Thread: Everyone knows Neil!

Neil was bragging to Christopha one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Neil how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Neil and Christopha fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Neil! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Christopa is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Neil that he thinks Neil's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Neil says. "President Clinton," Christopha quickly retorts. "Yes," Neil says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Neil on the tour and motions! him and Christopha over, saying, "Neil, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, Christopha is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Neil, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Christopha replies.
"Sure!" says Neil. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Neil and Christopha are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Neil says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour! later Neil emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Neil returns, he finds that Christopha has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Christophas side, Neil asks him, "What happened?"
Christopha looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Neil?"