cure you of your Sinistrophobia
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  13. 24th August 2004, 11:44 AM #12
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    See, this is what's wrong with society today. You can't have a bit of fun without someone getting offended.

    In the old days, you could express your hatred of cats without anyone asking questions. Now, as soon as the subject comes up, there's someone there to tell you you're sick or immature.

    Lefty, there's nothing strange about hatred of cats. It's quite common really - more the norm on the male side of the populace. It goes along with hatred of small, yappy dogs and the colour pink. It's the cat lovers that are a bit strange
    "I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to."
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  14. 24th August 2004, 01:06 PM #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by silentC
    See, this is what's wrong with society today. You can't have a bit of fun without someone getting offended.

    In the old days, you could express your hatred of cats without anyone asking questions. Now, as soon as the subject comes up, there's someone there to tell you you're sick or immature.

    Lefty, there's nothing strange about hatred of cats. It's quite common really - more the norm on the male side of the populace. It goes along with hatred of small, yappy dogs and the colour pink. It's the cat lovers that are a bit strange
    I love cats, but I couldn't eat a whole one.
    Woof
    Termite
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  15. 24th August 2004, 01:19 PM #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Termite
    I love cats, but I couldn't eat a whole one.
    Woof
    Termite
    Termite,

    I love cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
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  16. 24th August 2004, 02:44 PM #15
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    Sure Wongo, what do you like.
    Persian Ragout.
    Siamese Green Curry.
    Burmese & Basmati Rice.
    Tabby Tamales.
    Manx Marsala.
    Shorthair Soup.
    Devon Rex Devon.
    Cheshire Chop Suey.
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