Thread: Irish shopping

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Obviously, Paddy didn't read the footnote in fine print: "Contents not included."

Cheers,
Joe

Gday Joe

Or was that "Contents No Longer Included"

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.."How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness
Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda...no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

I knew an Irishman who kept bouncing off walls, His name was Rick O'shay

Actually I get sick of Irish jokes and people making fun of the Irish so thought this just might make a change from the usual Irish jokes.

Two Russians , Paddy and Murphy, broke into a department store and the local police had all exits covered so Paddy and Murphy escaped via the entrance.

I understand your concerns John.
So here's one about banana benders.

THE MUNRUBENITES - a little known order north of everything south

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,
whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a
little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me
brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the
water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks
the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

About 30 years ago, in Washington State, there was a rash of jokes disparaging Scandinavians. The Governor (I forget his name) became fed up, and issued an executive order banning ethnic jokes, unless they applied to extinct cultures. He'd found that Huttites (I think) had become extinct. Then he said, "So there were these two Huttites, Sven and Oly, ..."

Cheers,
Joe

You know, You don't have to be mad to post in the joke forum, but it helps.

JR, it's nice to know we're in good company.
JG, speaking of extinct humor;

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?'
'No,' replied Johnny.
'How could he, with just two worms.'

Originally Posted by joe greiner

About 30 years ago, in Washington State, there was a rash of jokes disparaging Scandinavians. The Governor (I forget his name) became fed up, and issued an executive order banning ethnic jokes, unless they applied to extinct cultures. He'd found that Huttites (I think) had become extinct. Then he said, "So there were these two Huttites, Sven and Oly, ..."

Cheers,
Joe

Correction: Hittites, not Huttites. And the Governor's name was Booth Gardner. Couldn't find a link, of course.

Cheers,
Joe