Thread: laudable quotes

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind -

every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ John Glenn

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When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said
' Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

~ Desmond Tutu

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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that
professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ David Letterman

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After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

~ Italian proverb

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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

~ Betsy Salkind

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The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

~ Jean Kerr

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I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

~ Jeff Foxworthy

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

~ Prince Philip

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

~ Emo Philips.

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Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

~ Harrison Ford

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The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.

~ Spike Milligan

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Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.

~ Robin Hall

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Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

~ Jean Rostand.

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Having more money doesn't make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

~ WH Auden

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If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Johnny Carson

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I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.

~ Arthur C Clarke

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Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired
by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Steve Martin

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Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ Jimmy Durante

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America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ Doug Hamwell

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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ George Roberts

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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport

~ Jonathan Winters

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I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ Robert Benchley