The Hit and Run Case

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

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The Teacher, the Thief & the Lawyer

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?”

“Phew, that one's easy,” says the teacher, “The Titanic.”

“Alright,” said St.Peter, “you may pass.”

Then the thief got his question: “How many died on the Titanic?”

The thief replied, “That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people.” And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: “Name them.”

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Lawyer vs. Hooker

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you're dead.

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Credit for above to Jokes.com
see http://www.jokes.com/