Thread: Olympic moments

In the UK these are called Colemanballs after the sports commentator David Coleman who did some real gems.

Here's a few I found including the original by David Coleman that coined the phrase:

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edward's tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

DURING the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Richie Benaud observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

STEVE Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets in the Wild, told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

USPGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics - "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

Brian Johnston decribing a Test Match between England and the West Indies "The bowler's Holding (Michael); the batsman's Willey (Peter)."

Someone is telling porkie pies here! Notice that a couple of the Colemanballs posted by Simon C are identical to those purporting to be from the Olympics! :confused:

A common enough phenomenon on the internet. The same jokes get rehashed and localised. Aussie versions of American jokes, etc etc. I've got a vague recollection of seeing some of these back in 2000. Probably available in every language under the sun in one form or another. Who knows whether any of these things were even really said?

Doesn't matter does it? As long as it gives you a laugh, which it did for me

Without sounding like a smart@rse and I wasn't intending to contradict Ian (in fact I didn't read them carefully enough otherwise I would have passed a comment), but I "think" the ones I posted are the real ones. I got it from the BBC website and I've heard most before. Some are pretty old (a few of the people have died now).

Simon

I got it from the BBC website

Oh well it must be true then

Hi silentc

I was meaning that the BBC would be reliable as most of the comments were broadcast by the BBC originally (David Coleman was a BBC commentator).

But I take your point, can you trust anything you read on the internet (present company excepted, of course)

Originally Posted by simon c

Without sounding like a smart@rse and I wasn't intending to contradict Ian (in fact I didn't read them carefully enough otherwise I would have passed a comment), but I "think" the ones I posted are the real ones. I got it from the BBC website and I've heard most before. Some are pretty old (a few of the people have died now).

Simon

I was not intending to contradict either posting as such. But it is clear that at least some of those posted initially by Ian007 were rehashes of original 'Colemanballs' rather than actually being broadcast during the recent Olympics.

Brian Johnston's "The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey" has been re-broadcast many times in UK, so there is no doubt there are some 'genuine' ones out there.

As you say, David Coleman is the man who gave Colemanballs its name - mainly because he could hardly open his mouth without producing a gaff. They live on with that name, regardless who makes the utterance now... A few new ones are published in every issue of the satirical paper 'Private Eye', and a lot of them are uttered by footballers rather than commentators these days.

The sad thing is that some wag has attributed some real howlers to NBC's coverage of the Olympics rather than letting them stand alone as they are. Ian007 just found them and posted them - I am not suggesting that he did the deed.

A mate sent them to me in an email had a laugh and then posted them here for you guys.

Ian