Thread: Great Come Back ;)

Policeman testifies in Court
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do! "

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

Regards

Neil

Me, whilst attempting to be screwed by her solicitor in the Family Law Court, after about 30 minutes of painfully pathetic cross examination as to my income and assets:

Mouthpiece (MP).
Mr L, you strike me as being a fairly intelligent sort of a man.

Me.
Thankyou, I would return the compliment but I am on oath.

Magistrate.

Mr L, a little less frivolity and MP stop labouring the point and move on (after he stuck his head below his desk to pull up his socks).

Iain, obviously the MP didnt know you very well

I had one where I was in court to try and get my compo payout.

Lawyer spent 5 or 10 minutes in various raised voice allegations. He was trying to bully me, and I was thinking talking with my lawyer how a barrister has 3 methods, he'll befriend you so you drop your guard, he'll try and trick you, or he will bully you. I though bullying was the last option but the other side started out that way so I guessed that he didn't have much.

Anyway at the end of his accusations he goes WELL? I said I don't know what the question is. Made the judge (reputably a piece of stone) smile

Studley

During a military exercise in Darwin, a puffy faced American Marine Colonel entered the Mess and, obviously having trouble with the heat and humidity, stomped up to the bar with some fellow Marine officers.

Once there he said, quite rudely and loudly, "this place Darwin is the a**hole of the earth"

A young F18 pilot looked up with a slight smile and said, quite innocently, "Oh, g'day sir - just passing through then?"

One day in court, a young buck was up for offensive language for calling a copper a 'f#$king pig'. The magistrate, in his wisdom (?) dismissed the charge, saying that the policeman works in the justice system and that he found it hard to believe that anyone working within the justice system would be offended by the 'f' word...

Next case is called and the next crook doesn't show. The orderly goes out and has a look and then returns to the court room to let them know the crook wasn't there. He returned into the court and in a quite loud voice from the back of the court, says to the magistrate, "No f#$king appearance your worship."

Dan

Hi Iain!

Brilliant! Even the Mag. must have been been hooting (thus the 'socks' business).

Definitely worth a green one!

Cheers!

Im with Auld! You all deserve a green one!