Thread: A dog named Woodturner

Apologies to all if this has already been related, but it is possibly my favourite wood joke.
It is a wet,cold windy day in a lonely outback town as a mud spattered ute rolls up to the pub and a weary looking roustabout climbs out and heads into the bar for a welcome beer.He fronts the bar, orders a beer and then takes a moment to look around. A roaring log fire is burning in the fireplace giving a warmth to the deserted bar room. As he continues his survey he is astounded to see a fairly mange looking dog laying flat out on the bar at the end of the room. As the barman swings his beer onto the counter the bloke comments about the appropriateness of a dog, and a pretty ordinary looking one at that, laying on the bar. "No ordinary dog that one mate " says the barkeep. "We call him Woodturner." "Why's that?" says the drinker. "Look mate, says the barman, go and grab a log from beside the fire and throw it on the floor" So our mate does as instructed and the barman barks an order to the dog at which he instantly wakes from his reverie and leaps off the bar and pounces on the log lying on the floor. In a flurry of chips and bark the dog goes to town on the log and in no time at all steps back from what is now a beautifully fashioned newell.
"Pretty impressive ,eh ?" asks the barman to the by now bemused drinker.
"Oh. I dunno" replies the drinker, "I've got a similar sort of dog meself out in the ute. Only I call him Metalworker. In fact, if you'd like to put the poker beside the fire there into the fire place and get it hot, I'll go and get me dog and show you what he can do"
The barman looks sceptically at the bloke but moves over to the fireplace and duly shoves the poker deep into the glowing coals of the large log presently burning and the man goes outside to his vehicle. He returns directly with a wet dishevelled looking mongrel of a dog, shivering a bit from his exposure to the rain and wind and directs him to stand in the middle of the room.
"How's the poker going?" asks the drinker. "It's near red hot" replies the barman. "Good" says the drinker. "Hand it to me"
As the barman hands the drinker the red hot poker the fella lifts up the poor dogs tail high into the air and positions the metal rod for a plunge into the poor dog's fundamental orrifice. The barman shouts in horror "Hey mate, waddyagunnado ??"
"Well replies the bloke, I'm gunna shove the poker up the dogs a#s#"
"Why ya gunna do that for?" gasps the shaken barman.
"Because the dog's a metal worker" says the drinker.
"Yair, but what does he do when you poke him with the red hot rod" asks the barman.
"Well" drawls the drinker, "He either makes a bolt for the door, or a sping for your throat" says the drifter.