Some more funnies again

**KBs PensNmore** · 11th July 2015, 03:43 PM

ONE

Recently, I when to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

(Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

**Bob38S** · 12th July 2015, 11:37 AM

Your McDonalds experience reminds me of the first post I made in the link.

https://www.woodworkforums.com/f43/feel-bad-dont-191990

rrich · 12th July 2015, 03:59 PM

This is about 1973 or so. Our new bank (Mellon) was just in the process of adding pictures of the card holder to their credit cards. We were shopping at K-Mart for stuff for the new house.

It was a Saturday and at the check-out there were what seemed like a million people in line. Finally the cashier has all of our purchases rang up. I hand her my new credit card with my picture and imbedded signature. The conversation goes like this:

C: Your signature is not on the card.
M: It's on the front and imbedded into the card. (Pointing)
C: The back has to be signed.
M: The card is signed. Doesn't the picture look like me?
C: The back of the card has to be signed.
M: It's not going to happen.
C: I can't accept the card.
M: Call your manager.

At this point the cashier sort of growls and processes the card and we're on our way.

As I was loading the crap into the cart to bring everything out to the car, the woman in line behind me flashes her picture credit card to me. I'm snickering all the way out to the car and as soon as we get out of the store SWMBO says, "You're so bad."

================

I may have posted this one but here goes anyway.
The store is Home Depot, also known as The BORG (Big Orange Retail Giant). Just think Bunnings
I'm looking for a couple of out door light fixtures to go on the new addition to the house. I see the fixture that I want on display. Unfortunately there are none on the shelf in their designated place. Up above, in bulk stock, there are many of these fixtures. These are on a shelf about 8 feet (2½ M) above the floor.

No problem, there is a set of rolling stairs near by. As I'm releasing the safety feet, an employee walks by and growls, "What do you think you're doing?" I explain and the employee growls, "Customers aren't allowed to use the ladders." I ask, "Would you go up there and get me two. . . " He interrupts with "It's not my department." and rolls the stairs away.

It gets better.....

The shelves are about 4 feet (1¼ M) apart so I climb up onto the first shelf. As I'm trying to figure out how to move the two boxes down while holding onto the shelf a BORG manager walks up. In a very stern voice he says, "WHAT are you doing?" Now my stock movement problem has been solved! I say to the manager, "Here catch." followed by another "Catch". I climb down and take the two fixtures, saying "Thanks for your help." The manager, obviously displeased asks, "Why didn't you use a ladder?" I looked at him and said, "Because one of your employees took it away from me." The manager just stood there, mouth agape as I left to go pay for the fixtures.

**KBs PensNmore** · 12th July 2015, 06:50 PM

You must have the same intelligent employees there as we do. When browsing they're all over you, when you want a hand, there's none to be found.

Kryn

**doug3030** · 14th July 2015, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by rrich

I'm looking for a couple of out door light fixtures to go on the new addition to the house. I see the fixture that I want on display. Unfortunately there are none on the shelf in their designated place. Up above, in bulk stock, there are many of these fixtures. These are on a shelf about 8 feet (2½ M) above the floor.

No problem, there is a set of rolling stairs near by. As I'm releasing the safety feet, an employee walks by and growls, "What do you think you're doing?" I explain and the employee growls, "Customers aren't allowed to use the ladders." I ask, "Would you go up there and get me two. . . " He interrupts with "It's not my department." and rolls the stairs away.

I have been known to become bored in Bunnings while my other half is roaming the gardening section. I wander around the store looking for things on high shelves when there are none of them lower down.

When I find one I look for an employee and ask them if I can see the item. Off they go and get a ladder, come back and get it down for me.

"No, sorry, that's not what I thought it was."

Cheers

Doug

**KBs PensNmore** · 15th July 2015, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by doug3030

I have been known to become bored in Bunnings while my other half is roaming the gardening section. I wander around the store looking for things on high shelves when there are none of them lower down.

When I find one I look for an employee and ask them if I can see the item. Off they go and get a ladder, come back and get it down for me.

"No, sorry, that's not what I thought it was."

Cheers

Doug

My other half enjoys looking at the weeds in Bunnings, I get bored very easily there so I go to the tool section and look around, usually help customers there sometimes the staff too. One of them was trying to undo a tap top from the bottom section in his hands and couldn't work out why it wouldn't come apart, I suggested putting a bar in where it screws on to the pipe.
Kryn

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