1. I've just learned about "Tick Tac". When I stopped work a few weeks ago SWMBO presented me with a list of jobs she wanted done, and every time I Tick one off the top she Tacks one on the bottom.

2. Went to the doctor a few weeks back and he asked me what was wrong. "I've got the wog." I said. So he wrote down 'Wog' on his notes. He then looked at me and said, " If you had said 'Dogs Disease' I'd have written 'Wag'. Ah the wonders of modern medicine.