How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

[Eastie]

I tell you my patience is nearly at its' end with all this rubbishing of light, light bulbs, lamps, and tungsten filaments, as is the patience of many other forum members my tungsten filament crystal ball tells me.
I think you should say sorry.

[goannadareyou]

Uh! Oh! I sense trouble lumen

[DaveInOz]

YOU ARE ALL WRONG

here is the definate treatise on your so called 'globes'.

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted
light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven
otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark.
Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker
theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of
light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room
where you are. There is less dark right next to them than
there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater
its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot
have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As
with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they
are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by
the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a
primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You
will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If
you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the
tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark
flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited
range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in
these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be
aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full,
it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark
sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from
this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an
operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the
dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This
generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous
to touch an operating candle.
Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper,
you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a
depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness.
This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake
and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of
dark can be utilised to mans advantage. We can collect the dark
that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through
turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the
ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was
much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the
ocean. The Indians recognised this problem, and tried to solve
it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction
as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop
the flow of dark, but when they travelled against the flow of
dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its
way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you
were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark
closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the
light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast,
you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our
lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric
bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

*author unknown - net/email

[silentC]

DaveInOz, I don't know what you are on but I think I'd like to try it.

How come no-one has used the light bulb message icon yet?

[Eastie]

Becuase it's a dark sucker!

[arose62]

Hey, when I was down in Melbourne, I heard that Triton were about to release their new workshop light globe.

Seems that the orange light it emits:

1) makes Triton gear look even better
2) is less reflective off the wood dust which permeates most workshops
3) allows better calibration-by-eye operations
4) has a slight SWMBO-repellent effect
5) acts as a homing device to attract other Triton owners.

Cheers,
Andrew

[silentC]

And if you purchase the optional electro-magnetic tunnel attachment you can use it in conjunction with an ordinary table lamp to make your own particle accelerator.

[Eastie]

Oh, I forgot to mention ... this has gone on for long enough, Shane//U/Beaut/Neil/Andrew/Stuart please lock this thread...

[craigb]

Arose,

Surely you went out to the factory and bought one of the returns/seconds instead of paying full freight!

[macca2]

"In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light,' and there was still nothing, but you could see it."

Macca

[JohnM]

Silent C, get rid of the darkness filters, they will still allow a dangerous amount of darkness into your workshop. You need a CYCLONE.

[DavidG]

None:
It is a hardware problem. Call an electrician.

[Neal]

Hey DaveinOz i just proved your theory right , went out to the shed and had a bright idea , found an old torch turned it on and shed lights off drilled a hole in the bulb guess what all the dark came out.

[DaveInOz]

LOL
A well considered and masterfully executed experiment.

[rob_tassie]

12 guys to hijack the discussion line and try to turn it to their own totally unconnected ends and one pedantic twit to try (probably unsuccessfully to revive a long dead subject